WARNING:

There are some references to child abuse and rape in this chapter. It is not too graphic, but it does get the point across of how Erik came to hate himself so much.

miffster, hunting4max, Mominater124, and cinafran; I miss hearing from you. I hope you are still reading my story, just drop me a line and let me know.

Welcome to Passed Over, your reviews and opinions are valuable to me. I do understand your comment about Margarite Giry; however, sometimes we must go outside our comfort zone to make a point. In this case, I feel that is what she did. Christine, well…she's just Christine…young, flighty and uncertain about her decisions.

Thank you to everyone who has been there for me over the course of this story as it has developed. I foresee two, possibly three more chapters including an epilogue. I have loved writing this love story, I know that it took a long time to set the loving part of it up, but I hope it has been worth it. I am researching other storylines with the intent of writing again; let me know how you feel about that.

I am going through and restructuring the earlier chapter, implementing the suggestions from my readers that needed to be made and reposting. All of the chapters up to chapter 36 will be reposted to reflect the changes; I hope this helps.

"I'm surprised she didn't ask you to build her casket." Gerry Butler as Sam in "One More Kiss"

CHAPTER 40

It was around 4:00 in the afternoon when Erik returned to the castle. Most of the activities were drawing to a close and the wedding party was gathering for the rehearsal. One could only hope that the actual wedding went along with a great deal less fanfare than this entire day had contained…everyone was near exhaustion.

It took until almost 7:00 to get the wedding ceremony perfected; Erik was so stressed out by the time they finally called it a night that he felt sure he would easily snap in two. He still had to go and make sure that the orchestra pit was adequate for the 50-man orchestra that was currently squeezing into it.

OOOOOOOOOO

After spending almost an hour doing that, Erik was eagerly awaiting the rest of the evening in A'awynn's company. He had ordered a quiet, candlelit supper in the gazebo with a hired violinist. Tonight, HE would ask HER to marry him.

OOOOOOOOOO

After practically throwing herself at Erik's feet and asking him to marry her, A'awynn would have thought that she was beyond getting nervous; but tonight, she could not stop her stomach from flipping in every direction, her palms sweating with anticipation and the excitement that raced through her body at the prospect of seeing Erik.

She had not seen him all day, except from a distance. The rehearsal was so hectic and she was only allowed to oversee it, not stand in – Brianna called it a tradition. She had barely had a chance to make eye contact with him, let alone touch him.

She dressed in a turquoise evening gown that draped suggestively low in the front and firmly hugged her figure. She loved the idea of driving Erik crazy with lust. His eyes took on the most feral glare when he was sexually aroused…it made her melt with desire.

She let her hair hand loose, except at the right side. She clasped a delicate barrette in it to pull it away from her neck… for easy access.

Lacey was most impressed with the way her mother looked this night. A'awynn lifted her daughter into her arms and gave her a tight hug.

"You be a good girl Lacey, and go to bed when Bree tells you to, alright?" A'awynn tucked the child's hair behind her ears as she spoke to her.

Lacey kissed her mothers cheek and gleefully answered, "I will mommy…you just go have fun with Erik…I mean, with Papa."

A'awynn loved the sound of "papa" on Lacey's lips; Erik had not heard her call him that yet. They had been working on it most of the week, getting Lacey used to calling him that. She would get her opportunity tonight.

A soft knock on the door drew both ladies attention. Bree answered the door and stood back to admit Erik into the suite. He looked exquisite in his forest green evening jacket, black and green pants, and black shirt. He had purposefully left the cravat out and unbuttoned the top two buttons on his shirt, making A'awynn's mouth start to water. He had swept his hair back from his neck and it was neatly combed, except for the several strands that always caressed his forehead.

Lacey ran up to him and he swept her into his strong arms and placed a fatherly kiss on her cheek.

"How are you this evening, my little chickadee?" Erik asked, tickling her lightly in the tummy.

Lacey giggled and hugged his neck harder, "I am great Papa…you look marvelous!"

