This chapter is a transition chapter, Erik must come to terms with his darkness…and he turns to God in his need. I hope you enjoy, even if you do not share the same beliefs I do.
Welcome to Acrollo, thank you for picking up my story and reading. Your suggestion was voiced earlier and I remedied it in the chapters following. I do plan to go back and repost the chapters so that they are easier for those who tune in later.
And eriksangelofvoice, I love that you compared my romance to that of the novels. I used to be pretty addicted to those things; they certainly do know how to get your blood pumping! Enjoy what's coming!
Forgotten Sorceress; I love your reviews! They really lift me up! Yes, I did have Marek in mind, but I also had Gerry's portrayal of Dracula in mind. He looked SOOOOOOOOOOO HOTTTTTTTTTTT in that movie! He is the only part of that movie worth watching. In Dracula 2000, Gerry had no facial hair but he had the long, wavy hair and that arrogant, know-it-all stance that I picture Erik having. Either way, the man (Gerry) could make rocks melt…(Whew, is it getting hot in here?)
Pertie and OperaLover – I will certainly do my best to make the wedding night a memorable one for everyone, especially Erik and A'awynn. I will post the PG-13 version first and then, directly after it…I will post the mature version with warnings galore. That way, someone who decides to read this story two years from now, will have access to the mature versions should they want them. I will repost the other chapter the same way.
"The roll which Miss Daae plays calls for charm and appeal; the roll of the pageboy is silent…which makes my casting in a word…IDEAL!" Gerry Butler as The Phantom (Erik) in Andrew Lloyd Webbers, "The Phantom of the Opera".
CHAPTER 39
Friday was hectic, to say the least. Despite the rattled nerves, screaming kids, and strange faces; Brianna was having the time of her life. The chef had finalized the preparations for the meal and would return first thing in the morning to do the cooking.
The baker had made the most exquisite cake. The six-tier main cake was adorned elegantly with the choicest black orchids and lovebirds on top. A waterfall tapered off both sides, running down into the pool filled with rose petals. Bridges extended off both sides and led to the three-tier side cakes decorated in the same fashion as the middle cake. It was fantastic.
Erik had been in the orchestra pit most of the morning, arranging the seats and making sure that there were enough to seat the entire orchestra. He moved from there to checking the tuning on the piano and he could not resist picking up the violin. He lovingly cradled the instrument in his large hands and slipped the edge under his chin. A sweet, soaring melody rang out, a completely original piece that Erik made up as he went along. Those within hearing distance marveled at the beauty and flexibility of the song and of the man playing it.
A'awynn was busy all morning with the dressmaker. Final measurements were checked and the overall shape and fit was fine-tuned. Every shoe style known to the brides of the world was displayed and A'awynn had to pick a pair; that alone took two hours! The flowers were lovingly brought in and placed in their designated areas, and A'awynn was in charge of seeing to it that they were watered and kept pert looking.
Erik made it a point of riding out to Carwell and checking the final touches that were being completed. The stodginess and stuffiness had been replaced by a light, airy atmosphere that personified love and happiness. Erik had succeeded in capturing the joy that A'awynn and Lacey had brought to his life in the colors and schemes that he had designed for the rooms. He was pleased with the progress and results.
There was only one thing left for him to do before he entered into this marriage. He climbed back on Nucis and headed east. Flynn McCairn, the vicar of Berwithshire Chapel, was awaiting Erik's arrival and the soul searching issues that Erik sought to resolve.
The church was quiet and sacred as Erik entered. The stain-glass windows depicted the stages of the cross and the colors were brilliant and beautiful. Erik walked up the isle without making a sound, a skill he had acquired years ago. He stood in front of the alter table and looked up at the cross that ornamented the wall above the choir loft.
Tears proceeded down his cheek as he experienced the quiet sanctity of peace in its many forms.
A'awynn gave his heart peace with her love. She had taken him to places he never dreamed he could go.
Lacey gave his mind peace, she was proof to Erik that not all was bad in the world; and that some good can come from bad situations.
