A/N: Thanks so much for the reviews. Truly appreciate them. So this the chapter where they're going to talk about Nelda and Bobby's mother. I tried to stay in character and hopefully I did. Enjoy and please R&R...

Part four

They said their goodbyes to Alex's parents. While Bobby was in the kitchen making them coffee, Alex was upstairs getting her nephew ready for bed. Since he had to wait for the coffee, Bobby decided to go upstairs and find Alex. He stood leaning against the door way as he watched Alex put Michael to bed. She was talking to her nephew in a soft voice. Laying him in the crib she softly sang him a lullaby. Bobby thought he'd never seen Alex more beautiful or relaxed. To him she'd always been beautiful, but to see her with her nephew, to hear the love in her voice and see how happy she was at the very moment made her even more beautiful than she ever was. Without fully realizing he confessed to her. "I can't lose you." He whispered.

She showed no surprise to his presence nor his sudden confession. She kept her back to him, knowing he needed a moment to collect himself after his moment of vulnerability. Yet she also knew she needed to say something to acknowledge that she'd heard him. "You won't, Bobby." She whispered just as soft, but knew he heard every word. Bending down she gave her nephew a soft kiss on his forehead. Turning around she saw Bobby walking away to go downstairs again. She left the room with the baby phone in her hand, leaving the door half open. Taking a moment to herself she leaned against the wall. Bobby's words had probably escaped him before he'd truly realized what he'd said. His soul had spoken to her, had called out to him and she had answered.

Bobby had pored their coffee into two mugs. He carried them outside on the porch. He set Alex's cup down on the small coffee table, while he sat down on the top step of the stairs that lead down to the garden.

Alex who'd joined him outside decided to leave some distance between them. She sat down on the wooden bench next to the coffee table. From Bobby's hunched form she saw how tense he was.

"I'm sorry for hurting you, Alex." Bobby apologized. "I never wanted to hurt you." Pausing he took a drink of his coffee. "I never wanted you to get caught up in this. You… you had every right to walk out on me like you did. I was a jerk. I was selfish, pushy, angry and I pushed you away."

"Tell me what I got caught up in?"

"Me struggling with my thoughts…, feelings."

It was silent as they both were lost in their own thoughts. Alex was jolted out of her thoughts by Bobby's voice.

"I...I never wanted you to see me like this."

Never show someone how vulnerable you are. It was a lesson he'd probably learned the hard way, Alex guessed. She needed to show him that it was all right to let her in. "You don't have to hide from me, Bobby. Don't think I'll run away if I don't like what I see. You might think I would after yesterday, but it seemed we were at a crossroad and a decision needed to be taken. It was something we both needed."

"I know." Bobby emptied his coffee mug, putting it down a step lower than the one he was sitting on. "I guess it started with Nelda. I admit I… was drawn to her in a strange way. Looking back I realize it was the way she cared for me, like a mother. She got to me, not like Nicole gets to me, but… deeper. With Nicole I would be angry and I hated her and I hated how she made me feel. Nelda, she struck a nerve, my mother." Needing a moment to regroup, Bobby looked at the garden. It was rather large, with many colourful flowers. It looked like Alex's parents spend a lot of time in their garden. "It's difficult for me to deal with my mother's illness. It's hard for me to share things about my mother."

"If it's so hard, why was it so easy for you to share it with a person you hardly knew?" She realized this might not be the ideal time to bring it up, but she'd been hurt when he'd talked so freely to Nelda about his mother, yet he hardly told her anything. Was she that difficult to talk to?

It seemed as if Bobby heard her unspoken question. "It's not…" How was he going to explain this? "With Nelda it was safe. She knew what I was talking about because she was a nurse. I felt like I could tell her because she had a professional look on it. It wouldn't be personal with her. With you… I'd feel exposed if I opened up to you about my mother. You'd see how it pains me that I can't help her. You'd see a part of me I sometimes want to hide, because it leaves me feeling exposed and hurt. I don't want you to see that."

"Why not, Bobby? Why not?"

"Because I don't want to scare you away." It was true. He was afraid of losing her, just like he'd lost his mother. Almost every time he came back from one of his visits to his mother, he felt drained. When he was with her in the institution he felt as if he was looking into his future. If that was truly his future, he didn't want Alex in the position he was in now.

"I'm not going anywhere." She wondered if he was telling her the whole truth. She felt as there was more to it. She decided to let him tell her in his own pace. If she was going to interfere, maybe he would shut her out again.

"I was seven when I realized something was wrong with her. When she had one of her spells I would be so afraid, yet I knew she needed me. She needed someone to take care of her. Ever since I found out I've taken care of her. I try so hard, but sometimes I feel like I'm failing her. She euuh… she was a good mother despite her illness. When I was young she read to me every night. I… I got my love for books from her. We would always read books together." Alex saw a small smile appeared on his face. He was reminiscing the good times.

"She would introduce me to new authors and all different kind of stories. I guess the stories were her way of escaping her world, a way to escape the voices. I think she knew what was wrong with her. I felt so helpless when she had one of her spells. Her heart aching screams and cries would haunt me in my nightmares. I wish she didn't have to go through them."

Standing up, Bobby walked down the stairs onto the grass. Alex quietly followed him. As Bobby paced up and down the grass, she sat down on the last step of the stairs.

"At a certain point the spells got worse and I knew I needed help. I still feel guilty putting her in a institution, but I knew I couldn't take care of her. She needed professional help, that was something I couldn't give her." Turning to her, he looked directly into her eyes, hiding nothing. "She's my mother, Alex and I feel so helpless. I'm failing her."

"No you're not Bobby, you're not. By acknowledging you couldn't do it alone, by getting her help you gave her better life."

"A better life? I…" He raised his voice.

"Don't go there, Bobby. You know what I mean and deep down you know I'm right." Standing up, Alex closed the distance between her and Bobby. Gently she took his hand in hers. " She knows you love her. She knows you're there."

"How can you be sure?"

"Because she's your mother and a mother knows. Come here…" She whispered before she took him into his arms.

He let her hold him, letting her take some of the pain away. He buried his face in her hair and held her close. Alex felt how tired he was. She knew he'd hardly slept. This conversation had drained the last of his energy. "You need to rest." She said, her voice muffled by his shoulder. "Come on." She took his hand in hers again leading him back inside. Together they walked upstairs. Without any doubt she led him into her bedroom and sat him down on the bed. "Try to get some sleep. You need it." She placed a gently kiss on his forehead before she left the room.

TBC...