A Place in This World

Ahaa, everyone is catching on to what I am doing with my characters. I do hope you are liking how I am getting them together, slow as it may be.

There are a four more chapters to post before we have to worry about he following warning.

There will be a few chapters coming up that I would categorize as MATURE in content. NO ONE UNDER 16 SHOULD READ THEM UNLESS THEY HAVE PARENTAL PERMISSION

"I am charming." Gerard Butler as Terry Sheridan in "Lara Croft: The Cradle of Life."

CHAPTER 32

Erik lay wide awake in his bed, trying to come up with a reason why Lady A'awynn Yancey would offer her life in such a way. She certainly did not need his money or title, so why? Maybe she was indebted to his family in some way and she considered marriage to him payment in full. It did not really matter in the long run, she would not have to endure the marriage for long; he would see to that.

There really was no other alternative, Erik had no other prospects and her logic could not be denied. If she was still willing in the morning, he would accept her offer, he would just have to make sure his heart did not get involved. She had a very compelling pull on him and he knew it would be excruciating to be near her every day, but it was not something in which he had a great deal of choice. He had spent years ignoring the call of his body, he would just have to continue to do so.

To accommodate her at Carwell, he would only use the one room he chose for his own. He would teach Lacey the piano in the music room, but other than that, he would stick to himself. There were other things he would make clear when the time was necessary. Now, if the complication of Christine could be avoided, he might find some semblance of peace in the world.

OOOOOOOOOOO

A'awynn was lying in her own bed, floating in an out of dreamland, with Erik on her mind. Why did he seem so sure that she was not entirely in control of her wits when she offered to marry him? He acted as if she was doing this out of pity for him or out of her loyalty toward his family.

All she knew was that the first time she laid eyes on him, he had her; she never had a chance. He came into her life riding bareback on a horse and captured her heart. The biggest challenge she was going to face was convincing Erik of his own worthiness and appeal. Of course, once she got the man to accept that, the possibilities were endless!

A'awynn knew that being married to Erik would be an interesting journey, one she was willing to undertake. She was undoubtedly attracted to him, an attraction that was growing stronger every time she was around him. She also knew that he was going to be a wonderful father to Lacey; a thought that enticed a strong yearning in the depths of A'awynn's womb. Having babies with Erik would be a wonderful thing.

His constant self-degrading words were going to annoy her to no end and his sudden mood changes would take some getting used to, but A'awynn knew in her heart that Erik was worth it; now, if she could just convince him of that.

OOOOOOOOOOO

The following day found the entire family in Berwithshire Chapel. This was a new aspect in Erik's life, but one he had openly accepted and secretly longed for. He found a comforting peace in the sanctuary of the chapel that had always eluded him. He found he felt closer to the God he had forsaken for so many years when he was riding Nucis in the beauty of the Scottish hills and in the peace and tranquility of the chapel; maybe there was a chance for a monster like him to spend eternity in heaven.

The vicar remembered Erik from years ago, and commented on how handsome he had grown. The service went along without a hitch, and Erik had managed to avoid any contact with A'awynn, he was still not completely certain that she had fully thought through her offer to marry him. It was best to keep his distance.

On the way down the steps of the church, a very small, extremely inquisitive person was tugging on Erik's pant leg. Lacey looked up into the eyes of the man she had grown very close to in just a few short hours. She took his large, warm, sheltering hand and pulled on it, indicating for him to come down to her level.

Instead, Erik picked her up and carried her in his strong arms. This movement made her beam from ear to ear. Lacey cupped her hands and put them over Erik's ear; her whisper tickled his ear and sent a strange sensation down his spine, "Are we going to start my piano lessons soon? I want to play just like you some day. Where did you learn to play like that?"

Erik smiled at this darling girl, "Well Lacey, I taught myself how to play and read music. I also play the organ, violin and saxophone."

Lacey looked at him with admiration in her eyes, "Do you think I will ever be able to play all those things?"

Erik laughed, the authenticity of it reaching his eyes. He found he hand immense patience with children, something he never knew about himself. "You can do anything you put your mind to lacey, never think you can't…and we will start your lessons next week on Wednesday, alright?" Lacey shook her head vigorously and hugged his neck.

