A/N: Wow . . . it's been something like a year hasn't it? Oh no . . . It's actually more than a year, I think a year and a month, give and take a few days. Actually I have a dozen more writing projects on hold, but this project made me kinda guilty so I decided to at least post a new chapter. I would like to continue it eventually, but updation is not going to be at regular speed unfortunately. Looking back on this, my writing has definitely improved a lot so much so that I find the older chapters terribly embarrassing. Hoo boy . . .
To old readers, thank you for your patronage and continued support and I award you the loyalty award :P, to new readers, thank you for your interest and perhaps this may be a starting point for a more interesting reader- writer relationship. Thank you all and may you enjoy this.
A few notes to last chapter's reviewers:
KittyLuLu- Thank you for your unfailing support. You really are amazing. I mean it. I promise I will get that dedication of yours complete but you'll have to give me some time's grace. Love you. (Platonically of course, wouldn't want a certain stud after my blood, as kinky as that would be)
Amaya Jade- I kind of live in a crypt. Really, I do. Sorry about the finding out bit, it has to wait a little longer :P But don't worry, it will happen.
Sleepy Sheep Guardian- You're another special person who has given me such wonderful support throughout it all. If I replied to your impressive analysis would chase me out of here so I'll just have to settle with praising you for your insight and to say that you're right, Tala is more of a protagonist than Rei is. You're wonderful and I join the fandom in hoping that you'd continue Loving Legends. Peace.
Black Dranzer- Don't worry about not reviewing the last chapter, I did not fly into a rage :P I do value your reviews though, just won't go maniac if you choose to spend time on yourself. I thank you for your support and when my life is on firmer footing, I'll see if we can work together. Pats Kai x Bryan eh? Well . . . read on . . .
Lady Shiora- Don't worry, I have. Even if it took a long time. :P
Tntiggris- amused Yes, you rock. Thank you for your love and I did not update soon but I updated. I hope you enjoy this. Thank you again.
To Love
Previously on Messages:
In the silence of the dark stone corridor a lilac- haired figure lay alone against a cold granite wall. It was impossible to see if tears were streaked down his cheeks in the shadow and from his stillness, it did not seem like he was sobbing. Perhaps it was from some other unseen source that the faint keening which rebounded along the passageway, emanated. Perhaps.
The next whisper however, clearly came from the curled up form.
"Kai . . ."
Episode 12: To Love
Numb. In this cold, stony passageway, it was the only way to feel. Light from weak fluorescent illumination cowered before the ever-present darkness. Echoes of disembodied sounds served to broaden the yawning darkness. Bryan wished for silence, utter silence. The whispers bouncing about the walls- they hissed and suggested sibilantly, calling him with scarring voices from black memory-
Bryan . . . mmmm . . . yes . . .
Pale fingers traced across the carefully donned red jacket, his lips quivering as his flesh flared with the remembrance of lustful, heated fingers. His frightened breaths quickened, or had they ever stopped racing? Bryan couldn't say for sure. Lowering his head of lilac hair against raised knees he listened silently to the pounding in his chest. Heavy, erratic, painful.
He wanted it to stop. He wanted the pounding to stop, for it to fade away and fall silent and never beat again. Clearing the mess of emotions, he let his mind fixate on that single, simple thought. He poured his will into that desire, bent all his concentration to that purpose.
Stop. Stop beating.
The pounding in his chest seemed to grow louder to his ears.
Stop.
It faltered and pounded jerkily.Stop now.
Slowing down, his heartbeats seemed louder than ever. The tight pull in his chest told him of air- starved lungs but he ignored it.
The beats were slowing down even more. Each beat was a full stop, a chain of endings or a trail of dots leading to emptiness, the void he imagined for one second within reach.
He balked at its emptiness.
Gasping hungrily for air he let his knees fall and let his arms brace his trembling body against the cold floor, grains of dirt pressing into his palms. Coughing helplessly, he felt his body burn up, felt his eyes tearing up instinctively. He bit his nether lip, draining its colour and leaned back against the wall, shame now added into the turmoil of his thoughts.
'I don't even have the guts to die.'
Pale eyes shut wistfully.
To die . . .
Retreating further into himself only lent colour and form to the snatches of conversation caught in the undulating passage. Memories tricked his mind to hear the past relived even as they made a canvas of his inner lid, painting unwanted scenes of a recent event.
Once again, his old teacher stood clearly in his mind's eye.
