After Mamoru left the arcade, Usagi really began to cry. Motoki gave her a squeeze and asked, "What's wrong, hon?"
"Mamoru walked out when I said thank you for basically saving my life. Why-What's wrong? Did I say something wrong?"
"Not that I can see. Mamoru doesn't deal well with intimacy. He tends to keep his emotions inside. He doesn't have much practice anyway. I don't know if he would like me telling you this, but he's an orphan. His parents died on his tenth birthday, and he was moved from several orphanages until he was old enough to live on his own. So, you see, he's not so good with showing emotion. Maybe he's scared to tell you how he real--um how he feels."
"Thanks Motoki. I think I see what you mean." There was a short pause then she said, "I think I'd better go home now. I promised mom I'd clean my room. And then I said I'd help with dinner, so, I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"
"Sure. I'll be here." Lying was not her best trait, so he said, "90254 Willow Tree Lane, third floor, apartment 6B."
She grinned at him and sprinted out the door.
The air was fresh and crisp, so the walk was pleasant. Just because you heal from a wound doesn't necessarily mean that you still can't feel the effects of it however. So, just as she was about to reach his apartment and she heard a piercing scream, her stomach lurched and she sank to the ground. She contacted the others, and they arrived shortly afterwards.
"I heard the scream come from across the street. In the woods. I haven't had a chance to investigate."
"Good. Usagi, you stay behind the trees until we have it cornered and beaten. Then you come out and finish the job."
"Okay. Let's go."
The girls transformed and Sailor Moon hid behind a thick tree. As the first few minutes of the fight went on, she tried to gather her strength. She breathed heavily and clutched at her stomach. The vague remembrance of the fight that caused her this pain came back to her. Why wasn't Tuxedo Mask there? Was he hurt? She hoped that he was alright. If she got into trouble now…would he be here?
There was a sudden flash of pain in his heart and a vision in his brain. Usagi was in trouble! He would be there this time, he promised her in his heart. He would be there!
As Tuxedo Mask entered the woods, he saw Sailor Moon standing behind a tree, waiting for the right moment to enter the battle. She was about to leap out when he grasped her hand. Her heart leapt into her throat when she saw who it was, and she said, "Tuxedo Mask, you're alright! … You are alright, aren't you?"
He smiled. A flicker of a memory of that same smile flashed in her mind, but she could not place it. "Yes, I'm alright. And I'll be here to protect you, I promise."
"Sailor Moon, what are you waiting for," Mars called.
"Right!"
The battle was soon over, and the victim was just waking up when Tuxedo Mask pulled her further into the woods.
"I need to make an apology to you Sailor Moon, for not being there to protect you last time. I-I mean, I was there, but I couldn't get to you. You don't know what it means to me to see you safe and healing." He brushed her hair from her forehead where the deep gash had been.
She clasped his hand and said, "I understand, I really do…Sometimes we just can't seem to do what we need to. There are so many things I can't ever seem to do, and I really need to do them. Like I'm not too good at getting to school on time, doing my homework on time, studying for tests. And I'm not very good at lots of things, but I try, and that's what makes everything work."
Tuxedo Mask laughed and said, "Usagi, you really are the sweetest, most innocent person I've ever met."
She did a double-take. "What? Did you just call me Usagi?"
"Oops," he said sheepishly and turned around.
"No, no, don't go! It's only fair if I know who you are too."
"I-I can't. I-" He took off.
He was too fast for her. She really needed to work on her running. She would be sure to make him explain the next time she saw him. It was getting dark out, and the air smelled like snow. Well, maybe now she could resume her original mission---Discuss certain--emotions--with Mamoru. Her brush with almost certain death made her realize several things, but most important was that life was short, and there was no room for indecision or hesitance…Now only if she could take her own advice…
His apartment complex was considerable, overlooking the dead woods and the fields beyond. When she knocked on the door to his apartment she thought she heard a gasp. She was correct, because Mamoru had no idea that she would ever show up at his house. He tried to make her go away by waiting, but all he got was another knock and, "Mamoru, I know you're home. I really need to talk to you."
He had hoped that his talk with her as Tuxedo Mask had given her something else to think about, but obviously it hadn't. He had made a mistake in calling her Usagi, but feelings can't be submerged for long, and it had just popped out. He was never in the habit of love, and now that he had fallen into it, all of the new but not-so-new feelings had taken over and changed him into a different person. She changed him.
"I'll only let you in if you promise not to cry," he said, trying to be slightly funny.
"How am I supposed to promise that? …..Alright, I'll try."
He opened the door, let her in, and made them some hot chocolate. "What is your mission here, agent Meatball Head," he asked, handing her a mug and sitting down on the couch.
"You. I want to know why you can be so silly, but can't show serious emotions. It's not healthy to keep things bottled up."
