Disclaimer: These are not my characters, which is a crying shame.
Finally updated a fic that I had writers block on for the longest time. Hopefully the next part won't take so damn long. There are a couple of swear words in this part
It was the darkness he drew comfort form. He knew it was down to being a centuries old slayer that he was very much a night person. Though the centuries he had learned the hours of the night were a time he found to be the most relaxing. When most people had an in-built fear of the dark he embraced it.
"50 lights," chakotay ordered as he walked into the mess hall.
Tom briefly squeezed his eyes shut at the sudden intrusion of light. When he opened his eyes again chakotay was standing in front of him.
"Where have you been for the last two hours," and angry chakotay demanded
"Here," tom replied. He knew that he could have been a sarcastic bastard and told chakotay that he had gone for a spacewalk, but he knew sarcasm wouldn't go down to well at the moment.
"How long have you been here," chakotay asked
"Four hours," tom replied
"When I woke up and found you were not in bed with me I was worried," chakotay said
"Didn't you look around the rest of quarters," tom asked trying to keep his voice light, but despite his best intentions the sarcasm was evident in his voice.
"Tom I'm worried about you," chakotay said
"I'm okay," tom replied, but he was far from okay. It was just so much easier to lie to someone when you knew they didn't want to hear the truth.
"How can you be okay? You have been sitting in the darkness of the mess hall for the last two hours," chakotay said
"I came here to relax," tom said
"Why couldn't you relax in our quarters," chakotay asked
"I didn't want to," tom said for a brief moment sounding a lot younger than his 880 years.
"Tom what is wrong with you," chakotay asked concerned about his husbands sudden change in attitude towards him.
"Why should anything be wrong," tom asked
"Tom I don't want to hear anymore lies from you. I just want the truth," chakotay said as his earlier worry gave out to anger.
"Sit down," tom said his tone of voice making it an order and at the same time a friendly request from a husband to his husband.
Chakotay immediately sat down
"How long do you think it will be, before the whole ship finds what happened on the holodeck," tom asked
"Captain Janeway said that no one but those on the bridge would know what happened. She said it was your decision to tell voyagers crew," chakotay said
"Fuck Chakotay 45 is a little to old to be naïve. When something like the incident with Elfmen happens it never remains a secret. This is a small ship light years away the Alpha quadrant. What happened will be all over the ship by now. In a few short hours the dayshift will be in the messhall talking about it. Crew member will want me to answer there endless questions about my past, my role as the slayer and immortality," tom said
"Captain Janeway said no one would know," chakotay quietly repeated
"Just because Captain Janeway tells you something it does not make it the truth. I was the captain of the Zeus, a ship three times bigger than voyage for 17 years. Gossip of any kind travels around the ship quicker than the speed of light" tom said
"The crew will accept you," chakotay said
"Do you honestly believe that? The crew, especially the maqus crew have only just begun to accept me. The real me has a centuries old past. I have seen and done things that could get me the death penalty that is if the federation still had one. The crew will not be able to accept me as the immortal slayer. The ex-maquis crew will not believe that the nemesis is me. It would darken the Nemesis name. As for you, I know you are worried, but you can't accept who I am," tom said
"I accept you, I love you," chakotay said
"Don't lie to me. I know what you're like you are a man of principles. For someone to lie to you is up there with murder," tom said
"Don't you dare tell me how to feel? I love you tom Paris. I don't care if you are older than I previously believed you to be. It doesn't bother me that you have a long past filled with secrets. I don't care that you are Tom Paris immortal slayer. I love you and nothing is going to change that," chakotay said desperately trying to reassure his husband that he was loved.
"You don't love me," tom said
"Tom…….
Holding up his hand to silence chakotay tom said, "I know that there is a pat of you that loves me. I don't doubt that, I never will. That part of you loved the old tom Paris. You married the old tom Paris who was 27 and had no real nasty secrets. You didn't marry the real me."
"Tom do not do this to me. Don't you dare shut me out of your life as if I mean nothing to you? We have spent the last ten years of our lives together in a relationship, seven of those as a married couple. I have seen what you look like after a bad nightmare and held you as you have cried," chakotay said
"What is it you love about me," tom asked
"Everything," chakotay instantly replied
"Tell me what you don't like in a person," tom asked
"Lairs, people who have no regard for other life's and needlessly commit crimes for there benefit," chakotay said
"I have lied to you throughout our entire relationship. I have lied to everyone on this ship. I lied to those who I knew wouldn't help me if I told them the truth. I lied when my son asked me about my resignation as captain of the Zeus. Despite you all may have seen in the personal files I never resigned from the fleet. There were just too many damn advantages for the marquis if I kept my captaincy. I am still a captain and I have been for longer than captain Janeway has been alive. As for committing crimes I have a long list for that. Half the things I did as the Nemesis would get me thrown in jail for the rest of my immortal existence. I've committed crimes for the greater good and just to survive for another day. The things you don't like in a person are the things I have done for nearly nine centuries and I'm not about change," tom said
"You don't have change. I'm not asking you to." Chakotay said
With a shake of his head tom said; "How can you love me when I represent all that you dislike in a person?"
"I love you isn't that enough. Can't it be enough," chakotay said
Getting up from his tom walked round to stand I front of chakotay. Leaning forward he placed one last kiss on his husbands cheek. Caressing chakotays face with his hand tom knew that what he said next would shatter his heart and turn him back into the man he used to be as the Nemesis. "Chakotay, the situation we are in is all of my own making. I fully admit that I should have told you the truth from the very beginning. As soon as the ship became lots in the delta quadrant I should have told everyone the truth, but I was far too selfish. I wanted to experience a normal life for a few years. I wanted everyone to see me as plain Tom Paris, admiral's son. I should have done so many things, but I didn't. I love you, but I am not the person you loved enough to marry. I'm not the one you should spend the rest of your immortal existence with. You deserve so much more than me. You should have the chance of a normal, mortal life and I can't give you that. Chak…. Chakotay, Love will only get you so far, but it's not enough. It never is.
"Tom…
Placing a finger on chakotays lips tom silenced him and said; "Don't say it. You can tell people what you want. Tell them I'm a rat bastard, tell them anything."
"Don't do this," chakotay pleaded
"I'll move into spare quarters," tom said as he began to walk away only for chakotay to grab hold of his arm.
"You are not walking away from us. I'm not going to let you run from this," chakotay said
Pulling his arm out of chakotays grip tom replied. "I stopped running the day I became the slayer. I'm just walking away from a marriage built upon lies."
"I love you," chakotay said his heart slowly breaking at what tom was doing.
"You don't know me," to replied and without another word he walked out of the messhall
Alone, chakotay tapped his comm badge and combed the only person he could talk to. The only person who would not judge Tom or his actions.