A Place in This World

CHAPTER 19

Everyone watched the reunion that was taking place before them; not a dry eye could be found. Both men wept with pent up emotions. Love, denied them for 30 years, poured out from every fiber of their beings. Alastair stroked Erik's dark head, relishing in the softness of his hair; a gesture that he had begun when Erik was just a few hours old and Alastair held him in his arms for the first time. The pride that swelled in his heart all those years ago, swelled in his heart again.

Time seemed to stand still for the father and son whose lives were ripped apart; for now, they were beginning the long road to recovery. After a few minutes of enjoying the caress of his father, Erik pulled himself up and led them to the couch. He compared his features to that of the man in front of him. There were definite similarities, more than Erik had, at first, been willing to see. Erik saw in Alastair his own chin, hair, deep-set eyes and full lips and had already noted the same body build and height; although Erik was taller by a few centimeters. He felt a kindred intelligence such as he had never felt before. (I remember wanting to be just like this man…I must be a terrible disappointment to him.) These thoughts were soon laid to rest as the conversation continued.

Alastair could not stop smiling. His son was back! "I never gave up hope that you would return to me Erik. You are more than my son…you are the hope of my family name and estate…I never gave up hope."

Erik's features had softened in such a way that he looked years younger. "My mother, is she well?" Erik's heart leapt in his chest at the thought that he had a mother that loved him and wanted him.

Erik's mind freed imprisoned memories; memories that came flooding back to him; lost moments in time that he never knew he missed…until now.

He smiled the most effervescent smile that anyone who knew him had ever seen. He remembered his mother's regal figure descending the magnificent spiral staircase in the entrance hall of their estate. Even at four, Erik had been in awe of her beauty. He still could not see that her beauty was his own. He could see her dancing blue eyes as if they were right in front of him; he had loved to stare into her eyes.

"Is she as beautiful as ever?" As he thought of his mother, other faces came into view. Smiling faces that loved him and cared about him, "My sisters…I remember my sisters…"Erik was overwhelmed with the well of emotions that bombarded him. The sense of belonging that had so long eluded him was enveloping him in a warm cocoon of love; something he was sure he would never experience.

Erik closed his eyes, lost in the past. Floods of memories poured over him like a warm soothing bath, leaving in their path the life that Erik had once had. He pictured his sisters as he remembered them, knowing they would have changed a great deal over the years. Their names rolled off his tongue.

He spoke with a Scottish accent in such a way that it seemed like he had never abandoned it; "Brietta, she's about 42 now…Kaitlyn…" Erik's smile grew bigger at the sound of her name; they had shared a special relationship…they were so much alike. She had taken his kidnapping the hardest, never leaving the house for weeks. She truly had mourned his loss as if he had died. "…my sweet Kaitlyn…I can't believe she is 40…and the twins, Erin and Eden…women of 38 years." Erik opened his eyes, pictures of them still floating in his head. "Tell me about them." Erik pleaded with joy in his voice.

All his life, robbed of the presence and love of women; now he would have the joy of women who loved him…maybe not the kind of love that he so yearned for; but love none the less.

It was as though no one else existed in the world except father and son. The others in the room just listened intently, not understanding all of the English words. Michél spoke fluent English and Margarite understood it more than spoke it, so they translated as best they could. Margarite and Christine had never felt happier in their lives. The man they both loved with such fervency was becoming the man they both knew he was born to be…and they both knew…it would mean letting him go.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOO

The thought of not having Erik in her life ripped Christine apart; he had let her go that night in his lair, to give her a better life than he thought he could provide. He had broken his own heart to allow hers to beat; even if it meant that it beat for a different man…(Why couldn't I give him the kind of love he so desperately wanted from me? It is no secret that I am terribly attracted to him, even he can't deny that. So why?)

