Chapter III: What a great actress the world has lost!

Ugh! Was the first thing I thought. This guy hasn't seen water or soup in ages! I wasn't so near to him that I could smell him, but the look of him was more than enough to make that assumption. He had a short beard, shoulder length hair that appeared to be attracting as much forest dirt as mine, his tunic, that once in a faraway time must have been beige, had some crusted dark spots scattered and was many different shades of brown, specially in distinct areas such as under the arms and the collar, although some kind of embroidery could still be noticed… his leggings where dark brown what dismissed the stains a little. On top of it all he was clad in a black cloak, that was currently thrown back…. Oh! That's one terrible outfit!...Hey wait! Tunic…leggings…cloak…hmm…medieval costume! That's lovely, I've been working with costume design for so long that I've begun hallucinating men in medieval outfits! Robin Hood and his merry man surely must be arriving any time soon! And let's not forget to mention that this medieval gentleman was holding a really menacing sword... Even so I stood there shamelessly and openly starring at him from head to toe for quite some time until his voice shook me from my trance.

"Are you quite finished with your inspection yet?" I couldn't help but notice some amusement in his voice.

"Err…sorry". And that was me, blushing furiously.

"You didn't answer my question!"

"What was that again?"

"For the third time, woman! Your business around here, what is it?" The man was getting irritated again, not good! Moody, isn't him? Well, schizophrenic psychopaths tend to be so.

"I'm lost…?" I heard my own uncertain voice. It was the first and most idiotic thing that came to my mind. As I said before, I wasn't quite sure if lost was the correct word to describe my situation. What exactly was my situation, anyway? I was beginning to accept the possibility, because maybe there really was a terrifying possibility, that all this mess was not a vivid dream, but indeed real.

"Lost. Hmm. How did you get lost?"

"I…well… It was dark…and then the trees…very dark, you know, and I could not go back and then I walked and walked some more and it's very difficult walking around here… in this forest I mean, well I imagine any forest must be like this… and all this mud and it must have been raining, don't you think? Yes, definitely, must probably raining a lot… or a little, but anyway… the river… I was walking to the river, yes, towards the water noise… big river, isn't it? Kinda pretty in the moonlight…"

"Stop this nonsense! Where you traveling with a group? With your family? Where did you came from?" He interrupted my terrible babbling.

"You ask so many questions, don't you?"

"Yes, I do and you answer so very few, don't you, Milady?" Oh, "milady"! At least I'm getting some respectful old-fashioned treatment! Ohoo, things are improving! Irony apart, I need to focus on the problem at hand: What the hell am I going to tell him? "Oh listen Mr. Medieval men with big sharp sword, It is really complicated, you see, I was brushing my teeth, yes, with that beautiful and expensive tooth bush approved by 99 of the dentists, which you seem to think is a weapon, when suddenly my bathroom went dark and vanished and I walked through what looked like a dark, dark, dark, dark tunnel with, surprise, surprise this dark forest at the end! Am I dead? Am I hallucinating?" And then I sing:

"Is this the real life-
Is this just fantasy-
Caught in a landslide-
No escape from reality…"

"See, my dear man, it's complicated even for me!" And then he will gladly separate my pretty head from my body. Ok not good, then what about: "Yes, that's it, I was indeed traveling with my family, when I slipped, fell of a cliff, a little one of course, and rolled, rolled and rolled and rolled really far away from them, and as a result of all this rolling here I am… lost"…hmm, sounds simple and convincing enough…But then with his questioning obsession he will certainly ask where we were heading to…and since I have no idea of where I am, nor in time, nor in space, I will answer… "err…Ha-ha-ha! Ho-ho-ho! To the Merry Old Land of Oz!" and with one swift movement of his hand: beheaded! Hmm, this is hard! Maybe something desperate and crazy, a good old excuse:"Oh, you'll have to excuse me, sir, I think I left my oven lit so I really got to go now, It was a true delight to meet you!" And there goes the head!

"Milady?" Once again he took me from my thoughts.

"I don't know." I brilliantly blurted this line out after so much thinking.

"You don't know how you got lost? Memory loss?" He eyed me incredulous.

I simply nodded, biting my lip and looking at the ground.

"Ok, enough of this. Follow me." He picked up my fallen tooth brush, which looked really icky now, and looked at me expectantly.

Uh-oh…I'm definitely not going anywhere with him! What to do? What to do? Think quickly once in your life!" And so I did:

"Look! What's that up there!" I said in a surprised tone and pointed at the tree tops. And amazingly… He turned and looked! What a great actress the world has lost! I though in a millisecond before I ran full speed in the opposite direction and into the not so welcoming mass of trees.

TBC.

AN: The small song part is "Bohemian Rhapsody" by Queen.