Sometimes Robin hated how easy it was to fool his friends.

He'd stopped seeing Slade. He'd had to cut it off sometime; he'd been running out of excuses for the bruises and rope burns and the way he seemed to drag from lack of sleep. Slade had been a kind of masochistic addiction—and a twisted sort of homesickness. Though he would never go back to it, he sometimes missed the late nights, creeping in shadows, looking up to see his looming black form silhouetted against the moon.

But this wasn't Gotham, it was Jump City, and Slade wasn't Batman, and though Robin was still himself, he wasn't—- well—- Robin anymore.

He'd been sleeping in Beast Boy's bed for more than a month. Around midnight, when all of the other Titans were safe in their rooms, Robin would leave his and put himself in Beast Boy's care. Ostensibly it was so Beast Boy could keep an eye on him, and make sure Robin wasn't stealing out into the night alone anymore. And most nights, that was all there was to it. Robin would step quietly into the room, wait until the other boy made room for him, and then drop heavily into bed.

They had kissed, once or twice, but it wasn't the same as with Slade. How could it be? Slade's kisses were painful, poisonous, bruising his mouth and leaving it tender and raw. Beast Boy was—- well, he was fourteen. Robin couldn't imagine doing anything beyond kissing with him anyway. He didn't love Beast Boy, but he trusted him. And that, for him, was far more important.

Slowly, Robin began to return to something close to normal. He still didn't sleep in his own room—didn't trust himself to—but he'd started doing normal things again, like going out for pizza and sitting down without cringing in pain. He took Starfire to a movie, much to Cyborg's amusement, and was able to stop Mumbo from robbing a bank without dying of boredom halfway through.

And then Slade came back.

As usual, he hacked into the Titans' mainframe and appeared on the main monitor at four thirty in the morning, triggering half a dozen alarms as he did so. Robin woke with a start to find himself wrapped in warm sheets and warm arms, and made it out to the control room without any of the other Titans realizing that he and Beast Boy had come from the same direction.

When Robin saw Slade's one-eyed mask flickering on the monitor, it was as if he stepped out of his own body and watched himself from a distance. His other self was confident, a little righteous, excited at the prospect of a good fight. He saw Beast Boy looking at him, watching him carefully. Slade's voice rang in his ears and poured into his skull and vibrated throughout his body. He couldn't hear the words, only the voice, that deep purring sound—oh, god…

They went out into the crisp pre-dawn air, down to the docks. Robin remembered it as a series of pictures in his mind: the Titans charging at his command, the mindless drones Slade seemed to mass-produce swarming over them, and Slade himself. They fought, he knew that much, and he'd had to fight himself on the inside, to keep himself from collapsing at Slade's feet and begging for pleasure, for pain, for something.

Slade had gone. The drones had been dispatched. It was ten o'clock in the morning by the time they'd finished everything. Cyborg and the girls went out to breakfast and Robin went back to the tower, to "reset the mainframe encryptions." Beast Boy went with him, and Robin was slightly envious that none of the other Titans ever asked him to explain himself. It was only Robin who was supposed to live on logic, who always had all the answers.

Robin headed towards his room; Beast Boy trailed uncertainly behind him. In the doorway, Robin stopped, put his hand on the wall for support, then wavered and fell to his knees.

And screamed.

For one long, blissful moment, he was gone. There was no Tower, no Slade, no Robin, just a long and agonized animal scream that came up from his gut and tore out of his throat, all his pain and confusion and want turned into a sound.

Then there was water—cold, and Robin realized that he was standing, fully clothed, in his own shower with Beast Boy yelling to wake up. The screaming stopped—his emotions coiling back into his body, settling there, congealing—and he wearily shut the water off while Beast Boy leaned back against the sink, looking shaken.

"Are you okay?" Beast Boy asked, handing him a towel, as Robin stepped out of the shower and pulled off his sodden boots.

"I'm—- " Robin's voice was hoarse. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't—- it's just that he—- " Robin stopped, realizing that he was still trying to be the leader, trying to explain himself. He let out a shaky breath, and his shoulders slumped. "He was right there," he said softly. Beast Boy put an arm around him, and Robin leaned his head against his chest, and broke.

"I can't do this."

"Sure you can. You've been doing it."

"I can't lead anyone. Not like this."

"You're doing fine."

"I want to go back."

"No. You don't. Listen, all your stuff's gonna rust. You have to put something dry on."

Robin allowed himself to be undressed, while staring listlessly out the window. The sun was shining, glitter-gleaming on the waters of the bay; the sky was a clear, cloudless blue. How could the world outside go on turning, he thought, when his world was coming apart at the seams? It just wasn't fair.

But Bruce had warned him, hadn't he? He'd said that once he put the mask on, there was no going back, no being normal again. Even if he decided to give up heroing for good and went to live in a cave somewhere, the mask would still be there, inside of him.

Beast Boy took a dry uniform from the half-dozen waiting in Robin's closet. When Robin was dry and dressed again, they sat on his bed and stared at their reflections in Robin's mirrored closet door.

"Feel better?" Beast Boy asked.

"Yeah. A little."

There was a small pause. It was always awkward, the times when Robin was moving from being a sobbing heap on the floor back to being The Leader. Beast Boy was never really sure what to say to him. He cleared his throat uncertainly.

"You could really use some posters in here," he said, looking around at the sparse furnishings.

Robin smiled a little. "Posters of what?"

"I don't know," Beast Boy shrugged, "movies, or something. Bands. Starfire's got Puffy AmiYumi. You could have…" he thought. "… whatever music you listen to. That rap stuff."

"I just never really got around to replacing… the other things," Robin said, and the façade wavered. Beast Boy put a hand on his shoulder.

There was some more silence.

"Beast Boy?"

"Mm?"

"What's your name?" Robin asked. "I mean, your real name?"

To Robin's surprise, Beast Boy blushed and looked down at his hands. "Don't laugh," he said, then fidgeted a little. "… It's Garfield."

"Garfield? Like—- "

"Like the cat, yes, I know," Beast Boy cut in bitterly. "He turns into animals and he's named after a cat, funny haha, now you know why I don't tell people."

"I was going to say like the president," Robin said, but he couldn't help but smile. "My name's Tim."

Beast Boy glanced over at him. "Tim? Like Timothy?"

"Yeah." Robin shrugged. "It's kind of ordinary."

"No… I like it. Tim." What Beast Boy didn't say was that it reminded him forcefully that Robin had been a person once, and not just a persona. That he was human. "It's still okay if I call you Robin, right?"

"It would be pretty strange to hear you call me anything else."

"You're not going to tell anybody else about my name, right?"

Robin put a hand over his heart. "Your horrifying secret is safe with me."

Beast Boy hit him with a pillow, but it was good to see Robin laughing again. They stayed there in Robin's room, talking about everything, about nothing, until they saw Cyborg's car coming back up the bridge from the mainland.

Robin stood up. "I still have to reset the encryption codes." He started for the door, then turned back to look at Beast Boy. "Um… thanks."

"For doing what friends do?" Beast Boy smiled. "You're welcome."

end.

Notes

1. BB and Robin are a little OOC, especially towards the end, but it's pretty much the only way I can imagine them liking each other.

2. Robin is also kind of insane in this fic, but he gets over it.

3. I made Robin's name "Tim" and not "Dick" in this fic. Why? I'll give it to you straight: I hate the name "Dick". It's an awkward name, especially if you write a lot of sex scenes. So yes, even though Grayson!Robin is the most likely candidate for Titans!Robin, I named him Tim. Deal.