Jackie sat and starred at the phone.

Now and then she leant forward to call; sometimes she even touched the receiver before she receded with a worried glance in her eyes.

"Jackie, this is starting to get ridicules."

Jackie looked surprised behind herself there Marissa stood in a pink dressing gown.

"You scared me." She mumbled. "I didn't hear you coming."

Marissa sat down beside Jackie on the floor and reached her, her cup of coffee.

"Do you want?"

Jackie gave her a tired smile.

"You know that I not drink coffee!"

"You should start, it make your metabolism more effective."

Jackie shrugged and continued to stare at the phone.

"I'm just afraid, that he shall answer." She whispered. Only the thought of hearing Steven's voice so close made her afraid and at the same time was there nothing she rather wanted. "Because if he asks me to return home, I'm going to do that" she could already hear Steven's warm, soft voice, se his smiling face, feel his strong arms around her waist…

"Jackie, I now it's hard but you have to do it."
"It's just…" Jackie's voice broke and she continued to stare at the phone. "You said that it would feel better if I come out and started to live again. And now I have done that in almost three weeks. Why am I not feeling better?"

"Jackie, you have to give it time."

Jackie looked at Marissa with tired eyes. She didn't want to give it time; she wanted to escape from all feelings. Pain, missing, to cry herself to sleep every night, missing Stevens consoled arms around her.

"I miss him so unbelievable much." She whispered. "I mean, I have a life here now, work, boyfriend. Why can't I just forget him?"

Marisa lay comforting her arm around Jackie's shoulders.

"Sweetie, I know how it feels, even if that's hard to believe. And it will never be better if you not make up with your old life."

Jackie nodded.

"That's my girl." Marissa rubbed encourage her arm and rose up to walk out from the room.

"I'm going out to shop some thing. So for your own sake, call before I come back."

Jackie nodded; she waited until she heard the front door close, and then she took a deep breath and picked up the receiver.

She closed her eyes while she counted the signals. One, two… maybe was she not at home. Three, four… On sex is she going to hung up. Five…

"Donna?"

The friend's well-known voice made her shiver. The last week had been so much about Steven, that she had forgotten the other. And now when she heard Donnas voice, the memories came back. The memories of that life and that people that she had left behind.

She and Donna used to met every day, or at least talk on the phone with her, and she missed their conversations. She missed Donna's immovable calm and her logical advice.

"Hallo?"

Jackie tried to answer but there was no word coming out. Donna's voice is so close, she could have been in the same room and not on the other side of the world.

"Hallo, is somebody there?"

She heard that Donna was on her way to hung up and felt panic through her whole body.

"Yes, it's me!"

It became a tensed quite.

"Jackie is that you?"

Jackie felt like she was going to cry.

"Yes, it's me!"

There was another long quiet.

"Where are you?" Came there at last.

"At Marissa's."

"In Paris?"

She didn't answer, just pulled the receiver closer her ear, like that would bring her friend closer.

"Are you alright?" Donna's voice was soft and worried.

"Yes."

"Jackie, you have been gone in four weeks and three days. Do you understand how worried we have been?" Donna talked to her like she was five years old, but for the moment she didn't felt a day older.

"I'm sorry." Her voice shiver, but she hadn't cried. At least not yet.

"Jackie, have you thought about coming back home?"

Every day, every minute. Jackie closed her eyes, was there anything in this world that she rather wanted.

"No I haven't."

Another quiet, Jackie moved out of sorts, she knew that she had to ask, but she was afraid of the answer.

"Do you wonder how Hyde is?"

She took a deep breath, wonderful lovely Donna, it was impossible to fool her. She would never believe that Jackie called her for talk about her.

"Yes." The answer was so low that she is unsure if Donna heard.

"Jackie, I have never seen him like this before. You have to come home, for his sake, you're killing him."

The words hit Jackie.

"Donna, I'm sorry."

"That's not enough. If you really love him, you're coming home."

"Donna, you don't understand." She tried to hold back the tears. "I have made a decision, I can't come home now."

The silent was deafening. She wanted Donna to say something, anything, but nothing was coming and for a moment she was afraid that Donna had hung up.

"Please, tell Steven that I'm sorry, and that I love him but this is for the best."

"I can't make you change, right?"

"Promise me to say that."

"I promise."

"But, please, don't tell him were I am."

"Jackie I know it's hard right now." Donna's voice was soft. "But please, come home, you can't loose your problems through run away."

"I'm sorry…."

Jackie sat quiet and listened on her friend's breath. She could be sitting there for ever, but she knew that she had to return to reality.

"Bye, Jackie."

"Bye Donna."

And when she hung up, she wondered if they ever would talk again. But then her thoughts were full of something way more important.

Steven!

She was tired of feeling the missing as a big wound inside her, a wound that never would heel but that all the time got bigger and bigger.

Steven had always been there, he had always understood her. He knew how it felt to be failed, he knew how it was to feel hope every time she got a promise. To hope that this time they would be held, although she deep inside knew that she once again would be let down.

And every freaking time had it hurt as much as always to be failed. Of her parents, of Michael, of everyone that she had ever loved.

But Steven had always been there, he should have received her in the middle of the night without questions, without judging her.

She remembered Marissa's word.
What had he done to you that were so terrible that not even you could forgive it?