He raised his eyes to see A'awynn drawing near. Erik swallowed hard; she certainly was a vision this morning. He cloaked his eyes, and spoke evenly, "I hope you accepted my apology for my behavior last night." Erik shamefully dropped his eyes, "I am not accustomed to being around women, especially when my personal life is on display for all to see…again, please accept my apology."

A'awynn smiled and shook her head, still enjoying visions of him in the tub. "We are both to blame my lord. I hope you have accepted my apology too."

Erik dipped his head, letting her know that he had. When he raised his eyes to hers, they had taken on a playful glint, "And please stop calling me 'my lord', I am going to get visions of grandeur…my name is Erik." Her soft giggle made his heart dance in this chest.

She looked like an angel that was on furlough from heaven. She wore a white, chiffon dress with lace draping on the skirt and at the tops of the arms. Her camisole was white lined in pink and she wore dainty white gloves that left her slender, shapely arms revealed from the shoulders down. The neckline was modestly cut, with a string of white pearls lying flirtatiously on the swell of her bosom. Erik imagined what lay beneath all the prim and proper packaging, chiding himself for having such thoughts, especially on church property. (Careful, your resolve is slipping old man…before you know it, she will have you lapping at her feet like a faithful dog begging for a bone.) Erik's self-chiding remarks caused his stern façade to return and his spine to stiffen.

For reasons that eluded him, Erik offered to take them both in this carriage and of course, they both readily agreed. Lacey had never seen a carriage that looked like Erik's; she compared it to riding in the queen's carriage, which she was certain was not as elaborate as this one. Erik took A'awynn's slender, long fingered hand and helped her into the carriage; catching a glimpse of a slender ankle as she lifted her skirt to enter the carriage.

The ride back to the castle was not a long one, but Lacey managed to drift off to sleep. Erik could not remember having a better view as he sat across from A'awynn. She was quite possibly, the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Christine was lovely, there was no doubt about that; but A'awynn made her pale in comparison. Christine was a child with a child's mind; A'awynn was a worldly, mature, altogether vivacious woman who knew what she wanted in life. He not only thought her gorgeous, but he admired her as well.

"May I ask you a personal question?"Erik inquired. A'awynn smiled and nodded, letting him know that he could ask her anything he pleased. "I have deduced that Lacey is not the product of your marriage to Lord Yancey…"Erik's eyes took a concerned, thoughtful glow; but an underlying glint of hatred for this unknown man flared in their green orbs, "…why did her father abandon you? How could any man who was blessed to have you in his arms and then have a beautiful daughter born to him, just leave you both?"

Love, unhindered and fully warranted, surged in A'awynn's heart for this wonderful man. In just two days, he had won her love, not just her heart. She would build a life with him and spend the rest of her life making him feel all the love he was robbed of as a child. "Lacey was a gift from God Erik. My relationship with James was such that children were out of the question…we awkwardly consummated our marriage on time, not long after we were married."A'awynn looked down in embarrassment and shame, "I did not love him as a husband, and bonding with him was not pleasant; he was more of a fatherly figure. We were happy in a friendly way, there was just no passion."

She looked up and earnestly stared into Erik's beautiful green eyes, praying that her love for him radiated into him. "After he died, I carried on some of his charity work, especially at the Irish orphanage he founded over fifty years ago…I did some traveling for a couple of years and then I found myself back at the orphanage. I committed myself to service there for two years.

"I felt completely alone in the world. My parents had passed away twelve years before; I had no brothers or sisters; the only living relative I had was my Uncle Uriel, and he was no help."A'awynn shook her head and lowered her eyes, "When I arrived in the small town where the orphanage is located, there was an immediate call to help a family whose house was on fire…I answered the call…Lacey's real mother, father and older sister perished in that fire."A'awynn began to cry, "She does not know that she is not my birth daughter, and she never will…the only reminder of that horrible day are the scars on her back caused by the intense heat that she endured while waiting to be rescued…she thinks she was born with them…they will never go away."

