(Three)

Logan gasped as he woke abruptly back on the table at Jael's lair.

"Well, that certainly was interesting, but it tells me nothing of Kimble," Jael rumbled from close by. He had been amused by Logan's tale, he loved a good story, but a romp through Wolverine's twisted life was not his objective here.

"You asshole..." Wolverine wheezed. Tears streamed from his eyes. His hardened heart could not withstand an assault on this scale. He still saw Rose's face and the pain in Dog's eyes and it was more than he could bear.

"Shall I keep going, Master?" Tanya asked, keeping her voice low. Jael seemed irritated.

"Please."

"N-no!" Logan snarled in protest but it did him no good.

(break)

James survived his fall down the waterfall. He fell and was hopelessly smashed and broken on the rocks and churning water but his body stubbornly refused to drown. He would suck in water only to gather enough air for his healing factor to keep working. He traveled a great distance, leaving Dog and his past behind him. When he finally washed up on the shore and revived, he made a vow never to think on James again.

He took the name Logan (James had never been all that imaginative. The name of his true father seemed fitting enough) and became that man. He lived for many years in the wilderness, trapping and hunting. As the various wars passed through the land, he fought on whichever side he favored. It was easier then, he could live anonymously for long periods of time, never having to explain why he never grew older. He would just move on before anyone noticed.

He went to Japan and learned the ways of the Samurai. It did wonders for his temper and instilled in him a desire for control and orderliness. He discovered a great love for Oriental women, but never took one to wife. It was as if some part of him still remembered Dog's promise from long ago. He met many different kinds of men there, some of them spies and spooks. He pulled a few odd jobs with them and his career in Intelligence began.

He ended up back in Canada and did work for the government there against the Nazis in Germany, even participating in the landing in Normandy. He was being dropped off as part of secret Black Ops gig and boy, did he get the ride of his life. He completed his mission, but the horrors of the beach never left him.

When the late sixties rolled around, folks began to notice he wasn't everything he appeared to be. He looked damn good for his age and carried no scars from his various battles. They knew he had been injured from time to time, he had come back bloodied and barely alive more than once. Logan knew he should move on, but he loved the life. It cost him dearly.

His secret was soon discovered. For the first time, the word "mutant" was attached to his name. At this time, only a few known mutants existed. They had only just started showing up and were quite rare. He was drugged and taken by force to the Weapon X facility and the rest was history. The government agents were overjoyed by their find, he survived the Adamantium bonding process better than expected. His bone claws were a surprise but an extra bonus. All that was left was his conditioning.

The real Logan, the one who was reliving this disgusting horrible replay of his wasted life, looked down at his body and watched as his mind was erased. Rose, his days as a trapper and a free creature of the wild...all of it was taken. Jumbled up and twisted until he didn't know what was real and what was make believe. He was reduced to a howling savage and later took advantage of someone's moment of inattention to break free, butchering most of the men in the facility on his way out.

He escaped out in the wild, the facility was off in the Canadian mountains for secrecy, and lived like an animal for two winters, dreaming and shivering at night of the slaughter. In some ways, those two years were the best of his life. He had run free with no men to use him or hurt him. He was truly free, his days and nights his own to use as he pleased. He lived in a cave and dressed in the skins of his kills. He ran with the wolves at night and swam in the rivers by day, teaching himself how to fish with his claws and loving every moment of it.

He was eventually recaptured. The government sent out an operative to claim him. They wanted their investment back. It was made to look like an accident, his being discovered. Logan was lured back into the civilized world and he became a man again. Of course he was manipulated into working for the government once more. There he bumped into Dog again. By that time, both of their memories had been so badly fucked with by the government agencies they had worked for, they didn't know each other at all. Dog was now Victor Creed and James Howlett was Logan. They got lumped on the same work team of super powered humans and they ran many missions together, earning their code names there, Wolverine and Sabretooth. Their lack of memory didn't seem to affect them, they seemed to have a natural hatred for one another.

Sabretooth was a clever and talented operative, but he took dangerous risks. He went out of his way to make the missions more dangerous than they had to be, usually so he would have to kill to get them freed from capture or to make some extra money. He used drugs and drank heavily. Still, he was there watching Logan's back and had pulled Wolverine out of harm's way more than once, but it was mainly because he'd done something to up the ante and ruined the mission.

