A Place in This World
Thank you, thank you, thank you! From the bottom of my heart! The reviews mean so much to me and I shall answer the question of the day. "How do you pronounce HER name. A-a-win, A'awynn. It is a spin-off the elf princess in "Lord of the Rings". I thought her name was so pretty, so I changed it a little bit and used that. I hope this helps.
CHAPTER 23
Erik was so nervous that he almost gave in to the urge to bite his well-groomed nails; he was certain that any given moment, his world would come crashing down around him. As Scotland had become visible from the deck of the ferry, he had fallen in love. The rolling hills and green landscape seemed to beckon him from afar. The white, fluffy clouds danced on the distant mountaintops, while the sun seemed to smile as God bent down and kissed the land. Such beauty was the inspiration for artists from every genre.
Erik had never felt a genuine link with any particular place…but Scotland was different. The ancient trees and age-old hills sung a song to this native son as he returned from a far-away land where he lost himself and sought to become the man he was born to be. Home…now there was something for which to fight and die.
What had he been thinking by coming here? Turning his back on Paris and everything that had happened there was probably the best thing, but attaching himself to this make-believe world of Duke's and castles and, no doubt, fair maidens; was a step Erik was not fully prepared to take.
Although deep in thought, Erik's senses were super keen. He heard the footfalls of a medium-build man, probably 180-190 lbs. The inclination of his steps indicated to Erik that he was coming up on his left side slowly, so as not to create an unwanted sound. The man smelled of grime, old sweat, and too much drink. The rancid smell nauseated Erik's already unsettled stomach.
Erik's sharp eyes noticed a shine on the side of the boat made by the sun reflecting off an object. It had not been there earlier, so Erik surmised that the perpetrator had some sort of weapon. Erik reached in his right pocket and pulled out his pocket watch. The face was glass and Erik held it up in such a way that he could see behind him without looking obvious. The man was not hard to spot. The knife was poised and ready for an attack.
Erik dropped his watch back into his pocket and heard the threatening breaths of the man as he inched closer. There was no one else on this corner of the ferry, so Erik took advantage of the solitude. He straightened his back, emphasizing his height; removed his mask, spread his legs for advantage and whirled around while grabbing the man's outstretched arm. The knife was quickly dispensed with and man trembled at the sight before him.
The Phantom was very much alive and well at that moment. Erik loomed down on the man from a lofty height and bore into his shocked face with dangerous eyes. The tight, terrifying grip on the man's arm did not relent as Erik drug the man's trembling figure toward him.
Erik took full advantage of his unique face, intimidating height and commanding stance to impress on the man his mistake in assuming he could overpower and take advantage of anyone. Erik's words were dripping with disdain and loathing, "You may want to rethink the career choice you are making…" he had a vice hold on the man's arm and his green eyes glared with restrained anger.
By this time, a crowd had gathered and Erik had swept his mask on in a clean, inhumanly fast move of his hand. The policeman came forward and immediately arrested the ruffian, making apologies to Erik, "I am terribly sorry Lord Lauchlan, please forgive our incompetence in this matter…thank you apprehending him."
Erik rapped the man on the back, smiling in good faith as he made light of the event, "Nonsense my good man, how were you to know that he was aboard? … carry on."
Erik watched as the man was escorted from the them, still speechless after seeing Erik's deformity…sometimes, it did come in handy to be hideous. The Phantom always lurked just under the surface, pushing Erik to this limit at times; but his alter ego also presented great freedom for Erik. The Phantom didn't bother with the responsibilities of a Dukedom nor did he care about family or priorities; because he had none. The Phantom was a free spirit with no ties to anyone. (Well, almost no one) Erik thought.
The finality and reality of losing Christine was still there, echoing in his hollow heart. He had played it off fairly well, but the reality of not having her in his life was mocking him around every corner and in every strangers face. All things said and done; he knew that what he had done was best for her, and that was all that mattered; but it did not make the pain any easier to bear.
The Phantom would never really be gone, as Erik embraced the power that consumed him in the wake of his doppelganger; but he knew, for the sake of his family, that his escapades as The Phantom would have to come to an end. He had played that part for 24 years; it was time to play a new one; a part he was completely unfamiliar with – Lord Erik Bryant Lauchlan.
