A/N: I have to admit that this chapter is extremely angsty and morbid. I felt like this scene was appropriate enough to enhance Sakura's tormenting depression that's eating at her. I know, this poor girl. She's literally emotionally lost...
xoxoxoxox
As Sakura reached her apartment, she went to her door and unlocked it with her keys. She walked towards the living room and plopped herself down on to the couch. She was lying in the dark, consumed in her thoughts.
Why do I still love Sasuke? Why do I still think about him? Why can I never get him out of my mind? Why do I miss him so much? Why is he consuming my thoughts like this? The pain is so unbearable! I just can't fucking take it anymore!
Sakura started to have a nervous breakdown and clung tight onto a pillow for comfort. Her thoughts were torturing her once again.
She just couldn't take it anymore and decided to do the unthinkable: she unconsciously took out her kunai from her holster and ravenously started cutting her left wrist out of frustration.
WHY…
She made one slash…
DO…
Then another…
YOU…
Flashbacks of Sasuke's handsome face replayed in her mind…
THIS…
Red marks started to stain her porcelain skin…
TO…
She continued…
ME!
Tears flowed from her eyes as she saw the blood flow freely from her cuts and the drops landing on the floor. To her, it felt like the pain was going away along with the blood. This made her feel good for some reason. She lied down on the couch with her left arm outstretched. She stared blankly at the ceiling, wondering if she will lose a lot of blood from doing this.
She felt like she had no reason to live since her unrequited love will probably never be returned by Sasuke. She loves him so much, that it hurts. She cares for him so much that it hurts. But to her, she's willing to endure the pain just for him. As long as Sasuke is not feeling the pain, then she is satisfied.
At the same time, she hated herself for being such an emotional wreck and for letting him consume her whole well-being. To Sakura, Sasuke is her world. She lives for him and would die for him. She would protect him to no avail.
Goddamit Sakura! Why are you so fucking weak! Why are you letting a boy, that won't love you in that kind of way, consume you like this! Heal your cuts too, baka! That shit is not worth it! You gotta become strong and forget his ass! Inner Sakura sprout out at the opportune moment.
Sakura was fighting with her scattered thoughts and inner demons. Her hands clutched the sides of her head, while the left side of her hair had streaks of crimson in it from the blood. She tried to fight back more of her tears, but she just let out a frustrated scream and threw her bloodied kunai, with her right hand, at the wall. The blood from the kunai seeped and created a dripping-line pattern on the wall.
After a half an hour of debating with her tormented thoughts, Inner Sakura pushed her to the brink of realization. She kept trying to block her Inner self out, but her loud thoughts prevented her from doing so. She gave in, and started to review the events that happened earlier. She mentally analyzed the pros and cons. Sakura finally made a realization.
Fuck, I should heal myself! I am such a dobe! I can't believe I just did this! I should become strong and forget about him! He's not worth any of this! He's going to continue hurting me anyways, and I shouldn't put up with that crap at all! I'm worth more than that! Bah! It's not like he'll even come back to Konoha anyways! That bastard chose going to Orochimaru for power over the love I provide him. He'll never give a damn that I care for him. Fuck that! Why am I caring for a boy that doesn't have an ounce of care within him for anyone else other than himself?—
Sakura, you dumbass, straighten yourself out! You look so fucking pathetic crying your eyes out while blood is dripping from your wrist. You're the top ANBU medical-nin for crying out loud! Do you want to throw away that title because you lost your strength for a fucking loser like him? You worked so hard to get where you're at right now, and I'm sure gonna bitch more if you would rather throw it all away for a stupid unrequited love! Stop living in dream land and wake the fuck up! Inner Sakura interrupted her original thoughts. Sakura's eyes widened and she frowned at herself.
She immediately sat up and felt a little dizzy because of the amount of blood that dripped out from her self-inflicted wounds. She tried to compose herself and gathered as much chakra as she could with her right hand. She placed her hand gingerly over the battered flesh of the left wrist and slowly started to heal it. Sakura's tears started to dry up as she tried to heal the cuts.
After she healed her cuts, she stared at the puddle of blood on the floor her cuts caused. She looked at her left wrist and notice there was a little scar that was left from it.
Never again, Sakura, never again! My tears will now dry up from this point on, and my depression will subside. I'm not going to let him affect my life like this any longer. Sakura, you're stronger than that I know you are. Move on, or else you'll miss out on the good things in life! Sakura scowled at the bloody puddle. She went to turn on the lights and grabbed some paper towels to clean it up. She also went to the wall, took out the kunai, and cleaned the blood off.
After she finished cleaning, she took a shower to relieve herself after the situation she just went through. It refreshed her mind a little bit and she changed into her pajamas. She walked to her bed and lied down. She looked out the window and saw the stars fading into the dark sky.
Tomorrow, I'm starting anew. No more of this bullshit. I'm going back to my old self, before him. She thought to herself as her eyelids drooped and she drifted off into sleep.