Ultimate Tribal Survival Guide, a tribe fanfic

author's note: I wish I could take credit for this piece of work but alas I can't. This was written by AC Harris, who like me is an ultimate tribal fan. He and I watch together and love and worship the show. (yes we are a little bit sad ain't we?) He sent this to me as a surprise gift, along with my very own tribal box kit. And I tell you, that box included everything on this list. A bottle of water, a teddy bear, chocolate bar, hot cocoa, special soap, tinned peaches and beans(maple flavored yum), ketchup(we love you dal), a mini flashlight, two batteries, bit o' honey candy, danny's bill o' rights, and fresh baked unleavened bread(meaning without yeast which they no longer had). Even a rubber chicken keychain. The kicker: a packet of barbie doll fashions with matching pink shoes. Is this guy great or what? This is dedicated to all the tribal fans out there. KEEP THE DREAM ALIVE PEOPLE!

Are you bored? Are you tired of the same old routine day after day? Are you tired of peace, harmony and security? Well, say goodbye to those happy days and say hello to a new product that we guarentee will bring a whole new meaning of living to your life as you know it.

INTRODUCING THE...

"TRIBAL SURVIVAL KIT"

This kit is guarenteed to bring some power or chaos into your life. Or if you prefer, you can have both, the option is yours. Let's get you started by having us show how this kit works. First you need to shun all the comforts of home: Electricity, running water, gas, and yes, even soap and the bathroom toilet. Now we can begin.

1) Designer clothes : Because you want to look your best in the worst situations. Especially when the world is in complete chaos and tribal warfare is running rampant. (make up not included)

2) Canned baked beans : It's always good to have a can handy. You never know when you're going to have to feed 15 other people.

3) Ketchup : Because everyone loves ketchup.

4) Chocolate : Great for gambling, bribes, and they have all the essential vitamins and minerals you need to get through the day. (gotta love those T-bars)

5) Treats or sweets : For joking purposes. It's great to eat enough of these to get yourself sick and watch your tribe freak because they think you have a life threatening virus. (kids, you gotta love 'em)

6) Torch : Because you never know when you'll have to go down into the sewers beneath the streets and find people wandering around for no apparent reason.

7) Special soap : Don't think of yourself. Wait to use this dirt cleansing germ killer for a special occasion, like the birth of a child. Who will most likely never have a bath again.

8) Batteries : This is near the bottom of the list because everyone knows that in tribe world, they just keep going and going and going...

9) Bread : This, you want to save for those special occasions in your tribe. Bribery for instance. A little flour and water can make a great filling meal. But it's more logical to run down to the local farm and check out it's endless selection of tropical produce.

10) Chickens : These make great pets for the kids. It gives them something to care for in a crazy world of chaos. You can even help them name it and give it a place to roost. But on the other hand, if you're just plain hungry (and tired of tinned food and chocolate), they make a great honeymoon roast(lex and zandra rule!).

11) Water : This valuable resource is hard to come by unless you live near a fresh water source. But from what we have seen, nobody seems to drink the stuff. They squabble over it, steal it and even use it as a way to frame others. But only once in a great freakin moon, do some get the notion it can be used to wash with.

12) Teddy : It's always nice to have some comfort in a crazy, upside down world. Everyone should have a teddy to snuggle with, cry on, or even use as a pillow. (even if it is only for...a FEW EPISODES!)

13) Canned food : This stuff apparently grows on trees or something because nobody runs out of the stuff. It's everywhere. There must be a tinned food forest nearby somewhere. (and don't get me started on the cereal thing)

14) Your name : You must pick a name that will fit your personality and strike fear and respect into the hearts of everyone. Names like Eagle, Java and Siva are nice. But names like Ned, Ved, Ram and Wolf are even better.

15) Name of your tribe : Last but not least. Now pick carefully, because the name of your tribe will have a big impact on other tribes as well as your own. Many tribes pick names from their surroundings, catchy labels ect... Something like the mosquitoes, the gulls or the mallrats can put automatic respect into the hearts of millions. Not to mention the more feared names like the roosters and the technos.

There are a few other items that are not on the list, for example : a packet of cocoa. Use it for those moments that will bring you closer. It can cause you to share the keys to your house which you no longer own. Also, the bill of rights. A need for all tribe societies. It can bring hope, order, respect and peace through out the galaxy(we love you lex).

So what are you waiting for? Order your kit and let the fun begin. But don't hog the fun all to yourself. Share it with your family and distant relatives and your neighbors. Soon you'll have everyone running through the streets screaming for their lives while wearing fashion designs they didn't know they had.

Now remember, stay tribal and "keep the dream alive!"

Here's a copy of Danny's infamous bill o' rights from season two.

BILL OF RIGHTS

BRAY!

BRAY!BRAY!BRAY!BRAY!BRAY!BRAY!BRAY!

BRAY!BRAY!BRAY!BRAY!BRAY!BRAY!

BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!

signed :

Danny