"Fuck you, Steven." She whispered and came up on her foot. The anger welled over her, all that anger that had grown a little bit more every time somebody let her down but as she had learnt to pull down and ignore.

They had never been meant for each other, god she was a cheerleader and he was a rebel. But she had broken against that unwritten law. She had fall in love with him. Somewhere deep inside her she had thought that that was the solution.

That there maybe was someone that really could love her.

She had had wrong, of course. And that she had fought for so long only made the defeat harder. A scream found the way up from her throat, like she wanted to scream out the anger, scream out the pain.

Steven had hurt her more than anybody else, because she had really trusted him. Blindly!

She had trusted that he never would hurt her.

Her glance falled on one of Marissa's china figure, and without thinking she grabbed the tiny unicorn and threw it with all her power in the wall.

She starred at it when it hit with a bang and sprinted all over the floor. She took up next one and threw it after the other it a scream. And then next and next until the floor was full of china sprint and she looked around desperate after more things to throw.

So is it like, she for the first time understood what she had done, the anger disappeared and got replaced with despair. She glided tired down on the floor without feeling the sprinted that bored into her naked legs.

They were never meant to be together, and she had done the best thing, for both of them. Why couldn't Steven understand that?

Tears started too rolled down her cheeks and she didn't even bother to dry them away.

And the worst part was that she knew that she never would return that she never would see him again. His face, his smile. She had no hope, nothing to live for.

Her glance falled on a big china shred, the thoughts whirled inside her and as in trance she grabbed it.

Ant with Steven's face in front of her, she placed the shred against her wrist…

Donna's pov

Donna starred at the empty receiver. It had felt strange to hear Jackie's voice. So alike despite that they hadn't talked in weeks.

But the voice had still been as full of desperate since last time they spoke.

A desperate Jackie in Paris, Donna closed her eyes. Jackie should never be alone; she needed someone to look after her. Someone like Hyde.

And so was there Marissa, Donna signed.

Wonderful Marissa, so kind and considerate but at the same time…

Both Marissa and Jackie had had hard growth, and Donna had seen how that had influenced Jackie,

That always pretend that everything was alright, that never let that facade down, whatever happened.

But Jackie had had Hyde, someone that understood how it was, someone that should do anything for her.

And Marissa had been alone and too often had Donna wondered how that really had influenced her, how she really was under the surface.

And right now, she didn't think that Marissa was the right company for Jackie.

A pain in her hand made her came back to the reality. She had hugged the receiver so hard that her knuckle had whitened.

She hung up and walked out in the kitchen.

She looked around to see that nobody was near it was a little ridicules but she didn't want anybody to see where she kept her money.

Furthest in a locker she found a brown envelope.

She had saved money as long as she could remember. She had always been practical inclined and she had seen it like a lifeline. She had always was afraid that something should go wrong, to have friends as Jackie, Hyde, Fez, Kelso and even Eric made her realize how many things that possible could go wrong, and that nobody of the other would be smart enough to realize that.

She opened the envelope and dragged up a bill bundle. From that one she dragged out some bills and put them in her own pocket before she put back the big bundle in the envelope and placed it back in the locker.

"I'm sorry Jackie." She whispered while she started to walk towards that room they had given to Hyde. "But it's for your own sake."

She knew that Hyde was inside there, he was always in his room or out, god knows where.

"Hyde!" She knocked on the closed door. "Hyde I'm coming in." She pushed up the door and groped after the switch along the wall.

Hyde was lying on his back on the bed and starred up on the roof. It hurt to se him like this. He was so full of pain.

"Hyde." She repeated. And walked forward to the bed. "We have to talk."

He continued to ignore her while she was sitting down beside him on the bed.

"I have talked to Jackie."

For the first time he lifted up his head and looked at her, but she can't read the expression in his eyes.

"She sad that she was sorry and that she loved you but that it was best like this."

Hyde looked hurt and Donna took a deep breath, and asked Jackie to forgive her in her thoughts.

"Hyde, she's in Paris!"'

His eyes widened, like he first didn't believed her.

"Did she say that?" he voice was suspicious, but there was a little ray of hope and she hold firm to that.

"She didn't want me to tell you but…" she struck down her glance and tried to find the word. Usually she hadn't problems with talking and expressed her feelings but she understood that she had to be careful. "She doesn't feel good, and I tried to make her come home but she refused."

"Whatever." Hyde shrugged like he tried to fall back in his Zen, but his eyes betrayed him.

"You have to talk to her."

"I can't afford a ticket to Paris." He answered and falled back to her laying position and she cursed him because he gave up so easy.

"Here." She took up the money and showed him.

"I can't…" he started and she fought against the urge to hit him.

"Look Hyde, I give you a second chance, if you not take it, you are going to regret it the rest of your life."

Hyde just starred at here for a moment and then he just took the money.

"Aright." Was the only thing that he said, but his voice was different. "I'm going to Paris."

And Donna just smiled, because for the first time in weeks she felt like anything was going to be alright….

A/N: SO it took a little while before I updated my story, mostly because I was working with an mp3 on my own computer and succeed with delete the internet. So Now I am using a friend's.

This chapter got a little bit darker and what was my first thought, but I hope you enjoyed it.

And to Crazyschick: Thanks for your review and for your question. I had a second thought when I lay out Melissa's line and you are getting your answer, but not until some later chapter.