Creed was also the master of collateral damage. He had discovered the magic of explosives and loved a rip roaring bloody fight. He cared not for the innocent bystanders, they meant nothing to him. He slaughtered them if they got in his way and gave them no rescue if he damaged their homes. He was violent to prisoners being interrogated and was untrustworthy around women. He became well known for his abuse of them, the younger the better. He thought nothing of rape and murder. This was Dog still lashing out at a world he hated and despised.

It came to a head one mission they had pulled in Panama. They got separated with some of their teammates. Logan found Creed and his buddies in a demolished monastery, damaging the locals. Four of the nuns had been savagely raped and he walked in on his old friend Sabretooth, doing the same thing to the priest. It was the most horrific thing he had ever seen. It was also more than Logan could stand. A huge fight ensued and they both had to be sedated and brought back home for more conditioning. Logan stayed with the Agency, Creed was dismissed for being too much of a risk.

Sabertooth later went AWOL and disappeared. Logan heard of him pulling secret service missions for the CIA and later running guns. Logan thought Creed was gone, but that was too much to ask for. Logan foolishly fell in love again. She was a lovely redheaded barmaid named Mary. The night after he proposed to her, she was murdered. It was his birthday, just as it had been before. One sniff told Wolverine the truth of it. Dog was keeping his promise even though neither one fully understood or remembered the why of it. Creed had acted on an urge he couldn't control, one no amount of conditioning was ever going to suppress. No trace of Sabretooth was ever found. He came, he killed and moved on.

It wasn't long after this that Logan came to work for Xavier.

This at last finally seemed to interest Jael. He had been watching from a distance, tied into the memory scan by Tanya's powerful mind. He saw now the inner workings of the Xavier Mansion and all the technology in it. Logan squirmed, but it did him no good. His brain spilled its collective guts and Jael gained more knowledge than any spy could ever have given him.

Time sped by Logan in a blur now, giving him snap shots of all of his battles. It hadn't seemed like much to him at first, but when it was collected all together, he was run awash with horror and pain. Beatings and shootings. That time he got electrocuted by some asshole and the time he got run through with a lance. It had been horrible. The only shining moment came when he flashed on Mariko, a Japanese woman he finally fell for when the X-men passed through that country by accident. As always, he fell like a rock and was totally smitten. This one Creed never found, but the end result was the same. She was the daughter of a local crime lord and his rival had her poisoned. She was dying in his arms, there would be no cure. She was in terrible agony and begged him to kill her, to let her die with honor instead of by the hand of her father's enemy. He had done so, popping his claws and granting her wish. He had loved her more than the world and it shattered him.

Logan was screaming as these thoughts and memories rushed by him in a blur and Tanya was screaming too, experiencing far more pain and horror than she was accustomed to. She howled as the door labeled Crazy John crashed open and she got a taste of that as well. That and the time he had been set on fire by Creed two years earlier, one of their stupid spats getting out of hand. She screamed and screamed and then Logan woke up abruptly back in the cell.

Tanya had collapsed onto the floor, curled up and shivering, no longer conscious. Jael was grabbing onto her with his huge clawed hands, trembling himself. He had been linked to her mentally and had a backseat view of her romp through Logan's mind. His joy at having Logan's secrets was short lived. He fared little better than his telepath had, he was shaking and almost in tears himself. "Tanya? Tanya!" he was shouting as he shook her, but she was in shock, her mind ripped apart from all the refuse that had been locked away in Logan's enormous mental garbage cans.

Logan couldn't help but chuckle softly. He was weak and tears leaked out of his eyes, but he still found it in him for some amusement. "Was... more ... than... she... could... handle ...huh? Heh... whatta... surprise."

Jael turned to him with eyes filled with pain. "I had no idea."

"Heh...neither did I. Not...not fer all...of it...anyhow."

"How can you fight by Xavier's side, Logan? All your pain. You fight to protect the norms and all they've ever done was rape you, body and soul!"

"Not...not all of it came from them... The pain - some...some of it...came from me. There's evil in me, too...just like it's there...in some of them. They ain't all bad," he gasped, thinking of Karen now. He could really use her touch right about now. He was barely hanging on here.

"No," Jael said, shaking his head. He cradled the body of his dazed telepath and stroked her face tenderly. She was whimpering and trembling, of no use to him now. "The norms took you... raped your body, your mind. All to make you a better, more efficient killer. That is a crime beyond all others."

"They got paid back...all of 'em," Logan whispered, remembering now the slaughter he had created as he broken free of the Weapon X facility. Well over a hundred men died that day.

"It wasn't enough. They just found another way to use you. Your record as a spy and an assassin goes well beyond the day they...violated...you. They made you forget and used you anyways."