"I suppose Motoki opened his sensitive mouth and told you about my parents."
"Yes, and-"
"Well, it's no ones business unless I choose to tell them, okay? I just don't see why people need to know."
"Okay…I just wanted to help, and I thought I could-"
"I don't need help, alright? I've been dealing with it for several years now, and I'm fine. My parents were great people and everything, but they're gone and they've been gone, and I'm dealing with it."
"I don't mean about your parents, I mean your incapacity to show serious, deep emotions. To be intimate with people, even slightly. Those kinds of things should be expressed in some way, or….well, it's not healthy to not have an outlet for those kinds of things."
"I do have a healthy outlet, Meatball Head, just a secret one. I discuss certain feelings with myself in my heart. Then I decide against making them public, because I'm not sure how the person they're directed at will react. Sometimes," he said looking up at the ceiling a bit dazed, "I think she knows how I feel, but other times, things are so complicated that I'm not so sure."
"You should tell her. She'd be happy to know how you feel. Then you come and tell me what she said. And if she says that she doesn't like you, I'll beat her up for you."
Mamoru laughed. "You're the sweetest person I've ever met, Usagi," he said, and brushed the hair from her forehead.
….I am such an idiot, he thought when he saw the shocked look on her face. That's twice in one day, and now my cover's busted. Crap. Why doesn't she just slap me on the head and call me dead?
She was on the couch next to him with her hands by her eyes saying, "I must be insane. Did you just say what I thought you did? Do I have a hearing problem? What's going on here? How could I not see this? Why didn't I….why didn't I see this coming? No, no. My brain must be malfunctioning--".
"Usagi, calm down. There is nothing wrong with your brain, ears, or…anything else. Your brain made a connection, which for you may have been painful, but otherwise is a normal thing to do."
"Shut up Mamoru, that's not the point! You're such a jerk! I just realized that I've been in--love with your alter ego for months! Not to mention you, which has made me feel disloyal all that time, but now….it turns out that you're the same person?" There was a long pause, and then she asked rather testily, "How long have you known about my alter ego," she demanded. "Do you realize what this means; how this makes me feel?"
"Actually, I do."
"How?"
"Well…the girl that confuses me and turns my insides into goo is you. I-I've never felt that way about anyone…never. You're the first person that has ever tried to love me, and I've secretly loved you back. I wish that you could have known sooner, but, even though it may seem strange, I didn't have the guts to tell you. Guys can be just as nervous around girls as girls can be around guys. Maybe even more so. Sometimes I wondered if I'd live up to your standards, or if you would date me out of pity."
"I'm shocked at you Mamoru," she said, standing up, horrified. "Why would you ever think that I'd date someone out of pity? That's not fair to either side. And besides, you give yourself too little credit. Why, any girl would count her blessings when she's with you. Who wouldn't want to date a medical student with a car and a motorcycle," she said, making the 'and' sound significant, as if it clenched the matter.
Mamoru laughed, and standing up beside her, gave her a bear hug. "This is the third time I've said this today, but, you really are the sweetest person I've ever met. You are a wonderful light in my life, Usagi, and I would be a fool to let you go."
She blushed and hugged him back. "Well, I guess that makes two of us….Oh, Mamoru! I feel so free when I'm with you. I don't have to be someone I'm not. I don't have to do anything. I love you, Mamo-chan," she choked out, the tears freely falling down her cheeks.
"I love you too, Usako," he whispered in her ear.
Her ears were ringing and her heart was racing. She felt light-headed. He bent down and kissed her eyes. His soft mouth lowered to her lips. If ever she felt like fainting before, the urge now was ten times greater. The pressure on her lips was like a biting fire, and it took all her strength to be held in his embrace without crumpling to the floor. Something stirred inside her, and everything that she had ever done was justified in this moment. Someone loved her for just being her. His kisses sapped all of her strength, and yet, she seemed entirely peaceful and safe in his arms.
"Should we go out to dinner, or should I make us some," he asked.
"Let's keep it quiet. I think we should stay here for now. Besides, I don't want to spoil the moment," she said, turning to face him in the dimly lit room.
He walked to the freezer and produced a carton of ice cream.
"You're just about the silliest guy I know, Mamo-chan. Next to Motoki, of course. What am I going to do with you?"
"Well, for starters, you could tell me you love me," he said, coming back to the couch and gazing into her eyes that were, for once, not glued to the scary movie on the television. "I'll never tire of hearing it as long as I live."
"I love you, Mamoru." The wind was blowing softly as the unusual snowflakes drifted to the ground. The street was lightly covered by now, and the street lamps were on. "By the way…do you watch me change before I get back into bed," she asked, her mind jumping to an earlier thought.
Mamoru just smiled, bit his lip, and blushed.
The Beginning