A/N: Hi all! Another shot of angst song-fic. I got really good reviews on my first one so I want to give it another shot. Not that I'm being cocky or anything, I just want to try writing more angst song-fic, and at the same time practice. Hope you enjoy this one too. This song-fic is Kelly Clarkson's Behind These Hazel Eyes. I'm not a fan of hers but I accidentally saw the music video of her song when I was channel surfing this morning. And the first thing that popped into my mind was: Wow, this would make a good song-fic. And yep, as usual, it's Botan centered. But Botan doesn't have hazel eyes so I changed the lyrics a bit, and put her original eye color instead of hazel. Ok, enough with my babbling and on with the story.
Warning: To all Koenma lovers, if you don't like Koenma being insulted, don't read. I'm no Koenma hater, but I just think Koenma will suit well as the betrayer. Sorry to all Koenma fans.
Word- Flashback
"Word" - Talking in flashback
Word - Lyrics
"Word" - Talking
'Word' - Thoughts
Word - Present
Summary: Kelly Clarkson's Behind These Hazel Eyes. Implied Koenma/Botan and Kurama/Botan. Botan's POV. Botan discovered Koenma is cheating on her on the day of their wedding.
Disclaimer: I don't own the song Behind These Hazel Eyes and I don't own Yu Yu Hakusho.
Behind These Amethyst Eyes
Seems like just yesterday
You were a part of me
I used to stand so tall
I used to be so strong
Your arms around me tight
Everything, it felt so right
Unbreakable, like nothin' could go wrong
I slowly walked towards the aisle. Looking at my groom-to-be. He looked so handsome in his teen form. I wish he could stay that way forever. But his spirit energy drains a lot when he's on that form. He stood there, handsome as usual, his usual pacifier out of sight. He is wearing a black, formal tux that makes him the envy of all the male guests, including Yusuke. The usual Jr. on his forehead gone.
He gave me a small smile, which I returned sweetly. But there was just something in his smile that made me felt uneasy. I looked at our visitors instead. On the right side stood my three best friends: Keiko, Shizuru, and Yukina with Genkai. And also other ferry girls like Ayame and Hinageshi, Maya, Kurama's current girlfriend is also present, smiling at me in encouragement. There were also others that I didn't know. Koenma invited them. I actually preferred that our wedding would be simple, but Koenma and his dad wanted it to be the most extravagant.
On the left side of the chapel, stood all the male visitors. Kuwabara and George the ogre, looked at me, teary-eyed. Yusuke gave me the thumbs-up. Kurama just gave me a courteous smile. Hiei Jaganshi, the moody fire koorime, surprisingly enough, is present, but he didn't look at me like the others did, and he isn't the only one wearing something formal, just his usual: black cloak, black boats, white scarf, and white bandana. The other male visitors, Botan didn't know because most of them are Koenma's relatives. Spoiled, selfish demi-gods like himself.
Now it seems so funny to me. It was just like what… three months since Koenma and her started dating and now… now… we're going to get married. It's just so fast. Why did I say yes to his proposal anyways? Duh, Botan! Because you love the guy. And you know he's going to be honest with you, and you know that he's going to protect you. He promised me he's not going to make me cry, and like any stupid woman would do, I believed him.
As I went nearer and nearer, I can't help but feel something on the pit of my stomach. I can't quite decipher what it is, but I ignored it as I walked towards my husband to be. He seems to be smiling at some guest who is behind me. I wanted to look back, but was too afraid. I'm very thankful to my long, translucent veil, because I know that it's hiding my pale, nervous face.
Now I can't breathe
No, I can't sleep
I'm barely hanging on
I looked around me. There are trees and mud. The heavy, and smelly Makai rain, ruining my white, long wedding gown. I still have my veil, but now it isn't hiding my face anymore. I'm not crying. I clenched my fist, now beating the tree that I am resting on. I wanted to cry, but remembering Koenma's face made me hold my tears back. And how can I cry if I'm so mad?
That stupid jerk. Just remembering his name makes me irk. Why does he have to show me that he's betraying me on the day of my wedding. On the day of my wedding! I continued to beat the tree with my clenched fists. They're bleeding now, but I don't care. I just want to bent my frustration on something else, and the tree seemed like a good option.
Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these amethyst eyes
"Botan!" Yusuke's familiar voice called from afar. I looked at the source of the voice, then ran… I just… ran. Away, away from him. Away from them. This is not the first time it happened. First was Kurama, the first man I've ever loved with my whole life as a ferry girl. He has all the qualities I've been looking for in a man. Polite, punctual, intelligent, loving, caring and most of all good-looking. But he didn't do anything so jerky like what Koenma did to me today.
It started when one day, Keiko told me that I should 'fess up to Kurama. Yep. Should. Keiko said it as if our very lives depended on it. Then she called Kurama, who told her, that him and I should meet him at his favorite café, the one that serves his favorite drink, frapuccino. I went reluctantly, walking small steps towards the café.
As I reached the particular meeting spot, I saw the red-head sipping his favorite drink outside the café, sitting on one of the cozy looking tables which have those colorful umbrellas on it. He waved at me politely, as if signaling to me that he's sitting on that table. I slowly walked towards the table.
He gave me a small smile as I sat down on the chair, across his. "Can I get you something?" Kurama asked, on his usual gentlemanly voice, and I couldn't help but giggle.
"No, thanks, Kurama. I'm fine." I said.
"Keiko said you wanted to tell me something. Is there something wrong, Botan?" He asked, concerned as usual.
"Well, I -- uhmm…" I said, blushing furiously. I looked at him, his emerald eyes giving me a concerned look. As I looked and explored his eyes, I noticed that his look isn't of a concerned lover's look, but instead I saw a concerned friend's look. Like Yusuke's and Kuwabara. I couldn't help but flinch as he touched my hands. "I love you." I murmured incoherently, hoping that the kitsune wouldn't hear, but he did.
Kurama gave me a sad look. "Botan, I'm so sorry, but I'm already going out with someone else." He said. "I'm really so-" But I didn't let him finish as I ran. Away from him. Then it started to rain, just like now. I ran, until the whole gang went looking for me. And well, Hiei was the one who was able to find me. Good 'ol Hiei. I wonder if he'll be the one to find me again this time.
And yeah, in case you're wondering, it took Kurama and I quite some time to get along well again. But up 'til now, we still feel uncomfortable with each other. Gone are the playful jokes and playful nudges, they were replaced by simple hi's and hello's, byes and goodbyes, waves and nods. It was either he's avoiding me, or I'm avoiding him, but it seems to me that we're both avoiding each other.
I leaned against the tree, I raised up my head to look at the dreary, cloudy sky. I let the rain pelt softly on my face. My gown is now covered in thick mud. My long blue hair, now wet and dripping. My lovely glass slippers now filled with mud from the inside. But I didn't care, right now, I just wanna be here, alone, by myself… Kurama didn't see me cry. And like Kurama, I won't let Koenma see me cry. Especially not that jerk.
I continued to muse to myself, my mind flashing back all the bad things that had happened to me.
I told you everything
Opened up and let you in
You made me feel alright
For once in my life
I put my arms around Koenma's teen form's neck. And I slowly kissed his lips. He kissed me back with equal passion. I'm the happiest person in the whole world. Tomorrow… tomorrow is our wedding. I will finally be bound to him, and him to me. And no one can ever pull us apart.
"You know," I said. "I've always believed in fairy tales." I said, combing my finger through his soft, brown hair.
"Hmm… you should. You're living in one." Koenma said sweetly, kissing her once again.
"You make me feel so loved, Koenma." I murmured as he lay me down on my back. I nuzzled his hand, the one that is cradling my head.
"A fact I'm very proud of." The teenage demi-god said as he rose from the bed. "Now, my love, sleep, for tomorrow is our wedding. I wouldn't want my bride to have big eye bags on our special day." Koenma joked, kissing me on the forehead.
I whined. "But you just came!" I said, complaining like a little girl who got her doll stolen.
"Well, I just came to your room to say good night, anyway." He reasoned. I pouted, then gave him one of my best puppy-face, the one he can't resist. "I really have to go now, Botan." Koenma said. I was slightly taken aback. He called me by my first name and not by the usual 'love' or 'sweet.'
