Chapter 3
I drove the taxi into the spot in the hedge where Kit had broken through, then nosed it into the shrubbery where it would be well-concealed.
"This is as close as I can get safely," I told the Baudelaires. "Will this do?"
Violet tied back her hair with a ribbon. "I think so," she said. "Do you have any calcium carbide?"
"I have a carbide lantern for exploring underground secret passages," I said.
"Good," said Violet. "I'm going to make a carbide rocket for launching signal flares."
She got Hugo's suitcases out of the trunk and set to work. "I can use this suit with a torn back for wadding, and gasoline siphoned from the car as an accelerant..."
While she worked, we all discussed our findings.
"Lemony, what do you know about what's been going on at the hotel?" asked Klaus. "Do you know what Count Olaf is planning?"
"I had a few reports from volunteers late in the afternoon. One who works there as a chambermaid disguised herself as a banker to get to the sixth floor (only guests were supposed to be there at that time of day). She bored a hole in the wall to check on the status of the elevator. Some villain had cut the cable part-way through, but they didn't succeed in disabling it. She also heard an annoying song from directly upstairs about a ballplaying cowboy superhero soldier pirate."
"Carmelita!" said Sunny disgustedly.
"Yes, the awful little girl with Esmé," I said. "It tells me the elevator damage is probably part of a scheme to trap the volunteers who go to Esmé's cocktail party."
"We heard about the cocktail party," said Klaus. "It definitely sounds like a trap. Anything else?"
"Olaf has been known to disguise himself as a rabbi," said Duchess R. "Frank reported a cranky rabbi in room 296. A volunteer went up to check that room when Olaf was out. He found what he thought was a secret message on the wall."
"What said?" asked Sunny.
"It was nothing," I said. "It was a quote from the Torah about Passover, in mirror-writing like everything in the hotel. Apparently the room had supplies so guests could hold a Passover seder. Olaf left no clues there at all."
"Frank, or maybe Ernest, told us about that rabbi too," said Violet. "He was probably suggesting we check him out."
"You and Duchess?" asked Sunny.
"I went diving in the ocean," the Duchess said. "I was checking to see if Fernald and Fiona were lurking there in the submarine they stole from Olaf. I found nothing."
"What side are they on now?" asked Klaus.
"Not Olaf's, but not our side either, we think," I replied. "As for me, I stayed near the steam funnel. I was expecting Hugo to come back for the suitcases in the taxi trunk, but he never did."
"Did Frank mention anything else to you that might be a clue?" asked Duchess R.
"Frank or Ernest gave a long, rambling speech right after the bells rang at the concierge desk," said Violet. "It might have been code."
"Sebald code," I replied. "You skip ten words between each word in the message. But unless you can remember precisely what he said, we can't decode it now."
"Can't" said Sunny sadly.
"I just remembered Frank or Ernest said guests might hide something under the sofa cushions in the lobby," said Klaus.
"We should definitely check it out," said Duchess R.
Klaus noted all these points in his commonplace book. Sunny found bread and cheese in the second suitcase and made us all sandwiches. Violet continued to work on the flare gun, but seemed to be finding it difficult. The sky began to brighten with the dawn.
"Oh no!" said Violet. "The flares won't show well unless it's dark."
"We'd better stay put," I said, watching the Hotel Denouement through a Vision Furthering Device. "Cars full of police officers and the Royal Guard are pulling up around the hotel. They seem to be surrounding the place. And there's the long, black automobile with tinted windows that the High Court Justices use."
"You mean the High Court villains," said Klaus. "I have nothing but contempt for that court now."
A large black crow flew overhead and dropped a message. The Duchess picked it up.
"Frank says that they are holding the trial a day early because of Dewey Denouements' death last night. They are going to try Olaf, and also you Baudelaires in absentia," Duchess R. said.
"'In absentia' is a phrase meaning that you won't get a chance to tell your side of the story," I explained.
"Never mind," said Violet. "We wouldn't have gotten a fair trial anyway, with two out of three of the judges being villains."
We continued to watch the hotel, taking turns with the Vision Furthering Device. At about 11:30 Klaus saw someone move furtively on the roof, but they got whatever it was they wanted and slipped back inside too quickly to see who it was.
At noon, three things happened at the hotel. First, there were loud chimes of "Wrong! Wrong! Wrong! Wrong! Wrong! Wrong! Wrong! Wrong! Wrong! Wrong! Wrong! Wrong!" from the lobby clock.
Second, Count Olaf appeared on the roof. He pushed the boat that Carmelita had used for her swimming-pool pirate ship onto the roof edge on the sea side. He jumped in and pushed off with one of the tanning spatulas. There was a faint scream of "Mommy!" followed instantly by a crash.
Third, there came a whole chorus of choked screams and coughs from the hotel.
"Something terrible is happening in there!" said Violet.
"Got to go help!" said Sunny.