Ed: Oh my gawd! Can you believe it? An UPDATE! Thank Justin Time for this update, for I felt I needed to explain the contradictions that were mentioned. I did indeed notice these contradictions myself a couple weeks ago and set myself to the task of coming up with entertaining explanations! Expect chaos…

Little Link: NO! Not the chaos! NOOOOOO!

Ed: Yesh, the chaos! Muahahahahahaha!

Little Link: ;-; Uber Spoonz, also known as Ed, doesn't own the Legend of Zelda or Lunesta or any of the following side-effects.

Ed: I do SO own the side-effects! They're side-effect-ilicious!

Little Link: …

The review replies for this story are scattered about. Check either "Face Your Demons" or "The Final Adventure" if you want to see how you were replied to. Yes, I know we techincally aren't 'allowed' to reply to reviews, but how else are we supposed to let our readers know how much we love them?

Chapter 5: Side Effects of Lunesta Include…

So Link was standing there with the three Spiritual Stones. He had just recovered from Ed's last, erm, 'visit' when yet another puff of smoke indicated that… she was baaaaaaaaack.

"HOW DID YOU GET THOSE!" Ed demanded as she ripped the Spiritual Stone's from Link's hand. The young soon-to-be hero stared in shock. "They… were in my pocket when I got it back from the cleaners?" he offered dumbly. Ed glared.

"Firstly, you lost to King Dodonga in the second preceding dungeon, secondly-"

"You just called him King Dodonga!" Link interrupted, followed by a terrible laughing fit. Ed threw the 3D puzzle egg she stole from her English class at his head. "Silence!" she commanded. Dramatic lighting flashed, umm… dramatically in the background. Link covered his head with his arms like they make you do during a tornado drill.

"As I was saying, you lost to King Dodongo and never got the Spiritual Stone of Fire, you went to the hospital before you even laid eyes upon Barinade and the Zora's Sappire, and did you even go inside the Great Deku Tree at all!" Ed rambled. Link had resorted to playing his Gameboy Advance halfway through the lecture. This caught the attention of a certain brunette Authoress.

"Watcha playin'?" Ed asked as she crouched behind Link, peering over his shoulder. "Sword of Mana," the boy answered simply. There was silence, save for the music coming from the tiny speakers of the game device.

Six hundred and ninety-two hours, fifty-nine minutes, and twenty-seven seconds later…

"THAT'S MY GAMEBOY!" Ed declared as she stole the handheld system from Link's still-moving fingers. The boy looked at his… uhhhhh… well, he looked at Ed with puppy eyes and whimpered. This didn't effect the Authoress in the least. "Are you having trouble sleeping…?" she inquired somewhat worryingly. Link's eyes grew wide and he huddled behind the Altar of Time.

"Then you need… LUNESTA!" Ed shrieked. She took out a little cardboard box containing some pills. "Lunesta is for people who can't sleep well! Read the back of this box, Link!"

The green-clad boy to box cautiously and began to read the text aloud. "'Side-effects of Lunesta include dry throat, dizziness, bad taste, internal bleeding, hair loss, memory loss, long finger nails, short hair, muscle aches, underarm wetness, increased shoe size, decreased sweater six, poor gas mileage, nearsightedness, farsightedness, astigmatisms, increased chance of pregnacy, collapsed lungs, athletes' foot, boils, nasal blisters, allergies to cheese, obsessions with Celtic knots, increased energy, decreased metabolism, a failing grade on your final exam, time travel, insanity, sanity, nose bleeds, gangrene, ogres knocking on your door at midnight to ask for a chocolate fix, sweatiness, maldeveloped toes, decreased popularity, family death, user death, turning into a water balloon, heart palpiltations, heart failure, heat stroke, two weeks to live, converting from having metabolism to resorting to photosynthesis, love of small plants, fires, flood, the Apocalypse, bad fanfictions, writers' block, lack of peanut butter, poor sound quality, switching to an AOL service, crash of an AOL service, caniptions, lessened hard drive space, a Swedish accent, pummelings by means of pigeons, inexplicable cannibalism, Satanism, insomnia, schizophrenia, DEATH, and fear of butterflies. If you get a rash on your tuchus, please cease your use of Lunesta and consult a marine biologist.'"

"Does it really say all that?" Ed asked in horror. Link nodded slowly. He then threw the box to the ground, threw a bomb at it, hit it with the Megaton Hammer (which, strangely, he is still too young to wield), stabbed it with a Light Arrow, and sliced it with a sword. Ed pitched in by throwing Deku Nut after Deku Nut at it.

"EVIL!" they shouted in unison. "I think I'll just stay an insomniac…" Link muttered. The Authoress then recalled something.

"It's a medicine for insomnia… but one of the side-effects was insomnia…" she recollected. Then Hyrule had it's first ever lawsuit. And it wasn't against Saria. So the green-haired speed demon of the forest cheered. And she held a party. And she got drunk. And she ran over Mido in a truck. And there was a lawsuit against her. And she won. 'Cause no one likes Mido. X3

Ed: Lovely!

Little Link: No! NooooOOOOooooOOOOooo!

Ed: O.o What's YOUR problem?

Little Link: I took some Lunesta last night…

Ed: n.n You're screwed.

Little Link: ;-;

Ed: Next chapter'll probably be Burger King! YAY! Hey, sorry that I didn't really use anyone's idea… Like the first chapter, I've had this idea a long, long, time! The list of side-effects… ah, how glorious!

Little Link: Hope you all enjoyed the long-awaited update!

Ed: How about a review? Pwease?

Little Link: And don't forget about Ed's art contest! The deadline is in less than week! There are details in her profile if you need 'em.