The Surf Between the Waves:
Chapter 8
AN: I know it has been quite a while since my last update. I am trying to get back into my writing habit and so I decided to re-read some of my older work that I haven't touch on for a while, this being one of them. There is some work to be done on this piece and so I am going to revise some older chapters. Though I will state this now, it will take some time. I am now in my first year of college and I am going to do my best to balance both my hobbies and school work. So please hang in there with me. Thank you.
After Heather's demise our lives as servants became more solemn than before. I found no great joy in helping Madame Boudreaux clean out the child's old toys and removing her belongings from her room. Though it was a relief to know that they would never be seen again as a reminder of the terrible loss we all felt. In any event the Christmas banquet was only a day away and preparations were already being made.
I felt the familiar cringe of disgust redevelop beneath my skin again the more and more Colonel Tavington came around the palace. I tried my best to stay in the kitchen and help with the actual feast though it would appear my expertise was not food. A dropped casserole and collapsed loaf later I was out in the hall handling wreaths and mistletoe.
"A little higher Christiana," Elizabeth, another servant, commanded. "Now a little to the right. There that is perfect." Her blond curls bounced from her swirled bun as she nodded my achievement.
I stepped down from the stool my skirts dancing around me as I dusted off my palms. As I looked up I saw a huddle of officers discussing something tactical over to the side. One man's eyes caught my attention; those horridly cold eyes chilled my soul as they starred me down. My feet forced my body to turn and gaze at the newly hung wreath instead.
When their discussion had ended all the men had dispersed, all except for one. This man's heels clicked against the wood flooring bringing him ever closer to me. A shiver ascended my spine and I knew he was near, near enough to touch me. "Ah, Miss Ruther!"
My body flew around and my face became bright at the site of General O'Hara at the base of the stairs. "Good afternoon General," my curtsey was low and obliging for I owed him my discomfort.
"I trust you are doing well on this frozen day?" He walked forward as I marched out to meet him halfway a smile plastered onto my face.
"Now," I glanced back slightly taking in the towering presence of the Colonel. "Now, I am pleasant." I then whisper my gratitude.
He nodded and stepped aside slightly to address Tavington. "Oh, and Colonel. I believe General Cornwallis wishes your presence in his chambers regarding some difficulties with your Dragoons."
Even though I was not looking at him I knew he was wearing a scowl and cursing the General beneath his breath. He was the sort of man he would kill first and then remember the loss as he pondered over his deed. A man whom I could never see winning any true honor or respect in his life, he had my pity but not my acceptance.
"Miss Craft, perhaps you and Miss Ruther should take a small break and relax. You have done a fine job in the hall today." The General spoke calmly.
"Thank you kindly, sir." Elizabeth responded sweetly her hair bouncing along as she walked merrily into the kitchen.
"You are too kind to me, sir." I grinned knowingly. "Why do you always help me as if your only purpose was to protect me?"
"If I don't step in the way of bad morals who will?" His warm face softened even more, "you are a kind and loving person, Christiana. I hate to see anyone whose love for life would be otherwise squashed by the likes of one person's greed. You, like many others, are a hostage of this war, not because you are on this fort and in the General's possession, but because you have not the acceptance to fight in it, for it. That is why I protect you, because you are willful and above all else vulnerable. Please take my help as a brother's love and nothing more."
"Yes sir, I understand. If you'll excuse me I'd like to see the grounds." I turned from him and took my leave toward the door, but not before I spoke once more to him. "General, it is my belief that you are the most honorable man on this side of the war. Don't let the battles change you." I smiled gleefully.
Outside, the cool air swept across my neck and whirled through my petticoats as I waltzed across the frozen lawn and into the garden that was otherwise bare. I sat on a bench just in front of the intriguing fountain of cupid and his lover. Such love they must have had to be frozen in such a stance, in such a romantic embrace. Was love so far from me that I could sit in front of a foreign belief of passion and weep?
Perhaps I truly was alone, abandoned by all those whom I thought cared. My heart, would it become cold and unwanted? Would I fall into despair and end up a spinster like Ms. Charlotte? Was love to ever come in my life? I could not know, so I wept like a child touched by some act of famine, of hunger but no resolve, not from love.
