Summary: When Dawn gives Faith a letter from Buffy she wasn't meant to read, Buffy will do anything to get it back before she opens it! F/B
Rating: T
Disclaimer: Buffy the Vampire Slayer and all characters and ideas related to the show are property of Joss Whedon and others. I own nothing, nada, zilch, zippo… you get the idea.
A/N: Wowzers… I never expected so many reviews in just 24 hours but Thank You to everyone who did review!I got 15 in a week! I'm glad this piece caught the attention of so many readers, I was a little reluctant to post it but now I'm glad I did. I'm also really surprised and grateful for the fact that so many of you found it funny… or at least amusing. Thanks for the constructive criticism, especially goose016, that's my favorite type of review. You guys are awesome! I always said the Buffy FFNet community was the best! Thanks, and keep those reviews coming, please!
Chapter Two
"Hey! Hey, what's going on in here?" Willow intervened as Dawn jumped into her arms for protection.
"Buffy's gone insane! She's trying to kill me!"
"Buffy?"
Buffy sailed down the stairs just after Dawn waving the other envelope in her hand.
"I ask you to do one thing! One thing!"
"Okay, Buffy, what happened?"
"This little twerp gave Faith the wrong envelope,"
"Well, that's not so bad just go and tell her that…"
"No, Will," Buffy said darkly. "The 'wrong' letter was inside."
Willow got the hint finally.
"Oh…" she said slowly. "Oh!"
"Yeah, 'oh!'"
"Wait a minute," Dawn said, finally, as she became confused amidst the multiple glances the two friends were sharing. "I don't get it. What was so important that was in this 'other' letter?"
"None of your business pipsqueak, but you are going to help me get it back!"
"What?"
"Okay so where would Faith have gone tonight?" Buffy asked as she paced the kitchen uncomfortably.
"Well, she thinks she has the notes so… to study maybe?"
Everyone looked at Tara. Then started laughing.
"Sorry, Tara, baby," Willow said. "It's just that Faith doesn't study much… or at all."
"Okay, then, Dawn and I will check everywhere that Faith is most likely to haunt and try and get that letter back. Tara and Willow can stay here just in case she stops by and by some chance she notices its not the notes and just gives it back,"
"Being a little hopeful aren't you, Buffy?"
"Just a little," she confessed. "Come on Dawn,"
"What about my friends,"
"Reschedule,"
"What about my movie?"
"Re-rent,"
"What about…"
"Your neck? I know some vampires that would just love to get their hands on something as young and fresh as…"
"Point taken,"
"I'm a very pointy individual,"
"Noticed,"
"Let's go,"
They were out of the door as soon as Dawn had promised to reschedule with her friends because of the 'emergency' that had arisen and the two had grabbed their coats.
"Now if I were a sluty, sultry Faith, were would I be?" Buffy mused aloud.
"A strip club?" Dawn piped. Buffy gave her a bewildered glance.
"Dawn?"
"Well, if I were a sluty, sultry… nevermind,"
"It's worth a shot,"
"It is?" Dawn asked but Buffy was already moving determinedly forward.
Meanwhile, Faith decided to actually do what she had planned to do for once and sit down and study. Well, almost. She promised to study right after she picked up her check from the bar. The Scoobs never asked her how exactly she paid for her motel so she never told them. Doubling as a bartender and a dancer paid the bills when your available hours were 2 am to 6 am. It was a respectable enough job. She liked to think of herself as the innocent entertainer… like that Nancy Callahan chick in that movie 'Sin City'.
She made her way over to the club.
Buffy and Dawn walked right up to the front door of the only club in Sunnydale that was worth going to. Just as she was about to put a foot over the threshold, a strong hand pushed her back.
"Hold it right there," said the huge, imposing bouncer. "Entertainment uses the back door, you should know that."
"Entertainment? Do I look like a stripper to you?"
He looked over her body appreciatively.
"Nevermind that," she said with a wave of her hand. "I need to get in there. A friend of mine is in there,"
"No girlfriends allowed," he explained. "Plus this is a gentleman's club only. Can't you read," he pointed to the sign above the door. Buffy contemplated just breaking his arm and going in, but the massive number of witnesses around her forced her to change her mind.
She and Dawn walked a little ways away and stopped across the street.
"What are we going to do Buffy?"
"I need to get in there," then she saw it. The back entrance where the night's entertainment was being inspected and allowed entrance. She started moving toward them.
"Buffy?" Dawn called worriedly.
"I'll be right back," Buffy assured her. "I'm just going to look around. If she's not in there, then I'll leave. Wait here for me,"
"Buffy, I'm not going to stay here!"
"Well, you can't come with me…"
"Oh yes I can"
"Fine, but… act like an adult,"
Unzipping her red hoodie jacket and leaving it inside a tire that laid on its side by a Dumpster, Buffy left on her tight, black tank top and was glad she had chosen her matching black curve-hugging pants.
Dawn was still in her school outfit, which Buffy considered, looked far more applicable for this situation than any educational setting. Her fitted collar-bone barring top bared just the slighted bit of midriff to keep the boys guessing.
"That's it for tonight girls," said the bouncer at the door. "Everyone else go home,"
Then his eyes fell on Buffy as she sauntered suggestively over to him, her hips easily falling into a comfortable cadence and Dawn at her side with her smoky gaze and alluring, full lips.
"Except you two… go right on in," they smiled at him as he reopened the door to admit them. They disappeared into the darkened room.
