Carson Beckett was not happy. Not in the least. For that matter, no one looked especially pleased as they closed the door on Rodney, watching him from the camera just outside. Johnson kept a firm eye on his hand held control, monitoring the energy readings across the station. If there was a massive dip, she was coming. At least that was the theory, if she was physically rerouting the source, soaking up the energy to manifest herself. He didn't hold to it, it seemed too easy.
Elizabeth was standing tensely, her arms folded tight against her body, her eyes glued to the hastily assembled, small black and white screen. The room Rodney occupied was in a remote area of the station, stripped to the walls, and he paced endlessly.
Sheppard sighed and tapped his radio. "Rodney, settle down. She – it may not come otherwise."
"Yeah, at the moment I'm not sure which scares me more." Rodney's voice was high.
Not that he could blame him. Everything thing about the situation scared Sheppard. He took a deep breath, then decided to relay this insight to his friend. "Look, just breath. You have to relax."
"Easy for you to say!"
"This was your idea!"
"Oh, yeah, thanks for reminding me!"
"Gentlemen!" Elizabeth snapped. The one word was enough to bring the two men back under control, and Johnson's head jerked up.
"Power dropped, two levels down. I think she's coming," he said rapidly.
Sheppard's attention snapped to the screen, just in time to see Rodney collapse. He instantly grabbed Beckett's arm as the man darted forward. "No! Wait, just wait. . ."
"He needs our help, Major!"
"We don't know that! He'd always blank out when he saw her before, now give it a minute!" Only then did he realize he was straining for the door himself, and Elizabeth was holding him back. And they stood that way, each bracing the other while watching.
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She stood before him, looking more beautiful than ever. Rodney's breath caught in his throat. He felt her warmth, her passion, and remembered their encounter in the hall. She had been real then, hadn't she? Maybe that too was a clever illusion. Maybe this Dantanunana was literally in his head, and she manifested herself the way he wanted to see her; perhaps like the Wraith, she was capable of projecting images that could only be seen by a certain few. It was a bit late to wonder about it. "I have a proposition," he said, forcing his voice neutral.
She slowly walked towards him, her smile beguiling. The power took his breath away, and it wasn't until her hands were on his shoulders, pushing him back that he realized what was going on. "No! No, not that, I mean. . .look, really, we don't have time for this. You want to ascend, I mean, that's the reason you're doing what. . .everything. Right? Ultimately, that's your goal. Acsencion."
"I will achieve that with you."
"Yes, but not as you may think." He slowly peeled her arms form him, turning his head away from her access. "Look, I want to talk to Dot. Just her, not all of you, or whatever," he shook his head in confusion, "whomever. . .just Dantanunana. Can you do that?"
She thought about it. "That isn't desirable."
"No, of course not." He wrung his hands. "Okay then, listen to me. It's possible I have some latent knowledge that may help you, but I don't want to die in order for you to have it. Can you understand that?" His eyes met hers. "I'm not ready to die. I don't want to ascend. I have too much here, too much to live for. As sappy as it sounds, that's it. But if there is information stored in my head, in my subconscious, that you can use, then by all means take it." His voice softened and took on a personal tone. "No one should have to live like you've had to all these centuries. I don't know why you couldn't ascend, but I believe if you were this close, and you're this desperate, then you should be given the chance. I can't believe you're all bad. I think this would be a good thing for you, for both of us."
She took a step back, her face puzzled. In that moment there was Dot, separated from the mass, and he could almost sense the hundreds of beings around her, all individually, suddenly split into confusion by his words. "You would do this?"
"If you can figure out how to do it, then yes. What's up here," he pointed to his head, "is yours."
"And if it doesn't work?"
"Oh, it had better work."
She considered. "I should be very disappointed if it didn't work. I almost feel some measure of regret for not trusting you sooner."
Rodney frowned. "Regret for what?"
"It doesn't matter now." She smiled, and walked to him. "Do you trust me?"
He swallowed, and told himself that everything would be fine, that this was Dot. The real Dot. "Yes."
"Then close your eyes."
He did so.
"Hold out your hands." She reached out, and their fingers intertwined.
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"Okay, I'm going in there!" Beckett yelled as Rodney went into convulsions.
Sheppard gritted his teeth, fighting against every instinct his body told him. "Wait."
"You can't be serious!"
Sheppard snatched the white lab coat, forcing Beckett to face him. "I'm deadly serious, we don't go in until I say so!"
"You'll kill him, man!"
"He's fine!" Sheppard pushed Beckett away, and turned his anger to the screen. "You hear me, Rodney? You better be fine in there!"
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Rodney felt fine. He felt heavenly, floating, curving around astral planes and symbols carved out of the stars themselves. His body was stardust, not just in theory but aesthetically, and all around him the multitude of Stargates turned; huge stone wheels, spinning slowly, methodically, looking for all the world like dials that controlled the universe. It was the wheels that controlled the universal cycle. The rotation of the planets, the spiral galaxies, the elliptical orbits of comets, the changes of the seasons, the weather cycles, the spinning of electrons around a nucleus. They were tapped into him, and he into them, and he had to wonder, if this was the existence the ancients lived, if this was really what they knew, why leave it? How did they experience all of this if trapped on the station? Was this what they really knew, with their three dimensional star charts and universal building block codes? Was this in their genetic makeup? If this was just an inkling of what they knew and understood, what more did ascension bring to them? His head burned with the knowledge, the vast expanse of everything, of the interconnectedness, the totality of it. Light shot at him from every direction, piercing him like long, needle thin arrows, then all was white. There was a single scream, whether of bliss or torment he couldn't be certain.
He woke, laying on his side on the floor, every muscles on fire, every tendon stretched, every nerve sparking. He cried out in pain, doubled over on himself, through himself if at all possible. Part of him remained in that non-time, that place where the ascendants go, the place that bordered on eternity and seemed more frightening that death itself. He had never believed in eternal life, and now he didn't want to.
The door burst open and people rushed in. It was a mad frenzy, one he couldn't back away from, the painful touches, the too-loud voices, the distorted heads peering down at him, saying his name over and over, clutching at him, hurting him, pulling him back from a void where half his body lay. All he could do was scream.