"Maybe...maybe. But keepin' the killin' goin' ain't gonna change nuthin'."

Jael shook his shaggy head again. "No. I'll kill them all. When the norms are all dead -"

"Then yer just gonna take their place," Logan interrupted. "Yer no better than them. You kill without a thought."

"Are you referring to my little trick I played on your Cajun teammate? It's not my fault he gets around. Heh, what's a few norms to me anyhow?" Jael said, trying to sound cocky but failing. Logan realized that was one little joke that had gotten out of hand, even for this guy. It wouldn't stop Logan from putting him down, no sir.

"Yer an animal. You come to our world...screwin' things up...how dare you!"

Jael eased the body of his stricken telepath from his lap and rose to approach his captive. He came closer to Wolverine and lay a gentle paw on his shoulder. "We're not the monsters people think we are, you and I. I am not without compassion. I had no idea your mind would be so...disturbed. Nor was I aware of your relationship with Sabretooth. I am familiar with him and his torturous ways. I see now why he is the way he is...not that that excuses his horrific tendencies in any way." Jael sighed and rubbed his lion's eyes with a weary, all too human paw. "You have my apologies."

"Fuck you. You'll be fergiven when I got yer head on a plate, you sick fuck!"

Jael just grunted a laugh. "I suppose that would be true. Trust me, if this Game wasn't so important to me, I would never have gone to these lengths. I am not by nature cruel. I will tell you this. Sabretooth's memories were recently restored by the all new, touchy feely, 'we're all good guys now' Weapon X program that has been reinstated. That puts the two of you back on an even playing ground. Perhaps now would be a good time to end your petty war."

"What do you care?"

"Because I dislike watching my fellow mutants, especially two of your caliber, slugging it out against one another when the real enemy is all around us. When I have the power I seek, I will put a stop to it, you can count on that. Kimble will be returned to me."

"What do ya mean, 'returned.' He was never yours."

Jael just laughed. "Really? You know him that well, do you? Tell me, what did he see that made you tear him apart? You may as well tell me, Tanya will rip it out of you anyway after she's rested a bit."

"Fuck you!"

"It's all about sex with these Courtesans. Tell me, was it Crazy John?"

Logan snarled and tried to rise, but the chains and the powerful sedatives just made him sloppy and slow. Jael simply pushed him down. "Now, now there, my good friend. Your secret is safe with me. The bastard got what he deserved, truly. Too bad Kimble did not. My informant tells me he speaks in voices now. He's broken. What do you know of this?"

"If you know so much, find out yerself!"

"Don't worry, I will. Get some rest, Tanya will be ready for you again as soon as she's back on her feet," Jael said, rising. He slipped a tiny remote control out of his pocket and clicked it. The flashing light on Logan's restraining collar clicked on. Wolverine's body had been battling the sedative toxins Shakra had pumped him with. With the collar now on, his healing factor couldn't block them out, he moaned softly and blacked out.

(break)

Wolverine was dreaming again. He saw his life once more as the young James Howlett. It didn't bring him any joy. He had it tough living in a house full of secrets and bickering adults, but Victor had it far worse. He lived in the shack with their father, Thomas Logan. He's just like me, Thomas is. So full of rage. He felt robbed by us rich Howletts and he passed that resentment onto Dog with his hatred. Logan's memories sped along, spurred on by that invisible key and he was going through a lot of his many sufferings and losses. Startling, just how much he'd been through when it buzzed by his eyes all at once like this. The fire, the beatings, getting shot. With all this suffering, it was no wonder he had such a high tolerance for pain. There was so much of it and very little love there to balance it out. He found himself in a wash of self pity he didn't like. He chose the life of a spy and a warrior. It had been his choice, but damn...where was the reward? What did he really have to show for it?

More loud clicks of that huge key sounded inside his brain and he found himself going further ahead than he had before and the replay of their little trip to Cerise was run. He saw Kimble and felt all of that resentment come back. Kimble who used, Kimble who manipulated, Kimble who tried to rape Bobby and Holly. He choked back his rage, but it was difficult. I hate you! he found himself shouting to a ghostly pilot in his mind. I hate you fer bein' so selfish! Love has ta be earned! You take an' ya take and ya took from me!

He watched as he met Kimble for the first time and felt that sense of automatic distrust that had sprung up then. He saw Kimble on the ship, the day Fallen had tried to kill them all. Kimble was blocking them out with safety grids, always trying to be in control. Kimble was fighting all the time, whining all the time and being a royal pain in the ass. Kimble who tried to fight him, Zander's words leaking out of his mouth even then. The file playback came and he saw Kimble's wretched life, the breaking of him. The resentment came back full swing when he saw Gambit suffer as the pilot had. He still believed Remy was under Kimble's influence somehow even today and it made him so angry!

