Necrophilia! (the readers give her a weird look) Just kidding. Now, on to the fanfic…

The Shinobi's Guide to Voodoo
By Kaori

Since team meetings were being held today, Kiba and Naruto didn't get to meet until later that afternoon.

"I have decided to do something about Kakashi." Announced the blonde.

"What do you mean?" Kiba cocked his head to the side.

"It's bad enough that he's always late, but he insists on reading that perverted book instead of training us properly. I'm going to do something about it! Bring me The Voodoo Manual!"

"Umm…Naruto, it's at your place, remember?"

"…I knew that."

Fast forward fifteen minutes and Naruto is eagerly poring over the pages of The Voodoo Manual; namely the section on curses.

"What exactly are you looking for?" Kiba asked, absently petting Akamaru.

"I'm not sure, I'll know it when I see it." Mumbled Naruto. "Eureka!"

"I do not! I just took a bath this morning!"

"I said "Eureka" not "You reek", which you do but that's not the point."

"Hey!"

"What? I can't help it if you insist on wearing a dirty jacket. Now do you want to know what I found or not." Kiba made an of-course-I-want-to-know-but-you're-still-gonna-get-it face. "Look here, this section shows you how to combine curses for extra punishing power!"

"Wait a moment, what's that note at the bottom of the page?"

"Eh? What?"

"That note, right there." Kiba pointed to a small footnote.

"Err… "Warning, do not combine more than two curses at a time. Combining three or more curses together will result in the caster being cursed as well." Oh man…"

It was very difficult but Naruto managed to pick only two curses to use against his chronically late sensei. All that was left was the casting ritual.

"Question, why are we only in our boxer shorts?" Kiba asked, dryly.

"Do you want your clothes to reek of incense and chicken blood?" sighed Naruto.

"No but this is embarrassing, let's do this already before someone comes along and sees us."

According to The Voodoo Manual, curses needed to be performed outdoors and in an open space (mostly to prevent property damage) so our Witch Doctor's went to the old quarry. In order to combine two curses the first curse had to be cast, followed by a binding spell, and then the second curse had to be cast.

"Voodoo doll." Naruto stuck out his hand and Kiba placed the doll in it. He then placed the small effigy of Kakashi with its mouth sewn shut on the rock they were to be using as a makeshift alter. "Incense." He placed two sticks of incense on either side of the doll before lighting them. "All right, first curse, pass me the salt…"

"Here." Said Kiba. Naruto started sprinkling salt on the doll and chanting. "You sound ridiculous."

"Shut up. Oh…crap I lost my place now we have to start over!"

Naruto and Kiba somehow managed to make it through the entire ritual with no more slip ups and were in the process of finishing the second curse. Kiba was pouring chicken blood over the doll while Naruto was chanting and throwing ashes at the altar.

Storm clouds started rolling in (Naruto felt oddly nostalgic, remembering Kakashi's little show during the gennin test) and as Kyuubi-vessel uttered the last word, a bolt of lighting arced out of the heavens and the altar exploded knocking both boys backwards.

The smell of ozone, burnt blood, and smouldering cloth assaulted their noses. Neither one said anything for a few moments.

"Do you think it worked?" Naruto whispered. Kiba didn't respond.

Morning, a brand new day. It was a little cloudy but still nice outside and the village was just waking up.

Kakashi stretched, yawned and glanced out the window. "Ah, another day full of promise and annoying cute gennins." He sighed and then yawned again. "But first…I want a shower."

Team Seven were waiting for their sensei at the bridge as usual and had been doing so for the last hour and twenty minutes. Finally, Kakashi showed up looking somewhat worse for wear.

"You're late!" accused Sakura and Naruto.

"Well you see, I was attacked by this old lady and her massive cat…"

Sakura was about to accuse him of being a liar when out of nowhere an old lady in a muumuu came barrelling towards the bridge followed by a black cat the size of a pit bull. "You won't get away!" she screamed.

Kakashi's eyes went wide and he ran off, the old lady and her cat close behind. Sakura, and Sasuke stared after them in shock and bewilderment. Naruto only looked shocked on the outside. Internally he was doing his own version of the Church Lady Superior Dance in front of Kyuubi's cage (for some strange reason Pearl was playing the organ in the corner). Kyuubi was not amused but it's not like he can do much about it. Anyway, let's follow Kakashi and see what happens to him.

Our little jounin friend had managed to escape the old lady and her cat only to run smack into a ladder. The ladder knocked a potted plant which fell off of the window sill and onto Kakashi's head. Dazed and now with a head full of potting soil, he tried to get an idea of where he was. He looked up at the street sign. Life Road. He blinked. Somebody up there must hate him.

Now for those of you who haven't quite figured it out yet (and I'm guessing it's quite a few of you) Kakashi's lies are coming back to haunt him; literally. There are two curses at work here: a simple bad fortune curse and the Poetic Justice curse. The first just gives the victim an extended run in with misfortunes while the latter makes the punishment fit the crime. Combining the two makes for good entertainment for blonde shinobis and sadistic otaku alike.

At any rate, the old lady and her monster cat were back and chasing Kakashi down the street he was almost positive wasn't there yesterday. Not wanting to know what would happenshould his pursuers manage to catch him, he ran into the closest building he could find and shut the door behind him.

"YEEEEK! PERVERT!" a woman screamed. Kakashi tried to explain himself but was cut off by a lamp to the head followed by a few small appliances and some books. Briefly he caught a glimpse of a woman in a towel before escaping.

The rest of Kakashi's day went exactly the same way: Get chased by old woman and cat, lose them, run into ladder on Life Road, flower pot to the head, old woman and cat round two, run into some woman's bathroom (how he has yet to figure out), get pummelled by household appliances, lather, rinse, repeat.

Up on the Hokage Monument, Naruto and Kiba had a nice view of most of the chaos they had wrought.

"So, how long does this last again?" Kiba asked. They were sitting on the Sandaime's head.

"About a week." Grinned Naruto.

"Naruto, you are a sick man." Akamaru barked his agreement.

And apparently I am a devilish miscreant…BWUAHAHAHA! Insanity continue forth!