Ch 9 - DinDins (why yes...I was hungry when I wrote this chapter...and procrastinating and sleep deprived as usual...better chapter name to come...yes again it is past midnight at writing this.)
Lister's stomach growled loudly, "Uhhh guys, is there anything around here I could eat?"
"What would you like?" asked Rich.
"At the moment I'd eat anything...so long as its not asteroid lichen"
"So there's nothing you won't eat? Chicken? Beef?" Tim looked at the Cat and smirked, "Pussy Cat?"
Lister's eyes widened and Rich whimpered remembering Smuffy. "Cut it out Ferguson!" chided Paul.
"I want Smuffy back!" wailed Rich, remembering the time Tim had tried to feed him and Paul their pet cat and snake respectively.
"Hey hey hey, slow down bud," the Cat directed at Tim, "no-one's thinking of cooking this cat. Hell I'm so hot, I'm cooking myself!" Cat smirked pulling out a mirror and preening himself.
"Shut up you stupid moggy!" Rimmer snapped at the Cat.
Tim walked off, "I'll go cook us some dinner." Lister mentally made a note to keep an eye on the Cat and preferably Tim at all times. "Kryters?" Lister turned to Kryten, "would you mind going and seeing if Tim needs any help?"
"Yes Mr. Lister sir," said Kryten as he followed quickly after Tim.
Lister turned back to Paul and Rich, "he's adamant about that no pets rule isn't he?"
Rich nodded and sobbed, "he killed Smuffy!"
"Smuffy?" asked Rimmer raising an eyebrow.
"Smuffy was my special friend."
"It was a cat," clarified Paul, "because of that bloody Shitzu-Tonka no pet's rule he killed Rich's cat and my snake and then had the hide to try and feed them to us!" Paul was cut off from ranting any further by a voice from the above loud speaker "NOW HERE THIS, NOW HERE THIS. DINNER WILL BE SERVED IN ONE HOUR. THIS IS NOT A DRILL I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL, THIS IS A MICROPHONE..." The voice paused for a second "THIS IS A DRILL," the sound of a power drill was heard through the loud speaker.
"Shut up tweezerdick!" Paul yelled back at the loud speakers. "we're not stupid..." Paul looked at Rich, "most of us aren't stupid."
"HEY!" complained Rich.
Presently a second voice came through, "sorry sirs," apologised Kryten, "I tried to stop him..."
A thud was heard and a not so sincere "Oops" from Tim's disembodied voice. "You ok mate?" Asked Tim forgetting about the loudspeaker still being on.
"Why yes thank you Susan I'm fine..." a dazed Kryten responded "I'll have two and one half badgers..." Lister's eyes narrowed. "What the smeg did that smegger just smegging do to him?" Paul shrugged, he was confused with what this word 'smeg' meant, but from Lister's tone it was probably on par with his own favourite word...'fuck.' "Where is he?" Lister asked Paul
"This way," Paul indicated and led the group out of Tim's room into the main central room where Kryten was literally trying to knock some sense back into himself.
Lister walked angrily up to Tim, "What the smeg did you do to him?"
"I'm ok Mr. Lister sir, Mr. Ferguson accidentally dropped a rather large saucepan on my head" Kryten said shaking his head clearing it.
"Accidentally! Are you sure Kryters?"
"Well I don't blame him sirs, it was a rather heavy saucepan..."
"On your head! How'd he manage that? You're both the same height!"
"Well I had bent down to pick up a tea towel and Mr. Ferguson lost his grip on the saucepan." Tim tried his best to look innocent but the charade was ruined when he started whistling. Before any of the Dwarfers could reply Paul piped up "That's bullshit mate!"
"It's true" said Tim defensively, his voice raising an octave.
"Naa mate, that's bullshit. You tried to pull that stunt on Tricky Ricky the only time he helped you out."
"That's a lie that's a lie that's a lie! how you can stand there and say that I have no idea."
"Easily Ferguson," Paul pulled a smug face, "because I saw it happen!" Tim threw the tea towel he was holding on the floor, "I'm not going to take this, cook your own bloody dinners!" snarled Tim as he stormed into his room, his usually handsome features misplaced.