Erik headed for the other side of the ferry where they would be docking soon. His eyes searched the hoard of people for his father and Michél. As he spied their familiar faces, he thought about the train trip and the opportunity it had granted to grow closer to this father. They had carried on many conversations over the course of the trip and one of those conversations stuck in Erik's mind…
FLASHBACK (third person)
Lucy and Christine had taught him that he was not capable or worthy of having a woman's love, whether that was their intent or not. He was bad news, as the saying went. Most women either saw his face and preferred death, or they saw his face and chose to live in a fantasy world where his voice, magic and skills of illusion maintained the façade of a relationship; neither or these scenarios was acceptable to Erik.
He would, once again, just admire them from afar and keep his hands off and his voice and magic skills would no longer be an issue, for he resolved never to use them again. It had to work, he would see to that. If his mother truly accepted him, she would be the woman in his life, a life he would devote to her.
Alastair and Erik discussed many things while the train forged its way to Scotland. They had talked about the demands placed on him as the Earl of Berwithshire, and later as the Fourth Duke of Berwithshire. The constraints were many, but none that he could not cope with. All accept one. He was to marry before the year was up and produce an heir within the first two years of marriage! How preposterous! That was it…the line would end with him. How would his father take that news?
Erik smirked at the absurdity of the situation. Him…get married? If only his father knew what women thought and said about him. Marriage was completely out of the question; not because Erik did not desire to marry, he did, like many other men his age…but forcing a woman to bind herself to him in any way made him sick to his stomach. He would just have to make his father understand. He leaned back in his seat, closed his eyes and feigned sleep.
Alastair regarded the relaxed figure of his son, as Erik sat across from him. Erik had folded his hands behind his head, stretched his long, muscular legs out in front of him, closed his eyes and was napping. They had been riding for about 3 hours now, and Alastair had been very much aware of the admiring female glances as they made their way through the cars. He knew they were admiring Erik, but Erik seemed completely oblivious to this. Even when Michél pointed it out, Erik disregarded it, "They are not admiring me, they are gawking at me…there is a difference. They are probably thinking,
'I can't believe he comes out in public like that,' or 'have you ever seen anything so hideous?'"
Erik had kept trudging onward as Alastair and Michél bored holes in his back with their eyes. It was obvious that Erik had no idea how to interpret the body language of women. It was quite evident to the two older men that the women were very, very appreciative of the beauty that Erik possessed. None of them were openly flirting with him; but then, he did sort of give off an "I am completely unobtainable" aura that probably prevented them from approaching him; and on top of that, they knew he was a noble and they were not.
When Erik had expressed his concern over the absurdity of marriage, Alastair had merely smiled and nodded. Erik's mother and sisters would soon see that his self-depreciating thoughts and motives ceased. Erik would have an endless supply of eager female companionship and one of them was sure to catch his eye and heart. Alastair had his preference of course, but the decision was ultimately Erik's.
Alastair jested with Erik, but his tone was serious,"Mark my word son, in less then a years time, you will have met, courted, fallen in love with and married the woman you never thought you could have."
"Falling in love has never been a difficult task for me, father. I have no doubt that my fickle heart will once again deceive me into the act of falling in love…it's being loved back that poses the problem…I'll never know what that feels like." Erik implored. He had turned his head to watch the moving landscape as the train rushed on, his eyes held all the pain that he never seemed to escape. "As the Phantom, I demanded respect and was feared. The women were scared into submission; they did not really see what I looked like, I never allowed them to...they didn't need to. I would sing for them, or play my organ; or I would cook for them and bask in their beauty, hoping beyond hope that it might transfer to me...but I never touched them."
Erik returned his mournful eyes to Alastair, "I treated myself to their company on many occasions…but I have only loved twice…and I have never relieved my sexual desires."Alastair's head lifted inquisitively, Erik knew the question that he wanted to ask and offered the information before the question could be voiced. "I can't even bare to look at my own reflection, let alone touch this grotesque body…I have never relieved my sexual desire...I bury the desire with the strength of my mind."
Erik's full, sensuous lips turned up in a gentle smile; "Madam Giry did not even know about these little escapades. The girls would disappear for hours at a time and have no recollection of where they had been. I would share in their beauty and intelligence; I would entertain them with music and magic, then I would wipe their memory of any association with me so they would not suffer nightmares."
Alastair just stared in awe at the power and influence that Erik was capable of, he had heard of such skills, but had never met one who possessed them; he could not even fathom such control; it was overwhelming.
