Riku
versus The Cobra... Part Two
The ill-advised quest continues...
AN: A big friendly Thank You to Jupiter-Lightning and Xover-girl for their kind reviews.
Kingdom Hearts is the property of Square-Enix etc, etc...
"Who are you? Nature photographers? Zoologists?" Murray asked.
"We're students, s-s-sir," Tidus stuttered.
"Which one of you stuffed me in that bag?" Murray demanded.
"That would the lovely lady with the blue eyes," Selphie said cattily.
"Ouch!" Wakka said.
"Sorry, Wakka," Riku said, "That was sort of a reflex, and I don't hit girls so you were a compromise."
"Sexist and stupid," Selphie said.
"And why did you put me in that bag?" Murray asked.
"I just… well… I needed some venom… for a… for a sword…" Riku explained quietly, not looking at Selphie and Wakka's eyes (which narrowed angrily.)
"I don't follow," Murray said.
Riku explained his situation.
"Kid, you realize that your Mayor was screwing around with you?"
"This fixation on swords…" Selphie said archly.
"Selphie!" Wakka warned.
"Well think about it!"
"Don't you even think about hitting me again!" Wakka warned Riku. "We risked our lives for antique weaponry?"
"I never asked you guys to follow me!" Riku spat. Tidus started to cry again.
"All of you, shut up!" Murray hissed. "I'll tell you how to get off the island with your lives, but it'll cost you."
The children fell silent.
"I want you to take me with you when you leave," Murray said.
"We can't take home a cobra," Wakka objected.
"I'll give you all the venom you want as well," Murray added.
"It's a deal!" Riku immediately accepted.
"I want my mommy…" Tidus sobbed.
"What do we do?" Riku ignored everyone's objections.
"Exactly as I say!" Murray said.
The chupacabras were very surprised (they weren't that bright, you see) when the rowboat lifted a couple of inches and began to move like a giant multi-legged turtle. They were so surprised by this turn of events that they stopped their assault to watch the rowboat trundle away into the jungle.
"Oh, this thing weighs a ton," Selphie whimpered.
"Don't slow down," Murray warned. "Or blondie here gets the kiss of death–" Riku squeezed Murray.
"Don't you dare," he warned.
"Yessir, ack!"
The rowboat slowly crept along, bounced blindly against the trees and very slowly it made its way towards the abandoned mining town in the center of Happy Funtime Island. By then it had amassed a large following of curious creatures.
Up the main street and into the crumbling town hall they went.
The boat wandered up the aisle until it bumped into the stage.
"Hurry, Selphie!" Riku said as they threw the rowboat aside. Selphie dived onto the stage and plopped down at the barely functioning pipe organ.
"I only know one song," Selphie said nervously.
"Just play! It's our only chance," Murray said. "Hurry!"
Selphie nervously stretched out her fingers and slowly began a very ragged rendition of Heart and Soul.
The town hall filled up fast, but instead of attacking the children the cobras started to sway back and forth while the chupacabra sat and clapped their paws.
"Creepy," Tidus whispered.
"Okay, now what?" Wakka asked Murray. Murray swayed happily, and Riku had to poke him to get his attention.
"Now follow me!" Murray said.
He led them to the beach.
"Get in the boat!"
They got into the boat.
"Now start rowing." He slithered up to the front and waited for them to start.
The boys all crossed their arms.
"What?" he asked when the rowing did not commence.
"We're not leaving without Selphie," Wakka said and he glared at Riku.
"What are you looking at me for? I don't want to ditch her either."
That wasn't necessarily true, but doing the right thing was the important thing here.
"The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the one, I should think," Murray sniffed. Tidus picked up an oar and batted Murray over the head.
"You want a piece of me?" Murray hissed and lunged at him, but Riku caught the snake and shook him. He shook Murray so hard that the other two would've sworn they heard his eyes rattling in his sockets.
