A Place in This World
"…and I show you how deep the rabbit hole goes." Morpheus (nope, don't own "The Matrix" either)
CHAPTER 12
Erik had also seen the morning paper and found it rather amusing that the Inspector said such "nice" things about him. He spoke to the walls, as Michél was busy in another part of the suite, "I gave him permission to give a statement on my behalf and even reveal my name, but he sure did embellish on my persona."
Erik glided out of the chair, dropped the paper on the table, and began retrieving items from around the hotel room. He still was unsure about how to react to everything going on around him. He was cautious…very cautious.
Michél was packing up Erik's new belongings and readying for the stop at Margarite's. He had informed Erik that, although he still did not have many details, the few memories from his childhood that plagued Erik appeared to be authentic. In the recesses of his mind, Erik remembered the people around him. Their faces were blurry, he had been very young; but the accents were very distinct. Erik, being the genius that he is, could mimic the accent perfectly. Michél traced that accent to Scotland, and through a series of question and answer sessions with some of the locals, had managed to procure some interesting information about a situation that uncannily resembled Erik's plight. If nothing else, it was a start.
The men headed downstairs. As Michél hailed a carriage, Erik proceeded to the front desk to pay the bill; completely oblivious to the patrons who were observing his graceful, and now, all too familiar form. The ecstatic concierge refused payment. It was an honor to have the Phantom paying homage to his humble establishment – the stay was on the house. Erik was flabbergasted and stood there with an amazed look on his face. He had no experience with such kindness. He simply bowed in an elegant manner, thanked the young man, and with a swish of his cape, headed out the front doors – with many eyes, female eyes, watching with admiration.
"What?" Michél inquired, curiously noticing the somewhat baffled look on Erik's face.
Erik replied with stunned scrutiny, "They would not let me pay for the room…they said it was an honor to have the Phantom pay homage to their establishment…that is so…peculiar." Erik was at a loss for words, something that very seldom happened with him.
Michél smirked at the disbelief he saw in Erik's face, "You have become an overnight sensation Erik, enjoy it. The city is going to be paying you the respect they feel they owe you…let them; you deserve it."
Erik felt a gnawing feeling in the pit of his stomach, experience told him that this was nerves…or maybe he was getting sick"I just don't want to draw attention to myself…I liked being invisible…I was comfortable being invisible."
Michél patted Erik on the back and tried to give him a measure of comfort, "Time to move on Erik, that part of your life is over and you need to put it behind you. Let's go to Margarite's and determine from there what our next move will be. All right?"
Erik gave a restrained smile and pulled himself into the carriage with Michél coming in close behind him. "Alright old friend…" Erik gave a sincere squeeze to the older man's shoulder, "Thank you Mich; thank you for always being there…even when I made it quite clear that I did not want you there."
The older man just smiled and nodded, the whole time thinking to himself, (There is no where else I would rather be, my friend, no where else.)
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Margarite, Raoul, and Christine arrived back at Margarite's home and each took up a different activity. Margarite picked up some knitting she had been working on for some time, Christine curled up on the settee and read a book, and Raoul began penning a letter to his family, letting them know that he would be taking some time for traveling. He knew a letter would be better received than if he were there in person letting them know this; they would not be happy.
He had talked with Margarite on the way home and they had decided that they would accompany Erik on his quest, even though he was sure that Erik would disagree with this decision. They were all anxious to find out more about him, more than he had allowed them to know about him. Even Margarite felt that there were many facet's of the man's personality that she was not familiar with. He was as much an enigma to her as he was to everyone else. (This will prove to be an interesting journey, to say the least) Raoul thought to himself.
Raoul was slightly uneasy about being in such close proximity to Erik. He was not sure how the man was going to react. He would just have to make sure that he assured Erik that he was sincere in his desire to help him. Christine was sure to be an issue between them, but Raoul was willing to overcome any hard feelings that may have surfaced. (That could be because she left with you, Raoul. He was left to pick up the pieces of his shattered heart and go on…and he chose to die…what would you have done man, if the rolls were reversed?)
Raoul shook his thoughts away and continued with his letter. His father would be especially disappointed. The Comté was not pleased with his youngest son. Just the fact that Raoul dared to court a "showgirl" made him livid. Raoul was not at all certain that he would be allowed to marry Christine when all was said and done. His father had even had the audacity to suggest that he marry Lady Bridgette Danté and keep Christine as a mistress.
(FLASHBACK)
Reanu de Chagny sat formidably in his stately leather chair. Raoul always felt the weight of his father's disappointment descending on him,"It's done my boy, all the time. You marry within your class; Lady Bridgette is a lovely choice, she is eager to grace your arm."