"Ok. G'night." I murmured as sleep slowly took me away.
Now all that's left of me
Is what I pretend to be
So together, but so broken up inside
'Cause I can't breathe
No, I can't sleep
I'm barely hangin' on
No wonder the asshole was in such a hurry to get out of my room last night, he can't wait to be with ferry girl. And he called me by my first name because he was growing impatient. That jerk. Someday, he's gonna get his. Someday. And I would gladly see it.
Why does he have to propose to me if he likes another woman? Was he just playing with me? Was it all some stupid bet, like the ningen movies I used to watch with Keiko, where the guy goes on an all out, life-or-death situation deal with his friends, that he can propose to this girl, then dump her on the day of their wedding for another woman?
I scratched my long, wet hair. Then rubbed my temples, stopping a headache from coming. Then I heard more shouting. "Botan, please, come out!" Yukina's pleading voice said from the same direction as Yusuke's.
I couldn't help but feel guilty, everyone is looking for me. A part of me is telling to go to my friends. But another part of me, the real part of me, told me to run. And so I did. Running, drowning my friend's voice from the rain. As I went farther and farther, their voice seemed to me like a dream. I couldn't hear them anymore. The only thing I can hear are my shoe's sounds as it stepped on mud and pools of water.
Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these amethyst eyes
I found a new tree that I can lean on. I closed my eyes as I let the raindrops fall into my face. Without even realizing it, I have dozed off for a long time. I looked around. It is still raining, and it seemed to have grown harder. It is dark. Really dark. I felt a familiar ki approaching me, coming towards my way.
I quickly stood up, all sleepiness gone. I run, once again. Not even caring if I trip as I ran. I felt branches scratch my face, my dress, tearing it, my arms. I can feel it stinging, but I ignored it. The ki is coming closer and closer. I continued to run. All the scratches are painless compared to what I'm suffering right now, my emotional suffering.
I continued to run, even when I lost one of my glass slippers. Funny, this scene is just like one of her favorite fairy tales. Why is this happening to me? I don't know. But I just let it slip off my feet, I don't have time to pick it up, since the ki approaching me is now coming fast, faster than before.
I continued to run without my right glass slipper, ignoring the pain that shot through my delicate foot, as it got stabbed by a sharp rock. Due to the darkness, I didn't see an extending root on one of the big trees, and like what you're expecting, I trip and fell, my head bumped into a big rock, and the last thing I remember was a "Hn."
Swallow me then spit me out
For hating you, I blame myself
Seeing you it kills me now
No, I don't cry on the outside
Anymore...
I finally reached the altar without tripping and falling. I reached out for Koenma's outstretched hand. I smiled at him. He smiled back, not to me, but to someone behind me. I gritted my teeth. 'Is it just me or has Koenma gone cross-eyed? Why isn't he looking at me?' I asked myself, stopping myself from looking behind me. 'Oh well, he's probably just smiling at the guests and giving them thankful smiles that they came to our wedding.' I reassured myself, not wanting to get all paranoid.
I faced the priest. Feeling a little uneasy. The whole wedding process went well. Nothing weird happened. No one objected from the guests when the priest stated the "Speak now, or forever hold you peace." line. I sighed in relief.
My favorite part finally came: the exchanging of wedding rings. Koenma hasn't showed me the wedding ring yet, so now I'm excited to see what it looks like. Hinageshi told me she saw it, when Koenma was cleaning up his desk a week before the wedding. I couldn't help but giggle when Hinageshi told me that it was made of pure gold, with an amethyst stone on the middle.
Amethyst, yes, my eye color. He once said, that my eyes are the best asset I had. They're deep and mysterious but they're also cheerful at the same time. I smiled at the memory. Koenma took out the ring, and I was surprised to see just a simple gold ring. No amethyst stone whatsoever.
I frowned at him, but I noticed that he isn't looking at me. He is smiling at one guest in particular. Mustering all my wits, I followed his gaze, he is looking at a beautiful ferry girl. I quickly recognized her as the new ferry girl, Andrea. I took her under my wing for only three days, then after that she quickly got the hang of it.
