Disclaimer: Yami no Matsuei is the property of Matsushita Yoko, and I'm making no money with this fic.
A/N: I don't know where I got the idea, or why I wrote it… This fic is based on the anime version.
Warnings: death, angst, and non-explicit sexual content
Everything in the Shokan division changed after that day.
Kyoto had been a total nightmare to all of the shinigami. Seeing a desperately broken and insane Tsuzuki surrounded by his rampant shikigami clutching into the head of a poor girl that Muraki had used as an object in his sinister plans to get to Tsuzuki, and later seeing said psychopath soaring into the sky carrying unconscious Tsuzuki in his arms, had made everybody feel the unwelcome swirl of emotions in their chests; fear, despair, anguish, guilt, any imaginable negative emotion that existed in the world, in both living and the afterlife.
And later, when they finally arrived to the basement of the university after the intense battle with the young master of KoKakuRou, and saw the fiery hell of Touda's fire and the blank shell of Tsuzuki in the middle of it, they thought that they had lost their dear friend forever. If it hadn't been for Hisoka's courage, they wouldn't have been able to bring Tsuzuki back from the cold hands of his second suicide.
Luckily everything seemed to be back to normal few weeks later. Tsuzuki was his normal happy self again, and Hisoka kept glaring at him and affectionately calling him idiot. Kyoto was forgotten, and everything was fine again.
Until that day came.
The case seemed like an easy one. Tsuzuki and Hisoka were to collect a soul of and old woman who should have died long ago, but still remained alive. It was no big deal, she had lived a long life and her death was natural.
But when they met the little girl in the hospital, who had lost her parents only a couple of months before, holding her grandmothers hand, tears in her tired eyes, begging her not to die, taking the old woman's soul became a lot harder than they had thought it would be. But they took it anyway, leaving the little girl alone in the world.
The guilt ripped open old wounds in Tsuzuki, bringing back his self-loath and guilt for being alive. But he hid his pain well under smiles and happy exterior, like he had done for decades. But he couldn't pretend for long…
The poor kid was the first to find his partner's body, or what was left of it anyway. In the darkness of the previous night, Tsuzuki had ended his immortal life with the assistance of Touda.
After that, nothing could be the same again.
Everybody reacted in Tsuzuki's death their own way. Hisoka became awfully quiet, and visited the burnt spot in the furthest end of the JuOhCho's garden almost daily. Tatsumi spent lot of time out of his office and cast lingering looks towards Tsuzuki's empty desk. Watari locked himself in his lab, burying himself in his experiments. Wakaba drowned her sorrows in baking, but when her cakes didn't vanish from the break room in the same amount of time they used to, she gave up. Even Terazuma showed his mourning by doubling his daily dose of cigarettes.
Tsuzuki had been the most loved person in the Shokan division, and his decision to end his life touched all of his fellow shinigami. But the two who had held the amethyst eyed man closest to their hearths, the two who had loved Tsuzuki deeply, even though they had never admitted it to anyone, not even to themselves, were the one's suffering the most.
Hisoka, who had finally found someone to bring light in his lonely and haunted life, was alone once again. His partner, who had saved him many times, who had pulled him out of his shell and had shown him kindness, was gone. Now, there was no-one smiling to him, cheering him up, sharing his pain and anger with him or holding him… and now he needed it the most. Back in Kyoto, Hisoka had collapsed in Tsuzuki's arms, telling him how he needed him, how he belonged to Tsuzuki's side and how he didn't want to be left alone. Tsuzuki had closed his arms around him and stayed. Now, Tsuzuki had left him.
Tatsumi, who had loved Tsuzuki secretly for decades and whose life had been revolving around Tsuzuki's happiness, found his life empty and meaningless. He had sworn to protect Tsuzuki from everything, and now, he had failed. Yes, he would have let Tsuzuki die in Kyoto, but only because it was Tsuzuki's decision. And later, in the sunset coloured infirmary back in Meifu, when Tsuzuki had thanked him for saving his life, Tatsumi had promised that he would protect Tsuzuki also from Tsuzuki's own demons. But he hadn't kept that promise, he hadn't seen beyond those amethyst eyes, to Tsuzuki's quivering soul, and hadn't saved him. He had left the man he loved alone, to face his final death.
It all began with one compassionate glance at each other in the hallway.
And it all ended in Tatsumi's bedroom one night.
Desperate for the touch of someone, a way to forget their sorrow and to find someone who understood their pain, Tatsumi and Hisoka were filling the dark room with gasps and moans. It wasn't an act of love, at least not for each others… It wasn't the emerald eyed teenager who was crying under Tatsumi, pressing his naked body against him, and it wasn't the secretary who was penetrating the boy, gently nibbling at his neck. Pictures of dark hair and amethyst eyes were flashing behind closed eyelids of the both men, and the silent moans of a name weren't of the ones' rocking together on the bed.
Great tears were running down Hisoka's cheeks dampening the pillow under him. His own sorrow would have been enough alone, but in such an intimate contact with the older man, he couldn't keep his shields up and Tatsumi's crushing pain was fuelling his own, making him cry for the sorrow of them both.
When they reached the peak, they were calling the same name.
No words were needed between them as they lay tired in each other's arms; only one look at each other's blank eyes confirmed that they both knew the pain still hovering above them…
Andwith a one slight movement of his hand, Tatsumi called for all the shadows he could master, to slit through their immortal bodies, taking away their life beyond the shinigami repairing power.
Carrying them to the arms of the one man they ever loved, to amethyst embrace.
owari
Now, let me know what you think of it. Did you hate it? Like it? Couldn't care less? Well, I care what you think. So, review, please.