I had a hard time of this chapter, it kept getting out of my grasp… I know I havnt updated for a bit…I wont apologize though….I really DO have a life…a lot of things happened during my writers block…:-) haha…sorry…. And if you want some forshadowing as to what will happen in this story, read the bottom authors note.

Wet and Wicked

"I'm having slight technical difficulties getting the centaur, Foaly, into hell."

"I know."

"Errr…what should I do?"

"Nothing."

"What?"

"Leave it, I don't care about him anymore."

"WHAT?"

"Don't push it, Bub!"

"Sorry, sir. Do you have another programmer in mind?"

"Yes."

"Might I ask whom? And whether or not they are human?"

"Yes."

"…"

"Artemis Fowl: Criminal mastermind. Current status: being pursued by one of Peters' soul-men."

"And I should do…?"

"Send a soul-man of your own after this kid. Artemis' aura is already red, all you have to do is make sure he dies before Miss Finn switches it to blue."

"Right. I'll get on it immediately."

"You do that."

"…"

"What is it, Beelzebub?"

"Might I ask what happened to Kyle?"

"He got on my nerves, THAT'S what happened…NOW GET OUT!"

"Yes, sir."

meh… sorry about the total dialogue thing…..I just felt bored with descriptions…..

Meg scowled at her reflection. Artemis was going overboard. I mean, she liked him and all, but he was moving WAY too fast. Didn't Butler have cameras all over the manor grounds? Artemis had tried to kiss her again in the garden, and she had gotten alarmed and left. Now she studied herself in the bathroom that was attached to her bedroom. A small blemish was sitting at the end of her left eyebrow, which was fanned. Her nose pointed slightly up, and her ears were alarmingly small and un-pierced. She had a smattering of freckles across her cheeks and her eyelashes were too long. Everything about her looked ordinary but she was possibly the least ordinary teenager in the world. Her mousy brown hair kept falling in front of her eyes, the fault of a self-inflicted haircut back when she was living with Franco, her jeans were a little big, and had become ripped as they had dragged and flopped on the cement streets of Dublin. After the meeting with McCall, she had stayed in the city for the afternoon to research recruits so that she could initiate her plan. She had not yet told Artemis about her mission to save him, or her plot to take over the spiritual world, and was slightly skeptical weather or not he would help her. She shook her head.

I need his help. I won't be able to negotiate without him. I need him to help me with all the details, the technical stuff, everything.

She washed her face and went down stairs for breakfast, deciding that it would be best to tell him.

Ya, ya, a monologue…And a mirror of emotions felt and discarded…blah, blah, blah…

Artemis barely glanced in the mirror as he brushed his teeth. He knew what was there; a pale-faced, raven hared, skinny, cynical boy. A boy in love with himself. A boy in love with a ghost. He was contemplating weather he should involve Meg in his plan to re-claim the fairy bible from McDonalds.

I could use her ability to become transparent to my advantage. But will she want to help? I seem to have done something wrong.

He did not overly worry about her. He did not overly worry about anyone, anything, ever. It was not his style. He rinsed his mouth out and decided to ask Meg for her help during breakfast.

K, ya, that was short, but …I'm so into other stories right now.. you're lucky this is even here...

Styx was crouched in a corner of the dining room, listening to the Fowl company's morning conversation. He was still a little nervous about being on earth again, having been in hell for so many centuries, but was fairly sure that he could do the job.

"Ok, so let me get this straight. You are hosting a rebellion to create a middle ground between heaven and hell. A sort of purple-place, if you will. You say that Heaven is so terribly perfect that it is close to touching Hells damnation. You want to create a resting-place called Hael where people can choose to go if their auras are imperfectly balanced, as you say most peoples' are." The pale boy took a bite of his eggs.

"Yes. Will you help me out?" The girl in the funny jacket looked nervous. Styx liked it when people were nervous, it was easier to scare them.

"I don't see how I can. Its not as though I can go waltzing up to Heaven and negotiate with Peter, wouldn't that mean I would have to be dead?" Styx tried not to laugh. The boy would be dead soon enough.

"Well…" The girl looked at her hands. "I want to try something. You know how this jacket can make me, like, alive? Well, I thought…" She giggled a little. "It might make you dead. Temporarily, of course. What do you think?" She nibbled on a croissant. Styx wanted to nibble on her head. Just wait until the master heard about this!

"I suppose…you have no way of knowing whether it can be reversed? I don't want to be stuck in the spirit form forever…." He winced. "Not that I don't like you how you are."

"Right!" She had finished the croissant. "If you're not interested in helping then I'd better go, I've got hundreds more people to recruit before I can start the rebellion." She was up and at the door before Artemis could stop her.

"I'll be right back." He told the rest of the table, this morning being only the Butlers. Styx followed him down the hall.