Erik's heart nearly leapt out of his chest as he heard the title that Lacey had bestowed on him. Never, in all his years, had he ever dared to believe that he would hear that endearment used in reference to him. Tears stung his eyes and he was helpless to stop them as they escaped the corners of his eyes.

Lacey saw them and, without voicing her confusion, wiped them gently from his face with her tiny hands. Her sweet, child's voice wrapped its gentle string around his heart, never to let go, "It will be all right Papa...you won't ever be lonely again…" she hugged his neck gently and placed a tender kiss on his perfect cheek and then kissed his masked cheek. "…I love you, Papa."

Watching Erik hug Lacey and openly share his heart with her made A'awynn fall in love with him all over again. Seeing the sentimental tears fall down his cheek and watching Lacey wipe them away was a moment in time that A'awynn was certain that she would never forget.

Erik let Lacey down and turned to face A'awynn. His breath was knocked out of him at the beauty she displayed before him. The dress left him practically panting and the subtle hints of sexuality made him overheated. She knew exactly what she was doing to him, he could tell by the womanly arrogance he saw just beneath the surface of her turquoise eyes. Control would be a difficult thing to come by tonight.

His eyes said all that needed to be said and he offered her his arm as he led her out of the suite and down the main hall. The couple was completely oblivious to the eyes that were watching them. Raoul and Christine were rounding the corner from the garden room when Erik and A'awynn came into view.

(What a pair they make…I did not know that two people could look so perfect for each other…) Christine was thinking as they passed by. (Their children will be absolutely gorgeous…and I will be here to see them!) Christine found that the jealousy she had originally felt toward A'awynn was fading and was replaced with genuine friendship.

Erik escorted A'awynn through the gardens, led by moonlight and the quiet strings of the violin. There was a soft breeze winding through the treetops and the stars winked at the beautiful couple as they climbed the stairs into the gazebo. A'awynn was astonished at the romantic setting that Erik had planned.

The decorations for tomorrows wedding were in place and the glow of night over the gardens created a fairy-tale atmosphere that just added to the romantic feel of the moment. The chef had prepared rib eye steaks, baked potatoes, baby carrots in butter sauce, rolls and red wine. The dessert was vanilla custard.

Erik spoke of the headway that was being made at Caldwell and how pleased he was with the results. He described their room to her and A'awynn was very excited about being able to see it soon, the whole house sounded lovely.

Erik turned to the violin player and asked that he leave them for about a half and hour. They had some private things to discuss. The man bowed and retreated toward the gardens.

Erik was quiet for a few moments, not sure how to open up the next subject. He carefully voiced his next thought, "I ordered the decorating of the other four bedrooms, other than Lacey's." He drew his searching eyes up to hers, "I know that I want children A'awynn. I want daughters that look and act just like you…daughters that will wrap me around their little fingers just like Lacey has done and rid me of all my good sense…but whose very laughter and smiles will sustain me for the rest of my life."

Erik watched as A'awynn's eyes misted over, he hoped that meant what he thought it meant. He spoke again, with ambiguous eyes, "I no longer doubt that you love me and you have proven that you desire me…but having children with me is an entirely different matter..."

A'awynn was disturbed by the strain she heard in his voice. Erik had never shown signs of being nervous about anything, but she heard the tense pull in his words. She leaned toward him and took his warm hand in hers, gently squeezing his fingers.

Her brow was furrowed with concern as she questioned him, "What is it Erik?"

His eyes slowly made their way up to hers, the magnitude of his pain reflected in their ageless beauty; and an arrow pierced her heart.

Erik's heart was in his chest, beating frantically with shame and fear. He cleared his throat and began his painful revelation, "A'awynn, I want to keep no secrets from you…ever…what I am about to tell you, I have never told another living soul."

A'awynn swallowed hard, prepared to hear of atrocious acts that Erik had committed in the name of justice. She already knew about his torture training at the hands of the masters in Turkey and how he had used it to appease his pain. What more could there be?