Christine debated with herself, trying to come up with a reasonable explanation. (Daddy, I know that you were only looking out for my interests and well-being when you betrothed me to Raoul. I do love him; with a kind, sweet, gentle love that enfolds me in its sincerity; but…) Christine sighed and looked heavenward, (…my heart could so easily belong to another if you would have allowed it…but I cannot deny your wishes, even after your death.) In her thoughts, Christine had her answer; she belonged with Raoul, it had always been. Her love for Erik would forever be a part of her; a deep-seeded longing that she could never allow to surface. Erik, thinking she only felt indebted to him for whatever reason; had already sensed this and had given her a way out.

Now, she had to let him go to live a life he was born to live and find the woman he was born to be with. Christine had never felt so jealous. Some other woman would cherish his passionate kisses and heated touches. Some other woman would have the joy of teaching him pleasures contained within the marriage bed, of waking up to his precious face every morning and nursing his babies at her breast. Life was so ironic; she loved two men equally, but in such different ways; did she deserve either one of them?

(What a wicked woman I can be. I have Raoul, a man that loves me unconditionally. I know that I am being unfair to him right now, but Erik is sheer passion and fire…Raoul hardly possesses passion. His kisses are sweet and calming; but the one kiss; no, it was two kisses that I stole from Erik were full of forbidden passion and searing heat. Even know I feel my body react to the memory…I must forfeit these desires and live with my decision; that way, I will hurt nether of them.) Christine fancied a look at Erik and in so doing, relinquished any hold she had on him. She had lost him that night in Margarite's parlor, she had just never accepted it until now. An immense sadness gripped Christine as she returned her thoughts to the current events.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Erik had already sealed his fate where Christine was concerned. Little did she know that that night in Margarite's parlor, he had unwound her fingers of possession that gripped his heart, and reclaimed it for himself. He wrapped it up tightly hiding it from the world once more, knowing it would never be the desire of any woman; for it beat within the chest of a monster. He experienced searing pain at the decision he had made. He knew that she deserved Raoul's tender love and flawless beauty. He buried the love he had for her and formed it into something else, entirely; the final result being a sincere desire to see her eternally happy and blessed…in the arms of another man; for she did not belong in his…no one did.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Alastair sat up straighter and proudly reacquainted Erik with his family. He filled in a few of the life events of the years past. He carefully relayed to Erik how much his abduction had affected each of his sisters. Brietta had turned inside herself; her studies had suffered and she blamed her mother for Erik's disappearance. Kaitlyn had cried non-stop for days, accepting no consoling from anyone. She refused to interact with her sisters and never left the house. This went on for months. She has never fully recovered from the loss of her brother; he was her best friend. Erin and Eden had been rather young, but they suffered in their own way. They reacted to the emotions of their siblings and felt the pain of the loss as profoundly as the others felt it.

Each sister had married into a prominent family. Not all were of noble background, but that had never been a prerequisite when courting the Lauchlan Ladies. All of the girls remained within close proximity of Berwithshire. Brietta had married young, at age 17. Her husband was a local baron, who was 20 years her senior. They loved each other though, and had four children to show for it; three daughters and a son.

Kaitlyn married when she was 19. Her husband, Fernando, had been a Marquis from Spain. He had unfortunately developed Typhoid Fever and passed away six years after they married. They had no children. They, too, had loved each other immensely…she had not loved since.

Erin married at 20 to a local successful businessman. He was the owner and manager of the largest bank in Glasgow. They had meant at a dinner party for one of his noble clientele, who just happened to be Erin's riding instructor. It was love at first sight. They now had three children, two boys and a girl.

Eden married an Irish Lord with flaming red hair and a temper to match. He loved her with a passion, matched only by his great wit. They had three children also, a boy and two girls; the youngest, Dierdre, had just been born a few days ago.

Erik registered every detail of what his father had told him. He wished beyond all things that he had been there to console Kaitlyn when Fernando had passed away; to lose someone you loved was something with which Erik was very familiar. His desire to be with his family was overwhelming.