A'awynn regarded the man in front of her. His eyes reflected such immense compassion and the hint of tears was evident in their depths. Never once did he pass judgment on her when he thought she had birthed Lacey out of wedlock. Never once did sarcasm drip from his words or discrimination rise in his eyes. "Thank you Erik, for not jumping to conclusions and judging me or Lacey before you knew the truth…you will make a great father someday."

Erik smiled gently while reflecting on her words, "'Judge not lest you be judged,' that is what the Book says; and believe me, I have no desire to stand before my Maker and be judged for anything other than my own shortcomings. I sure don't need to have to answer for thinking myself capable or worthy of judging another, when I can't even keep myself in line…as for being a father; that will never be." He dropped his eyes, tears brewing in their emerald depths; he had no way of knowing that the woman across from him had already envisioned the beautiful children she would have with Erik.

His thoughts drifted back to their conversation from last night. Erik did not know how to accept defeat, but he knew that he had to consent to A'awynn's proposal. It would save a lot of time and there would never be a better offer, for A'awynn was everything he had ever wanted and admired in a woman. If nothing else, he would have the joy of calling her his wife, even if it were just in name; and only until death did them part.

OOOOOOOOOOOOO

A'awynn's eyes took on a conquering glint as she steadied them on Erik. He had no alternative to her offer, and he had no choice but accept it; and he knew this. She also knew that he would not acknowledge this without a fight. He was embarrassed at even needing to resort to marriage in this manner, for she was certain he felt she was repulsed by him. She had reactions to being near him, that was for sure; but they definitely were not feelings of repulsion.

He glanced at her and lifted his chin, knowing she was waiting for him to open the subject of marriage. He was unable to do so, as the carriage approached Berwithshire castle. They came to a halt stepped out of the confining space of the carriage. Erik gently uploaded Lacey's slumbering figure into his arms and smiled as she stirred, placing her small, delicate face in the silkiness of his shirt.

For some reason, that innocent gesture brought tears to his eyes. (God, just grant me sweet moments like this on occasion during this farce of a marriage and I will die a happy man, You have been gracious to allow me what You have.) Erik's eyes were closed in his silent prayer, but he paused to give a secret look at the woman who walked a few steps in front of him. (Lord, if it is anywhere in Your great scheme of things, please allow her to not fear me or maybe even like me; but I know I do not deserve the least of that which You have given me.)

Erik followed A'awynn into her suite and gently placed Lacey on her canopy bed, enfolding her in the cool sheets. He had to fight the urge to place a kiss upon her sweet forehead and moved begrudgingly away from her still sleeping figure. He turned to A'awynn and whispered, "Is this normal for a child…"He looked at Lacey with concern in his eyes, "…to sleep like this in the middle of the day?"

A'awynn gently assured him with a smile, "She is fine. With last night's excitement and then getting up early this morning…she is just tired."They walked out together and gently shut the door. Erik walked on ahead of her, headed for the door of her suite, not even assuming that she would want him to stay. Her soft voice brought his retreating form to a stop. "Erik, please stay, we need to talk."

Erik's back stiffened. He had no desire to torture himself any further by staying in her presence. He turned slowly toward her, "A'awynn…" his eyes were pleading and questioning at the same time.

A'awynn approached him, never letting her eyes leave his. She boldly put her hand on his chest and felt him stiffen slightly under her hand, "I assure you Erik…I do not fear you nor do I bite."

Hearing this quick answer to his earlier prayer, gave Erik a bit of a shock. (Maybe, my dear Lady, it is I who fear you? You have no idea how fragile the heart is that you hold in your grasp. I think myself this strong and fearless man; when in reality, one turn of your eyes to mine reduces me to putty in your hands.)

The sweet sound of her voice drew his focus, "Don't avoid the issue Erik, we need to come to a logical conclusion." She had the sensible tone back and Erik knew that she meant business. All he wanted was to get away from her enthralling presence. Erik took her soft, silky hand in his and when he did not feel her try to pull away, he examined it as though he was surprised it was still beautiful after having touched him.