Erik's voice, mesmerizing even its pain, captured her attention, "When I was with the Gypsies all those years ago…my master…" Erik's eyes took on an eerie glow of anger when he spoke of this man. "…a demon of a man named Boris…beat me several times a day with a whip and a rope." Tears of shame began winding down his cheeks, leaving a trail of painful memories and hatred, "He did not beat me on the back…he beat me on the thighs and buttocks."

Erik looked into the night sky and closed his eyes, willing the decadent memories to leave him be, "Many times he would leave me bleeding in a cage full of filth and grime…how I escaped infection I will never know." Erik's words were barely above a whisper, "That was all he did…until I turned eight…"

Sobs wracked Erik's body; an inner turmoil that A'awynn could not comprehend…his pain was almost more than she could bear. He stood up and walked to the edge of the gazebo railing, looking out over the midnight blue water; his face shrouded in anguish. A'awynn approached him and silently enfolded his hand in hers, lending her support for whatever torment was still to come.

The urge to just avoid this unsettling conversation and abandon the scene was almost overwhelming for Erik, but he bared himself down and turned to A'awynn, "It started about a week after I turned eight…he came to my meager cell and ordered me to undress." The last word hurled out with disgust. "I was tall for my age and gangly…traits that Boris found…interesting in a boy." The vile disgust spewing forth in Erik's words was palpable.

The images forming in A'awynn's mind were abominable and inhumane. She shut her eyes, hoping to force the images out of her mind…but she feared the worst was yet to come. Her hand covered her mouth as she forced back a gasp of unbelief at what she feared Erik was about to tell her.

Erik saw the fear on her face, but knew he must continue to cleanse his soul of this wretchedness that had resided in him like a symbiotic life form for all these years. He turned from her, not wanting to see the disgust on her face at his next words, "He forced me to my knees and tied my hands to the cell bars…and then he raped me…repeatedly."

The force of the revelation hit Erik fully in his chest and he fell to his knees on the floor of the gazebo. A'awynn raced to his side and took his trembling body in her strong, loving embrace as her tears mingled with his. She felt his arms go around her and the only thing she could think of to do was hold him.

Thinking nothing of the material on her dress, A'awynn sat down on the floor and pulled his body into her lap, his head resting on her womb. His tortured face was buried in her dress and the moonlight reflected on the beauty that should have adorned both sides of his face. His eyes were closed, but the tears were flowing freely; soaking into his soft hair.

A'awynn ran her fingers through his hair, relishing in its texture. She could not believe the torture that Erik had endured in his young life. Suddenly, his attempted suicide and the unfettered disdain, that had always been a part of him, made more sense and seemed entirely justified.

Erik's voice, sounding very much like an eight-year-old boys, broke the silence, "He did that almost every night for the next two years…" A'awynn felt his body tremble with rage. "Up and to that point, I had dealt with my deformity fairly well; I had accepted that this was who I was…but when he…I…" Erik fought for the words to say, "…I became something completely different…something…not quite human…he would yell at me during the painful invasion of my body…telling me that I was refuse and garbage; I did not deserve tenderness and kindness." Erik swallowed with difficulty and continued, "He convinced me that I was an animal, deserving of only brutal mating rituals and pain." Erik was fighting the urge to gag, "After he reached his fulfillment, he would leave me bleeding once again and tied to the cell bars…the scars he gave me have been more painful for me than the scars on my face…but I hid behind my mask, hoping the memories would stay buried."

Erik sat bolt upright, looking directly into A'awynn's soft eyes, "I killed him A'awynn…I killed him with my bare hands…and I feel no remorse for having done it…" his voice trailed off as he looked down.

A'awynn reached up and caressed his ravaged cheek, "There is no shame in what you did Erik…anyone would have done the same if the opportunity presented itself…and you are not to blame for the way he treated you…he was a perverted and evil man; a demon twisted into the image of a human." She pulled his eyes up to hers, "You fear that he may have caused you permanent damage, don't you?"

