Disclaimer: I don't own Full-metal Alchemist. Period. And after writing this fic, I'll probably not live to even care enough.

Certain Principles

And the effect of not paying attention to what you drink

There are certain principles by which Ed lives his life. Certain rules that are always in effect and determine his reality. The fact that he and Mustang do not get along is one of them. He might even go as far to say that he and Mustang hate each other.

So you can see why the fact that he and Mustang were now backed up against the wall of Mustang's office, kissing frantically, would throw him off slighty.

"Mushtang," he said as best he could, battling against a rather obvious impediment.

"Elric," Mustang said in reply Ed opened his eyes and found Mustang's…

And promptly began to praise every god and goddess he could think of. There was no love in Mustang's eyes, not even lust. There was simply anger and confusion. Good, he wasn't the only one wondering why they were doing this. Or more importantly, why they could stop.

But it wasn't like Mustang was a bad kisser- no, no, no! Do not even go down that line of thinking! He screamed at himself.

Mustang was pretty impressive though.

"Agh! Dammit!" he screamed as best he could through the circumstances.

"My. Thoughts. Exactly. Full. Metal." Mustang said.

"We have to stop," Ed said.

"How?" Mustang inquired. "Ideas. Appreciated."

"Brother!" Al screeched, suddenly coming into the room. "What are you doing?"

"Look away, Al!" Ed yelled. If he was going to die like this, no one else, especially not his brother, was going to see this.

"Everyone! You have to come and see this!" Al yelled, much to Ed's surprise. So that brother of his had a devious streak in him, did he? Well, if he ever got out of this, this, whatever the hell it is one certain suit of armor was going to have to seriously worry about his soul staying where it was.

"I suggest we move," Roy said. "Before more people-"

"Sir?" Hawkeye said, sounding more than a little appalled.

"Too late," Ed muttered. After that, what seemed to be every at the headquarters filled into the room. And still the two couldn't stop.

"I'm going to kill myself," Ed moaned.

"I'm going to kill you too," Mustang said pleasantly.

"At least we still have our clothes on," Ed said hopefully. Unfortunately some things are better left unsaid…

Outside, watching

"How long until that aphrodisiac you slipped into their tea wears off?" Envy asked, watching gleefully.

"Not for a couple more hours at least," Lust said, her eyes glinting in amusement.

"Serves that damn Elric brat right," Envy said. Gluttony simply giggled in delight.

"They're really putting on quite a show," Lust remarked. "And the best part hasn't even come yet. No pun intended."

"This is possibly the best day of my life," Envy said, sounding greatly satisfied. "Go for the gold Flame-Alchemist!"

Author Notes: This is quite possibly the tackiest piece of fiction I've ever written. But it still slightly amuses me. The chance than anyone else will find it even remotely amusing is slim at best.

Did I mention it was tacky? I am quite appalled with myself, especially Lust's pun at the end…in such bad taste…

Ah well, that's what happens when I have to stay at this school too long. Anyway, review, don't review, but most importantly FLAME ME!

It really not good for anything eles.

And to GoddessoftheWaters: If you're reading down this far, I suspect I can look forward to getting yelled at later. But if you're not, then that's great. Because then you don't know how badly I massacred FMA… Remo