A/N: This is AU and an idea I've had for awhile. I know this has been done a lot, but I made it different. Or at least I hope I thought it up different. Please tell me what you think. I've been trying to write longer chapters. I don't know if they will all be this long, but we'll see.
I don't wanna beg for reviews because that just seems silly and desperate but... falls to her knees and shakes her clasped hands back and forth Please? Plleeeeasssee review? Okay... then please enjoy!
Disclaimer: I do not own Rurouni Kenshin.
Husband for Hire
Chapter One: Prospects
Just for the heck of it, one Sagara "Rooster head" Sanosuke felt the desire to clean out his humble abode. It really only involved him cleaning out the pile of bills that lay in a neglected corner in his living room, collecting dust and a few critters who were taking the opportunity to make a home out of it because Sagara Sanosuke never ever cleaned his home and never ever would, even if his life depended on it. So Sano finally decided to expend some crucial energy, energy that he could be using to start a fight at some bar, instead, on sorting through the mess and getting rid of the pesky vermins at the same time. Sort of, kill two birds with one stone.
Plus he had some money that he could repay a few debts with. People get amazingly annoying when they think you will never pay them back. So grouchy! So greedy!
One document in particular made his heart stop beating and the temperature in the room drop maybe thirty or sixty degrees.
To Mr. Sagara Sanosuke,
It is my wish as a dying man that you do me a final favor. I trust you, you having been so close as to being my one of my own, that I know you will do the favor justice. If Kaoru has not married by her eighteenth birthday then we all know she never will and so I would ask that you marry her and take care of her and the dojo. You will be a great husband and father. Please remember your promise or else I will come back from the dead and haunt you till your dying day. The Kamiya Kasshin Ryu has other purposes, you know.
The following papers are reminders of the promise you made to me. Have a good life!
Sincerely,
Mr. Kamiya "Otousan"
"Holy Shit! I completely forgot about this!" He quickly threw aside the letter and took a disbelieving look at all of the documents Otousan mentioned. There was one that the Kamiya man made Sano prick his finger and sign in blood. Also one where they had him go recite an oath in front of a legal man. Then there was the one where he swore on his family name...
The man was crazy to make a ten year old do all of this stuff! Damn! How much insurance did he need anyway? One legal representation of his promise would have sufficed.
How was he going to marry the fox now if he had to marry another woman?
"God damned Tanuki!" This called for some emergency action.
'Breathe in... slowly...'
Wphuuuuuuuuuuu...
'And exhale...'
Wphooooooooooooo...
She sat in a meditative style, relaxed and filled with peace but concentrating on her exercises.
'Listen to the nearest sounds...' The wrinkle of fabric; the creaking of wood; the sound of air intruding through the little crevices in the dojo..
'Listen to the sounds outside...' The rustle of leaves; the chirping of lively birds; the sound of crunching gravel...
'Now, hear only the breathing... In and out... All thoughts dissipate. No mind. Serenity. Tranquility...
Kaoru's meditative state broke when she grimaced upon hearing a peculiar knock on the door to the dojo. Without opening her eyes, she knew who it was.
"Hiya, Jou-chan." She could hear the smirk in his voice and could picture him clear in her mind.
"Hey, I know you're busy 'n all, but I just dropped by to tell you," the wood moaned a little with each step he took closer to her. Then she felt him towering just above her.
"That me an' the fox are planning a surprise for your birthday." Her eyes popped open and she leaned back to look at his expression...
Conniving... "We thought since your parents aren't here for your eighteenth birthday, we'd take upon ourselves their role in this matter."
"What matter?" She didn't like the sound of jollity in his voice. Especially when she could see the sheer look of devilishness so plainly written on his face and the twinkling in his eye.
"Mou! What matter!" She wanted to punch him in the face for it.
"Well, we figured, since you haven't been married yet, or even courted, we figured it had something to do with the whole parental unit being gone and no one was helping the process along. Girls younger than you are already married and having kids! You're still in the pre-natal steps of the whole dating process.. Sooooo we concluded to help you get along faster by skipping the whole courting process and BANG! End up in the marriage department." Wide eyes and an open mouth stood gaping at the dubbed "rooster", for his hair style of course, and he took the opportunity to leave without suffering a tanuki induced headache (a.k.a. Kaoru whapping him upside the head).
