Blowing Up

Chapter 3:

A/N: hello, me again. Are you people still reading this? Also important, do you still like it? Oh well, I just want to say something to all those wonderful people who have reviewed!!

White rose01: heya, as you can see, here's the next chapter... was this too long for you to wait? Well, if it was, sorry, but at least this is a long chapter. Can't wait to hear what you think of it. (Question: was that a hint? Answer: Yes, a BIG one. ;) )

Smokeymoose: I know what you mean (with the sadist-part). I mean, John's my favourite character, but somehow I always like to make my favourites suffer. That (hopefully) doesn't make me a sadist. I like him better alive too. But in the other story, I just want to see the emotions of the family. Anyway, here's the next chapter where John is still alive! Enjoy.

Alanaya: Thanks for the compliment. Where am I going with this one... well, if you don't have an idea yet, you might get one reading this chapter.

Gismo: Thanks! Yeah, it was a sudden inspiration-boost with Nicole's mum being a second mum for John. Because you see, I started writing this story when I was in a very bad mood. Then later I looked at it, thought it had potential, and then was set for the problem: why is John so upset? I've been going through quite some scenario's and they all went wrong at some point or another. And then I suddenly had the answer. And this is the answer. Hope you'll enjoy this chapter!

Tintinkyrano: Hi, thanks for the review! I'm pleased you liked my opening. Hope you like the rest of the story too.

Raven: Thank you!!! I hope you'll find this a good story then. Here's the next chapter. Have fun.

Killhill2003: Hi, hope you like this chapter too!

A/N2: OK, I don't think I forgot anybody, but if I did, please review and I'll answer in the next chapter. I have internet at home again... but now I have car loads of homework!! Anyway, please read and review!!!

John secured the Tracy plane in its place at the airport. He figured he'd first go to Tracy Industries to get it over with.

As he had expected, it wasn't a big thing that needed to be done. Just some signatures, approvals and advice.

The next morning he took the bus to where Nicole Evers lived. He had called her the day before to ask whether it was convenient. Nicole had told him that he was welcome. John's thoughts went back to the phone call. Something had been bothering him after the call.

Flashback:

"Nicole Evers speaking." He heard the familiar voice.

"Hello Nicole. John here." He said.

"Oh, hello John."

"Hey, ehm, I'm really sorry I couldn't be there at your mother's burial. I-"

"That's ok, you were probably busy. Where are you now?"

"I'm at Tracy Industries now. I was wondering whether I could come by tomorrow? Is it inconvenient?"

"No, no, not at all, please come. You know where my Mum lives... lived. I'll meet you there. What time?"

"I'm taking the bus, it'll be around 11 o'clock I think."

"Ok, well, see you tomorrow morning then. Bye."

"Bye."

End of flashback

That was it! He couldn't believe he didn't notice it before.

There had been disappointment shining through in Nicole's voice. Of course, he hadn't expected her to be happy. Was she disappointed in him?

Well, he would find out within an hour.

But the thought of having disappointed her weighed heavily upon his shoulders. When he arrived at the little town he hid the uncertainties he had about meeting his former partner. After all, it had been quite a while since he had seen her, and he had missed her mother's burial.

Another thought crossed his mind. How would Ben be holding up?

He walked the road almost automatically. He didn't need to think about which way he had to go. It was almost as if he was back in time. The only difference being that when he walked up the driveway of Mrs. Evers' house, Mrs. Evers wasn't there to welcome him.

He knocked on the door. While waiting for the door to be opened he looked at his watch. 11.03. Right on time. The door was swept open en before him stood a dark brown-haired woman.

"Hey John, come in."

John followed her, closing the door behind him, unable to utter a word. She's still absolutely stunning.

"If you want to freshen up a bit, the bathroom is... o well, it's still in the same place. I take it you remember your way around here. Nothing has changed." Nicole stood still in the living room and turned around to face him.

John noticed the sad look in her eyes as she said it. He nodded. "Yeah, I remember."