The odour of sweat and semen was strong. The taste vile and the slimy feel in his throat refused to drown down into the hollow, frozen pit of his guts. Amidst it all he watched indifferently as Borris buckled his pants barely catching the self- satisfied smirk the man gave him.
A small chuckle. Borris'.
The man loved seeing him all glazed, Borris had told him before. Apparently the man liked to think that he had given his student a good workout. He assumed Borris would leave him now, as he always did but such was not the case. It took Bryan a few minutes to realise that the image of his teacher was lingering far too long.
Pale eyes lifted up to the masked face.
"The operation must begin tomorrow. You will be sent to capture a hostage."
The haze vanished from his mind, the weight of the sudden revelation crushing his breath.
The masks' ruby eyes gazed silently at his surprise.
"Have you convinced Tala? Or do you need me to break him?"
Bryan struggled to recover from his shock.
"He believes me sir." He replied hastily.
Borris smirked, his arms crossed before him.
"Do you fear for him Bryan?"
"No sir." Bryan replied with forced calm, casting his gaze towards the floor to hide the fear in them.
Borris stepped forward and the Russian youth before him tensed.
But Borris only smiled.
"I am happy to hear this. When you are gone, I will need a good replacement. It is good that you have converted Tala so quickly."
"Yes sir."
Bryan's fists clenched, his nails digging into the soft flesh of his palms.
Borris sensed the growing tension and his smile broadened.
"You life has been a good one Bryan, there shouldn't be any regrets."
"No Sir."
Borris nodded in satisfaction and then his smile vanished.
"You will receive your instructions promptly from my staff."
"Yes Sir."
Borris nodded once more and turned sharply away, guiding himself through the corridor and Bryan's shoulders sagged. Yet it wasn't over. The still air bore Borris parting words to him.
"If you allow yourself to be captured Bryan, it'd be best if you do not disgrace Biovolt by betraying of our re-emergence. You may think nothing can be worse then your impending demise but I assure you, there are worse fates than death."
Bryan swallowed painfully, banishing the dying memories from his mind. His throat still had that slimy feel to it. No amount of saliva would wash that discomfort from him. It clung, like a gross scab, one that would break in time to flood him in more revolting revelations.
Revelations of what he had done and of what he was about to do.
Briefly and like a cruel slideshow, the images of Borris, Tala and Kai flashed before him. Fear for Borris, guilt for Tala and . . . what was it for Kai? Bitterness. An empty bitterness.
"You weren't there then, you aren't here now."
His words were bitter . . . empty and bitter, empty . . . bitter . . .
Raising slowly, Bryan staggered to the door of his room, his pale eyes staring vacantly as he punched in the code instinctively.
His mind was numb but his conscience wasn't.
The bladebreakers . . . they at least would die but Tala . . . Tala would take his place. Tala, the same Tala who had covered for him the night he had been nearly discovered whilst trying to escape. The same Tala who had trained with him in the middle of the night to ensure he didn't get punished. The very same Tala who had kept him company even when he didn't ask for it every time the longing for Kai became more than he could bear. The Tala that he had pushed away when he feared that they had grown too close.
He couldn't help feeling that if only Kai had been around, if only he hadn't had to chicken out on some lame excuse of suffering shocks from his experimenting with Black Dranzer and leave the abbey, then none of this would have had to happen. He wouldn't have had had the reason to get close to Tala, the Bladebreakers wouldn't have defeated the Demolition boys. In the end however, Kai chose to leave them, first from the abbey and then from the team, without even caring what it did to him.
'So why should I care? It's your fault Kai. You weren't around when I needed you.'
The door slowly slid open but Bryan wasn't paying any attention to the scene before him. Kai watched him from the depths of his thoughts.
'What would you have me do Kai?'
"What would you have me do Kai?" Rei murmured to himself as he irritably deleted the last damned advertisement.
"Look at the nonsense I have to sift through . . . no, I do NOT want a penis enlargement!"
Rei sighed and slumped back in his seat, defeated. The desk chair leaned away from the desk under his weight. Shutting his eyes he tried to calm his agitated breathing to no avail. He swirled the chair and pushed himself to the bed beside the computer table. The wheels rumbled across the parquet flooring and bumped to a stop against the wooden bed stand. Glancing at the room door and then looking back at the computer screen Rei shook his head ruefully and toppled wearily onto the bed.
His golden eyes scanned the peach- coloured ceiling as if looking for an answer. Naturally, it brought no enlightenment. It only intensified the throbbing headache he had earned from lack of hydration and the midday heat. Of course there was the issue of the tightness in his chest, but he averted his thoughts once more.