"Weeeelll, I'll be back with the possible Mr. Tanukis in a three hours. Jaa!"
By the time Kaoru came out of her stupor, and burst out of the dojo to catch the rooster, he was gone from sight completely. She didn't even see his hair sticking up and over the horizon.
Dumbfounded and a little nervous, she took her time walking back into her yard, replaying the whole thing in her mind.
"Gack!" She slapped herself in the face with both hands, then felt for her loosely pinned up hair and then smoothed out her gi...
She needed to change...
She sniffed her armpits and cringed.
She needed to bathe too...
But before she took another step, her eyes uncovered something of greater concern: the state of her home.
"Mou... I need to... clean..."
Then an optimistic approach to what Sano proposed earlier sparked anticipation in her: if she had a husband... there wouldn't be sooo many chores to do! She'd definitely put him to work. None of the 'subservient woman' crap while she was the master of this house and they were the ones desperate enough to come to her. Nope.
Then she decided they should like her for who she was, so she cut out the bath and the change of attire.
The more she cleaned, the more she thought. And the more she thought, the more her mind was unwilling to accept being married off to some stranger...
This really was a stupid idea.
She took a look at the broom in her hands and decided it wasn't worth it. It fell to the earth, discarded.
Boy, was Sano and Megumi going to get it.
She sat back down in the dojo and began meditating again.
The steam was rising up in heavy torrents attacking the hand she held the ladle with. To combat the heat, she quickly alternated stirring with both hands but no amount of stirring could tame a boiling pot of water. Well, at least in her opinion, it couldn't.
"Hey BUSU!" A young boy's voice interrupted her glaring contest with her deformed, hardly visible self in the bubbly vortex of dinner. And also caused her to leap a few feet in the air.
"Mou! Don't do that!" She clutched her hand to her chest and calmed down her racing heart with a few big breaths.
"Yokatta! It's almost done," she then announced half-heartedly. She heard the snicker.
"Well, okay!" She turned on him with her hands on her hips. "If my cooking is so horrendous, why are you here waiting to be served?"
He stilled and seemed at a loss of words.
Score: Kaoru- a gaziollion, Yahiko-who knows? Twenty? Pfft! Five!
"That's what I thought," she surmised as she turned back to the fire and took the pot from it. She carefully placed it on a heat pad to prevent it from scorching the antique table. Then she ladled out two bowls of her dinner concoction ala mode.
"What... is it?" Yahiko sniffed, then jabbed at it with his spoon. She rolled her eyes in response and began eating.
'Honestly, it doesn't taste that bad..'
While the dishes were in the midst of being washed, Kaoru stole a long glance at her younger sibling. He looked so much like their late father and yet he had no idea. Wild jet black short hair that stuck out in all directions. A strong jaw line and a cute chin. He had father's piercing black eyes that told someone what he thought of them just by a look. And he was getting taller too. And more muscular. Soon he'd be better than her performing the Kamiya Kasshin style, she knew it.
Then she wondered if life would always be like this... just her and him, acting as a mis-matched pair but trudging onward nonetheless. She wondered what father would say, given the circumstances. If he were to have any say at all.
"How was work at the Akabeko?" She gently rinsed the hashi with water.
"Murkee..." He was closed off from her. He always did that when she asked... she hoped everything was okay.
"Hey Jouchan!"
"Ack!"
CRASH! A wooden bowl fell on her feet.
"DAMMIT!" Sano whistled and then clucked his tongue. "Way to go."
She turned and shot him a resentful glare. Then she noticed he was eyeing her physique...
"You're not wearing that are you?" For a moment she was stunned but then she started gritting her teeth, and even Yahiko took a step back.
"This is lame, Sano. I will not choose a husband like I would a piece of meat. Now tell them to all go home."
"Awww, c.mon, Jouchan. This is your birthday present." She sighed and looked to Yahiko for help. But he was suddenly snickering.