"Good, do you want anything to drink? Cup of coffee maybe?"

"That would be great. Thanks. No mi-"

"No milk, no sugar. I know." Both smiled. The first real smiles, however small, of that day. "I'll be in the garden with the coffee."

John nodded and went upstairs to freshen up.

When he entered the garden he was overwhelmed with emotion. There, in the right corner, stood the cherry-tree which Nicole, her mother and he had planted years ago. The cherries seemed ready to be picked. He remembered the time when they had planted the tree.

Mrs. Evers had bought cherries and was about to make jam of it when Nicole and John had entered the front yard.

Flashback:

Mrs. Evers saw them coming and had quickly opened the door to welcome them.

"You two are earlier than I expected! What a nice surprise!!" She hugged them both tightly, the happiness showing in her face.

"We managed to catch an earlier bus." Nicole explained.

"After all, we don't want you to do all the work, which we know you will do anyway, no matter how hard we try to convince you that it's not necessary, all by yourself." John added with a smile.

It was a discussion they had every time when Nicole and John came back from space and spent some time at the Evers-house. Mrs. Evers would be busy all morning with cooking and baking, trying to be in time for when they arrived. John and Nicole always said that she shouldn't spoil them. But no matter how often they would discuss it, mother Evers would always do it anyway.

"Naughty boy. As punishment you two will go upstairs, get freshened up and put your bags in your rooms." Mrs. Evers answered with a stern look, but twinkling eyes.

"Hey!" Nicole interrupted, "I didn't say anything! How come I get 'punished' as well?"

"Because I saw your look, and you fully agreed with him, as well as enjoyed it, that's why."

Nicole pretended to be shocked and hurt by her mother's words. "Ah, you hurt me deeply. I'm going to faint." And with that she let herself collapse backwards, right into John's arms who had expected this from his colleague.

Mrs. Evers burst out in laughter and the two astronauts joined her. Nicole got back on her own feet and she and John went upstairs to drop their luggage and freshen up.

When they went back downstairs they found Mrs. Evers in the kitchen which wasn't a big surprise.

"Mum, what are you going to do with all these cherries?"

"I was going to make jam of them. I had wanted to do that earlier, but the day before yesterday the supermarket had run out of cherries, and they only had new ones this morning. Sorry, but you won't be eating homemade jam for another day. It always takes quite some time."

"Can we help?" Nicole asked. Mrs. Evers looked up, gestured with her head towards the table.

"Follow your partner's example."

Nicole turned around and saw John already working on getting the steels out of the cherries. "Done this before?"

John nodded. "At my grandparents' farm. They had a whole orchard of fruit trees, including cherry trees. My brothers and I used to pick them with our grandparents when we were there during the holidays. And then afterwards we helped grandma make jam of them. It's always a bit messy though. Do you have aprons, Mum?"

"Nicole, you know where I have them, don't you? Please go and get one for both of you."

While Nicole got the aprons, Mrs. Evers and John continued talking.

"So your grandparents had cherry trees? That's interesting. Do they need a special type of weather?"

John shrugged. "I think the weather here would do just fine." He looked at her with scrutinizing expression in his eyes. "Would you like to have a cherry tree in your garden?"

Mrs. Evers went to sit opposite him and looked at him while thinking. "Yes," she said slowly, "I would like that."

"Well then, Nicole and I will go to the garden centre and get you one. That is, if I can borrow your car." He looked at her questioningly.

"Of course you can! But it's really not necessa-"

At that John looked at her with a knowing smile. "That's exactly what we tell you every visit. Do you listen?"

They had a silent duelling contest with their eyes, but finally Mrs. Evers gave up and laughed. "You're right. Well then, as soon as you've taken care of those cherries, you two can borrow my car."

"Deal." John said, the moment Nicole re-entered the kitchen.

End of flashback

"Remembering the good old days?" Nicole asked softly.

John nodded, not turning around yet. Nicole stood beside him now, looking at the tree as well.