Erik continued with an appalling revelation, "I have been seriously entertaining the thought of going to the Middle East and having the necessary procedure done to become a eunuch; it would solve a whole range of problems." In truth, he was still considering having it done. The desire would be gone, as well as the ability; what more could a monster ask for?
This last truth shook Alastair to his core. "You will do no such of a thing!" Alastair was almost livid with the idea that Erik would even remotely entertain the idea of becoming a eunuch. "I know you think you're beyond the love of a woman, but I say you are not! I won't have any of my future grandchildren and the heir to my son's title snuffed out by a surgeons' knife before they see the light of day!"
Erik heard the resounding authority in his father's voice. There would be no discussion on this matter, not with him. Erik had never even discussed the issue with Michél; but he would. The brilliance and simplicity of the procedure would seal the stamp of his celibacy and let the women breathe easy; he would never desire them again.
Erik continued to smile as he spoke, dropping guilty eyes to the floor. "I know it was wrong, but I longed for companionship, even if it was manipulated. It worked wonderfully until Christine started growing up into this beautiful swan that literally captivated me…suddenly, no one else would do; she had the voice of an angel; she had the gentle, unassuming intelligence that is so attractive in a woman, and she had the physical beauty to top it all." Alastair saw the love in Erik's face, the way his eyes lit up when he talked about her and the Mona Lisa smile that donned his face. He had hoped that Erik's feelings for Christine were shallow and non-committal, but it was quite evident that they were the real thing.
"Why did you let her go? I can see how much you love her, despite what you said to her and her fiancé." Alastair's question hung in the air.
Erik answered philosophically, "There is a saying that I have heard that makes such perfect sense to me, 'If you love something, let it go. If it comes back, it's yours. If it doesn't, then it never was.'…I love her so I let her go...I released every possible hold I had over her and let her go."
Tears threatened, but Erik stubbornly refused to let them show. They receded back and watered the pain that clenched his heart. He prayed that Christine had been convinced of his genuine need for her to be away from him. He prayed she was certain he wanted her with Raoul for her own happiness and that Erik was fine with that arrangement. In reality, he wanted to run away, far away from the agony of seeing her every day in the arms of another man.
Erik did want her to be happy; he did find himself reluctantly liking Raoul; but he still felt the swell of betrayal and the bitterness of denial encompass his heart when he thought of the two of them together. But Erik, ever the performer; and one of the best, at that; had convinced everyone, except himself, that he was completely over HER. Hopefully, being hundreds of miles away from her intoxicating presence, he could convince himself of this fact.
Alastair considered what Erik had said and decided that his son possessed strength in areas that many men did not. He put himself last when thinking about Christine; that was rare. Most men were selfish by nature, but Erik seemed to have overcome that shortcoming and it cost him a great deal of pain, another thing that men did not deal well with. His son loved deeply and with everything that he was; Alastair knew what that felt like…it was how he loved.
He leaned in and drew himself close to Erik"I am convinced that you will find what you seek, my son. I will not pressure you to marry, but marry you will; and the woman that captures your heart will love you unconditionally…you and only you. She will give you pleasure beyond your wildest imagination and you will do the same for her."
Erik wanted to believe that what is father said was true, but to believe it would cost Erik a great deal. Alastair knew that Erik still doubted and most likely would, until it happened.
Alastair reflected on his own life, "I was born and raised in the Berwithshire community. I know its people. I have witnessed the growth of the area and the influx of new families. I have been privy to feedback concerning your unfortunate abduction and the results that culminated from it. I have seen the reaction of the people to the picture that MacNera drew of you, the one I showed you."
Erik wrinkled his brow, not understanding what Alastair was saying.
"I had that picture posted on every corner, in every shop all over Scotland. Your mother and I spent years educating the country on the type of horrors that you had gone through."Alastair smiled as he remembered the concern of the people as they shared in his grief, "As the years past, we had the picture aged by the talents of certain artists that specialize in that area. They would take the lines, contours and ridges of your barely four-year-old face and use them to reconstruct what you would look like at different stages of development…but one thing they never changed…your eyes. A person's eyes never change." Erik was fascinated by this concept. How ingenious!"We had them done when you turned 10, 13, 16, 21, 25 and 30; that way, if you ever came back to us, we would know it was you. Your face is no surprise to the population of Scotland, Erik; that includes the women."
