Ch5 - Necrophilia - Rigor Mortis Makes Me Hard!
After the AllStars calmed down considerably a thought came to Paul's head and he walked over to Rimmer. "You're dead right?" He asked simply
"Yes...last time I checked anyway" Rimmer said with sarcasm that'd rival Paul's earlier attempt.
"So basically you know 'doing it' with you'd be necrophilia then?"
"I guess so, I've never really thought of that." Paul ignored Rimmer and called out to Tim. "Hey Tweezerdick, I've found you a soul mate." Paul laughed and walked off not realising that both Tim and Rimmer were about to attack him.
Paul had barely taken 5 steps when Tim and Rimmer lunged towards him, noticing this Paul quickly sidestepped and the pair ran into each other, crashing to the floor in a heap. Paul looked down at the pair and smirked. "I knew you were interested Ferguson but I thought you'd have the decency to at least wait until we were out of the room." Paul turned to walk away but he managed to trip over Rimmer's leg. "Oof" he stated as he hit the floor. Rimmer took the opportunity to punch Paul in the stomach, much to the amusement of the crew of Starbug. Tim, never one to resist an act of senseless violence on either Paul or Richard joined in.
Worriedly, Kryten and Lister made their way over the mass of writhing bodies and flailing fists and managed to pull the hologram off Paul. Paul grunted his appreciation as Rimmer began to struggle against the mechanoid and Lister. It took their combined strengths to restrain him. "You," Rimmer spat. "You slimy, despicable, rat-hearted green-discharge of a man" Rimmer directed to Paul. The Dwarfers shook their heads, this was going to be a very long stay.
Meanwhile, Paul couldn't hear Rimmer and yelled at Tim "Get the Fuck off me Ferguson."
"Why? So you can go and try your luck with that Cat-thing? And I thought you were more of a dog person." The Cat listened in bemused, believing that the fight was for his entertainment...up until Tim's little quip. "Me with him?" The Cat said to no-one in particular, "that monkey has less style than dormouse cheeks here." Cat said pointing to Lister and straightening his suit.
"Cool it guys!" Lister said still struggling to contain the raging hologram. Tim and Paul stopped fighting for a second and turned to Lister, "NO!" They said unanimously. Rich walked over to the Dwarfers. "Are they always like this sir?" Kryten asked Rich who simply nodded in reply. "How do you cope?" Rich was about to answer when a sickening thump was heard and all five pairs of eyes turned to the bloodied pair, Paul was currently straddled by Tim, yet it appeared Paul had just head butted Tim and both had blood running freely down their foreheads.
Paul looked up at Tim. "Get off me you overgrown cockroach," he said in a calm icy tone.
"Hey-hey-hey now that's personal McDermott, I can't help it if it runs in the family."
"Yeah, your mother was so ugly that a cockroach was the only thing she could get to sleep with her." Tim's fist replied for him, punching Paul in the side of the head. "Fuck you!" Paul spat back, the coppery taste of blood pooling in his mouth.
In a rare demonstration of courage, Rich said with a smirk "You already do." Paul shot Rich daggers and Rich ran for his life. Tim and Paul looked at each other, their fight forgotten for the moment and raced off after Rich, leaving the Dwarfers behind. Cat, Kryten and Lister looked at each other and decided that it probably would be in their best interests to follow them, perhaps they could get supplies and get off the submarine before someone got killed and so they ran after the three homicidal men. Rimmer followed behind, not overly fond of being left alone while the three maniacs were on the loose.