Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters…

Mystery Meat Surprise

As Kim and Ron were walking to school, they noticed the school sign out front had been changed, again. Now it read, GUESS THE MEAT: WIN A TREAT!

"Looks like the cafeteria is trying to get rid of left-overs again." Ron said.

"Eeewwww…." Was the only response that Kim gave.

The morning classes went as normal. Each teacher had a pop quiz. "Could my day get any worse?" Ron said to no one in particular as he leaned his forehead on his locker door.

"Stoppable! Stop loitering and get to class!" Barkin yelled at him. Ron hadn't noticed that he was the only one standing in the hallway.

Suddenly he realized which class he was going to be late for. English Literature! Barkins class! "Fudge-cicles!"

He trudged to class, and had just stepped in the door when the second bell rang. Barkin looked up from his desk just as Ron shut the door behind him.

"Nice of you to grace us with your presence, Mr. Stoppable."

Ron gave a weak smile, and slowly walked to his desk. He already either barely passed or for sure failed each of the pop quizzes in the earlier classes, why should this one be any different?

Just as he sat down, Barkin spoke. "Well I trust you all read the first 3 chapters of "A Tale of Two Cities."

Ron vaguely remembered a few words: "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times." And that was it. He had barely read the first few words, and he was drooling on his keyboard at home.

"Clear your desks except for a blank piece of paper and a pencil." Ron's mind went numb, and did as the teacher requested.

After the oral quiz was over, Ron only had a good answer for one of the ten questions that Barkin had asked. "What is this book about?" Was the question, and he answered the best he could. "Two Cities." For other questions, he had no idea, and wrote down anything that came to mind. "Mickey Mouse" "Donald Duck" "Never-Never Land", things like that. At least it looked like he was writing something.

Then came the dreaded words from Barkin. "Pass your papers one to the back, and grade your fellow students paper while I give you the answers. Will the people in the back row please bring their papers to the person sitting in the front of your row."

"So that's who I would give it to." Brick said a little too loud, and snickers were heard throughout the class.

Ron had to hand his paper to the one person he really didn't want to see grade his. Bonnie.

After the students had graded each others paper, they were to write the number of correct answers on the top and then pass them all forward to give them to Barkin. When Ron took the stack from an evilly smiling Bonnie, she had purposefully placed Rons on the top so he could see.

"What?" He whimpered to himself. Bonnie had written the number correct as ½. She had given him half credit for the first question, but of course marked all the others wrong. His day had just gotten worse, and it was only lunchtime.

Head down as he walked into the cafeteria for lunch, Ron just went through the motions. He grabbed his tray, stood in line, food was slopped on his plate, and then he looked around to see where Kim was sitting.

When he sat down, he didn't notice the look of alarm on Kim's face. Finally his brain registered that she was trying to talk to him.

"Ron? Ron… Ron!" He finally looked at her with recognition. "Ron? Are you really going to take the challenge?"

"Huh? What?" He was thoroughly confused.

"You know, the Mystery Meat Challenge? You've got a plate full of it in front of you." Kim said, pointing at his tray.

"Aww Mann! I didn't realize… she asked me something… I said Yeah, whatever. I totally forgot about the mystery meat!"

Ron's attention was now on what was on his plate. It was a mound of what looked like a dark gray mush. He poked at it with a fork, half expecting it to move. He stirred it a little, and then parted it down the middle, making two smaller piles of mush. He then slapped at it with the fork, smashing each pile down.

"Well?" Kim asked.

Ron plunged the fork into a squashed pile, and lifted it from the plate. Something stringy stretched between the fork-full, and the pile on his plate. The higher he lifted the fork, the more the stuff stretched. He kept going higher and higher, and eventually he was standing on his chair, arm raised almost to the ceiling, and what ever it was, was still stretched between the fork and the pile of mush.

He looked down at Kim, who looked like she was going to barf right there! He sat back down, letting the stringy stuff land on his plate. Ron then grabbed a napkin, and grabbed the stringy stuff with it, and was finally able to separate it from the fork.

He then put the fork under his nose and tentatively sniffed. It wasn't a strong odor, but something was there. Was it… spices? How could that be? Did the cafeteria even have a spice rack?

Ron opened his mouth… "You're not going to…" Kim said in shock, and Ron plunged the heaping fork full into his mouth. An audible gasp filled the entire lunchroom, as everyone had been watching Ron since he had sat down. He was the only one with the mystery meat on his plate. He removed the fork from his mouth, and placed his hands palm-down on the table.

He closed any eye, and began to chew. He looked like he was actually thinking about whether he liked it or not!

"Ron! Tell me! Tell us! What is the mystery meat?" Kim yelled at her friend who had just swallowed audibly.

Ron belched, and it wasn't a little one. It started out low in volume, and then started to get louder. He opened a corner of his mouth as the belch continued, and he slowly zipped his mouth open as the sound reverberated through the room, and he eventually finished with his mouth open wide, and the loudest and longest belch he had ever done in his life.

The cafeteria was then dead silent. A cricket chirped in the back, and a "whang" sound came from the kitchen. The cook wiped the spatula off on his apron, and then flipped another burger on the fryer.

"People, here is my analysis." Ron said, as he stood up. "The Mystery meat is this: Two day old Naco meat filling, mixed with…" He thought for a moment, "Worcestershire sauce, barbecue sauce, mustard, a little ketchup, and… goats head cheese!"

He looked over at the cafeteria lady, who stood there, with a sour look on her face, arms crossed, and holding a dripping ladle. She said one word. "Correct."

"Boo-Yah!" Ron raised his arm in triumph, and then promptly covered his mouth as his cheeks bulged. He then ran to a trashcan in the back of the cafeteria, and barfed.

The cafeteria immediately emptied except for two students. One was slumped over a trashcan in the back, and the other was a cute redhead who slowly walked up behind her friend and gently put a hand on his shoulder.

"Are you OK, Ron?" Kim asked quietly.

"Y… yeah. I th… think I'm done. His shoulders lifted slightly as he fought the last urges of nausea.

Kim moved to his side, and Ron looked up at his friend with a weak smile. "Well, what did I win K P?"

"You're not going to believe this Ron…" She paused, not sure if she should tell him. Then she just handed him the piece of paper that the cafeteria lady had given her, as she walked over to help her friend.

Ron looked at it, and then immediately went into convulsions again, and barfed again.

After he finished, Kim then grasped her friend's hand in hers, and placed her other hand under his arm, and helped him to the nurse's office.

The piece of paper that Kim had given Ron was lying on the floor near the trash can. It was a $50 gift certificate for, guess where? Bueno Nacho!

For a whole weekend, Ron Stoppable couldn't even walk into a Bueno Nacho restaurant. But after the next Monday came, and he was peppered with pop quizzes again, the only thing that cheered him up at the end of the day was eating at his favorite place again, with his best friend.

The end…