The pitter patter of rain on the roof was what awoke him. Silence filled the air as he got up from his bed and looked out the window to see the dark storm clouds, with the moon poking out ever so slightly. He sighed softly and returned to his bed, sitting on it for a moment. He had to leave soon, or else he wouldn't make it on time. His shirt was laying on the chair, as he picked it up and pulled it on over his muscle toned chest. He pulled his jacket on, and added his shoes to the mix. Money was left on the dresser for the hotel manager, and the room looked exactly like it had when he arrived. At least the maid wouldn't have to clean up after him.
The rain poured even harder as he got into his old black convertible. One of the windows had been left down, so the front passenger seat was soaked, so it was a good thing that no one was riding with him tonight. That was just like every other night. Part of him loathed that fact, but he knew there was nothing to change it. As he drove, the bright lights of Los Angeles shone in his sad eyes. He swore this place was nothing but a curse, but then again, didn't he know all about curses? His life was one big curse after all. Nothing but redemption for him. The car in front of him was going too slow, so he honked his horn out of anger. The people these days just drove to damn slow in his opinion.
When traffic had finally cleared up, he managed to pull into a dreary parking lot. It was empty and currently showed no signs of life what so ever. He got out, his hands immediately going into his pockets. The rain poured down on him, but for some reason he didn't care. Not on this day. He stepped towards the grassy area, his eyes fixated ahead of him in the darkness. He was here for one purpose, and on purpose alone. And he didn't want anything to get in his way.
His arrival to his destination made his heart ache. He sat down on the wet grass in front of the stone tablet and looked at it sadly. He did this for about an hour before he finally spoke, "Hey…. It's me again." He started softly, "I came back, just like I promised I would every year. I forgot the flowers this year. Money's kinda tight at the moment."
"It's been a few years, but I still miss you. There's still that hole in my heart that's going to be there forever. Why does forever have to last so long? I tried to end it years ago, but I'm still here. Everyone else.. they're gone, but me. I'm still here and I don't know what to do." He felt a tear well up in his eyes. "You were my best friend. You were the shining light in my life. Now, that lights gone. It's been gone, and I can't find it. I can't move on. I never could, and even now, I can't. It haunts me everyday."
Why did he talk to the grave like it was going to answer. She was gone, she wasn't coming back, yet he wished she would. But she was gone. He had to accept that. Standing on his feet once more, Angel looked at the grave again, "I loved you Cordy… and now I know I can never love again."
He went to leave, yet something pulled him back to the grave. He looked at it again, and began to talk, "It's been seven years since we tried to take out Wolfram and Hart. Everyone died, everyone except me and Spike. But Spike isn't even a vampire anymore. He's become a human. He got the Shanshu, not me!" Angel yelled that last part. "He's with Buffy now, they've had a child. Everyone is so happy, but not me."
He looked at the grave again, "And I'm not happy because your not here. I want to be there with you, but I know I'm doomed to hell unless I redeem myself. But, that will take to long." By now, a small tear was making it's way down Angel's cheek, like it did every year. "Tell everyone up there that I miss them. Gunn, Wesley, Fred, Doyle. Tell them all that they fought the good fight, and I hope they are all at peace." Even if he couldn't be at peace, he at least wanted his friends to be there, to be at the peace he wanted them to be at. They deserved it.
Now he looked at the grave once more, "I wish we could have had a chance. But, I know we can't. Not anymore." He turned to walk away, "See you next year Cordelia."
However as he began to walk away, he felt a brush on his shoulder and a voice in his ear whisper, "I love you Angel.." He smiled softly, thinking that maybe she could hear him. And that night he walked away with a small smile on his face, for the first time in seven years.