Chapter Four: The Insanity is Just Beginning

Yeah. I admit it myself, the last chapter /was/ a bit dull. –cough- But it was just the follow-up for this one. Which is the follow-up for the next one, which… well, you get the point. Yes, and I know you all will absolutely LOVE this chapter. 'Tis one of our favorites. This one and the next one. xD Well, I won't waste anymore of your time by rambling on here like I normally do, so—happy reading! – Padfoot

And as a note: Walter, Wayne, William, and Winifred are totally AWESOME, and must be treated with respect. – Dopey, Fluffy, and Padfoot

Remus was sitting in a corner far away from the other three, trying to ignore them, but it was no use. "Oh, now what did I do?" he asked no one, hearing his name used in blame from across the cave.

"Who are you talking to, Moony?" James asked him loudly, looking around wildly as if to see some other person in the cave sitting next to his friend. "Are you consulting with yourself?"

But Remus didn't see James, he only heard a voice talking to him—that he couldn't recognize for some reason. "Who was that?"

Peter knew better, "SHH!" he hushed them, "Philosophers can communicate with their inner selves, leave Remus be…"

He couldn't hear who said that either. "Who said that?" he yelled. "SHOW YOURSELF!"

"The spirits are upsetting him," admitted Peter quietly.

"Very," agreed Sirius.

"Who keeps talking?" Remus asked the cave at large, grabbing a rock and positioning himself as if he were to throw it. "I have a rock! I will throw it!"

James stood up and snickered, "Nobody doubts you, Remus."

"YOU'LL SEE! YOU'LL ALL SEE!" Remus was then screaming.

Peter was confused, "What? What will we see?"

"Erm, I dunno. I never thought I'd be asked that," confessed Remus, dropping the rock, but he quickly picked it back up, "Now back to those voices…"

But Sirius was too quick for him, and blindly threw a rock in the cave. "I will not be reduced to a voice in someone's head!"

The rock hit Remus on the side of the head—hard. "OW!" he hollered in pain. "Who WAS that?"

James walked over and sat down next to Remus, wanting to be seen and heard in fear of getting hit with a rock. "Who else?" he questioned rhetorically, "It was probably—."

Remus was in shock. "W—Walter?" he interrupted.

"Moony… what?" James was surprised. Because there wasn't a Walter in the room, and heck, James didn't even know anyone named Walter besides that one muggle neighbor that he had accidentally—nevermind.

"Walter! I haven't seen you in YEARS!" And when Remus leaned in to hug James (…Walter?), James scooted away awkwardly.

Sirius was realizing something terrible. Moony was acting like an idiot. That was his job. "Please tell me he's talking to the spirits again," he whispered to Peter.

"I don't know," admitted the supposed philosopher Peter.

"Do you ever know?" Sirius asked Peter, but he said nothing.

And as Remus was telling James about what he had been doing for the past two years and was asking him how someone called 'Wayne' was doing, James mumbled, "Erm… Sirius… help…"

So Sirius walked over to James and sat next to him. Remus was ecstatic. "Hey Wayne!" He greeted him. "How're you doing?"

Peter couldn't hold it in any longer. He giggled.

"SHUT UP, PETER!" James yelled in frustration, trying to be the smart one and figure out what was wrong with Remus Lupin.

"Now Walter," scolded Remus. "I thought your mother disapproved of such language!"

"Yeah Walter," teased Sirius, elbowing James.

"Look who's talking Wayne," he muttered angrily back, elbowing Sirius much harder.

"Now boys, let's not fight," said Remus reproachfully, wagging his finger at them. "I'm making biscuits, and everyone knows that it's hard to fight when one is eating a biscuit."

"Oh, we're SO sorry!" apologized Sirius sarcastically.

"Good!" Confirmed the obviously insane Remus Lupin, "And I assume it's almost tea time. Now, where did I put that pot…?" He stood up and began whistling as he looked for the nonexistent teapot.

From the other side of the cave (which was only a few feet away), Peter whimpered hungrily, "I want a biscuit." For those spoons seemed ages ago.

Remus looked up and frowned at Peter. "William! Of course not! You're being punished, remember?"

It was James's turn to laugh, "Heh; William! Mind if I call you Will?" He and Sirius broke out in laughter.

"If that can get me a biscuit, then go right ahead," 'William' said quietly.

"NO!" Remus was outraged. "William, you are being punished, so absolutely NO biscuit for you—and your name is William, not WILL! AHH! You're all ruining my tea party!"

They all looked at Remus in surprise. Peter rushed over to Sirius and James and sat down, and everything was quiet for a few minutes. Then, as if nothing had happened, Remus went back on to whistling and looking for his beloved teapot.

"Sirius, I think that rock you hit him with made him insane…" James whispered to Sirius, careful not to let Remus hear, in fear of hearing another breakdown.

"Yeah well, how can we reverse it? You know how awful Moony's biscuits taste," scowled Sirius at the memory of Remus's cooking.

James thought, and thought, and thought. But the thing was, James was so bad at using his common sense that he got nowhere. "I dunno," he muttered.

Sirius did the same, but got different results "Oh! I know! Let's hit him with another rock!" And he bent down and picked up a rock, and aimed it at Remus's crazy skull.

"WHAT? You can't do that!" Peter objected. "I know he's crazy—but you can't just go damaging his brain even more!"

"You know what? Stay out of this, William!" James shot back, agreeing with Sirius.

"But look at him!"

They turned to look at Remus, who was whistling an unknown tune while looking under rocks for the teapot, that way they all could drink some tea and eat biscuits at the appropriate time.

"Yeah," Sirius said, sounding like he was agreeing. "I'd better hit him." And before Peter could say something in Remus's defense, Sirius threw the rock. The rock didn't hit Remus, however. Instead, it hit James, who got hit in the temple and then giggled weakly.

Peter glared, "Padfoot, you have the worst aim."

"Yeah, well if you're so great—then YOU try!"

"I will," and Peter bent over, picked up a rock, aimed, and threw the rock. He, also, had terrible aim—and instead of hitting Remus, his target, he hit Sirius somehow—who also giggled weakly when the rock made impact.

James looked over at Remus as if he couldn't believe that he was there. "WINIFRED!" He screamed happily and ran over to him.

Remus looked up. "Why, Walter, have you come over to help me find my teapot?" he asked nicely, "What a sweet little boy…" And he went right back to looking for the missing teapot.

"Erm," 'Walter' stammered, "no. I hate tea."

He was flabbergasted, "Why, Walter? How can you hate tea?"

"Are those biscuits ready, Winifred?" inquired Sirius, walking over to the two of them from the other side of the cave.

Peter couldn't say anything. And if he did, he was sure it would sound more like that time when James put the engorgement charm on his tongue during Transfiguration Class, and Professor McGonagall had asked him—well, that wasn't important now. What was important was that—well, to get Moony not-crazy anymore.

"Because your biscuits are simply the best, and I can't wait to eat some," Sirius lied.

James groaned, "Wayne, you're such a suck up. You remember the last time we ate her biscuits. I about died."

Remus must not have been paying attention to 'Walter' and 'Wayne's' conversation, because just then, he, "FOUND THE TEAPOT!" and held up a teapot-sized rock.

"Hooray!" 'Wayne' cheered.

"Oh, how wonderful," scowled James sarcastically.

'Winifred' smiled, "Why yes! It is wonderful! I thought you loathed tea, Walter… tut, tut, tut, you should make up your mind.

"Yeah, Walter, you're giving us headaches," jeered Sirius. "Now everyone gather round! Winifred's tea and biscuits are ready!"

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