A Place in This World

It is so good to have MastersofNight back after a few chapter of time off. I missed you! Thank you for your kind assessment of Chapter 19. It was rather difficult to write, as I think Erik is a deeply emotional man who has never really dealt with his emotions before. He is unsure of his ability to express himself without disgusting or repulsing anyone; (to Erik) buckle up baby doll and face it; you are gorgous!

Pertie – I know, Erik is having a hard time dealing with the loss of Christine, but he is also a very intelligent man. I do not see a man of his strong character pining away for someone he cannot have. He would cut his losses and move on to greener pastures!

Ms. Cellaneous – Thank you! I get tired of the bashing. I may not care for Raoul as leading man, but he and Christine are good for each other. Erik deserves much better! I am glad you are liking my story…and here is your update.

hunting4max – It is good to have you on board with my story. I hope enjoyed the HER chapter! I am a strong believer in detail. I love a story that paints the picture in my head…I can almost see myself there! Enjoy!

And finally, to my faithful reviewers – eriksangelofvoice and OperaLover – I love you peeps!

Enjoy.

One, two, three, testing…

CHAPTER 25

Brianna's heart knew the minute Erik set foot on Berwithshire. She could not help the leap her heart made at the prospect of seeing his face and holding him to her. Her arms had yearned for him to fill their emptiness, and with each passing year of unrelenting, haunting barrenness, Brianna had faded from the life that reminded her of him.

Unwilling to stop them, the tears snuck out of the sides of her beautiful green eyes and left tiny, wet trails down her ageless face. She propped herself further up on the soft pillows that supported her back and waited…waited for a portion of her heart to returned to her.

She busied herself with thoughts of the upcoming gala in Erik's behalf. Two weeks, not even, and she would be entertaining again. She had missed it, but as time went by and Erik had not come back, her desire to be around others had dissipated. She realized now, how much she had missed it. As Erik's imminent return grew nearer, her soul returned to her.

The voice; that was all she needed to hear to know that he was just a few short feet away from the garden room. She heard the distinct sound of footfalls as the long-awaited party of people came her way, and her heart sped up in anticipation. His voice resonated through her resting heart, bringing its sleeping melody back to life. What a beautiful pitch and tone he possessed; she could just hear the melodious expertise in its reverberation.

She was so lost in the intoxication of his voice, that she forgot her knitting. She hurriedly stuffed it back in the basket and shifted on the settee to have a better view of the door as he entered.

Before her starving eyes, her long lost son appeared in the door. For one brief moment, he stood still, as thought contemplating his next move. She could bear the joyous strains of her heart no longer and wept the tears of joy that had so long been barricaded behind the bitterness of wasted years; she placed her hands in prayerful stance and thanked the God she had all but abandoned for bringing him back to her.

His mother; this beautiful, weeping, praying woman was his mother. At that moment, Erik could have dropped dead and he would have died a happy man. The evidence of her love for him reflected in her eyes, which were the exact green of his. Her tears melted his chilled heart, each drop rendering him more and more human. The aristocratic charade collapsed and Erik was a four-year-old boy again as he wept longingly with each step that he took toward her.

He fell to his knees in front of her and bowed his head in submission; his shoulders shook with the intensity of his tears. Brianna pulled him to her breast, resting his dark head on the curve of her bosom; her long, musicians fingers swept tenderly through Erik's loose curls and his eyes closed while tears silently trailed down his cheeks.

Brianna rested her trembling chin atop his head as she caressed him as if he were four and she was comforting him after a scraped knee or; as was the case with Erik, a wrong note played in an otherwise flawless performance. The smile that graced her mouth held promises that she had long since given up on.

His tempestuous voice penetrated her steel encased heart.

He spoke tenderly with his thick lashes still covering his eyes, "I have waited the greater part of my lifetime to find the woman whose eyes soothed me after my horrific nightmares and spoke to me in the deep recesses of my fevered mind, soothing me on the many occasions that I was ill and without a caregiver." He paused to wipe tears from his face, "It was that same set of eyes that pleaded with the grip of deep depression as its tentacles pulled me under the sea of lost souls and almost claimed my life on five different occasions."