The next day was harder still for I was up all night thinking and questioning what had happened and what was yet to come. I thought of everyone I had come in contact with, and everyone who had left or died. I stepped out of my room without much thought.
This day could either be remembered as the worst day of my natural being or the best thing that could have changed me, no matter what it did bring alteration to my life, to my soul. I sauntered carelessly down to the dinning hall and began setting the elaborate silverware and porcelain china out to decorate the massive table. The day went by in a dance like routine, so pristine and precise. I felt the very floor shutter with our heavy steps as the beat rolled on in my mind. We were alive and frightened but the dance kept us going, kept us awake.
Soon night had fallen and the officers embarked on their journey into the main hall. I stood with Elizabeth at the double doors of the dinning hall merely waiting to open the weighty entry and allow the crowd of royalty to sashay into the feast. My mind swam with a vibration, an unknown feeling that caused the time to pass quickly and smoothly.
We were now watching the officers dine and discuss their plans for the future. I held the pitcher of wine, the crimson liquid sloshing around in its silver confines. General Cornwallis gestured for me to fill his glass and I did so without much effort, I was a perfect living statue. My eyes rose ever so slowly, the beat of the dance falling back into my mind, my heart raced as I stepped past every seat between the Colonel and I. The music played louder and louder still until I was sure everyone at the table could hear it, but they rattled on engulfed in their own topic.
My breathing remained steady; as I approached him everything slowed, as if seeing something for the very first time, analyzing every detail of it. I felt a surge of power whilst I stood next to him, pouring his wine. I could almost hear his heart race as mine did, what was this? I had no time to ponder it. Everything slid away in a haze of memory.
The banquet had ended and I was climbing the stairs to my room, my mind still as blank as it had been before, though tuned into every natural sense in my being. I felt my blood race and heard the click of the key in my lock; I even felt the warm hand that rolled over my own. The soft message it gave pushing me even further into a daze. I was gone and something, someone had replaced my heart with lust.
I opened the door embracing the unknown, and wafting in the feeling of passion. He turned me around to face him, though I was too far gone to actually see him. His lips massaged over my neck with a gentility I had not known he could possess. It was not coarse and unrefined as it had been on the day I was abused, but tender and seductive. I felt myself give in to this girlish longing, my fingers softly raising his face to mine. Our lips touched harmoniously, the music in my soul striking up once more.
My hair had fallen around my face as we came to lie on my usually uncomfortable bed, which then seemed anything but uncomfortable. His kiss was deep and passionate, I longed for more as my fingers trailed over his back, removing his soft cotton shirt. Could this be what I had been looking for out in the garden, was I in love? I let him have me, I let him have all of me, and when morning broke I could not understand why.
My eyes fluttered open hesitantly as they tried to become accustomed to the rising sun. I rolled over in my warm white linens half hoping he was still there, lying next to me. Though, I knew it was better that he had left early this morning. I smiled suddenly as I noticed the folded piece of parchment upon my sheets.
I picked it up as I wrapped my sheets around my naked body and walked over to my frigid window. Upon the front flap it read: Christiana. I broke the small red seal and unfolded it.
Christiana,
I apologize for my rashness; perhaps it was wrong of me to take advantage of you in such a way. I am leaving on a raid early this morning, to the northern edge of South Carolina. I should be back within the coming weeks, you need not wait for me.
- William
I folded the parchment coldly as I stared desperately out my lonesome window. Was that it? Was that how my romance was going to end? I could not let it end so abruptly. Who did he think he was to take such advantage of me?
I flew from my window yanking any garment I could from my tiny closet and throwing it on hurriedly. I made sure to hide the letter in the back of the closet behind a loose board, to avoid any misunderstandings. He had insulted me for the last time; I could not stand to be left like this, in such disarray.
My feet carried me from the palace and all the way down to the dragoon's premises. The guards there starred at me quizzically. "I told you, I have a message from Lord Cornwallis. It is imperative that it be given to Colonel Tavington." My patience was wearing thin by the guard's impudence.
"And I told you that the Colonel was not seeing anyone before his departure." He paused, "now, if you'd simply relay the message to me I'll make sure that he gets it."
"General Lord Cornwallis would not have me sent down here to deliver his message if it could have simply been relayed through half a dozen incompetent British Redcoats!" I nearly spat in his face, "now let me pass, or would you prefer to take it up with Lord Cornwallis yourself?"