"Busu's getting married? This must be the end of the world!" He hop-skipped out of the kitchen, presumably to the front yard. Sano gestured for her to go as well and when he came close to lead her, she smacked him away and went herself.
Five men of various ages awaited her outside. And she was grossly disappointed with each and every one of them. They looked somewhat hopeful, though she doubted they were sincere about this whole scheme because they were bribed into this or this was the only way they could get hitched without relying on their masculine charm.
Kaoru's shoulder slumped and she took a breath and bowed.
"Sumimasen, this was all a mistake. I thank you for your time and do not wish to take up anymore of it. Please do not feel obligated to stay." When none of them moved, she growled. "In other words, LEAVE!" And they quickly did.
Sano saw the shaking in her small form, but did not see her right hook as it caught him in the jaw and sent him flying.
"Don't ever come here AGAIN!" She screamed and slammed the door behind her. Yahiko looked concerned for Sano but didn't go near the man out of fear of his older sister. She was the devil when angry.
Sano half-smiled and picked himself up.
"She didn't mean that..."
"YES I DID!" An angry voice shouted from inside the house.
"See ya later kiddo." He winked, stuck a straw in his mouth outta no where and put his hands in his pockets before wandering off of the Kamiya grounds.
Meanwhile...
A sweat drop was beginning to slide down the side of his face and it wasn't because of the heat. No, that had been the third time he'd been called a woman, or more exactly, 'Miss,' within the last hour.
'Oro... maybe sessha should cut all of his hair off...' He pictured himself as bald as the day he came into this god forsaken world...
'Maybe sessha should become a monk...' He pictured himself in the customary robes of a Buddhist Monk...
"Maa... sessha is just fine the way he is, de gozaru yo."
'That is, for once, the most agreeable thing you've said, Rurouni.'
'Thank you, Battousai.'
It was then he heard a hopeless plea from an older woman.
"Help! Someone! Anyone!" He quickly appeared at her side, his eyes focused on hers.
"Sessha would like to offer his assistance."
The woman paused in her hysterics to do a once-over of him, then shrugged and started up her nervous antics again.
"It's my boo-boo, she's stuck in that tree..." And his head swivelled backwards until it almost touched his back. His eyes inched up the path of her arm, past her pointing crooked finger to the very tall, very large tree. And of course, there was Boo-boo, stuck at the very top.
"Oro..." And he fell over in a heap of swirly eyes.
"Young man!" She sounded aghast. "Don't tell me you are afraid of heights!" He sat up and bobbed his head in the affirmative, weakly.
"Uh huh..." Suddenly he did not feel so good. It was too bad he hadn't eaten lunch ealier or else he'd have something to throw up...
"Well, I'll do something for you in return if you retrieve my cat for me."
"Hai, but sessha doesn't want anything... except... maybe... some food?" And then his stomach gurgled as if to support his question-statement. She nodded her consent to the agreement. He tied his sleeves back and braced himself for the big climb.
He took out his sakabatou and laid it on the ground next to the tree's trunk. Then he began his ascent.
It was easy climbing for the first few branches and then he came to the numerous but small branches that caved upon the slightest pressure. And then he reached the ones, just out of his grasp...
With a few huffs and puffs, he was finally to the cat.
It was black and crying softly. But when it's head swivelled to look at the big red unknown thing, it tensed up and began hissing.
"Maaa... maaa... sessha is here to rescue you, de gozaru... make this easy, oonegai shimasu... for the both of us?" A few scratches and bites later and he was climbing down.
"Hand her to me!" The lady demanded once he was on the lower branches.
"All right..." The cat nearly leaped out of his arms. Ungrateful!
Kenshin practically fell from the shock of the cat leaping away and landed in a pile of red, magenta, and faded white on the ground.
"Hey are you okay?" The old woman's old saggy eyes visibly blinked at him.
"Hai, sessha is fine..."
"All right. I've decided I will make you dinner, boy. Is this acceptable?"