His plans for the next few days had changed drastically and tomorrow he would have to cancel his appointment with Scotland Yard and book a ferry from London to Scotland. He had to get home to his mother and sisters. The last 29 years just seemed to fade away as though they did not exist. He was going home – just the thought of having a home, his own place in the world; made Erik feel like a brand new man.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOO

It was getting rather late and Alastair was exhausted from travel and emotions, he placed his hand over his mouth as a yawn made his intentions known. He smiled tiredly, "I am sure that you young gents and ladies could stay up all night long reminiscing about days gone by, but I am walking in my sleep as we speak." Alastair stood up and Erik followed suit. "I have a room booked just down the hall. We'll take care of the rest of the business in the morning; after we break fast."

Alastair moved toward Erik awkwardly, not wanting to rush him. Erik reached for the older man tentatively, having no idea how to initiate intimacy between them. That was the only indication that Alastair needed. He wrapped his arms around Erik and cradled his head on his shoulder, speaking in a fatherly tone, "I love you Erik, the years and separation have not changed that…you are my son and whether you like it or not, you are stuck with me from here on out."

He leaned back from Erik bearing a smile that held no secrets. He was still embracing Erik and looking into his eyes; "You are flesh of my flesh and bone of my bone; the greatest treasure of my life and the child of my heart. You are a gift from God Almighty and He has seen fit to allow us to go through this valley; I never gave up on His grace and mercy…I knew my prayers were heard." Alastair gave Erik's shoulders a firm, loving squeeze.

Erik looked into the loving eyes of his father and saw a faith that he had never experienced. He longed to embrace his fathers joy with every heartbeat; how does one just suddenly ask God, a Being that Erik had turned his back on, to overlook all the times that His name had been cursed or the beauty of His creation scoffed at? How does one suddenly exercise a faith that was for so long denied?

Oddly, many thought that he did not even believe in God; but how could he not? There is intelligent design to the universe and its make-up; it takes a composer to make the symphony; it takes a potter or a painter to create a work of art, if there is no instrumentalist than the instrument is useless. It did not take a genius to see the Master Designer in every sunrise and sunset or in the simple, unsurpassed beauty of a rose; but Erik was a genius and he new that God did indeed exist.

Looking back on the events of his life, Erik saw the many things for which he was grateful. (Maybe I will start acknowledging God's hand in my life on a more consistent basis. He never abandoned me, even when I abandoned Him.) Erik smiled faintly and offered up a silent, heart-felt prayer that God would reveal Himself to Erik in a very real, unmistakable fashion.

Erik showed Alastair to the door and watched as he walked a few doors down to his room. It seemed strangely reassuring to Erik that his father was so close. What a strange sensation, he had never felt the desire for protection before; or maybe he just knew that the desire was futile. Either way, it was a new sensation for Erik.

Erik turned from the door and looked at his friends standing before him. His life had taken on a drastic change in the last few hours. He had a lot to think about and focus on. He approached Michél with a new light in his beautiful eyes. "If I did not know better, I would swear that the last few hours had been a dream. I cannot believe that I have a family that loves me and wants me back, despite my hideous face and terrible disposition." Erik could not wipe the smile off his face and everyone in the room reacted to his enthusiasm.

Erik headed towards his room while still deep in thought. He lifted his hand as an acknowledgement to the others that he was saying good night. He entered his room and gently shut the door. He removed his robe and stretched his long frame over the bed, slipping under the sheet. His thoughts dwelt on his overwhelming need to be with his mother. All his life he had thought that his mother could not stand the sight of him. Erik closed his eyes and lifted his thoughts toward heaven. He voiced what could possibly be the first sincere prayer from his heart; three simple words. (Thank you, God.) He slipped into a peaceful, pleasant, dream world where his mothers face and the laughter of his sisters ruled supreme.

Chapter 20 preview – Late Night discussions and Michél's story