Erik's bright, tear enhanced eyes looked into hers, "It was you,…all along…you…never…left…me." Each word was a sharp staccato, as if he could not believe the story they told. "I just didn't know it was you." Erik shook his head in disbelief, "You found me…thousands of miles away…in Turkey...as I sank into a drug induced coma that I never intended to live through." Erik was consumed by the reality that could have been if he had succeeded in ending his life - and the tears fell harder.

"You found me…three years later…in Persia…when I loathed myself so much that I took a lethal dose of cyanide; my heart stopped beating, but you drew me back in and Michél remembers an eerie set of eyes pleading with him to seek me out…and he got me the help I needed…but didn't want." Erik drew up from her heart and grabbed her eyes with his consuming gaze, "I attempted suicide three more times throughout the course of 10 years, and each time…you found me by prodding Michél to find me."

Brianna crumbled at the numerous times her darling son had almost ended his life; but God had intervened. Again, she lifted a silent prayer toward heaven. Her longing hand reached up and caressed Erik's perfect cheek, her eyes rested on his mask and Erik's face fell. His heart burned with fear as she examined it with searching eyes. She placed her fingers at the edge of the mask and waited…waited for his surrender.

"You dread showing me…" her pleading eyes caressed his agonized ones. Her melodious, comforting voice assured him of her love, "…you have no reason to dread this."

Erik pulled his eyes shut, not wanting her to see the fear that dwelt in their depths. "I…fear the rejection that will cause your loving eyes to turn to disgust and revulsion at the sight of me…I cannot bear it…not again."

With the tormented words he expressed, Brianna knew that she must put these self-loathing habits of Erik's away. She gently removed the mask and placed it on the settee next to her.

Her soft, gentle, docile hand reached for his marred cheek and caressed it with such tenderness that Erik shivered at the intensity of the sensation. He chanced opening his eyes and was relieved at the sight before him.

Brianna smiled with such genuine adoration that Erik thought she might be looking at someone other than him. "You are my very breath, Erik; my every heartbeat…to reject you would be to cut off my air supply."

She continued to caress his cheek, exploring its contour and textures with the tips of her fingers"Do you know what I see when I look at your scars? I see the pages of a story unfolding in front of me. They tell the adventures of the warrior as he trudges through terror and torture to reach his home. He has times of aching sorrow and times of immeasurable joy…but each step of his journey produces scars…scars that tell his anecdote."

Erik had lost all concept of time as he joyously accepted his mothers love. Time stood still and he was once again taken back in time to reflect on his deep, abiding love for his mother. She had been his confidant, his protector, his advisor and his friend; but most of all…she had been his advocate; always on his side ready to do battle for him.

He suddenly remembered the eager eyes and eavesdropping ears that stood not far off, listening and observing as this moment in time unfolded. Brianna felt his strong arms enfold her and lift her entire body; he carried her through the open French doors leading onto the long, flowing portico. She could not take her eyes off his elegant, handsome face as she drank in the details that she had memorized all those years ago.

She saw the familiar jaw line, proud and princely. She recognized the gentle slope of his cheekbone and the straight, perfect line of his nose; the long, dark lashes that shadowed deep-set, molten green eyes. She traced her motherly hand along his strong shoulders and straight, broad back. As he turned his entire face to her, she focused on the attribute that had won her heart to Alastair…his full, kissable, passionate, sensuous lips; Erik's mouth was everything Alastair's was, and Brianna smiled happily.

She rested her regal head on his lapel as he carried her onto the portico and sat on the long intricate swing, gently placing her in his lap. He held her as if holding a rare treasure, and slowly began to move the swing. She wrapped her aching arms around his neck and held him to her, listening to the gentle, steady heartbeat that assured her he was indeed flesh and blood, and not just a figment of her overactive imagination.

Mother and son did not need to say a word as they rocked the years away with every movement of the swing. Finally, Brianna lifted her head from Erik's shoulder and gently turned his unmasked face to her with a gentle tug on his chin. His eyes regarded her with a curious glint.