"Meg!" The boy called. Styx lifted his staff, ready to deal a fatal bow as soon as he was in range... The girl turned around.

"Artemis! Watch out!" Meg knocked the demon to his feet, his staff smashing into a flowerpot.

"What in the world?" The boy was at the pot, running his hands over the broken pieces. "This was an antique!"

"I would have thought, pretty boy, that with all your experience with the fairies, you would have known when you were being ATTACKED by something INVISIBLE!" Meg was struggling with all her might against Styx, who was a high caliber demon. Artemis shot her a Look, but quickly ran over to help once he saw what was happening. Rather, he did not see what was happening, but he saw his girlfriend being held in a rather uncomfortable position and decided to intervene.

"Take…off…the jacket!" Meg walloped the hellion in the face, trying to wrench his clammy hands from around her throat. Artemis tried to maneuver around whatever was on top of her, finally freeing one of her arms from the coat. He could no longer see Meg or her attacker.

"Put it on…" He heard her groan from beside him. Yanking it out from under her, he shrugged it on over his own jacket. Suddenly he was translucent, ethereal. Now he could see everything that was going on. It didn't reassure him. A gray-skinned monster was pounding the crap out of Meg; its hair was flaming dangerously and a sharp-looking razor swung on the end of his tail.

"Oh my god. I honestly need to take up sports…" He muttered and started to launch himself on top of the creature. At the last second, he spotted the staff in the rubble of his mothers' flowerpot. He darted over to it and grabbed it without thinking.

"Bugger!" He dropped it quickly, rubbing his scalded hands. The staff was glowing red-hot. Meg didn't seem to be doing very well, but what could he really do?

"Cold…cold…I need something cold to counter its heat…" Artemis ran to the door of the garden, trying to fling it open. His hand went right through.

"Great!" He exclaimed sarcastically and walked trough the glass door towards the fountain. "Meg! Come here!" He realized his stupidity when he saw that she was lying limp on the floor and the monster was coming towards him.

"Oh no, oh no, oh no…" Impulsively, he stuck his hands in his pockets. He fingered the stones before realizing what they were. Meg had explained the spirit residue system to him the day before. Looking at her now, he realized that if he didn't get her a stone fast, she would be lost to him. The girl was fading fast, literally.

"Ok…WATER!" He thought violently and stuck his hands into the fountain. He came up with a handful of cool water. He threw it into the face of the demon and ran through the wall towards Meg.

"Here, take this!" He pressed a blue stone into her forehead but didn't have time to watch her revitalize, for Styx was towering on top of him.

"Time to die, mortal." Artemis would have laughed at the catch phrase had they been in a movie, but in real life it was a little more sinister. The demon raised his staff above his head…and smashed it into the ground. Artemis winced as he heard the hardwood-flooring crack.

"I guess he's still a little dizzy. It happens when you've been away from earth for awhile." Meg grabbed Artemis' arm and tugged him outside. "Nice move with the water, there, but its going to take a little more than a few drops to stop him." She was running towards the swimming pool.

"Can you swim?" She asked, pulling him behind her.

"Yeah…" He didn't have much time to answer before they were crashing into the pool.

"Good. I know for a fact that he cant." She gestured towards Styx, who was running after them. "Plan A, he's too stupid to remember he can't swim and he follows us into the pool. Plan B, we force the jacket onto him and toss him into the water, allowing him to drown, possibly loosing the coat. Are you up for it?" She ruffled his translucent hair.

"Do I have a choice?" He asked, staring wide-eyed at the creature running towards him.

"Ask Styx yourself!" She shouted, floating a little above the water. He followed suit.

"I don't think I…" He tried to answer but was cut off by the enormous splash made by the demon jumping into the water.

"Oh man…" Meg laughed. "He's sooooo dumb!" She watched him fade into nothing before turning to Artemis.

"Hello sir, might I please have my coat back?" She was smiling like the devil himself.

"Of course." Again Artemis didn't think and as soon as he took it off he was shooting down into the pool. He heard hysterical laughter but he obviously couldn't see where it was coming from.

"Honestly!" He swam to the side of the pool, only to be dragged back in again by invisible hands.

"Are you ok?" She asked quietly in his ear.

"I scalded my hands, but I'll be fine. I'm just…tired." He yawned, on queue.

"Ok, let's get inside." She dragged him out of the pool.

"I have to ask you something…" He coughed a little liquid out of his lungs.

"What?" She had the jacket on and he could see the water dripping off of her chin.

"Meg, will you, will you m…"

"Artemis we're only fourteen! Think before you speak!" Meg raised an eyebrow.

"What?" He looked at her strangely. "I was going to ask if you could meet me in the garden later, after we are rested and the repairmen have been contacted for the floor."