Reanu scrutinized his young son as Raoul lifted his chin in a stubborn manner,"You are of the aristocracy Raoul; take Christine as your mistress, which is what her kind is for."Raoul could here the disdain dripping from every word that his father spoke; he disliked Christine simply because he judged her unworthy of the status that a marriage to Raoul would grant her.
"Bridgette is your public face and Christine is your private pleasure…" The last was said with a wink and an elbow to Raoul's side as the elder de Chagny prepared to leave the room, "…don't do anything that will cost you your inheritance and reputation my boy, think before you act…you're mother approved this union years ago…but times have changed and you need to marry into wealth."
Raoul stared at his father in shocked horror,"You do not have much of an inheritance left. After your mother died, the money just seemed to disappear; and this Opera fiasco you want to finance is unsettling, just be careful."
This is the first that Raoul had heard about the financial problems of his family,"Christine is just not good enough for you. Don't disappoint me once again, Raoul; you only have so many times to do so before…" His voice had trailed off as his rotund form exited the room, but Raoul new the threat…it was all too familiar.
(END FLASHBACK)
With those words, Raoul's father left him standing there, questioning for the first time whether marrying Christine was the wisest choice he could make. Those doubts still lingered in the back of Raoul's mind. What was he going to do? He would take this trip and see how things unfolded. Maybe the answers would present themselves.
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Everyone heard the knock on the door, even though it was not very loud. Margarite put her knitting down and headed for the hallway. When she opened the door, the sun behind him engulfed the tall, broad-shouldered man before her in a halo of incandescent light. Even though she could not she his face, Margarite instinctively knew that the angel-like figure was Erik. Her heart skipped a beat as she peered up at him through squinted eyes. Her smile was radiant as the wrapped her arms around his slender waist. Erik stiffened at this simple sign of affection, but allowed her the moment.
Margarite spoke in a quiet tone, relishing the feel of him beneath her hands"Erik, it is so good see and touch you. I am so thankful that the evidence was found that proved your innocence."
His chest muffled the words she spoke, as her head rested in his pristine shirt. His arms gingerly embraced her and she could not remember feeling so safe, not since her husband died. She breathed in the scent of him, admiring the clean, fresh, masculine fragrance that was Erik. She reluctantly pulled away from his strong arms and took a gloved hand, much like a mother guiding a wayward child down an unknown path.
Michél observed the exchange between surrogate mother and adopted son. He remembered better times, when Erik was younger; he sought Margarite out when he had lost his way and needed a shoulder to cry on or a receptive ear. He wanted her approval and love, knowing that he deserved none of the kindness she had shown him. She was only a few years older than Erik was, but Erik had never seen her as anything other than a mother figure; a mother he had been robbed of at a very early age.
Michél knew that Margarite had developed deeper feelings for Erik as he matured into an attractive man, but she relinquished those feelings when it was obvious that Erik did not feel the same. Michél was certain that Erik had no idea that she ever looked at him in a romantic way; Erik never ventured to dream that a woman would ever love him. Even going into this fiasco with Christine, Erik did not expect her to love him; the most he hoped for was that she would be able to tolerate him.
Michél grabbed the luggage and followed Margarite and Erik into the foyer. His thoughts were a jumbled mess as he contemplated what the future held.
Erik and Margarite stopped directly in front of him as she placed a restraining hand on Erik's arm. "Erik, before you go into the parlor I want you to know that Christine and Raoul are here."
Erik tried not to react to her words, but fire flared into his eyes, making them appear to be even a deeper shade of green. "They came in yesterday evening after hearing about your arrest. Christine apparently felt that she needed to be here for you…and Raoul…." Margarite did not really know how to tell Erik about Raoul's change of heart. "…Raoul wants to make amends with you…he somehow deduced that you were not a murderer and rapist after looking into your eyes. He has a reputation for being a good judge of character, Erik. Give him a chance before you pass judgment on him."
Erik's strained look caused Margarite to regard him with tenderness; a look she hoped would not be mistaken for pity. "I know that you are hurting; Lord knows that you have had more than your share of pain in this world…Christine does care about you Erik; probably more than she ever thought possible. Her feelings are confusing to her, especially since you are not the monster she was led to believe that you were."
Erik stood eerily still, staring just over Margarite's head at the winding staircase that led to the upper rooms. His next statement made Margarite's blood run cold. He spoke so matter-of-factly that Margarite chilled at the indifference in his tone, "But I am a monster…I have never been anything but…"
Margarite started to reprimand him, but Erik just continued without letting her, "I know Margarite;…I know…you have tried to convince me otherwise, but my actions in the past speak for themselves."