Brianna's voice was barely a whisper as she caressed him with her words. "When I first felt the flutter of your life within my womb, I cherished you. I wanted a son more than anything this world had to offer me…and with the knowledge of your conception, I knew God had granted me my desire." Brianna's smile was effervescent, as she adored him with her eyes. "I was not in the least bit surprised when you were born; a son to fulfill our dreams. I held you to my breast and memorized every tiny detail of your perfect face…you seldom cried, except when you wanted attention. I could spend hours just watching you play and grow more and more handsome and intelligent with each passing moment."

Brianna lifted up and placed a gentle kiss to his rugged cheek, rubbing her cheek to his as she pulled away. "At three, you were a genius; far and above most ten-year-olds in your studies and artistic abilities. I was in awe of you; I envisioned you becoming not only a great Duke for Scotland, but also an entrepreneur in the field of art and music."

Her arms tightened around his chest as she nuzzled into him, clinging to him for dear life. "I died inside when that monster took you from me." The hate in her voice surprised her; after 29 years, she thought she could have let it go. "When your father found him and dragged his worthless carcass before the House of Lords, I wanted to drive a knife through his rotting heart."

Brianna sobbed at the flood of pain that once again washed over her. She caressed Erik's neck with her fingers, relishing in the softness of his long, wavy hair; it felt just as soft as the first time she held him in her arms and stroked his tiny head, awestruck by his beauty. "I sought the cruelest form of retribution, and your father saw to my wishes…but MacNera's plan to take you away from me was still painfully obvious every time I went to gather you in my arms and you weren't there."

Her sobs grew deeper and agonizing as she pulled him closer to her. "I am so sorry my love; so sorry that I was not there to shield you from the torture that he put you through; I am so sorry that your childhood was taken from you as bitterly and angrily as you were taken from me." Her words were barely audible through the wails that came from her throat. Erik was gently caressing her back with his strong hand and swinging tenderly back and forth. She lifted her hands and tentatively caressed his cheeks. Her words were spoken through gentle gasps, "You are as strikingly handsome now as you were when you were almost four and people gawked at your beauty. The mask only adds to your personality…I love you Erik…"

Brianna moved out of his lap and sat beside him. Moving across the seat to give more room, she patted her lap and beckoned Erik to rest his head there. After several moments of hesitation, Erik finally yielded to her request; allowing the scarred side of his face to be exposed to her full view as he gently rested his head in her lap and longingly closed his eyes as she smoothed his long, wavy hair with her motherly caress.

Erik had never felt anything so exquisite in all his life. The swing slowly swayed in the gentle breeze while mother and son conversed in silence.

"You seem to be worried about the inconsequential attributes that matter not." Her words interrupted the silence, but the soothing tone of her voice lulled him into a dreamlike state.

She moved her feather light touch to his ravaged cheek and cradled it in her palm, calming with her voice, "Wear your scars with pride Erik. You survived a horrific experience. An experience that would have caused a grown man to wither away and die…but you…you bore yourself through it with incredible strength and fortitude; becoming a force to be reckoned with and compelling a world, the only world you knew, to bend to your will."

Brianna leaned over slightly to view Erik's peaceful visage. The tears that she shed were falling from her face and onto his; cleansing his darkness with her light. She memorized every detail of his scars, knowing that he was so much more than she had ever imagined he would be. The strength and power that were contained within his body were intermingled with incredible gentility and tenderness; Brianna marveled at the man her small son had become.

Alastair looked on as Erik basked in his mothers affections. Tears filled his eyes when he thought of all the lost years; years spent endlessly searching for their missing son; years spent reliving the night in morbid fascination, wondering if they could have done anything differently. The weariness of those years settled on Alastair with final annotations. He was not getting any younger and in the time he had left, he would make sure that Erik's life consisted of all that it was meant to consist of; including undying love.

"I am so full of joy because of Erik's return…it is like a part of me was not healthy; not functioning correctly; and he returned and all is well." Kaitlyn stated, as she reflected on the serene picture that Erik and her mother painted. "Mother will sing and laugh again and Erik will complete this family and be its future, like he was born to be."Kaitlyn took her fathers arm and they walked through the French doors toward the garden, on the opposite side from Erik and Brianna.

