Author's note: Ok folks. Here are a few notes. To those who just found this, most of the characters in here are based on and named after people I know in FFXI, and some of them help me write it, actually. If someone cares enough you can find all of us on the Bahamut server. We're all using the same names here, so you don't have to ask. I'll mention if any characters are not real at the end of each chapter. Now, a note to the people I write about... if I offend you, don't worry about it. This wouldn't be funny if we weren't all arsefaces. Just lighten up. If you don't want to be included, tell me and I'll kill off your character or something. And I acknowledge that Rampart does not really have a crush on Vernice. It's just for laughs. Now, if you can stand it, enjoy the first real chapter.
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Chapter one
And then they met. Upon arrival at the fountain, everyone said, in unison, "Wait a minute." And then what little order there was became lost. Wriith signed dejectedly, Poiso sent nasty looks at everyone; Krie hugged himself, and everyone else had many other amusing reactions! All was lost on Angelinx, and the only thought the rusty gears of her mind could churn forth suddenly escaped from her mouth, "Who wants to join my new guild? It's called Hassloe's Brace!" And thusly she pulled a sickly orange shell from her pocket, which dispensed six similarly colored pearls, with an irritating rattling noise. "Anyone?" Poiso, who had been banned from her guilds on many an occasion, was first to volunteer, and quickly snatched four of the linkpearls from her hand. Wriith was hesitant. "What the hell kind of name is Hassloe's brace?"
Angelinx, who was ignorant of the anagram she had accidentally unleashed, smiled, and with a shrill squeal said, "It's a cool name!" Poiso laughed hysterically. "Asshole!" Angelinx didn't get it, and handed a pearl to everyone uninitiated. Poiso kissed his awesome green shell, which almost no one had a pearl to, and those who knew about Apostlecorp gazed at it with awe and regret. He slowly looked around and slipped it back into his pocket. There was a moment of silence as everyone stared at his pocket. Angelinx pulled Krie and Hellhound aside in order to preach uselessness at them about her "wonderful" guild. Vernice turned to Rampart. "Hey Ram! What are you doing here?" She asked, followed by a fairly audible blink. Rampart then made a weak smile and nervously said "Uhhh, nothing." He blushed and sprinted away. Vernice shrugged. Wriith looked at Poiso, smiled, and said nothing for a moment. He then looked away and screamed "TELEPORT-HOLLA PLEASE, WILL PAY!"
The next day, Poiso was fishing at port. He was wearing his robe and windshear hat, which while they provided little armor, Poiso thought they looked good on him. This was not, in fact, conjecture. It was a sunny day, but regardless, as far as Poiso's days go, this was a fairly decent one. He had caught quite a few fish and his rod hadn't even broken, so he was probably going to make a fairly good amount of cash at the end of the day. You, the reader, are probably now thinking, "This will never go according to plan." If you were, you were right! Poiso heard a muffled voice from his Hassloe's Brace linkpearl, saying "Poiso! Hey, Poiso! Are you there? Hey, shut up Krie! Poiso!"
Grimacing, Poiso pulled the disgusting object from his pocket. Inside it, Wriith's face was apparent. Shouting above the voices Poiso did not recognize, Wriith said, "Oh, there you are! Say, how about you come over here to Sandy?" A faint rumbling noise could be heard about Poiso's person. "Why?" He asked in a menacing voice. The image of Wriith replied, "I dunno! Why not?" Wriith looked behind him, and a voice urging Wriith to "Put away that thing and help me with this" could be heard in the background. Wriith was in a swamp outside of Sand'oria somewhere, and a rather large fish, which was, without explanation, able to walk on land without so much as feet, was attacking his party. Before Poiso could force a laugh and agree, Wriith had hastily said he would meet him at the Southern Sand'oria auction house at sunset and had put away his pearl.
The rumbling emitting from Poiso grew louder. Before he realized what he was doing, he kicked his bucket of fish into the ocean in rage. A rather rotund Galka began to laugh at him. Poiso looked at him, snapped his fingers, and suddenly the part of the port beneath the Galka's feet was missing. As you have probably already imagined, the Galka fell into the ocean and screamed something about his not being able to swim. Poiso walked away at a calm pace.
He arrived at Windurst Walls. "No problem," he thought, "I'll just pay for a teleport and be there in no time." However before he could so much as open his mouth and start shouting, another Tarutaru approached him from behind. "Hey!" He said. "I hear you are going to Sand'oria." Poiso was obviously puzzled.
"How...?"
"Could you... take me with you?"
"Actually I was planning on..."
"Say, thanks!"
Something in Poiso's head made a pop noise. He tilted his head. "Well...ok then... let's go..." The new adventurer introduced himself. "My name is Darkslayer!" Poiso grimaced. "I'm sure it is..."
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Darkslayer is not a real person. If he is similar to your character, that's pretty funny.