What was he doing here anyway? Because Kai had asked him to? Because Kai had read his thoughts? Because Kai had made him realise (or forced him to admit) what he really wanted was to wait and to hope for WhiteWolf to respond?
Maybe. Maybe deep inside he really did wish to hear from WhiteWolf. In this period of longing he had realised that he did indeed love this friend of his, that he was enamoured with the obvious beauty of mind and spirit behind WhiteWolf's poetry. He was drawn to WhiteWolf's humble acceptance of sincere opinions and the deep respect this person had for life despite the underlying unhappiness that WhiteWolf certainly had experienced but never overtly expressed. Perhaps these were the indications of his feelings for WhiteWolf. It was a way he could attempt to explain the sudden intense emotions. It was an explanation that allowed him to believe that the feelings he felt were something more mature than an infatuation.
"It's not an infatuation." He whispered to himself.
Infatuation . . . WhiteWolf . . . Kai asking him to wait . . .
"Aaargh! What on earth am I supposed to do?"
The cry of frustration was pointless venting. He knew it but nevertheless . . . Brows furrowed with the sudden heaviness of his head, he tried to convince his body to nap away what felt like a growing migraine.
As the door hissed open, Tala rose from his seat, turning as he did to watch Bryan emerge into the room. Tala's mouth worked to utter a greeting but he froze instead, sapphire eyes bright with worry.
Bryan gathered from the concerned lines by his old teammate's mouth that despite his best efforts he hadn't been able to cover the marks of his earlier abuse and despair. Bryan tried not to cringe as Tala stepped up to him, fair hands gripping his fur- trimmed jacket.
"What happened?"
The question was soft and Bryan, who kept his eyes resolutely away from the taller youth thought he heard dark understanding in Tala's tone. His suspicion was affirmed when Tala pressed on.
"Borris?" Tala asked quietly, hands firm on Bryan's shoulders.
Finally, Bryan turned his pale eyes to gaze into Tala's face, forcing a grin as he did so.
"You've mellowed, Tala."
Tala blinked and then snorted, shaking his head.
"And you've become stronger. You always were the strongest," he replied, watching Bryan with clear blue eyes that saw past his friend's grin.
Bryan looked away, uncomfortable.
"I'm not strong," Bryan whispered, a pang deep in his chest, he looked away briefly and then returned his gaze, "have you decided?"
Tala's jaw grew taut and he swallowed, his brows creased in a frown. Bryan mirrored his frown.
"I won't force you Tala, but . . . you do realise what is at stake."
Tala cast a sharp glance at the lavender – haired youth.
"I won't kill anyone," Tala replied firmly.
Bryan's reply was equally firm.
"You won't have to, I swear," Bryan answered, holding Tala's gaze.
Tala watched Bryan unblinkingly for a few moments before letting his lids veil his eyes and sighing softly. When he looked at Bryan again, the lavender- haired youth noted the sorrow in those sapphire depths as well as the resolution in that firm chin.
"I'm with you. If it means I can finally be free, I'll follow your plan."
Bryan smiled briefly despite the heaviness that burdened him inside.
"Then there is much to prepare. Borris expects us to act tomorrow. We mobilise within the next couple of hours. Our instructions will arrive soon."
Tala didn't look alarmed although Bryan noted that his shoulders trembled for a moment.
"Will he be briefing us?" Tala asked, his voice deceptively calm.
Bryan clenched his teeth briefly and then flashed a weak smile.
"It will be alright. He'll hurt us of course but not enough to damage us. He needs us after all," Bryan reassured as casually as he could when suddenly, his vision of Tala blurred and he staggered in an abrupt, fierce, tight embrace that Tala had wrapped him in.
"I'm sorry," Bryan heard Tala whisper, fiercely passionate, in his ear, "it's been good to see you again. You've been missed and I'm glad you're alive."
"Ta . . .Tala . . ." Bryan stuttered weakly.
"We'll get out of this. I promise. Just tell me what to do and I'll do it."
Bryan's lips parted mutely, his mind numb from shock and emotion.
"We can do this together," Tala continued, "and after this, I'll be there to help you rebuild your life again. We won't have to be in the Dark again. Ever."
Passion and belief burned powerfully in Tala, cleansing and empowering him as he held on to Bryan. Bryan stood powerless in the fire of Tala's belief, paralysed by the burning embrace and the painful guilt that tore at him.
