Ed: I know I said this wouldn't be updated until my other story was done, but I've been having ideas for this! So let's update this one. EVERYONE MEET LITTLE LINK!

Little Link: Hallo.

Ed: He'll be doing the Disclaimer for each chapter now. As long as I can remember. n.n;

Little Link: Ed, also known as Uber Spoonz, doesn't own Zelda or Taco Bell.

Ed: If I did, this would be a real Taco Bell commercial! And the Taco Bell dog would be a mini boss in Twilight Princess!

Little Link: Thank goddesses she doesn't own Zelda or Taco Bell…

Chapter 2: Yo Quiero Taco Bell

"Gah!" Link shouted as he ducked beneath his Hylian shield. King Dodongo roared a blast of searing flame, which was repelled by the hard iron. Seeing he had failed, the infernal dinosaur curled up into a ball and began rolling around the room. Then there was a bright flash that Link recognized all too well.

"Not again," he muttered as the Authoress ran out from behind a rock into the middle of the puff of smoke given off by the Deku Nut. "God is back!" she squealed, dancing for a few minutes. Then her expression grew solemn. "Do you know why I'm here?" she asked in a deep, theatrical voice. Link shook his head timidly.

"It's commercial time!" Ed screeched. She snapped her figers and a pair of Chihuahua ears appeared on King Dodongo's head. Link raised an eyebrow, and the reptilian monstrosity sweatdropped.

"Let's get this party started!" the Authoress said as she pulled her director's chair out of nowhere. "No index cards this time?" Link asked flatly. He kept his bomb bag out, devious thoughts in his head. A wide grin spread on his captor's face. "All you have to do is come up with stupid, made-up words to refer to different Taco Bell dishes. Then a mariachi band will play, then a bell will toll, then King Dodongo says his line," she explained, sipping a diet Sprite. Upon realizing it was diet, she threw the soft drink into the pit of lava.

"Go, go! Go go GO!" she shrieked, her trademark way of saying, "Begin."

A hard-shell taco appeared in Link's hand. "Hot, hot, HOT!" he shouted, throwing the edible to the ground. The Authoress glared at him. "I said made-up words. Start again," she said menacingly. Another taco appeared in place of the old one. Link whipped out his silver gauntlets and cradled the food in the palm of the glove.

"Umm… hotilicious?" he said nervously. Ed sputtered on her Pepsi and started laughing. "What the hell was that?" she asked when she was through. "I know I said stupid, made-up words, but hotilicious? I'm not leaving until you get it right! And don't think saying 'three hundred and twenty-six' will get you out of this! Now please continue." She continued to sip on her Pepsi.

"Uh, flatihottotacocrisp?" Link guessed. Ed gestured he continue.

"Shreddimeatysaladtac?"

"Cruntacoabulistic?"

The taco disappeared and was relaced by a plate of nachos. "Go on," the Authoress urged.

Link sighed. "Melticheesisalticrunch?"

"Let's kick it up a notch!" Ed interrupted. "Bring out the mariachi band! You, Link, interact with the infernal Chihuahua. Make you words more… eloquent, got it?" She exchanged her Pepsi for a portable CD player and popped in one of her custom CDs. "Go on now," she said airily, absorbed in her music.

"King Do-I mean, Chihuahua," Link began. "…how much taco would a tacoman taco if a tacoman could taco tacos?"

"I don't know Link," King Dodongo said in a deep, booming voice. "How much taco would a tacoman taco if a tac-"

They were interrupted by Ed singing badly in Japanese. "Ano ne kimi ga moshimo kanashinde ita nara, iisho ni naite ageru kara! Soshite boku ni dekiru nani yori mo taisetsu na, kotoba ga afureteku!" she screeched. "Excuse me!" Link shouted aboe the horrendous melody. Ed lowered her headphones with a smile. "What's up?" she asked sweetly.

"We're trying to please you here," the infernal dinosaur thundered. The Authoress sweatdropped and turned off her CD player, much to her discontent. King Dodongo cleared his throat and continued.

"How much taco would a tacoman taco if a tacoman could taco tacos?"

"Umm… tacody-taco?"

The Authoress erupted in a fit of hysterical laughter. "I just got that!" she panted, recovering. "Tacody-taco! It's like thirty-five but with tacos! Hahaha!" Link raised an eyebrow and cleared his throat. "Are we quite done here?" he asked hopefully. Ed shook her head. "Nope! GO, MARIACHI BAND, GO!"

A mariachi band 'appeared out of' a puff of smoke and started playing a lively Mexican tune. "Now!" Ed said, pointing to the infernal dinosaur as the music halted. "Um, yo quiero Taco Bell," King Dodongo muttered. "Can we have our lives back now?"

Ed nodded and snapped her fingers. The mariachi band disappeared and King Dodongo roared a blast of flame at Link, charring the small boy to a blackened mass. The Authoress shook her head in disappointed. "Whot are ye dooin', laddie?" she asked in a horribly fake Irish accent. "You should be fighting your enemy, not reinacting commercials for things you've never heard of!" She threw down a Deku Nut and ran back behind a rock. "I'm not here!" she called once she was out of view.

Link coughed and resumed his battle. However, his lack of a fairy made him die a miserable flaming death mere minutes into the fight. And so he woke up in his house in Kokiri Forest, new door shut, and the little number on his death meter rose by one. All of the Gorons died of starvation, Link never got the Spiritual Stone of Fire (thus never opening the Door of Time), and the land continued to exist peacefully… minus the Gorons. Which doesn't matter. Because they just looked like lumps of poo anyway. …so it's all good.

And they all lived happily ever after. And then, horror upon horrors, Ed the Authoress decided to write a third chapter. Beware.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I did my best… But the humor has weakened this chapter. As of today, August 30, 2005, all reviews for this chapter will replied to in "Face Your Demons" and will continue to be replied to there until that story ends. Next chapter: Why Haven't You Called Geico? X3 This story is gonna be lots of fun!