It was late May and the gardens were in bloom. Butterflies flitted about and the birds sang a symphony of different pitches and tones. The mosaic tapestry of different trees displayed an array of colors. Crape myrtles bloomed, dogwood trees, cherry blossom trees, crabapple trees and a list of many others; creating a wonderland that literally jumped off the page of a child's book and landed on this spot in Scotland. The lake was fed by a babbling brook that wandered off the side of a mountain by means of a majestic waterfall. Ferns and frolicking ivy, as well as flowers in every color imaginable added to the picturesque beauty of the waterfall.

Erik had never seen anything so beautiful. He had sat up, and was surveying the acres and acres of rolling hills and painted mountains that spotted the countryside. He closed his eyes and breathed in the fresh, crisp air. With each breath, the dank, dreary feeling that had settled in his loins dissipated and was replaced by a newly found respect for nature. Erik had never had much of an opportunity to relax in the sunlight and enjoy the everyday activities of normal people. He never even considered that there was a place where he would be allowed to do so.

The warmth of the sun settled on his upturned face and the caress of the wind made him smile; a beautiful, languid smile that his mother was certain he did not wear often. Brianna sat in awe as she observed the serene moment that unfolded before her. It was almost as if Erik was feeling the cool, spring breeze and the warm, embracing sun for the first time in his life. She dare not say a word, as it would surely spoil the moment.

Erik's melodious, heavenly voice broke the silence"I have never known such peace…I never want to leave this spot; this corner of heaven. I will live the rest of my life in Scotland…I will defend her if need be, and, when it is my time…I will die here."

Erik had never understood why men fought and died for a country. He had never felt the winds of patriotism whirl around him and make his heart soar with the need to defend, at all costs, the rights and privileges he had, for he had no allegiances to any one or any place; he had never had a homeland…until now. He understood perfectly the need to defend and protect this soil and the blood that had been shed to make it free.

Brianna sat entranced by the sound of his voice. She knew that she had a wonderfully trained, singing voice that many considered very lovely. She had spent hours singing arpeggios and scales, molding her voice into a gift that made others envious. Erik's voice…it was another thing altogether. The sensuous, all-consuming timbre of it made her become one with each distinctive tone; she would never tire of its resounding beauty.

Erik turned to see Alastair and Kaitlyn winding around the path that meandered through the gardens. The gazebo was a favorite of Kaitlyn's, Erik could remember that much. He stooped down and once again lifted his mother's feather-light frame into his strong arms and headed toward the gazebo.

"Really Erik, I could walk you know; I'm only injured not an invalid!" Brianna's jesting tone made Erik laugh, causing a swell of motherly joy to rise in Brianna's heart.

"Nonsense mother, my arms have been devoid of your presence for too long, they would simply drop off if I did not carry you!" Erik answered in an equally jovial tone.

The short jaunt to the gazebo did not even cause a rise in Erik's breathing, as he was in magnificent shape. He found though, that the temperature was such that he felt very warm and decided it would be best to remove his vest, cravat, and coat. He deposited his mother on the bench in the gazebo as Alastair and Kaitlyn approached. He proceeded to remove the offensive outer clothing and roll up his long sleeves. As a last minute thought, he unbuttoned the first three buttons on his shirt and sighed with satisfaction; now, he was ready to take on the world; and what a magnificent sight he was!

By this time, his other sisters and their families had slowly filled the gardens; the smaller children were laughing and playing many different childish games, none of which Erik was familiar with. He had never played games as a child. He would just have to take it upon himself to learn them now, at the age of 33. (What a sight that would be…well, no time like the present!) Erik proceeded to barge in on the games his nieces and nephews were playing and they joyously let him join. Not very many of the "growd-ups" played with them and they loved the fact that he was willing.

Brianna and Alastair looked on with joy and pride as the dream they had long thought dead came to life in front of their starving eyes. They shed tears of joy that had long since dried to ashes; and now, were watered by the hope Erik brought back into their lives. Their family was once again whole and happy; laughing grandchildren; grinning daughters and sons-in-law – and Erik, the center of it all. Life was good.

Chapter 26 preview – I see you but you can't see me.