"Sessha expected no reward, Miss, de gozaru. And sessha wouldn't want to intrude-"
"Come on," the old hag grasped his wrist in an ironlike grip and dragged him from the scene.
"My sword!" He yelped and struggled back to the tree to reclaim his most valuable possession. And then the lady dragged him all some odd feet to her home, talking all the way. The trip certainly made him that much more hungry. And more agreeable to eating her offered dinner.
An hour or two after, a polite refusal of a date, (and a great many bows later) the poor rurouni found himself back on the open road with the night sky above him and the vastness of the world all around.
He decided to stop at a rather homey looking tree and sat beneath it's great canopy with his back resting against it's trunk. Assuming the position he slept in now and had for more than half of his life, with his sword in one hand and cradled close to his chest in the other, he fell into a light meditative sleep.
The next day, after waking at a good time, when the sun was still climbing the sky on the horizon, the Rurouni found himself back on somewhat familiar territory.
He walked along in awe, observing the faces, old and new, and scanning the area for signs of development. He was amazed.
He also noticed that there were quite a bit more people since the last time he'd been through here. Carts and caravans and people on foot were seen all over. And the market was much more colorful.
His stomach gurgled in protest at its emptiness and Kenshin feebly felt around for some loose change. And found nothing.
"Well, that always complicates things, de gozaru." He spent the next few hours offering his services in trade for food.
This was the least favorite part of her day: Shopping for food amongst the rushing people of the market. She never had enough money for the best food. Some people were rude in the moderate places, and she didn't want to be seen at the lowly stands. But she shrugged off those feelings.
Sometimes she just couldn't find what she was looking for. Although, as she was passing by the silk ribbonss at a textile stand, a rather beautiful blue one caught her eye and before she knew it she had it in her hand. It was smooth to touch and light as a feather. She didn't have enough money for it and all the food she still needed to purchase on her list... so she decided they could do without meat for a little while. She was getting a little chubby in the thighs anyway...
After having bought the ribbon she stepped aside so others could shop. She rubbed the material between her fingers, reveling in the feel.
So engrossed in her ribbon she didn't see the body falling towards her, having experienced a moment of complete and utter clumsiness. They both fell to the ground, him on top of her and as soon as the weight had left her she realized she didn't have the ribbon in her hands anymore. Frantically her eyes searched for it until they found it in the street. Just then, a carriage ran right over it, dirtying and ripping it in one swift motion.
"Ohh..." She cried in disbelief and sourly picked it up.
"Sessha is so sorry..." A polite voice drifted into her ears. A little dumbstruck, she turned to the source to see a peculiar man staring at her with concerned eyes. They were the most interesting shade of violet she had ever seen. And he had the most interesting color of hair as well. It was deep red, almost wild like fire, and it turned orange where the sun hit it.
She blinked. He was still apologizing. She looked own at the fabric in her hands and then forced a smile for him.
"Oh... It's quite all right," she gritted out between her toothy smile. And then she blinked. He was still apologizing! She took another look at the destroyed ribbon in her hands and then let it be carried away by the wind.
"It's ... just a ribbon," she shrugged half-heartedly and then bowed out of politeness before walking off.
Kenshin felt horrible. But by the time he had felt he'd apologized enough and had decided internally that he would buy her a new ribbon, she'd already disappeared.
It was not like he had money anyway...
A vision of sad blue eyes flashed through his mind.
"What a way to finish off the day..." He stated, crestfallen. Suddenly a piece of paper flew in the wind and hit him straight in the face.
HUSBAND FOR HIRE..
"ORO?" He looked around in suspicion. "It this some kind of joke?"
Out of curiosity his eyes scanned lower.
REQUEST: Healthy Manly Man with Fair amount of Build and a Confident stride.
QUALIFICATIONS: Must be Flexible to Change and Open to New Ideas.
INTERESTED PROSPECTS seek out Sagara for Reasonable Wage and More details.
He wadded the ad up in disgust and threw it away like a good humanitarian.
What idiot would hire a husband? He knew he was quite gullible and also that times were changing...
But...
Jeez...
'Damn...' The Battousai agreed.
Tsuzuku (to be continued)