His family gave his life peace. They filled a void in his life that had almost destroyed him.
But the peace he needed most, only God could give; the peace in his soul.
Erik knelt down at the alter, knowing that there were issues he needed to set straight. For what seemed like hours, Erik silently cried cleansing tears of reconciliation. Vicar McCairn watched as the broad shoulders of Lord Erik Lauchlan shook with the force of his inner baptism.
The vicar approached furtively, not wanting to disturb Erik, and sank into the pew behind him; but Erik's hearing was superb and he turned his tear-laden face to the vicar. Erik slipped into the pew beside the vicar and regained his composure.
His eyes still fixed on the cross, Erik began, "All of my life, up until a month ago, was spent violently and belligerently blaming God for my life." Erik dropped his eyes, focusing on the alter table, "I vehemently spewed vulgar innuendos at Him, daring Him to strike me down." Erik turned his deep green gaze to Flynn, "but instead of giving up on me when the rest of the world abandoned me, He stood quietly beside me, waiting for me to acknowledge Him…"
Erik smirked sadly, "…I accused Him of mocking me and creating me simply as a joke; making this face as a reminder to the world that hell does exist…" Erik turned his hurting eyes to Flynn and his question tore at Flynn's heart, "Is there a heaven for creatures like me?"
Erik's shoulders slightly slumped forward and he dropped his head and closed his eyes. Flynn put a steady but firm hand on Erik's shoulder. His words resounded off Erik's still doubting heart. "Erik, none of us know why we are called to endure the trials that are allowed into our lives…we are just simply asked to have faith in the Father that we will be better for the journey."
Flynn squeezed the arm that he touched, "As for being worthy of heaven…it is not a matter of worth Erik." Erik's head lifted slightly, taking heed to the vicar's words, "The Word of God is literally full of colorful, less-than-perfect men and women who chose to follow the will of God in their lives…even at the cost of fame, fortune, family and friends…and some, even at the cost of their lives."
Erik processed these thoughts as the vicar continued, "Saint Paul is a great example. We first meet him when he is named Saul and his purpose and passion was persecuting the Christians…and he was good at it." The vicar smiled as he unfolded the story to Erik, "Then, as is often the case, God altered his life on a road…Paul became a mighty warrior for God and His church."
The vicar regarded Erik with interested eyes. "Search the Book Erik…there are prostitutes, murderers, liars, deceivers, doubters…you name it, it's in there." He paused for a minute and then continued, "Consider King David; he lusted after another man's wife, claimed her in his passion, and then had her husband murdered after enticing him to sleep with her one last time so that the child she carried would be considered her husbands..." Erik's only reaction was a lifted eyebrow, "…and yet God called David a man after His own heart."
Erik considered the examples that Flynn had presented to him. These men were tainted with blood on their hands, and yet they had found rest and peace with God. Maybe…
Erik's thoughts were interrupted by Flynn's words, "None of us are worthy of heaven Erik. God offers it to us through the forgiveness of our sins by His grace…found in the blood that covered the cruel cross…all you have to do is believe this with all your heart and let Christ reside in your heart as your Savior and Lord."
Erik understood all that was said to him and he did accept the fact that God loved him, despite his horrid face and actions. He had opened his heart to these truths and accepted them. Now he just had to rid his soul of the dark stain that remained; and as was said, confession was good for the soul.
One guileless tear fell from the corner of Erik's eye. So much had been lifted from his shoulders with the love that God had given him through A'awynn, Lacey and his family; but he could not forgive himself for the mess he had made of his life and those he had manipulated and condemned. He could not forget the darkness he had so readily welcomed in the grip of substance abuse and loathing.
Erik dutifully began his squalid tale of drug addiction, self-loathing, and manipulation. He took Flynn into a world of fathomless evil and gripping hatred, where grown men trembled at shadows that loomed in the darkness. He told of his involvement and subsequent mastering of torture methods while in Turkey and Persia; leaving out the maimed and bleeding bodies he still saw in his nightmares.