"I have no choice but accept your offer…"Erik did not make eye contact; if he had, he would have seen the exquisite smile that graced her face. Erik kept his head bowed as he made her promises that he fully intended to keep. His voice was strained with regret, "…I make you this promise…I will not touch you or expect any husbandly duties to be served me. I will keep to myself at Carwell, staying only in the room that I choose and the music room when giving Lacey her lessons, if you still with me to do that…I will see to it that all yours and Lacey's needs are meant, you need only ask."

Erik finally looked at A'awynn with distant, painful eyes. He knew this whole thing was unavoidable, but that did not make it any easier to accept. "Do not let this interfere in your life, I will not get in the way of your dreams and ambitions." He stared into her eyes as he candidly expressed the thoughts that had paraded through his mind while he had tried to sleep, "I know that you have needs…physically…"

Not knowing how to say what he was thinking, he looked away from her, choosing to focus on the feminine decor that freshened the room, "…a woman of your considerable beauty should not have to go without physical pleasure simply because her husband is a repulsive monster whose touch sickens her."

Every word he spoke was filled with malice and loathing, directed only on himself. A'awynn could not even speak, his self-hatred caused her such pain – it was so unnecessary; but his next phrase made her heart stop. "You may, of course, take a lover." This time, he did look at her, but the agony in his voice and eyes was palpable.

A'awynn just stood in stunned silence; tears running down her face and her body shaking from the force of her emotions. Erik misread her tears, thinking they were tears of relief, "I see that you are relieved…all I ask is that you not bring him here and…take precautions…other than that, I ask nothing of you." Silently turning from her, Erik left the room; not even considering that she would have anything to say.

It took a few minutes for A'awynn to realize that he had actually left the room. She was stunned at the audacity of his words; and he firmly believed them to be true! How dare he! How could he stand there, looking into her eyes and think that she would be capable of doing that to him? Not only that, but he wanted her to live as though he did not exist once they were married. No woman could do that!

She summoned Bree to keep and eye on Lacey and went in pursuit of Erik. She was angry; angry at a world that had done this to Erik and angry at him for believing them. She had a few things to tell him too, but there were more important things that she had to show him.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Erik found his mother and father in the common room, sharing a pot of coffee and an apple Danish. He came to them and sat down beside his mother. Alastair watched him fidget, knowing that he had something to say, "Erik, are you ready to discuss the situation? Every minute we spend avoiding the subject, brings the deadline that much closer." Alastair did not wait for an answer, as he assumed he would not get one. "Your mother and I had assembled a list of eligible young ladies; from this list, we will choose your bride."

Alastair began to list each name and Erik raised his hand to silence him. His voice was tinged with sadness, "There is no need, Lady A'awynn has offered to marry me, and an agreement has been reached." Erik kept his head tilted down, but lifted his eyes to examine the reactions of his parents.

Brianna was the first to speak, "A'awynn is perfect. She is of the perfect family, perfect age; she is wealthy and titled, extremely beautiful…the children will be gorgeous!

Erik jerked his head up at that statement, "There will be no children mother, I will name Lacey as my heir; that way, A'awynn need not endure my touch."

Erik had expected a belligerent attitude from Brianna concerning this, but she seemed to have a knowing smile on her face, one that left Erik questioning what she was thinking, Brianna watched as A'awynn entered the room with a flush of anger in her cheeks and a very determined look on her face.

She leaned in and said in a low tone, so that only Erik could hear, "What happens, my dear boy, when she wants your touch?"

Erik grunted his response, certain that particular situation would never happen. He was leaning in to respond to Brianna as A'awynn came up on his left side. "That will not be mother; you and I both know it…" Erik sat bolt upright and addressed of his both parents, as well as A'awynn. "Terms have been agreed upon, we see no reason to stall the wedding."

A'awynn lifted a perfectly carved eyebrow and turned exasperated eyes to Brianna. They shared a brief smile that held knowledge of secrets that Erik and Alastair could not even begin to fathom.

Erik looked at A'awynn and saw the fire in her eyes. Her shoulders were straight and her mouth was held in a firm, stubborn position. He had done it know. If only he knew what he had done that had raised her ire. Erik cringed at the thought.

Chapter 33 Preview – A'awynn makes a crack in the wall around Erik's heart