"Oh, sorry, of course. I'll see you later, then." She smiled at him and walked away.

The Fowl boy took a raged breath and decided that he would take a nap after he showered. He smelled like chlorine. Artemis wrinkled his nose. Yes he would definitely need a shower.

Hmmm…Yes, I put a little "action" into the story…it will get better in future chapters…I had a lot of fun writing that part!

"Ok, so now that Foaly is all better, if not a little more paranoid, we should probably contact Artemis Fowl." Root, Holly and Foaly were in a conference in the Ops booth.

"Oh, must we really?" Holly was trying to pretend that she wasn't in love with Butler. She wasn't doing the best job. Root and Foaly laughed.

"Yes, we must. It's very important. I'm sorry to put you in such a stressful situation, Captain, but it really can't be helped. I understand your fear of Fowl's bodyguard, and regret to tell you that you will be spending a lot of, (cough, quality) professional time with the mud man." Holly was fuming and she didn't want them to have the last laugh.

Holly whispered something rude into her commanders' ear. Roots face turned a previously uncharted shade of red.

"Right! Back to business!" He said curtly and Foaly shook his head.

"Same rules, slightly different guidelines." The centaur began his prep statement. "We have Artemis Fowl by surprise, for he obviously expected that we would jump to his beck and call. Now, all we have to do is figure out how we are going to use this advantage." He leaned back in his chair, letting them wonder.

"What's up, Foaly?" Holly kicked his chair, sending him rolling across the room.

"Very mature, captain." He retorted and dusted himself off. "We will go to his house tonight, since his invitation has not been pulled, so we can gain the upper hand. Are you up for it, Holly?" He shot a spitball at her as Root looked the other way. She scowled.

"Yes, I'll be ready."

Blah….give me ideas! I'm really stuck…..meh, I'll get over it…I'm just in a bit of a funk.

Yes, like I said, IDEAS ARE GOOD LITTLE BUGGERS! And if a single person says that Artemis and Meg are a cute pairing I will SEND THEM TO HELL! I hate cute, btw….

Ok, so I told you I'd give a spoiler excerpt…. Here, I also changed the summary….yes haha… Here it is… and don't ask when this will come into the story cuz im not gunna teeeeeeel.:-) And it is MUCH soapy-er than I usually write, but the climax of then book has to be, doesn't it?

"There is something wrong with everybody's life." Artemis said, smiling sadly. "I guess… I'm what's wrong with yours." He turned and walked away. Meg felt herself crumple, regret filling every pore. She couldn't find anything to say back to that. Finally, when he was almost out of sight, she screamed.

"I don't have a life! I'm dead!" Meg sat down suddenly, right on the cold stone. She felt the tears come but she pressed them back, squeezing her eyes shut.

Captain Arianna Trouble: Thank you, because I really DON'T suc…in the original meaning, this is…haha…yes im a perv….. I think the lowry using convict was an accident… I sort of picked it up from root….lol, thanks though…

Almostinsane: Thanks, oh well, I'll try harder next time….are you one of those Christians? Im not, but if it makes you happy….muahahaha! maybe if you will give me a longer review….nah, du wat u want duuuude. Lol

Evil#1$$$$$$: No…Im not the same as anyone either….muahahaha! Ponies are…cool….they are…well…ponies! Yay! Ummmm… GET USED TO THE INSANITY? THEN IT WOULDN'T BE INSANITY ANYMORE…. Plus I AM insane…. So woooopdyyyy dooooo…..

Manga-core: haha…were you the one who told kitty she didn't know who kagome was? Lol…inu yasha….

Rose: hehe….everyone is under the impression that I will just let my characters waltz into damnation…I love foaly too….thank you, I appreciate your love! 

Schizo: Ya…sorry, I used a term from a book called I was A Teenage Fairy…. I shouldn't have, but I couldn't help it….hehe…I tried to use humour…not as much in this chapie…but w/e…. I'm in a funk… happyness! 

Shruiken15: Yes, good point…Foaly in hell has been bugging me too….maybe I will have to write a companion story of Foalys murder rampage…muahhaha! Lol…I guess I just put the bodyguards there cuz I could….oh, and BUTLER KILLS PEOPLE… lol…..only to protect arty, of course….hehe…I will take the clichés out in the final draft, I only put them in to make The Dandilyon Queen laugh…

Molly: Thanks, care to elaborate?

Scyth195: Yay! Yellow happy bubble! Haha…you and bored cheese chihuahua gave the EXACT same review….

Bored cheese chihuahua: Read above reply to Scyth195…thanks for ur review!

Dark empress of eternity: Poor you….STOP CALLING IT CUTE YOU DEMENTED PSYCOPATH! Weeeeeeee! I'm soooooooo hyper! And I LIKE creepy….

I.D,c