Then came the troubles from the house. Poor, poor whiney Kimble, how it never ended. Kimble who tried to rape, who manipulated. Fucking rapist, child molesting bastard! Damn the rage was so strong! It was Crazy John all over again. Logan was filled with the red, red rage and wanted to punish Kimble all over again. Couldn't wait to get his hands around that scrawny white throat and cut the life right out of him. Then came the guilt, the horrible, terrible guilt. It wasn't Kimble who was supposed to be punished. No, it was Crazy John who had done that thing to him, not Kimble ...My God, what had he done?

His question was interrupted as he next flashed through the Xavier Mansion. He felt like a zombie tour guide as he mechanically gave a guided tour to the place, showing off all the technology in it and the elaborate security systems. He showed off the Danger Room, the Lab and the War Room with all of its scanners and spy machines. He saw the gym and discussed some of their training techniques. He showed off the hanger and the three Blackbirds that rested within.

Logan shuddered and gasped as he came suddenly awake. He was confused because he expected to be at the house, the dream had been so vivid and real.

"It is finished, my Lord," Tanya said softly.

Cripes! They went through my mind while I was sleepin'! Logan howled silently. All that came out of him was a low groan. Tears poured from his eyes, they were burning from the drugs and the pain that was ripping through his soul like a fire gone out of control. He was undone by all the horror and anger in his life and was still in a state of shock.

"Razel," Jael was saying from somewhere in the dim around him. "Return this one to Xavier's grounds. In and out."

"Like the wind, sir," Razel replied with a smile.

Logan was raised by unseen hands. He was still heavily sedated and couldn't move. He tried to get a sense of who was around him, maybe he would come to recognize them later if he ever got out of this. He could see the blur of a teleporter through his tear flooded eyes and was aware of another large person who now carried him. His courier was like a huge brown bear, large and well muscled, but clean and smelling of the forest. He was cradled in those massive arms like a baby, too fucked up to fight or try and get away. Soft fur tickled his nose and he was reminded of Henry. Henry who was always kind and gentle with him. He felt a sudden longing for home and the comfort of the good doctor. He was wrecked now, physically and emotionally. He had been raped again, his mind violated.

Jael came close and spoke to him with gentle candor. "Before you leave us, Wolverine, I can't help but hope that you'll think about what you have around you. Life is very precious, you have more of it than most of us. Don't waste any opportunities that present themselves. Truly live, Logan. That is what we are here for after all.

"Oh, and worry not about Kimble. He is a powerful Channeler though I doubt he knows it. His being split only makes him that much more valuable. I look forward to completing his education and adding him to my collection. Take care."

There was a flash of light and Logan's muted senses couldn't mistake the smells of home. It was night time, the sky lit by a bright near full moon. He could tell by the shape of it, he had been gone at least two days. They were out on the grass near the gates, not far from the road. He still wore the collar, but it couldn't shut the memories of this place. Home. It would have a whole new meaning for him now. He was filled with such gratitude to still be alive and back here again he began to weep, unable to stop himself. He was set carefully on the grass and his face became wet from the damp of it. He could hear the house alarms going off and knew it when he was left alone

There was a bright burst of light when the front door opened and then Henry was there beside him. Logan curled up, bawling now in spite of himself. He was overwhelmed and swamped with memories, so much pain. He was so glad to be home. He would never leave this place again, this was his place, where he needed to be. He clutched at Henry as he was lifted and cradled as he had been by the big brown guy before. He felt the rumble in Henry's chest when he spoke but couldn't make out the words.

Logan? Can you hear me? Charles spoke telepathically and Logan went wild, screaming. He wanted no more voices in his head, no more memories.

He was pinned and then helpless. Beast was quite strong and wasn't going to wait for the claws to come popping out. Wolverine was still wearing the restraining collar and the drugs made him easy for Henry to contain. His eyes were flooded with light as he was taken into the house and then he heard the familiar rush of the elevator for the lower level. He was placed on a bed in the Med Lab and then Karen was there beside him.

He snatched at her with a strangled cry of need and gripped her tightly and then she was holding him and soothing him as he continued to cry. She shushed him and rocked him, calming him as swift unseen hands broke the lock on the collar and he was free. He sobbed and let it all out, finally succumbing to sleep in her arms. He was home.