"I remember that I entered the kitchen, and you had just closed a deal with my Mum. You wouldn't tell me what the deal was about until you dragged me along to my Mum's car. Boy, I had never thought you could be so annoying!" She said with an amused smile.

John looked aside and then back again.

"Yeah, that's what my brother Scott said when I wouldn't tell him whether I had made the volleyball team... I've let him wait until the first training."

"That's not that long, is it?"

"Depends on whether you call a month long..." John answered with a grin.

Nicole looked at him perplexed. "You let him wait for a month?! Couldn't he have found out earlier?"

John nodded. "Yes, he could have. But at that time Scott wasn't aware of the fact that the school's website showed who made the team and who didn't. Of course I didn't tell him that bit of information. And no-one else could tell him that, because we had a two week holiday."

"Ho, you just said that you let him wait for a month. What has happened to the other two weeks?"

"Oh, the try-outs for the team were two weeks before the holiday. I just didn't tell him that I had gone to the try-outs. He found out two days later though because the trainer came to me to ask me about whether I was coming for the second try-outs, the moment that Scott and I were about to go home. I was already picked for the team, but the trainer wanted me to help with the rest of the try-outs."

"And next? He could have just asked someone, couldn't he? No wait, you convinced them that they shouldn't tell him yet, didn't you."

"Exactly. Everyone agreed because Scott usually knows everything, and he gets annoyed when he doesn't. The whole school wanted to see a Scott who didn't know everything."

Nicole started laughing. "So, what happened on the first training day then?"

"Well, I knew Scott would be there early, just to see whether I would enter the gym. And he knew that I was never too late. So basically, he would draw his conclusion about two minutes before the training started. If I would be there, I would have been on the team. If I wouldn't be there, I wasn't picked for the team. So what I did was, I changed in one of the toilets, and entered the gym, one minute before the training started. I definitely loved the expression on his face. When I entered he was looking very content, because he thought that he had found out in time whether I did or did not play in the team. However, when he spotted me, his face became so surprised. One of my friends has taken a picture of that moment, and it's fabulous. I still must have it somewhere."

"I would want to bet that he hasn't felt like that very often." Nicole said.

"Yeah." John sighed. "Just like I've not often felt the way I've felt the last couple of days." He muttered under his breath.

"Sorry, what did you say?" Nicole asked, looking at him questioningly. John shook his head. "Nothing."

Nicole nodded. She had heard what he had said, and the way he had said it made her feel less... less... less what? Less angry? Less frustrated? Less disappointed? That thought shocked her. Was she disappointed in John? After a couple of moments she had to admit; when John hadn't showed up on her Mum's burial, she was very disappointed in him. He hadn't even called! That was the least he could have done! But then she recalled the tone of a minute ago. It seemed as if he felt really sorry. But why hadn't he at least called then? Did she want to know the answer? Was she ready to hear that maybe he hadn't loved her mother as deeply as she had thought?

She sighed.

"How are you doing?" John asked, apparently having heard the sigh.

"I...I'm not sure. I feel like...I don't know." She shrugged helplessly, tears starting to form. Having him ask that question, brought back the memory of the reason he was here. Her mother had died.

John embraced her.

All Nicole wanted to do was to let go. Cry until she had no tear left. She hadn't started grieving yet, not able to actually let it all become real. But she just had to know.

"Why weren't you here?" Nicole asked, getting out of the embrace. "Why didn't you call?"

John looked down on her. "I wasn't at home when your letter arrived. My brother picked up the mail, and I only had a chance to read it four days ago. I'm really sorry that I wasn't here, that I haven't called, that I didn't even know. I'm so sorry. I understand it if you're mad. I'm mad at myself."

It took Nicole a moment to process that information, but then her expression became genuinely apologetic.

"O John, I am sorry. I, I just assumed that you didn't care. You're right, I was mad at you. And then you called to ask whether you could come, and then I was even more confused. Did you or did you not care? And if you cared, why hadn't you at least called. But if I had only thought for a bit, I would have seen that I was being unreasonable."

