This is a strange little drabble. Parody, very much so.
Phobia
by Ami-chan
There was a loud, nearly frantic, "Gawddamnit!" Before several shots were fired. Shots fired from a rifle, a very familiar rifle. The words and tone would have been enough to have made Chris investigate, but it was somehow more urgent because of who had said them. Vin didn't do frantic. He rarely could be called "loud" either, unless something or someone had really started to wear on him.
"Everythin' all right?"
Vin turned toward him with a lazy, almost casual look that belied his exclamation of only moments ago. "Yup."
His eyes narrowed. Something was not quite right, but if Vin said he was all right then Chris was going to believe him. Still, Chris didn't go far. Just in case. He told himself he wasn't worried or concerned. Cautious, he was just cautious.
Yeah, right. Now Chris was getting to be as bad as Buck and Nathan.
It wasn't too long before Vin cursed again, an angry, annoyed sound to his voice before more shots were fired. Chris didn't go to see what was going on this time. Instead he waited, watching as the rest of the seven began to emerge from their various locations to see what was going on. Buck was the first to reach Chris's side, his eyes curious. "Som'thin' wrong with Junior?" By now they all recognized the distinct sound of each other's weapons, but even if they hadn't there was no mistaking the voice that was still cursing soundly. If Nettie'd been around she would have boxed that boy's ears.
Chris gave Buck a long look. "Said he was fine."
"You believe him?"
Another curse, another few shots fired.
"Nope."
There was a pause while Vin reloaded, all the while a steady stream of, "Gawddamn little bastards," repeated over and over again. More shots.
JD glanced toward Chris and Buck before warily approaching Vin. "Hey, Vin, what's going on?"
"Gonna kill all those bastards, gawddamn sonofabtiches!"
JD blinked and looked around. He didn't see anything. "Vin?" He turned back to Buck and Chris who had been joined by not only Josiah and Nathan, but Ezra as well. Ezra looked a bit sleepy, but then it was only lunchtime so that was to be expected.
"What seems to be the trouble?" Josiah's voice was low, rumbling, but there seemed to be an amusement in his eyes as if he already knew.
"No idea," Buck told him. "Think maybe Junior's gone loco just like that horse o' his."
Then JD saw it. Or them. "Are you shooting at wasps?"
Vin didn't respond. Just reloaded and fired off a few more shots before reloading again. "Gawddamn creepy bastards nesting in my wagon, no fuckin' way, no fuckin' way!"
JD turned back to the other five, stunned. "There are… wasp bits everywhere. And what looks like a few nests here and there."
Chris started laughing, he couldn't help it. "Vin, ain't shooting bugs with a rifle a bit of an overkill there?"
The vicious scowl Vin sent in his direction was more than worth it. "Shuddup you!" A few more shots, a few more wasps falling victim to Vin's impeccable aim.
"Damn, you can hit anything with a gun, can't ya?" JD was impressed.
Chris continued to laugh. Or at least he did until Buck leaned toward him and said one single little word, "Spider." Then Chris jumped a mile and began squirming as if he'd been attacked by an army of insects. A second later he was randomly shooting off rounds at the ground, possibly hitting imaginary spiders. Buck watched it all in amusement.
"We're surrounded by trigger-happy loons." Nathan was rolling his eyes, watching the display before him, their two "strong and silent" friends continuing their gun battle with their real and imagined little foes.
"I concur. Honestly, they think I'm odd, it doesn't even compare to that." Ezra strolled back toward the saloon, probably to get some more sleep before he had to officially wake up again.
JD continued to watch, enraptured, as Vin picked off one wasp at a time so that they could never, ever infiltrate his wagon ever, ever again. Buck, for his part, was filing away Vin's weakness to use at a later date.
-The End-
Do I share these phobias? No, but I do have the irresistible urge to crush any insects that are indoors. I use things like shoes or flyswatters though, not guns. Of course, that's probably better for all involved.