For a long moment neither boy moved, both bound tightly with emotion, both equally unaware of the tears falling silently down Bryan's cheeks.
Kai dreamt.
There was a birthday cake on the table. It was a standard birthday cake: bright red icing lettering that announced that the cake was for him, six small green and blue candles flickering with tiny, star- like points of light. Chocolate rice around the sides, cream waves around the edges. It looked like a vanilla cream cake, bearing a great resemblance to the fresh- cream vanilla and strawberry cake they had got for Max the other day.
He shouldn't be happy but . . . he was. He knew that he smiled as he looked at the six, twinkling candles. He could feel that he did. Wait a minute, six candles? But he wasn't six . . .
"Happy Birthday Kai!"
Bryan?
He hadn't seen the vision before him in a long time. Lavender hair, pale, moon- bright eyes. Young, pre- adolescent face still round and chubby enough to be cute despite the leanness of his body. A six year- old Bryan spoke in the higher- pitched childlike voice that Kai remembered.
"Bryan?" Kai thought he said aloud.
"It's your birthday dummy!" Bryan teased as he always did, "blow out the candles."
Kai felt his brow wrinkle in a frown.
"But I never- we never celebrate birthdays . . ." he thought he asked, perplexed by the simple task of blowing out six candles.
Bryan's childish face suddenly turned solemn.
"I know we didn't," Bryan whispered, his voice ghostly faint as the scene darkened before Kai.
"Bryan?" Kai began, feeling fear building in him.
Bryan faded but his voice, faint and accusing did not.
"We never celebrate birthdays."
"Bryan . . . Bryan, I'll blow out the candles," Kai called out into the darkness, beginning to panic.
"We . . . never . . . " Bryan's bodiless voice echoed distantly.
"Bryan! Please . . . please, come back! Don't leave me here alone," Kai pleaded, searching blindly for any sign of light, any sign of anything.
Bryan's reply was unforgiving loneliness and despair.
"You left . . . you left . . ."
Kai thought that he cried. A distant part of him felt numbly surprised but was distracted by a crimson light flowing from a distant edge of this lightless domain.
Blood. It was blood. Kai couldn't tell how he knew but he knew it with an unshakeable certainty and as if the thought had somehow summoned it, it engulfed him. All of a sudden he was suspended in the sinisterly luminous flow, thrashing wildly as he fought to keep the crimson torrent from swallowing his face. He would have screamed if there was any air left in him. The flood was up to his chest and whatever it swallowed simply turned numb. He could not fill his chest with air because he could no longer feel it and he feared that when the flood engulfed him he would no longer feel his own existence. That he would be no more. He trashed but the blood had risen past his jaw and was reaching to smother him.
Please, no! Don't let it- Someone- I- No!
Kai jerked awake gasping blindly, unable to see. Inhaling deeply, he fought against the weight holding him down.
"Kai! Hold still! Tyson! Rei! Damn it someone come and help!"
"Kenny!" Kai gasped gripping the slim arms that held him down.
"You're burning!" Kenny hissed as if Kai had just laid crimson iron against the younger boy's hands.
The ground pounded and through his panic Kai registered that he was on the second floor of Max's house. There was no crimson tide to drown him. His body was still intact.
"What happened? What's wrong?" Kai heard Tyson demand but for some reason he couldn't see past the blur before his eyes.
Someone was feeling his face; touching the corner of his eyes.
"His eyes are not focusing and he's burning."
'Max,' Kai thought dimly as a sudden lethargy weighed on his mind and body.
It was suddenly too much effort to even keep his eyes open, too much effort to tell the others to stop prodding him.
"What's going on!"
"Rei! What were you doing in there?"
"Kai's sick or something, we don't know."
But all the voices around him were hurting his head; he just wanted some quiet. He wanted to sleep. A peculiar, mildly uncomfortable sensation throbbed somewhere along his right nostril. As the sensation drifted down Kai frowned with the effort of recollecting why it felt so familiar to him.
"He's bleeding! Damn it! Someone call the ambulance!"
"On it!"
That was it . . . that was why it had seemed so familiar. He had bled like this before. Someone tilted his head and he felt the blood flow down his throat instead. The coppery tang of it, the thickness and the moisture . . .
Kai tasted blood in the darkness for a moment longer before the darkness reeled into oblivion.
The end for now. I hope you enjoyed the cliffhanger. :P Take care pplz and may peace be upon you. Oh, and review if you like, cos I'll definitely like it. Feel very very free to give your insights on how the plot is going and to tell me (politely) if I'm screwing up.