Erik thought on the efforts his parents had made on his behalf. He would try his best to see that those efforts had not been in vain, but his confidence in himself as an eligible bachelor was almost non-existent. Only time would tell.
END FLASHBACK
The ferry came to a rest and people hustled about to retrieve their treasures. Michél and Erik gathered the bags as Alastair headed for the exit. They had only packed the necessary items for traveling, as purchases were to be made when they got to Berwithshire.
The three men began to walk the long plank toward the shoreline, when they were greeted my two bowing young men in squire uniforms. The older of the boys was positioned in front of Alastair, and the younger was in front of Erik. The two lads gathered the bags onto a cart and proceeded down the plank to an elaborate carriage at the bottom.
Erik had never been treated with such open respect before. He felt unworthy of the dedication they showed him.
Alastair noticed the uneasy look on Erik's face, and explained, "They are squires from Berwithshire. I wired your mother yesterday and let her know when our ferry was due in. She no doubt sent them to meet us here." They continued walking as Alastair elaborated, "We employ about a hundred servants in all, maybe more. The squires are from an orphanage in Ireland. Once they reach a certain age, I take them in and have them trained to work for the nobility. It gives them purpose and a certain respect that they lose by being orphans."
Erik was impressed, the nobility he had had the misfortune of knowing, turned their noses up at orphans and those in lesser stations. "You taught me that Erik, by being taken from me. I found I developed the need to help children who otherwise would be written off as doomed." Alastair smiled a sad but broad smile, "I felt that if I helped them, I might be helping you." Alastair genuinely grinned this time, "I also bring the young girls in at about 13 and train them to work in the household, thus giving them a skill to take with them through life."
The men reached the carriage and the footmen placed the steps down for them to enter the large apparatus. Erik had never seen such a beautiful carriage. The six horses pulling the thing were the most gorgeous Erik had ever seen. Clydesdale's, that what Alastair had called them. They were snow white with long, beautiful mains and docked tails. The hair at their hooves was long and flowing, making them look like they wore fuzzy boots. The horses were muscular and very large, truly a breed worth admiring.
Once inside the carriage, Erik continued his admiring scrutiny. The intricate detailing on the patchwork inside the hull was exceptional. The coloring was royal blue with black and purple detailing. The family crest was stitched into each seat cover with beautiful artistry. Alastair was overjoyed to see the admiration in Erik's eyes. "This is your personal carriage Erik, I had it designed specifically for you; I always knew you would come back to me. The entire west wing of the castle belongs to you until you marry; then Carwell Estate awaits you. Upon my death, or at a time of my choosing, the entire Berwithshire Estate will be yours and Carwell will go to your heir upon his marriage." Erik just sat there dumbfounded. "You have an array of servants at your beck and call, for any need you might encounter. But you may also feel free to do things for yourself, as I know you are a very independent man."
Erik had never considered that he would have his own personal following. He had no idea how to deal with servants and squires. He barely knew how to carry on a basic conversation with anyone other than Michél.
These doubts were evident as Alastair addressed them, "Don't worry Erik, you will learn how to be Lord Erik Bryant Lauchlan in no time at all…oh, and your squire's name is Cody, I hand-picked him for you."
As thankful as Erik was for that information, he felt certain that he would not bother the boy for anything. He would release him from his service as soon as he could.
Alastair interrupted Erik's thoughts, "Your mother is no doubt planning a big celebration around your return. She loves to entertain." Alastair saw the look of sheer panic that swept across Erik's shocked face, "How do you feel about that?"
The caustic reply was expected, "You know that I am not good with people. Can we avoid this celebration at all costs?"
Erik eyes were pleading for understanding as his request was denied, "Son, as a royal, this is part of the role. You must attend and sometimes, even host, events such as this…you must be introduced to polite society through the normal means…all the eligible females must have the opportunity to spend time with and dance with you. They must have their moment in time to flirt outrageously and gain your interest…" Alastair gave Erik a fatherly nudge and a wink, "…enjoy it!"
"I am afraid that your confidence in my charm and appeal is misplaced, father."Erik stated with a smile despite himself and laughed at the enthusiasm his father was exuding.
Alastair leaned over and clapped Erik playfully on the shoulder, "I don't think so, and you will be eating those words before too long, my boy." Alastair laughed and leaned back in this seat. Erik had the funny feeling that life as he knew it…was over.
Chapter 24 preview – Family Reunion.