The second guard stepped away from the gate of the stables and allowed me to enter. "Thank you," I said stubbornly as I glared at the first guard.
I sighed, doing my best to release my tension and to focus on the situation at hand. I walked slowly, rather helplessly, over to his horse's stall and stood there watching him as he groomed his horse with care. He was completely consumed in his task, or so it appeared.
"If you've come here to say something, by all means speak." He stated bluntly in that cold tone of his, it was his only defense against his weaknesses.
"Why are you leaving?" I had to keep my head bowed for fear that my emotions might explode upon seeing his face.
"Because it is my duty to king and country. Anything else, my dear?" He mocked me with that pet name.
"I meant…. You know what I meant." He kept silent as to avoid the problem. "Why are you leaving me?"
"I can't very well bring you with me, there's not enough room on the horse-."
"I am not playing games, William!" I nearly shouted, causing an awkward glance from the guards. I lowered my voice to a whisper. "I know it is your duty to go, that is not my issue. My issue is your coldness to me in your letter." I paused, thinking over my next sentences. "Did you not enjoy last night?" He glanced up at me, a mix of emotions swimming within his eyes, his face exhausted from his thoughts. "Last night made me questions things I have never thought to question before. It changed me. Did it not change you? Or was I simply your whore for the night?"
"No," he stated bluntly, his frigid voice almost startling me.
"Then why do you not feel?"
He came around to the other side of the horse. "I do feel," he grunted in aggravation with himself. "But I cannot."
"Why?" I retorted painfully, the cold breeze licking at my face.
"What you seek only exists in fairytales, but that is not who we are. Life is much colder and deadlier than that. I cannot give you those luxuries." He spat out in defiance.
"I don't want luxuries. If I did why would I settle for being a servant all my life? I want you." As soon as I said it I gasped inwardly. I couldn't believe what I had so boldly stated.
"Colonel Tavington, the Dragoons are suited and waiting for your orders." The second guard called down.
"Tell them to bring the horses round to the front gates; I will meet them there momentarily." He waited for the guard to leave before stepping out of the stall towards me. "Is that truly all you want?" I nodded humbly. "Then, it is yours." He bent his head, his hand caressing my right cheek as his lips tasted mine tenderly. "I must go, before they suspect anything."
I watched him ride out, his demeanor completely changing to that of a soldier, a killer. Memories surged back to me; my stomach cringed as I remembered the alleyway and my beaten state. I remembered his eyes, eyes like my father's, eyes of a beast. I could feel the putrid liquid rise in my throat and I think I even let it loose upon the hay. What had I so willingly given myself to? Tears ran down my cheeks as I fled back to the palace.
Sitting upon the unmade sheets of my bed later that day I questioned my actions. Should I have let things go as far as they had? I was so unsure, how could I know? How could I know then the problems that that one night would cause me? Slumping over onto my indented pillow I traced with my finger the outline of his body still imbedded on my sheets. It was beautiful, almost like a dream. A rose, yes that is what William was to me, a portrait of sophistication with layers upon layers of loyalty that you had to pull back in order to reveal the sweet sent of his soul. With that thought I drifted off into a gentle slumber.
"Christiana… Christiana…" the voice was distant and yet on top of me at the same time. "Christiana, you must wake up, dear." My eyes parted, my vision blurry at first, her plump face looming over me.
I squinted, "Madame Boudreaux?"
"Christiana are you ill?" She spoke softly as she came to sit her round bottom next to me. "I could fetch a doctor."
"No, no. That won't be necessary. I'm tired is all." I pulled myself into a sitting position, "Yesterday was a lot of work, the banquet and all."
She smiled warmly, her heavy hand upon my cheek, "yes, I understand. But," her hand dropped as she turned from me. "I must express some concern for you, there has been talk around zee fort."
"Talk," I questioned my body suddenly fully awake.
"Yes dear, talk. Apparently a young woman this morning caused quite a fluster down at zee stables. You wouldn't know anything about this, would you?"
"No," I shook my head almost hiding my face from her as I peered out of my window.
"He'll be gone for a few weeks at least, you should probably find a more productive way to deal with you sorrow." Her voice was barely audible as she left, and for some reason her knowledge of the affair made everything a little better for me. Some of the weight had been released and I actually smiled.