"Now you listen to me, we're going back for her or nobody's leaving! Got it?"
Murray's eyes crossed as his little cobra brain settled down in his skull.
"They're gone!" Tidus screeched when they made it back to the town hall.
"Ah, they've probably taken her to be presented before… OUR GOD!" Murray cackled.
"No!"
"Yes! She will be presented and if her musical talents please his royal horribleness there will be an orgy…" The boys blanched. "–of dancing! And mighty Agar will make her his queen and they will rule Happy Funtime Island forever and ever… So you see, we really did her a favor." Murray reasoned. "Okay, let's go home! There's still plenty of time for me to hit the real estate office on Destiny Island."
"Wait just a minute!" Wakka said. "What happens if he hates her music?"
"They'll eat her, won't they?" Tidus fretted. "No! It's happening again– oh why? Why? Why?"
"Is this kid going to be alright?" Murray asked them.
"He'll be fine. Take us to this Agar," Riku ordered.
"You want to crash your friend's wedding?" Murray gasped.
"I'm more inclined to say it'd be a funeral," Wakka said, "But don't tell her I said that."
"Let's go!" Riku shoved the reluctant Murray out in front.
"I'm going to kill that boy," Selphie said through her frozen smile.
She stood on a small stage between two old earth movers. The delighted chupacabras had thoughtfully left her untied, but there were thousands of cobras surrounding her anyway. Where would she run?
"Agar! Agar! Agar!" the cobras chanted, their heads bobbed up and down. A couple of cobras placed a wreath of flowers over her head, bowed, and retreated. Torches were lit around her, illuminating a path to a large cave.
"All I want is a little home by the sea, where I can write my memoirs," Murray prattled. The boys followed, not listening to a word. "Not that I don't appreciate my fellow snakes, but once we hunted the red-footed fraggle to extinction I knew we were stuck in a creative rut! Doomed to laze our lives away in on this island–"
Tidus hit him with the oar again.
"Who'd want you for a neighbor," Tidus huffed. "You don't care about anyone but yourself!"
"Tidus," Wakka put himself between the deadly cobra and his friend, "Are you off your meds?"
"No… … … Yes. I forgooooot!" he whined.
"Again?"
"Guys, can we focus here?" Riku said.
"Sorry."
"Sorry."
"Shh! The ceremony has begun," Murray said. The chanting wafted through the gloomy jungle.
"Agar! Agar! Agar!"
"We'll take the shortcut!" Murray said.
He slithered through the jungle, the boys had a hard time keeping up.
"Murray! Slow down, I can't see you," Riku called. He stepped onto some unsteady ground in his haste. For some reason it gave way under his weight, and he went tumbling into a deep pit full of water along with Wakka.
"Ah-ha! See how smart I am!" Murray reared up over the pit. "I've trapped the two most troublesome members of your party leaving me with the one most easily controlled.
"You!" Murray hissed at Tidus, who stood at the edge of the pit openmouthed. "You will take me to Destiny Island– or else!"
Tidus looked up from the pit to Murray, and then back down.
He shrieked and dashed into the jungle, presumably, never to be seen again.
"Uh, hey! He wasn't supposed to do that," Murray said and he took off after him. "Come back here ya little moppet! I've got candy!"
"Why'd he run away?" Wakka wondered after Murray left them alone.
"This looks like a good place to start climbing," Riku moved to the pit wall. "What? Why are you looking at me like that?"
"You know, Riku, it doesn't bother me that you're gay–"
"Excuse me?"
"But I'll thank you not to grab my "personal areas" in the future," Wakka said sternly.
"I did no such thing!"
"Alright, I'll let it go this time."
"And I'm not gay."
"Whatever you say, man," Wakka held up his hands. Riku noticed that they were covered with leeches.
"Oh, gross! We have to get out of here!" Riku scrambled up the pit wall. "Give me a boost up, okay? Okay? Wakka?"
Riku turned around.
He was all alone.
TBC