"That was easier than I thought,"
"Yeah," Buffy agreed. "Now hurry up and look for Faith,"
"Hey, you two!" someone called.
"Huh? Us?"
"No, Santa Clause and Rudolph behind you! Of course you two, dumb broads. You're up next,"
"What?"
"Hurry up and get up there," he pushed them up to the stage in the wings ignoring their protests.
"But…"
But the spotlights were already trained on them. All eyes were anticipating their every move. The music was already playing…
Don't cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me?
Don't cha wish your girlfriend was a freak like me?
"Buffy…" Dawn whimpered.
"Just… I don't know, do something!"
Don't cha wish your girlfriend was raw like me?
Don't cha wish your girlfriend was fun like me?
Awkwardly at first, the two sisters moved on the stage to the hoots and hollering of the male audience below them. Then a man in a wide rimmed hat put a five-dollar bill down Dawn's shirt.
"Hey!" Buffy yelled but then stopped herself as a twenty got slipped into the waistband of her pants. "Uh… thanks, I think,"
Then she got bolder. She gave the men what they wanted – a taste of what each one was missing out on when he went home. As the catcalls grew in intensity so did Buffy's courage. The music swept her up on its enticing tendrils and carried her languid body across the stage. She licked her lips and flipped her hair as the money in her clothing began spilling out of her top.
Then she saw her. Faith. She was talking to the manager in a corner and he handed her an envelope full of cash.
"Thanks, Rick," she said. "I'll see ya next week then,"
"Oh shit," Buffy said as the brunette turned around and headed back out of the door. Faith carelessly glanced at the stage but couldn't see much as all the big testosterone filled bodies flooded the area and blocked her view.
"Whoa, easy tigers…" she mumbled to herself.
She caught a blur of blonde and felt a familiar tingle down her spine.
"Buffy?" she called as she tried to get a closer look.
But the two entertainers were gone. The crowd cheered and howled for more as Faith shrugged her shoulders and exited the building.
"Yeah, right, Faith," she told herself. "You saw Buffy in a club. Please! That will be the day! Now I really gotta get down to the studying. Buffy will be so pissed if I flake out again on the work part of the Slaying gig."
Back in the alley, Buffy gathered her jacket and she and Dawn fled the scene.
"Okay, that was a bust!" Dawn complained.
"We'll just have to head her off again,"
"A bust… but a hell a lot of fun!"
"Shut up…"
"What?"
"Okay, if I were a very tired Slayer who just got off of work at a strip club, where would I go?"
"Home?"
"Dawn you're brilliant!"
"I am? No, wait. I am," she agreed.
"Only, I don't remember which room Faith was in last time I visited her,"
"I think it was 216,"
"Yeah, that sounds about right. Well let's go see if we can steal that envelope back,"
At the trashy motel, Buffy and Dawn contemplated just asking the manager where Faith was staying but thought better of it when they actually saw him. He sat on a torn recliner in the office gorging himself on Cheetos and beer with a shotgun leaning menacingly against the desk.
"I didn't know Sunnydale had a Hillbillies lot,"
"Come on, Dawn, let's just go check out the room,"
Quietly, the duo made their way over to the room with the big, crooked numbers 216 on the front of the door. A small, rectangular window sat at the top, above the door.
"Here, Dawn, I'll lift you up and you make sure it's Faith's room,"
"Why me?"
"Uh… Slayer strength here,"
"Oh yeah…" Buffy laced her fingers together and presented them as a platform for Dawn to step up on. "Geez, Dawn, no more Ho Ho's before bed!"
"Are you calling me fat?"
"Shh! Be quiet and just look,"
Dawn resolved to trade weight remarks with her sister later and looked through the darkened window.
"Oh, I see something,"
"Well? What is it? Does she have the letter?"
"It looks like… oh," sheets writhed and rippled in the moonlight as Dawn peered into the room. A hand. A foot. The sheets heaved and rolled with the bodies underneath.
"Oh? It looks like 'oh'?"
"Oh, dear…"
"What? What? Is she reading it?"
"No…"
"Hey! Hey you kids! What the hell do you think this is?" the manager yelled as he ran over towards them. "This is a respectable establishment. You think you can just get a free show? People pay good money for that!"
"Buffy, down, now!" Buffy nearly dropped her sister as the burly man hurtled towards them.
"Run Dawn!"
Finally, the manager gave up the chase. His tired, Cheeto filled ass slowed to a halt a few yards away from the scene.
"Oh my God… Buffy," Dawn said in ragged breaths.
"Well?" Buffy wasn't even breathing hard.
"That was so very much not Faith…"
"What? Then who…"
"I don't know but… oh Gods… somebody take out my eyes!"
"What did you see?"
"What didn't I see? Gods, if I wanted to see that…I mean, that's what the Internet is for!"
"Dawn," Buffy asked giving her a skeptical glare. "What's the Internet for?"
"Uh… nevermind," Dawn covered quickly. "The point is, that was not Faith and my virgin eyes never, ever want to see that again."
"Damn it. We're still no closer to getting that letter from Faith! I give up! We'll never find her!"
"Uh, Buffy?"
"What?"
"Why haven't we checked the Bronze, yet?"
"The Bronze?"
A/N: Sorry for the Pussycat Dolls song. But, come on, is there anything else that just screams 'strip scene theme song'? I think not! Anyway, only one more chapter to go! Will Buffy get the letter in time? Reviews loved, cherished, and needed…