This is a new what-if story based on book 12. Usual disclaimer: these characters belong to Daniel Handler, not me.
The Proximate Peril
As I have mentioned before, there are rings of ripples spreading out from a single decision. Such was the case that night when the Baudelaires faced a choice about whether to trust the taxi driver who asked them, "Are you who I think you are?"
"We don't know," said Sunny.
Just then, somewhere in the famous Hotel Denouement lobby clock (located in the center of the ceiling at the very top of the dome) a gear slipped. It was well before 3 o'clock in the morning, but the chimes rang out anyway.
Wrong! Wrong! Wrong!
It seemed to the Baudelaires to be a last message from Dewey Denouement, warning them that they were going very wrong indeed.
Wrong! To no longer know who they thought they were. Wrong! To doubt they were noble enough. Wrong! To fear that they couldn't judge who was a villain and who a volunteer, to distrust the judgment that told them to trust this taxi driver in front of them.
Mr. Poe rushed toward them, mumbling something about children from a broken home being destined for a life of crime.
"Let's go," urged Klaus.
The three dived into the back seat of the taxi. Sunny landed on the accordion that had been laid carefully in the back seat, creating a loud and squashy sound. The driver accelerated away, leaving Poe waving his arms behind them for the second and last time.
I still do not know if they made the right decision by coming with me that night. I do know that many ripples were created by this one choice. The Baudelaire's choice delivered them from one peril, but left them faced with many new ones. Their peril at the hotel was not their ultimate peril, or even their penultimate one, but merely the proximate peril, the next in a series of perils that would pursue the Baudelaires and myself for the rest of our unfortunate lives.
"Are you?" asked Sunny.
"What my sister means is, are you who we think you are?" Violet said.
"Of course I am who you think I am," I said. "I'm a taxi driver."
Sunny made a rude noise.
"You can't satisfy us with an answer like that," said Klaus indignantly.
"You're right," I sighed. "After all that has happened I owe you a full explanation. I won't be like my sister and fob you off with a brunch and a mission."
"So you're the third Snicket sibling?" said Violet. "We heard about you, but nobody mentioned your first name."
"You'll recognize it," I said. "I'll tell my whole sad story in a bit. But first, we're far enough away now that I can stop and let out the woman who's hiding in the trunk."
The children gave a start when they heard this.
"Who?" asked Sunny.
I pulled the car into a dark side-street and pushed the button to pop open the trunk. My friend climbed stiffly out, got in the front passenger door, pushed a damp object aside, and sat down.
"Regina, these are Violet, Klaus, and Sunny Baudelaire. Baudelaires, this is my friend the Duchess of Winnipeg."
"Call me Duchess R.," she said.
"Why were you hiding in the trunk?" asked Violet.
"I'm on the run like my friend L.," said Duchess R. "With all the villains and volunteers in there I was afraid I'd be recognized."
"I guess we're on the run, too," said Klaus. "Now more than ever. They think we're murderers for a second time, this time with more evidence."
"Maybe we should have stayed and tried to clear our names in the High Court," said Violet. "Justice Strauss and Jerome Squalor would have helped us."
"Doubt," said Sunny.
"They weren't much help when Count Olaf was threatening us with the harpoon gun," said Klaus. "They may be noble people but they're let us down before."
"You can't count on the High Court," I said. "Two of the three of them are terrible villains. I believe you've met them: the man with a beard and no hair, and the woman with hair and no beard."
The children gasped.
"Does Justice Strauss know that? Is she a villain too?" asked Violet.
"No, it's a well-kept secret," I said. "Everyone in court is always blindfolded when they work, so no-one has connected them with their criminal identities. I wouldn't have known myself if I hadn't attended court one day in a fake blindfold as part of my investigative research."
"Why didn't you expose them?" asked Klaus.
Duchess R said, "They're too powerful. They have friends in high places. We don't dare even call them by name. Once they find out we've spoken with you, you'll be in more danger than ever."
"V.F.D.?" asked Sunny, which I took to mean "You haven't told the V.F.D.?"
"I haven't even communicated with my sister in years except in rare secret messages," I said.
"We have to warn our friends not to go there!" said Violet. "The Quagmires and Kit will be arriving tomorrow and they'll land in a trap."
"We were supposed to devise a code to signal them," said Klaus. "How can we do that now?"
"With a little time and the right equipment I could rig up rocket flares that would shoot up over the Hotel and explode," said Violet. "I could make them spell a message to keep Kit and the others away."
"I was sharing the trunk with some suitcases a hunchbacked villain left behind," said Duchess R. "There may be some equipment we could use in there."
"You were giving a ride to Hugo, Olaf's henchman?" asked Violet.
"I was driving the taxi following you this morning," I said. "Hugo, Colette, and Kevin were my passengers."
"Why?" asked Sunny.
"A taxi will pick up whoever signals it," I said.
"You still haven't told us your first name," said Violet.
"First, tell me your mother's name," I said.
"Father always called her Belle," said Klaus. "Why?"
"That's just a pet name -- it means beautiful in French," I said. "I knew her by the name Beatrice. And my name is Lemony."
"Ex-fiancee," said Sunny, meaning "Yes, Mother told us the name of the man she almost married."
"She never used the name Beatrice around us," said Klaus. "Wait a minute -- Esmé Squalor said someone named Beatrice stole her sugar bowl."
"That was your mother, I'm afraid," said Duchess R. sadly.
"Our mother wouldn't steal!" said Violet. "And what was that nonsense Olaf said about our parents, a box of poison darts, and a fateful night at the opera?"
"I'm afraid that's true, too," I said. "Your parents killed Olaf's parents that night. I was there, and I saw it happen!"