Erik rested both of his gloved hands on Margarite's shoulders; she knew he was referring to his obsession and subsequent abduction of Christine. The self-loathing she heard in his voice made her long to cleanse his soul of every dark blemish that resided there, placed by the world and its prejudices and held there firmly by Erik's fortitude. He looked down at her with hollow eyes.
"I let her go…neither on of them have anything to fear from me…they never really did." Erik noticed that Margarite was on the verge of tears. He squeezed her shoulder in assurance, "I never would have hurt either of them." Erik dropped his hands and gave a sad smile, "I laid my trump card and Christine called my bluff…I was desperate for someone to give me companionship and I wanted her to be the one to give it to me…I would have taken nothing more."
Erik drifted back in time to the immense sexual energy that had coursed through his inexperienced body at the thought of Christine yielding to him on that level, but he knew it would never be…not for him. "It would have been nice, but I would have never forced her to endure my touch…in any manner."
He dropped weary eyes so that they rested on Margarite, but he didn't really see her, "The kiss she gave me will haunt me forever…my first and only kiss; used as leverage to set Raoul free…" Erik's voice trailed off as he gave in to the absolute loneliness that had consumed him for years.
"Now I know what I have been missing all my life…and I will never have it again."Margarite had never heard such longing and utter emptiness in anyone's voice, "When it hit me that she would give up her life, literally; for any life she had would have come to an abrupt end when she faced an eternity with me…she would sacrifice herself for him...I knew I had to let her go. She loved him enough to become a living sacrifice…"
Erik allowed the pent up tears to roll languidly down his weary face, he had never felt as old as did at that moment. "…and I love her too much to condemn her to my world."
He wiped his tears away with a shaky hand and strode past Margarite, headed for the parlor. Margarite stood in silence, watching his straight, muscular back recede. Her thoughts turned heavenward, pleading with God to grant Erik the life he both deserved and desired.
How was he going to do this? Seeing Christine again, so soon after letting her go…his heart still reverberated with the sting of her rejection. Erik cautiously turned the corner into the parlor as Michél and Margarite followed just a few steps behind. Erik kept his eyes cloaked from their inquisitive looks as he made his way to the couch. He could feel the heat of their eyes on him as he settled into a comfortable position.
Christine and Raoul inched their way to the small circle of furniture in front of the fireplace. They both sat on the couch opposite of Erik; Margarite and Michél sat down in the two Queen Anne chairs in the middle, between the two couches. The air was pregnant with unspoken sentiments; no one seemed anxious to talk.
Christine cherished the vision before her. Erik looked so dashing with his dark hair loose and wavy; it framed his handsome face, making him look younger than she had ever seen him look. His strong frame folded elegantly on the couch; he had the look of a predatory cat lounging in the solitary ray of sunshine on an otherwise dreary day. The suit that he sported, modeled perfectly on his tall, lithe form; was expensively tailored.
It occurred to her that she had never seen him when he wasn't "The Phantom", or her "Angel of Music". Now, in the light of day, he seemed like a man she would be interested in knowing. He was a blank page on which she could write her own opinion of him, without others manipulating her thoughts.
Other than the night of "Hannibal", when Erik lulled her down to his lair, she hadn't been given the opportunity to know him; at that time, she had been frightened of him but also terribly attracted to him. That was the same night that Raoul had come back into her life. He hand monopolized the majority of her time, forcing her to abandon her "angel" and focus her attention on him.
How might things have been different if she'd been allowed to spend time getting to know Erik? She knew that her father and Raoul's mother had made her choice years ago, but she prayed that Erik would allow her to remain in his life. She could not bear to not see and be around him. Christine's thoughts turned to Raoul; how was he going to react to Erik?
Raoul considered himself a strong and courageous man, normally. He was fair and open-minded and people trusted him; but the man before him caused him to reassess his opinion about himself. He had been so anxious to gain Christine's affections, that he had almost destroyed an already wounded individual.
When Raoul looked at Erik, he saw a man whose entire life had been spent trying to prove to others that he had a right to live and breathe the same air that everyone else did. He wrote some the most awe-inspiring music that Raoul had ever had the privilege of hearing; and yet, Erik did not seem to be at all impressed with himself. Raoul saw a man who had never been given a proper chance in life because others, including him, had written Erik off as a beast with murdering intent; a sub-human creature to be dealt with like one deals with an obstinate animal.
Raoul had not seen nor felt any hatred coming from Erik; he had expected to have to defend himself in a verbal onslaught with the genius mind before him; and he knew he would have come up short. Instead, the object of Raoul's thoughts sat deathly still, not making eye contact with anyone. Raoul pondered what Erik was thinking.
Chapter 13 preview – Tense conversations