Chapter 2
"Don't believe," said Sunny fiercely.
"Sunny has a point," said Violet. "Mother told us she broke up with you because of something awful you did. How do we know you're telling the truth?"
"Listen to me, please," I said. "I'm innocent. Captain Widdershins betrayed me years ago. There was a Daily Punctilio article accusing me of arsonous crimes. He insisted it was completely true, and showed it to Kit and Jacques, to the Baudelaire parents, and to the woman I happened to love..."
"That's an odd thing for you to say," said Klaus. "I thought our mother was the woman you loved."
"She was... Oh, I see the source of your confusion. I was speaking of long ago, the year Beatrice broke our engagement. The only Baudelaire parents back then were your father's parents. Widdershins showed them the article, and they told Bertrand. He went straight to Beatrice and proposed. Distraught over my supposed crimes, she accepted him. It broke my heart."
"We're sorry your heart was broken, Lemony, but we can't be sorry our parents married, because we wouldn't exist," said Violet.
Klaus said, "I'm willing to hear your side. What did you see that night at the opera?"
"I had heard rumors that something terrible was going to happen during a performance of La Forza del Destino, so I infiltrated the orchestra as an accordion player. Nothing unusual happened on opening night. Olaf's parents, Countess Natasha and Count Maurice, were singing the roles of Leonora and Don Carlo, respectively."
"Who?" asked Sunny.
"I suppose I should summarize the plot. Leonora, the daughter of the Marquis of Calatrava, has fallen in love with Don Alvaro, a man her father considers highly unsuitable. In the first act, the Marquis catches Don Alvaro sneaking into the house in the middle of the night in order to elope with Leonora. Don Alvaro takes all the blame and throws to the floor the gun he brought with him. The gun accidentally discharges when it hits the floor, fatally wounding the Marquis, who dies cursing Don Alvaro and his daughter Leonora."
The Baudelaires shuddered.
"Something like that just happened to us," Klaus said.
"I'm sorry to hear that," I said. "Don Carlo is Leonora's brother, and he swears revenge on the two lovers. Much disguising follows, and in the final act Don Carlo discovers Don Alvaro disguised as a monk. They duel, and Don Carlo is mortally wounded. When Don Alvaro nobly calls for assistance for his victim, who should show up but Leonora, who was living nearby disguised as a hermit to atone for the death of her father. Leonora rushes to her brother's side, but with his last strength he stabs her to the heart to fulfill his vow of vengeance. Don Alvaro then throws himself off a cliff in despair. So by the end of the last song, everyone is dead."
"Scary," said Sunny.
"Vengeance is a terrible thing in real life too, as you will see. Nothing happened during the first half of the second performance, except that I saw Esmé Squalor in the crowd, looking everywhere through an enormous pair of opera-glasses. I sneaked out into the lobby during intermission. I saw your parents moving through the crowd to the snack bar, and then I saw Kit following them. Kit slipped behind the counter of the snack bar just before Esmé looked in that direction.
'A box of licorice jujubes, please,' said your father to Kit.
'Here,' said Kit, 'May he feel what Dewey felt.' She handed him a licorice jujubes box with two bulging lumps inside.
"Your mother moved to another counter and purchased a poster of the opera, tightly rolled around a cardboard tube. Beatrice looked stunning that night in a bright red shawl decorated with eagle feathers in memory of the time she was carried off by eagles in the Mortmain Mountains. She wore it when she was going do something dangerous and wanted to feel extra-daring."
"We never heard about our parents' early adventures," said Violet.
"They were extraordinarily brave," I said. "Both were lion-tamers in the early days, training the Volunteer Feline Detectives. They were known to be willing to take any risk for the V.F.D."
"What then?" asked Sunny.
"I went back to the performance with a heavy heart, fearing that whatever terrible thing would happen would involve Beatrice. They were sitting in the front row, and I was able to watch them from my place in the orchestra by using a small periscope.
"At the climax of the opera, I saw your mother remove two small darts from the jujube box. Just after Don Carlo stabbed his sister, she placed one of the darts in the cardboard poster tube and put it to her lips. I was horrified when I saw what was about to happen. I made a loud, squashy sound with my accordion in warning, but it was too late. Beatrice blew first one dart, then the other, into the prone figures of Don Carlo and Leonora.
"When the audience stood to applaud, your parents slipped out the side door. It soon became apparent that Count Maurice and Countess Natasha would not be rising to take a bow."
"Mother kept that poster," said Klaus in a choked voice. "She said she never wanted to forget that night, the most interesting time she ever had at the opera."
"I feel sick," said Violet.
"Olaf?" asked Sunny.
"Count Olaf wasn't there that night, but Esmé must have seen what happened and told him. That same day, one year later, your house was burned down and your parents perished. As I said, vengeance is a terrible thing."
"It's getting very late," said Duchess R. "If you want to make a signal flare for the V.F.D., we'd better move into position."
"I'm not sure I feel much like a volunteer anymore," said Violet. "What's the point in warning Kit?"
"Quagmires," said Sunny.
"All right, I'll do it for them," Violet said.