"Nicole. It's perfectly normal to react the way you did. I'm still sorry for not being here."

"But it wasn't your fault! How could you have known? It would have been totally different if you had been at home, had read the letter, but just hadn't responded because of, I don't know, laziness maybe. The point is, you were not at home. You haven't been able to read the letter before the funeral. There was nothing else you could have done. And...I'm really glad you decided to come here anyway." She said, blushing slightly.

"I'm glad to be here." John answered softly. Both smiled.

"We're quite a pair. I'm sure the coffee is cold by now." Nicole said.

"Don't bother with getting new coffee, I'll take care of that." John replied immediately.

"How about we do it together. Like the old days." Nicole suggested. After a small pause John nodded.

Nicole went to get the cups with the old coffee, while John already went into the kitchen, to throw away the old coffee from the coffee machine.

Again emotions seemed ready to overwhelm him. Everything was in exact the same place as it had been before. The coffee machine, the coffee powder, the sugar, the cups, the spoons. Even the coffee milk was in the same place in the refrigerator.

Pushing his thoughts aside he set to work.

Nicole entered and immediately went to the sink to throw away the cold coffee. John had already filled the coffee machine with water, and was now folding the folds of a coffee filter. Nicole started to rinse the cups, and after John had put the coffee powder into the coffee machine as well, he took a dish-cloth and dried the cups. They worked in silence. Both were back into the routine. Neither wanted to break the comfortable silence, so they waited for the coffee to be ready, all the while just enjoying each other's presence.

When the coffee was ready, John filled the cups and asked Nicole: "Do you still have one sugar cube or has that changed in the past few years?"

"Still one." She smiled as John handed her the cup with the spoon. "I didn't expect you to remember."

"Yeah right. We've had over twenty-eight discussions about that, and then you expect me to have forgotten about it. Don't think so."

At this Nicole had to laugh. "True, but you didn't expect me to remember that you had your coffee black." She said, referring back to an hour before.

John grinned. "That was because you always put sugar into my cup anyway."

"That doesn't mean that I didn't know." She said with a sly smile.

"Oh no! You knew all right. You just wanted to see my face whenever I drank coffee with sugar. And then you would ask very innocently whether the coffee was good."

"Yes." Nicole answered with a satisfied expression. "And you would either pretend you hadn't noticed, or you would put milk in my cup." She screwed up her face to show how much she liked milk in her coffee.

"And you wouldn't even try to hide your 'delight'." John stated.

"Well, we would end up having the coffee as we liked it because Mum would get tired of us bickering and she would get us new coffee."

"Or she would just join in and throw milk into my cup and three sugar cubes more in yours."

"For which we couldn't do anything in return, because she always has --- had milk and sugar in her coffee." There was a short, painful silence.

Frustrated with herself Nicole hit the top of the kitchen sink with her hand. "Why can't I just get used to it!"

John quickly walked over to her and put his hand over hers. "Nicole, you can't expect from yourself to get used to it within such a short time. It's not something you get used to very easily. And even when you think you have finally gotten past that stage, unconsciously you might still say things occasionally, like: 'Hey, Mum's going to love that painting when she sees it.' And then you remember that you won't see her reaction... but that doesn't mean she's not watching."

John paused to gently lift Nicole's chin up so he could look her in the eyes.

"She doesn't want you to forget her, and you won't, and she doesn't want you to grieve forever, but you do need to grieve at some point. And I have the feeling you haven't done so yet." Nicole tried to avoid his eyes at his last statement, pushing his hand away. "Neither have I." John added quietly. Now Nicole quickly searched for the blue eyes she had tried to avoid only moments before. They were closed, but soon they opened. Nicole was taken aback by all the emotions that were shown in them. After a couple of moments, Nicole broke the silence.

"How about, we drink our coffee before it's cold, and then we'll go to the cemetery?"

John nodded. "Good idea."

A/N: Well, I hope you liked it... now please hit that blue button which says 'go' and tell me what you think of it. Thanks!!