A Place in This World
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CHAPTER 4
Later that same day, Raoul and Christine were tucked away at the De Chagny country château southeast of Paris about 30 miles. They were relaxing on the veranda eating an early lunch after having a lengthy discussion about the yesterdays events. Concern was etched on both of their faces and the episode played over and over in both their minds. They had reached a tentative agreement that the Angel of Music was a soul deserving of mercy; his final unselfish act had redeemed him in their eyes.
Christine turned pleading eyes to Raoul and spoke with a trembling voice, "I know that what he did was wrong Raoul, but I have tried to put myself in his position. After you shared with me what Madam Giry told you about his childhood, I cannot help but think that he really has no idea how to handle emotions or interact with others. How could he?"
Raoul noticed the tears in her eyes and his heart ached in his chest, he knew that her feelings for Erik were deep and enduring; she loved them both, maybe in different ways, but equally. He did not wish to cause her any further pain. What could he do to spare the heartache that she was experiencing?
As Raoul was pouring over these thoughts in his head, the butler presented the days Paris paper. The headline made his heart race and a sick feeling came into his stomach. Christine noticed the sudden intake of breath and saw the horror on his face, "What is it Raoul?" Christine knew in her heart that it was something about Erik. "Don't you dare keep anything from me Raoul de Chagny, I must know."Raoul hesitantly handed her the paper…"
PHANTOM NO MORE"…THE CAPED MENACE THAT HAS HAUNTED THE OPERA HOUSE AND CAUSED COUNTLESS DEATHS HAS FINALLY BEEN CAPTURED. HE SURRENDERED TO A FEW ARMED OFFICERS AND A GROUP OF CONCERNED CITIZENS AFTER THE FIASCO OF GALLA NIGHT AT THE OPERA POPULAIRE. HE AWAITS TRIAL AND PUBLIC EXECUTION…"
The more Christine read, the more her eyes could not focus through the tears; the outdoors seemed to be closing in on her as her chest constricted. Her hands were shaking and she could not even speak. Her mind raced with the images that were dancing around. "Why would he surrender? This makes no sense."
Christine was more talking to herself than anyone, but Raoul heard every word she said. He got up and made his way around the table to squat beside Christine's chair. "He may have lost hope. I never have really considered how completely lonely and heartbroken he must be. I can't imagine being a man in the prime of my life and being denied all the good things like has to offer; a wife, a family, a chance to pursue my dreams."
Raoul looked away from Christine and concentrated on a far-off placehis fear and hatred of Erik had dissipated when he witnessed the sacrifice Erik made to ensure Christine's happiness.
Something had been bothering him from the moment he first looked into Erik's face, "I looked into his eyes Christine; I saw many things there, but I failed to see the eyes of a murderer…all I saw was agony – the agony of solitude; the agony of betrayal and denial; …the agony of self-loathing."
Raoul once again looked at Christine and his face was draped in sorrow, "I did fear for my life at first, but once I looked into his eyes, I knew that he was not at all what I had originally thought he was."
Raoul was a reasonable man. He has seen his share of crooked people and murderers. His reputation for being fair and a good judge of character preceded him in every aspect of his life. He thought back on all that had occurred in his life since be reunited with Christine last year. This man named Erik was at the core of all of it. He had caused Raoul to take desperate measures that he would have never considered under normal circumstances.
He found himself calling this man a "monster" and "thing" and dwelling on aspects that this man had no control over. He was jealous; jealous of the control that this man had over Christine's more sensual instincts, jealous over the way she shared her voice with him, jealous because, even wearing a mask that hid a horrible deformity, he was very attractive.
With shame and foreboding, Raoul recalled the time in the cemetery when he had almost run Erik through with his sword. (I would have murdered an unarmed man, and one that I think is innocent; I would have become what I was accusing him of being. He was unarmed and lying on the ground with his chest exposed…almost like he was inviting me to plunge my weapon into his heart. Even then, he was anticipating and not fearing death; in fact, I thing he was beckoning it.)
His thoughts were interrupted by Christine's soft but determined voice, "We must go back to Paris Raoul, he needs me right now. I may not have chosen him as a lover, but I could have; He is and always will be my best friend and mentor. I will not allow you to stop me from going. I hurt him deeply by leaving him like I did; I will not continue to hurt him."
She peered at Raoul with an "I dare you to stop me" look planted on her face.
Raoul had to smile at her fortitude"We will need to pack for several days, we have no idea how long this will take."
As Raoul turned to ready himself, Christine wrapped her arms around his waste and planted a chaste kiss on his cheek, "Thank you Raoul. I feel that if you will allow yourself to, you would like Erik a great deal. There will never be another person like him." They walked quickly into the house and summoned the carriage.
