Okay, I know, I haven't updated in a while. But I'm working on this other story in Cowboy Bebop and I'm getting more hits and reviews from that one, but I'll still be doing this one. Also I had a small thing of writers' block… yeah, it can be a bitch - By the way for anyone who's interested, I am working on a revision of E! True Hollywood: Final Fantasy (as you may have seen in my bio). Just wanted to put this out for anyone who liked it, or anyone who didn't (cough, Cloudlover, cough), even though it will no longer be in script form (have no idea how the hell I'm gonna do a TV show-based fic without it though), and it will probably have a slightly different name. Well, here it is. Enjoy!

Chapter 4- The Iced Tea Massacre

"Go ahead… I dare you."

Cid and Barret sat on small wooden boxes in the chocobo stable facing each other. There were cigarettes and beer bottles littered around them, and the golden chocobo, Max, strutted around nervously, trying to get away from the thick smoke that covered the small room. Barret and Cid's eyes were bloodshot red, and had dark spots under them.

Barret dropped a finger on the map in between them. "Bone Village," he said satisfyingly.

Cid shook his head drunkenly. "Yuffie stole half of a T-Rex model."

The two men were quiet.

"Is Costa del Sol the only place that hasn't banned at least one of our people?"

Barret took a swig of his beer. "It would've been a matter of time…"

"You're right," he answered drunkenly. "There has to be some place that can take my wife, your daughter, and all the idiots. But where?"

"Hmm…"

"How about we go… here?" Cid pointed to Kalm Town.

"No, Cloud accidentally set a café on fire there."

"…why does he always set things on fire?"

Barret suddenly thought of something. "You know, Cloud is gonna be at school… that means that all the places he's banned from, we can go. Right?"

"Yeah, you're right… that narrows it down to about… half the world."

"Does that mean…?"

"Yes, Barret. We can go."

Barret jumped to his feet. "WE'RE GOING TO MOOGLE-LAND! YES!" He dashed out of the stable, catching everyone he saw and telling them the good news of their new destination.

-at the university-

"And that's how I learned that dogs with foam coming from their mouths should not be pet."

The classroom clapped as the last student sat down. "Thank you, Emma, for your wonderful report. "Now, I have all your tests are back, and you all did fairly well." As the Professor was handing out tests, she stopped at Cloud's desk. "I want to see you in my office after class, I'll give you your test then," she whispered, then passed.

After the lesson was over, Cloud knocked on the door adjacent to the lab. "Come in," said the professor. He entered.

"Cloud, this is your test."

"You draw your A's weird… it looks like an F."

"Yes. Cloud, there were some answers on your test that I found rather… interesting."

"Like?"

"Well, on question 8, 'What is a bovine', you answered, 'A word I don't know."

"Well, that's what it is."

"And on question 12, 'What sort of food does a butcher deal with', your answer was 'DVD players'. Have you ever eaten a DVD player before?"

"…once."

"And question 27, 'What is your favorite kind of animal'…" she sighed, shaking her head.

"What's wrong?"

"This question didn't even have a wrong answer."

"So I was right?"

"I can't say you got it right, either. Am I going blind or does it say here that your favorite kind of animal is car dealers?"

"…"

"…?"

"I'd have to say… you're going blind."

She handed him a piece of paper on her desk. "Here."

"What's this?" It had a name and a room number on it.

"Cloud, are you familiar with Professor Kudo?"

"Not really."

"He teaches psychology on the other side of the campus, and he has been willing to do some… studying on you."

"He's my new shrink?"

"Yes."

"Am I crazy or something?"

"Just because you're taking therapy doesn't necessarily mean that."

"But you still haven't answered my-"

"Anyway, you will be going in every Tuesday and Thursday for 60-minute lessons."

"How long will I be doing this?"

"How long it takes. Tifa has paid 800 thousand gil in advance."

"Is it really gonna take that much worth of therapy?"

"It's indefinite so far. You may leave now."

"How come-"

"GO."

"Yes ma'am." So he turned around and stepped out of the office.

-at a city on the Western Continent called Martyr City-

Barret skipped circles around the group as they walked through the city. "Moogle-land! Moogle-land! I'm gonna ride the Super Blaster 9000! And I'm gonna go to the chocobo petting zoo! Ah we're gonna have so much fun!"

Cid stared dully at Barret as he hopped around. "Ugh… I'm hungry. What say we stop at that pub over there?"

"Well, actually, I wanted to-"

"I SAID GET YOUR ASSES IN THERE BEFORE I THROW YOU IN!"

"What's his frigging problem?" Yuffie whispered to Shera as they nervously filed into the pub.

"Oh, he just gets a little cranky when he's hungry, that's all."

"…"

"Okay, he gets totally psycho."

When they were all set down at two tables put together at the pub, the waitress came to ask them what they wanted. Unfortunately, there was a shortage on everything but iced tea. So that's what they all ended up getting.

Shera began a long, winding discussion about some new airplane designs she was working on that everyone pretended to pay attention to, but really weren't, when Tifa noticed that Marlene was twiddling a spoon in her tea aimlessly.

"Hey, what's wrong?" she asked.

"I don't like tea…"

"Well, throw it then," Tifa said with a smile.

"…so that we can make the plane bigger without having to worry about weight problems, but the inner plaster plays an important part when-" Shera was stopped when she was suddenly doused in tea.

Barret was appalled. "Marlene!"

"Tifa told me to!"

"I was only joking!"

"You did what?" Cid took his tea and splashed it out over Tifa.

"Hey, you can't do that to a girl wearing a white top, duh!" Yuffie threw her tea at Cid.

Before anyone knew what was going on, everyone was heavily drenched in tea to the amusement of the others in the café. Suddenly Cait began to moan in agony.

"Cait, what's wrong?" Shera asked in a huff.

"That… is the nastiest thing I have ever seen!"

"What?"

"Look…" Cait pointed disgustingly at Tifa's now easily see-through top."

"OH MY GOD! WHAT IS THAT!"

"It's just an infection!"

"I'm gonna be sick…" Yuffie's stomach gave way as she threw up all over the table.

"Oh God…"

And round two began as instead of tea bombarding them, it was an assortment of half-digested food. After what seemed like ages, the team had found themselves on the floor, laying on the overturned tables (or the overturned tables laying on them) and chairs strewn everywhere. In the chaos, one of the employees had taken the time to put yellow caution tape around them. The whole café was silent.

Finally, a man sitting at a table mustered himself to say, "And these people actually stopped us all from being crushed by Meteor?"

Big mistake.

"HEY YOU WANNA TAKE THIS OUTSIDE!" Cid shouted, snapping to his feet.

"Hey, hey, please!" Tifa shouted after grabbing a nearby towel and tightening it around her body. "We don't want a fight, just some lunch."

"Maybe… we should go now…"

The team uncomfortably stepped out of the café.

The stood still outside the door, silent. The were all thinking the same thing, but only Cait said it aloud.

"Well that was the most pointless chapter I have ever seen!"

And, that's it for this one. I used to be good at humor, guess I've kind of out-funnied myself for now… the stuff I'm working on now is mostly action/adventure stuff. Though there is obviously no romance so far per se, I plan on putting something in next chapter.

Well, I decided I'm not gonna make a set number of reviews like I always do. Like I said, the more reviews I get, the more I will prioritize the production of this fic. That's it, see y'all later :)