And much to my hatred, the girl is smiling back at Koenma. They seem to be communicating through their eyes. I looked back at Koenma who isn't even aware of my glare. I took the wedding ring from his hand, he finally got aware of my presence, he gave me a questioning look. I looked at the girl who stopped smiling, quickly looking away from the altar.
I looked at the wedding ring. And from it's texture, I can tell that it was made out of cheap gold. The ones that a low rate youkai make to fake innocent ningens to buy it. I looked at Koenma, holding back the tears. I threw the wedding ring to his face, making him wince in pain. All the guests stood up immediately, especially Koenma's relatives.
Then I walked towards Andrea, the new ferry girl, then threw the bouquet of peonies on her face, making her cry. I ran towards the chapel doors. I felt Yusuke grab my arm gently but I brushed it off hotly.
"Botan, wait!" I heard Kuwabara shout. I kicked open the doors. Behind me a riot is taking place. I can hear Enma-sama shouting for the guards to follow me, Koenma crying in pain, the ferry girl complaining that I ruined her hair; those are just the few. I ran outside the chapel, ignoring everyone's plea. Above me, I heard thunder, but like their pleas, I ignored it as I continued to run.
Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these amethyst eyes
I woke up in cold sweat, I looked around my unfamiliar surrounding. I rubbed my eyes. Then I suddenly felt my aching head. "Ahhhh…" I winced in pain, as I touched my bandage forehead. I looked at both my hands, and like my forehead, they're bandaged too. I remembered beating up an old tree, causing both my hands to bleed.
"Hn. Baka ferry onna." A cold, deep, masculine voice said from the corner of the room.
"Hi-Hiei?" I asked, as he slowly walked towards the bed I am lying on.
"Hn." He replied. "Onna, go back to sleep. You got a pretty a bad hit from a rock." Hiei said.
"Are you concerned?" I gasped. I touched his forehead. "Are you sick?" I asked, he quickly slapped my hand away.
"Don't touch me." He snapped. I sighed.
"Where am I?" I asked.
"You're in my castle." Hiei replied. "In my chambers, to be precise." He added.
"Oh, am I disturbing your sleep?" I asked, Hiei threw her a questioning look. I blushed. "Oh well, I mean I'm sleeping on your bed and yo--" I babbled but Hiei cut me off.
"I'm fine onna." He murmured, standing up and walking back towards the corner.
Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these amethyst eyes
I lay back down on the bed. I looked at Hiei who is now sitting down on the corner of the room, minding his own business. "Thank you, Hiei." I whispered.
"Hn." He said in a questioning manner that made me chuckle softly. Knowing Hiei, I know he meant: "What do you mean, onna?"
"I meant thank you. For not taking me back there." I said. "What happened to them when I left?" I asked, not being able to hold back my curiosity.
"Do you really want to know, onna?" Hiei asked, I nodded my head eagerly.
"Hn. Koenma got a pretty bad black eye when you threw him the ring." He started in a bored tone. "Then his concubine looked like shit. His dad panicked when he saw that Koenma's eye were bleeding." Hiei added more enthusiastically. "The two ended up marrying." He said darkly.
I couldn't help but laugh. Hiei looked at me. And I know he is happy for me. From his look I know he's saying: "You don't deserve him, onna." I gave him a gentle smile. "Thanks, Hiei." I said, slowly laying down on the bed. I'm not really sad when I learned the ended up marrying with each other. I don't care anymore.
"Hn." I closed my eyes, letting Mr. Sleep to take me to la-la land.
Hiei's POV
I looked at the onna, amazed that she fell asleep in a span of thirty seconds. I slowly walked towards my bed, which she is occupying. I looked at her angelic face, her eyes, which are now closed, in particular. I rubbed my eyes, surprised at what I'm seeing.
It isn't red and puffy as I have expected it to be. Instead they looked normal. I smiled. So, the onna didn't cry. "Hn. Good for you." I said, before returning back to my corner.
The End.
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A sequel? Next chapter? Perhaps, if you review.