Erik did not even have to voice his concerns; she was astute enough to realize his thoughts. He gently smiled and shook his head 'yes'. A'awynn gathered her dress and began to stand. Erik swiftly stood and helped her to her feet.

Her hope-filled voice lifted his heart as she spoke, "We will cross that bridge IF and WHEN we come to it, Erik…there is no need to fret over something we know nothing about." She wrapped her arms around his slender, well-shaped waist, "I love you more than words can express…and I am humbled by the fact that you shared this with me…it helps me to understand you that much more."

Erik relinquished his pain and fear into the night air, thanking God above for this woman in his arms. She brought healing to him…a healing that had been a long time coming. It was time to put the past behind him and move on…into a future that he finally felt he deserved.

A'awynn leaned more into him and spoke in a whisper that held all the promise of the future, "I look forward to making babies with you."

They stood for just a few minutes, enjoying the quiet of the night and the feel of each other. The violin player returned and began playing songs that were very familiar to Erik. He did not remember giving the man his music, but he was playing Erik's compositions. Raoul must have brought them with him.

He turned and sat A'awynn down in the chair after pulling it back from the table. She sat, looking rather confused and dazed, but completely at ease in Erik's world. He knelt before her and the violin's soft lull serenaded behind him. His voice was steady and yet the control he had been exercising was beginning to fail. "A'awynn, I never knew what life really was until you awoke my senses with your sweet smile and gentle touch." He smiled and lifted his eyes to the stars.

He continued with closed eyes, "You are the fibers that hold my life together…and the melody that my heart sings with each new beat." Erik opened his deep, green eyes and bared his soul to her, "I like who I am when I am with you…I have never been able to say that before. I pledge my life to you…do with it what you will."

Erik pulled the ring from his pocket and took her left hand in his, placing a soft kiss upon its silken top. Her eyes glistened with tears of joy and love as her heart echoed back the words that he had just spoken.

His voice was slightly strained with emotion as he stated his proposal, "Lady A'awynn Raelin Shaunessy Yancey, it is my deepest desire that you join your heart with mine for eternity. To be bound in the bonds of marriage in the eyes of God…holding firm to each other through the turbulent times and raging storms that are sure to come our way…to be parted only by death."

As he spoke, Erik slipped the ring on her finger; again placing a tender kiss upon her hand. He lifted his dancing eyes to hers and noted the tears of joy that cascaded down her lovely face and the smile that lit his soul.

A'awynn leaned over and physically lifted Erik into her arms, enclosing him in the sweetest cloud of love that she could. She could not stop smiling through her tears as she answered his call, "My Love, there is no where on earth I would rather be than by your side as we face the good and bad that life has to offer." She cradled his dear face in her hands, "Take me as your wife in body, soul, mind and spirit; for there is no life without you."

She took his lips in a searing, sweet kiss, gently gliding her tongue over his in answer to his gentle thrusts. Erik ended the kiss and took her hand, bringing her to stand before him. He looped his arm around her waist and took her other hand in his and they danced to the music of the night as Erik hummed quietly.

Her body melded with his as if they were two missing parts of the cosmic puzzle; he felt every curve as it reached out to his solid, male frame. He nestled his lips in her hair, humming gently in her ear; sending rivers of delight up her spine. Nothing else existed in the world but this man and this woman as they discovered the joys of companionship and love.

He whispered softly, "Do you know how much I love this dress?" He seductively circled the outer line of her ear with his warm tongue, "It makes my body do strange things and my hands ache to learn every inch of you in sweet surrender." He kissed the lobe of her ear, sucking it gently into his mouth and nibbling with his teeth. A'awynn moaned with pleasure as she leaned into his talented mouth.

Temporarily ceasing the kiss, Erik dismissed the violin player, thanking him for a wonderful evening. He wanted to be alone with A'awynn as he further explored the depths of passion that resided within her. It was time to move the game inside.

TBC

Chapter 41 preview – Friendly competition, Flirting, and Erik sings.