A/N: Hello. It is I, Pyx! I realize that I have not finished my other fanfiction, but do YOU realize that I WARNED YOU? That's right, you set yourself up for that one. You can look ashamed now. Anyhow, this is a short little V-Day fic, and I mean short. I thought it was cute (and creepy), so I decided to post it here for others' enjoyment. I doubt there will be another chapter, but I'm contemplating it. So, are you ready? I hope you are. Here we go!
Disclaimer: I am not in any way affiliated with Jhonen Vasquez or Viacom and do not own Invader ZIM. You happy now? HUH! Yeah, that's right, smirk at me as you crush my delusions of grandeur.
Zim had gone to extreme lengths (again) to protect himself against the meat horrors of Valentine's Day the night before, and the product of his hard labor was somewhat disturbing. He'd concocted a large metal suit equipped with meat repelling features such as an energy shield and several cannons. He chose to ignore the fact that it looked like he'd robbed the crash site of an air plane and glued the pieces he'd found onto himself. Even though the equipment slowed his reflexes by a significant amount, and all he could manage on the way to skool was a slow trudge, he felt as safe as he possibly could on the filthy planet called Earth. Not only that, but he'd remembered his meat gifts to the other children of his class so he could appear more normal.
"Hey Zim!" a familiar voice spat at him with a truck load of contempt. Zim tried to whip around in the direction of the voice and strike an imposing pose to frighten the stupid human, but he was too fast for his suit and ended up pulling a muscle while twisting around. He winced, but allowed the lower half of his body catch up with his torso.
"Dib!" Zim snarled across the street at the small boy glaring at him from beside a street lamp and an angry sister.
"What are you up to?" Dib answered, leaning forward a bit as if leaning in to hear a great secret.
"Why, nothing, you pitiful Earth stink. I'm just walking to skool like a normal human filthy." Zim answered objectively (or so he thought), looking to the sky and whistling nonchalant. Dib didn't buy into Zim's conviction and raced across the street to confront him. Gaz growled and continued on her way to skool. After all, it wasn't her problem if her brother was late for class.
Dib shoved a finger in Zim's partly visible face. "You've been here over a year, and I've known what you were from the moment I saw you, so don't try to pull that 'I'm normal' act on me!"
Zim turned awkwardly away from the child and began trudging in the direction of the skool again, his face turned upward with superior indifference. "I'll tell you nothing, Filth."
"One day, the whole world will know what you are, Zim!" Dib threatened the retreating alien. Scoffing, Zim forced the suit to turn in the opposite direction again to leer at his rival.
"You'll never know the brilliance of my new plan Dib!" He grinned and tried to cross his arms, but found it difficult with the conflicting bulkiness, so he just continued to sneer.
"Ha! You're probably trying to protect yourself with that thing!" Dib ventured, pointing at his poorly constructed armor. Zim, hugged himself and leaned away as if he'd been exposed in the worst way.
"Bah! Wh-what do YOU know, human? NOTHING! NOTHING I TELL YOU!" He once again turned his contact covered eyes skyward, this time nervously.
"Heh! You're pathetic, Zim! I'll find some way to get some meat past that hideous thing!" Dib promised, running past his enemy and across the street. As Zim turned and watched the human run away, he found himself wishing that a truck would ignore the red light that Dib was taking advantage of and hit the large-headed boy, sending him into a coma, or, better yet, killing him.
It took Zim a considerable amount of time to make it to skool, due to the suit's inhibitions. He walked into class fifteen minutes late, during a lecture about wolverines and their connection to several missing infants around the country. Zim tried to march into the classroom, but only succeeded in dragging his metal coated feet over the threshold.
"...The theory was that a clan of wolverines, with ill will toward people, banned together to lower our sentient population and then use guerilla warfare to-Zim! Why are you late!" Miss Bitters barked. Zim attempted to salute, but found the joints in his suit were being stubborn so he inclined his spine in a small bow instead.
"SIR! I encountered a problem with my new clothes!" he answered in a military fashion, while the all the children in the room, save Dib, nodded in comprehension.
"Sit down, you miserable mistake upon the world!" Bitters pointed to his seat, where Zim was already headed. When he reached it, however, he discovered another limitation to his armor: he was unable to sit down. Therefore, he just stood awkwardly beside the desk while Dib eyed him suspiciously.
Suddenly, a red, heart-shaped light on Miss Bitters' desk blinked and she glared at it as if it had sentenced her to death. Growling involuntarily, she turned her glower to the audience to her lecture. "As you know, it is Valentine's Day. Despite my vehement complaints, the skool board feels that this holiday is important to build relationships between students, so pass out your meat slabs, before I'm forced to report that you are NOT enjoying your holiday."
The students immediately set themselves into a frenzy and screamed in delight as they gave and received meat. Dib laid his head on his desk in an attempt to tune out everything going on around him. Zim sweated bullets as several of his classmates placed meat on his desk and smiled at him benignly. He suffered a particularly tense moment when Spoo dangled a raw steak in front of his large eyes as he tried to hold in his vomit.
Bitters' desk flashed again and she was growing to dislike the management more and more. "Dib! Zim!" she shouted at the two boys. Dib's head snapped up and he stared at the teacher questioningly, not remembering doing anything wrong. Zim sighed with relief as Spoo backed away from him, not willing to be spotted by the malevolent teacher as well. "You have packages!"
Bitters opened a drawer and looked upon an array of buttons, pushing two in particular. Directly above Dib's desk, a hole opened in the ceiling and dropped a package wrapped neatly in blue paper decorated with white hearts on the center of his desk. At the same time, a hole opened above Zim as well, and deposited a heavy book upon his head. He was thrown forward to the floor, seeing stars and groaning. Bitters emitted a guttural growl as she snatched the dictionary off of the floor.
"This is NOT your package, Zim!" She set the enormous tome upon her desk and pressed another button. When Zim was once again hit with another object, his eye twitched menacingly. He managed to get up on his feet again, though his suit protested adamantly. But as he tried to bend down to retrieve the package, it seemed to armor had had enough, and would bend no longer. Zim gritted his teeth and struggled to make his suit obey his will, but it would no longer budge. Eventually, Sarah stooped on her way past and picked it up for her classmate, holding it out to the alien. He snatched it away from her, glaring daggers, but saying not a word of thanks.
Across the room, Dib had already opened the box, and was staring at the note attached to the large ham inside.
WE LOVE YOU!
Love,
The fans
Scratching his head, he looked over at Zim, who was starting to tear the red paper off of his gift and rip open the box to find another ham. The Irken cocked his head at the offering and plucked a small note off the meat. Reading the exact same note a couple of times over, he met Dib's gaze and stared back inquisitively. Dib held up the note he'd received, and Zim did the same, with mirroring expressions of confusion.
Once again, I doubt there will be another chapter, but if you review, I'll show you the meats that Gaz and GIR got. And if you don't, well, that's just too bad for me. Allow me to wish all of those who read this fic a happy Valentine's Day. Blessed Be!