Ed: Next chapter!

Little Link: By the time she decided to write it, she no longer wanted to do Pepto Bismal.

Ed: But since I promised it, I will.

Little Link: Ed (Uber Spoonz) doesn't own Zelda or Pepto Bismal.

Ed: If I did, diarrhea would be a physical ailment in every Zelda game!

Little Link: O.o

Chapter 4: Yay! Pepto Bismal!

Link stood in the Temple of Time, three Spiritual Stones in hand, and looked at the altar. He took out his ocarina to play the song, but a flash behind him distracted the child. He turned around quickly and his eyes grew wide with fear.

Ed the Authoress ran into the smoke from the entrance of the Temple of Time and spread her arms above her head. "HALLO!" she shouted as she slung an arm around Link's shoulder. "Guess what you get to do this time."

"Go home?"

"Nope."

"Kill you?"

"Nope."

"Kill… Ruto?"

"Ah, I wish it was so…"

Ruto the fish stick, er… girl. Fish girl. Ruto the fish girl princess thingummy ran into the chamber and latched onto Link's arm. "HIIIIIIIIII-Y!" she shrieked. Link tried to shake her off, but failed miserably. "I'll help you if you act for me," Ed bribed. The green-clad protagonist glared from one foe to the other, but eventually agreed with the demented Authoress.

Ed cupped her hands around her mouth. "Ruuuuuuuuuuuuuuuutooooooo!" she called. The fish princess turned her bloated head in response.

"Jabu Jabu's watching chick flicks in his pajamas down at Zora Fountain!"

Ruto squealed with joy and flew to the fountain. Yes, flew. Not a figure of speech. Guess I forgot to mention that Kaepora Gaebora was in the room. He took her to Zora Fountain, thus the flying verb. Ahem, shall we continue?

"So now what do I have to do?" Link said unenthusiastically. "First you have to sound happy!" Ed danced. Her face could be compared to the following: X3

"Like, oh my god! What do I have to, like, do now?" Link repeated with a valley girl accent. Ed cocked an eyebrow and cowered in a corner, leaving the story's 'hero' to chuckle to himself. Ed threw a Deku Nut in front of Link and a piece of chocolate cake scurried out of her pocket and into the center of the smoke. Link meeped at this, but held his ground.

When the foggishness settled, the Authoress gestured Link eat the cake. This he did timidly. Ed began tossing Deku Nuts around wildly, and everywhere the flash appeared, a piece of crawling chocolate cake 'appeared' with it.

Ed blew a silver whistle and a stampede could be heard approaching. Link stared at the gaping door curiously. Through the shadow came Zelda, Saria, Rauru, Impa, and Darunia. Each of them saw the footed cake scampering about the room and dove on a piece, gobbling it down ravenously.

After about five minutes, they each seemed to have something wrong with them.

"I feel sick…" Zelda complained.

"My esophagus is burning!" Saria announced.

"There's this undigested lump of food settled in my gut," Rauru gurgled.

"I have a stomach ache," Impa muttered.

"I… BATHROOM!" Darunia shouted, running in circles.

Link watched all this transpire with a terrified expression, a mysteriously-obtained fork poised over a sleeping piece of chocolate cake. Ed took a small bottle of pink liquid out of her pocket and swirled it around, whistling innocently. Link glared at her until she felt so uncomfortable, she had to tell him of her plot.

"Okay, this is where we all dance!" the Authoress proclaimed. Zelda bent over, making to throw up. Saria burped. Rauru held his stomach. Impa proceeded similarly, and Darunia tried to keep his crap in his intestines.

"Nausea, heart burn, indigestion! Upset stomach, diarrhea! YAY, Pepto Bismal!" Ed sang, then indicated the others follow along. Which they did. Soon the whole Temple of Time rang with the lyrics, and people watched.

As they watched, their facces could be compared to the following: O.o

When the ailing dancers were finally administered the pink medicine by Ed, they were greatly relieved. So relieved were they that Darunia claimed his new favorite color to be pink. And the others laughed. Then he said he was serious. And they stared. Then there was an awkward silence…

I could list all the firsts that occurred that day, but why bother? You'll figure it out eventually. Anyway, they all lived relatively happily ever after.

Until Ed the Authoress got a great suggestion for the next parody.

Me: That one was kinda crappy… It was a whole lot less funny, in my opinion. As the last sentence indicates, I don't know what to do next. I'm thinking something like PETsMART, but I don't know. I'M OPEN TO SUGGESTIONS!

Little Link: MAKE HER STOP! Please!

Me: Not a chance!

Little Link: ;;

Me: So, you know the drill. Review and suggest, please!

Little Link: And whoever comes up with the cleverest list of firsts for this chapter gets… something.

Me: Yup! So keep those reviews a-comin'!