No, he had not murdered anyone. He had killed his master in the Gypsy camp, but that was self-defense…as was Bouquet. But his conscience would not let him rest, as he had caused countless hours of pain and torture for unsuspecting victims in the name of justice. His talents and gifts had given him power and the respect of those who would be his victims; he was feared and awed at the same time. No…forgiveness did not come easily.
Flynn sat back in the pew and crossed his legs. He was not here to judge Erik, these were deeds done before Erik had reconciled with God, and Flynn had to help him understand that. "Erik, you must understand that all of us have done things that we are not pleased with or that make us ashamed to show our face at times." Flynn kept speaking as Erik centered his gaze on him, "Sin is sin. There is no big sin or little sin in God's eyes…they all weigh the same on His scales…"
Erik scowled thoughtfully at this statement, "So you are telling me that a murderer is not worse in God's eyes than a liar?"
Flynn leaned forward, putting his elbows on his knees and resting his chin on his hands, "That is what I am saying." Flynn smiled genuinely at Erik, "You are no worse of a sinner than I am…it is society as a whole that determines which is worse; being a liar or a murderer; a thief or a cheat."
Flynn fell silent for a few moments, giving Erik a chance to reflect on these thoughts. Erik looked unflinchingly into the vicar's eyes as he spoke, "Do you honestly believe that I can be a good man someday…a man worthy of Lady A'awynn and the love she brings me?"
Flynn returned Erik's intrepid gaze, speaking with diligence, "You ARE a good man Erik. I feel in you as clearly as I see you sitting there. You took the only life you knew and lived it…as best you could…now you're here amongst family and about to embark on the wonderful path of marriage…it seems to me that God has rewarded you for your perseverance through tribulation." He leaned over and squeezed Erik's shoulder with his strong hands, "take what He gives you and make it yours…your life can be the gift you give Him back."
Burdens that had been pressing him down for years seemed suddenly lighter as he relinquished them to God. Finally reaching a point in life when he did not have to bear the weight of the world on his shoulders, Erik's soul was free.
"Let it go Erik…let the darkness and gloom of the past be washed away from your heart with the knowledge of God's love and open your heart fully to the love of A'awynn." Flynn patted Erik's back and concluded, "Accept this second chance that you have been given and make the best of it…you deserve it no more or no less than anyone else"
Erik stood, and in a rare gesture of gratitude, pulled the vicar into a tight hug. Feeling free to do that was a new freedom for Erik. He pulled back and smiled gently, "I will see you tonight Vicar McCairn, thank you for your time."
"Good day Erik…until tonight." Flynn disappeared through the door and Erik exited the church.
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
When Erik arrived back at the castle, he went to the music room to escape the hordes of strangers that were invading them. He went into the back room where all the music was stored and just sat, in complete and utter silence.
Tomorrow…tomorrow he would become a husband and father. Erik laughed at the idea; not a humorous laugh of hatred, but a laugh of complete acceptance of an otherwise unexplainable fact. Tomorrow, Erik – The Phantom, The Angel of Music, The Opera Ghost – would become a married man. Who would have thought it?
Would he be a good husband and father? How does one know this? Would he be an adequate lover for A'awynn? Would he be able to pleasure her? Could he have children of his own? This question baffled Erik because he remembered the brutal sexual assaults of Boris and how the man had taken great pleasure in causing extreme pain to Erik. Hopefully, there had been no permanent damage done. Should he be upfront with A'awynn about the brutal raping of his body? That was something he would have to consider.
He had certainly read enough racy novels and technique books to know how to give pleasure, but putting all of that into practice was different. He had seen pictures and even seen the actual act in dark corners of hidden corridors in the opera house. But those were acts of lust not love, and Erik doubted that the hot and heavy scenes he had been privy to were indicative of the actual act of "making love."
He would certainly do his best to make her happy with him.
TBC
Chapter 40 preview – Erik opens up to A'awynn about his abuse at the hands of the Gypsies and he makes "it" official!