This is a public service announcement. There will be no dementedness this chapter. Also, I'm a terrible liar.

The Shinobi's Guide to Voodoo
By Kaori

"Come on Kiba! Just a little bit!" Naruto cajoled. Somehow he'd managed to tie Kiba to a chair and was trying to force him to eat some soup.

"No! It'll turn me into a zombie!" Kiba protested, wiggling around much like a toddler who doesn't want to eat his vegetables.

"I only used enough so that you'd be one for five minutes!" whined the blonde.

"Oh gee, thanks. I feel so much better." Muttered Kiba. "Why don't you eat it then!"

"Because I don't trust you."

"Well this isn't giving me any confidence in you, you know!" he paused. "And since when do you know how to cook?"

"I know a lot of things. No hurry up and eat it before it gets cold."

"No way! You can't make me."

Naruto made a face. If Kiba didn't eat the soup he had no way of knowing whether the powder worked. He didn't dare test it on anyone else because then they'd warn everyone and he'd be in all sorts of trouble. Thinking quickly, he stomped on the dog-user's foot.

"AAAAAGG—GULP. NARUTO YOU BASTA…Oh master, what is your bidding?"

Semi-maniacal laughter echoed down to the streets below. The rats in the city sensed that this was a good time to leave. Five minutes later…

"WHAT DID YOU DO THAT FOR!" Kiba screamed; the urge to pummel is strong with this one.

"Why are you complaining? Now we know it works." Naruto said, placidly.

"That's not the point! Why did you make me wear this…this…thing!" Kiba was currently dressed in the same kind of spandex suit normally worn by Gai and Lee. "Furthermore where did you get this monstrosity on such short notice!"

"I've had that since Ero-sannin and I went to go bring back the old hag. I had rolled it up and put it in my jacket and I forgot about it until now."

"As soon as I'm finished changing you're a dead man!"

"Whatever, hurry up so we can have some fun."

The authoress would like to point out that at this point she was going to be evil and put a cliff-hanger here but then she saw the lynch mob coming and had a change of heart.

TenTen was enjoying a well-deserved break from visiting the rest home and having to help the orderlies restrain Gai (the voices may have stopped but none of the psychiatrists are convinced that the green-clad jounin is sane).

"OI! TENTEN!" someone called. She looked around and spotted Kiba and Naruto sitting behind a table. There was a banner with the words "LEMONADE: 1 ryou" printed on it hanging from the front. TenTen (poor unsuspecting fool) walked over.

"You guys are selling lemonade?" she asked.

"Yeah, we're raising money for charity." Kiba replied. This was partially true as they were planning to use the money to help Naruto pay off his ramen tab. "Want some?"

"Sure, if its for a good cause."

"Of course it is!" grinned Naruto, pouring her a glass. "One ryou please! Thank you, and enjoy!"

TenTen took a small sip. Finding it to be rather refreshing she drank the rest. "Wow you guys this is really goo…Oh master, what is your bidding?" Naruto resisted the urge to cackle.

"I order you to sit here and sell our lemonade. When the next person asks you what to do you are to tell them that Naruto and Kiba are their masters and to us at Training Ground 9 for further instructions."

"Yes master." Droned zombie TenTen and took Naruto's place at the lemonade stand.

"Come on, Kiba lets go."

"Why are we waiting at the training grounds?" Kiba asked.

"Well, I've gone a whole day without doing any serious training this way we'll have something to do while we wait. Betcha I can destroy more targets than you."

"You're on!"

The duo had been sparring for almost an hour when their first set of zombies showed up.

""Eh! Kurenai-sensei! Shino?" Kbia exclaimed.

"Ino, Sakura, and Ebisu no hentai too." Naruto grinned. "Well Kiba, why don't you start?"

"Okay. Kurenai-sensei make me a sandwich, Shino go get me a chocolate milkshake, and you" he pointed at Ebisu. "carry me, I'm tired."

"Yes master." chorused the zombies (except Shino who didn't say anything). Ebisu picked up Kiba.

"I could get used to this."

A few hours later, Kiba and Naruto were in a room that looked like something from the Arabian Nights. First of all, half the floor was covered in big, fluffy pillows that the two boys and Akamaru were lounging on. At the moment, Ino and TenTen were fanning them, Ebisu was massaging Naruto's feet, Kurenai was holding a comic book open for Kiba while Shino turned the pages, and Sakura was feeding ramen to Naruto. Chouji was standing by the door like some kind of sentry and Konohamaru was videotaping the entire scene. Several girls from the Sasuke Fanclub were bowing before them.

"How much longer until the powder wears off?" asked Naruto.

"I'd say another two hours or so." Kiba replied. "Oi, Shino, turn the page." Shino obeyed.

"So, Sakura-chn, who is the greatest?"

"You are Naruto-sama." Said Sakura.

"And who is the bravest?"

"You are Naruto-sama."

"Who is going to be the greatest Hokage that ever will be?"

"You will Naruto-sama."

"I never get tired of hearing that." Grinned Naruto. "And with Konohamaru taping all this I get to hear you say it over and over again!"

"So, Naruto who will we voodoo tomorrow?" asked Kiba.

"Hmmm…."

I am a very depraved little woman… More to come!