As they packed for the trip, Raoul had to know the answer to one question, "Darling, when he held you and caressed you, what did you feel?"Christine considered his question for a brief moment before going to him.
She took his hands in her dainty ones and looked up at him, pleading for his understanding, "Erik is a very passionate and sensual man Raoul, and he has never been allowed to satiate his desires with any one, in any way. I may only be 17, but I am well aware of what happens between a man and a woman…" the shocked look on Raoul's face caused Christine to laugh quietly, "…the opera house offers a vivid education."
Raoul visibly relaxed. "He is also a very attractive man, and he has an air of danger to him; a very enticing combination to a woman." Christine winked up at Raoul with a sheepish grin curving her mouth. She placed her hands on the front of Raoul's jacket and fiddled with the lapels; refusing to make eye contact, "He awakened lust in me Raoul…I will admit that. I enjoy his touch and his attention, any woman would; they make me feel like I am the only woman on earth. Therein lays the reason why I couldn't pursue a romantic relationship with him."
Raoul raised an eyebrow at this, but Christine did not falter, "He completely consumes me. I cannot think when he has me in his embrace. I cannot find my wits. It is a scary feeling, not being in control of your functions. I do love him, and it would be easy to allow myself to be in love with him."
Raoul saw a tremor course through Christine and knew that she was reliving Erik's embrace in her mind,"His voice, his beauty, his genius – they all create a very alluring man and I cannot and will not allow myself to be completely consumed by anything or anyone."
Christine jerked herself out of the dreamlike state she was in, "I guess my father's stubborn fortitude is coming out. He taught me to be an individual and think for myself. Erik makes me forget who I am as I get lost in the essence of him…of course he does not mean to, it just happens…at least with me…but that was no reason for me to completely abandon him while he was sure that I was leaving because of a deformity that I hardly notice any more."
Christine paused to gather her thoughts, she turned from Raoul and sat on the settee near the window, Raoul moved to sit beside her, "I want Erik to have the same happiness and joy that we have, Raoul, especially if he is innocent; it is the least he deserves. Even though the thought of him with another woman brings out a jealous streak in me, just as it would with you; I still only want the best for him. When I chose you, that choice was mainly based on the fact that I thought Erik was a murderer and a rapist; even thinking those things of him did not squelch my desire for him".
She searched Raoul's face for any sign of discontent, when there was none, she continued tentatively, "I may need to help him…he has no experience in understanding the language that women speak. He has never had a real friend, outside of Michél and Madam Giry."
Her thoughts seemed to drift for a moment and Raoul sat patiently waiting for her to continue. "During one of my lessons, he mentioned that he had had another love interest long ago…it ended tragically, that's all he told me."
Christine's eyes drifted downward and pain covered her face, her voice took on an angry undertone and her hands clenched with emotion, she looked out the window at nothing in particular and said what was on her mind, "I cannot help but be upset at Madam Giry. She sheltered Erik so much and never helped him to prepare for life. She never taught him about emotions and the proper way to handle different situations; he had no role models to pattern his life after."
She grew more frustrated as she continued, "He was left alone entirely too much and with his genius mind…he had no outlet for his creativity." She was openly crying now, Raoul was not sure how to react to her tears. Was she crying because she sympathized with Erik's plight? Was she crying because she felt his pain? Was she crying because she loved him? The answer came quickly, "She should have never encouraged him to hide behind a mask."She took on a very determined frown, "If society were to know him for the beautiful man that he is; the mask, and what it hides, would not mean anything."
She looked at Raoul and hesitantly continued, "I could have easily fallen in love with him had my heart not already been taken; as it is…I will honestly tell you Raoul, that I do find him extremely attractive and I want him in my life. I see no reason why he cannot remain my…our dear friend; without him, I fear that music will cease to be a part of me. He gave me the gift of my voice…I owe him so much…I shudder to think that his love for me has caused him so much pain."
Raoul pulled her close to him and considered all that she had told him. He found himself oddly at ease about her feelings toward Erik. He also felt an overwhelming need to make things right with Erik. Raoul knew that Erik was more of a man than most of the nobles he was acquainted with. He had done something that Raoul was not even sure he could have done had the roles been reversed; he had let Christine go.
Raoul gently squeezed Christine's shoulders as he made a promise he intended to keep, "I will do everything in my power to help him leave the past behind and begin again."
Christine just smiled at him; the kiss she gave him spoke so much about how his words made her love him even more. They took a few moments to enjoy each other and quickly finished packing. The trip was an hour or so to Paris and they needed to find lodging. The first course of action was to find Madam Giry and get the latest on Erik's fate. At last, the future seemed to hold hope for the man that had affected all their lives; he finally had friends willing and ready to fight for his place in the world.
Chapter 5 preview – Reflections of a phantom