7: To see her again

Hyde's pov:

He missed her, he saw her face in front of him wherever he went, and he could hear her breath and feel her skin against his skin in the middle of the night when he floated against sleep and awake.

He had at last ended up there he always had been afraid to end up, he had trusted somebody despite that he had promise himself so many times to not do that, despite that he knew that he would get hurt.

And yet he didn't regret a second with her, because even when they fought and her big red eyes bored hole in him, and he knew that it was his fault that she looked like that, it was worth it.

Even now, when he sat on the airplane for going to her, without knowing if she was going to welcome him or slam the door in his face and tell him to go to hell, it was worth it.

It was a risk; there was a chance that she didn't want him back. But he knew he had to do it, he had to tell her that he was ready to do anything to make it work. That he loved her, for at least that was she worth.

Jackie's pov:

To come home from the hospital and walk around in the apartment again felt strange. Marissa had cleared up all the traces after her but the memories where still there, as sharp as it had happened just now.

She closed her eyes; she could feel the anger vibrate through her body, and the pain, like she once again transported the sherd against the wound.

She opened her eyes and turned around, walked out from the room and closed the door with a slam, like she was locking in the memories.

She headed to her room, but stopped against the enormous hall mirror.

She saw a women standing in front of her, with tired and red of crying eyes that went in contrast to her unhealthy white skin. Her hair was retired in a messy ponytail and the much to large white t-shirt made her look smaller than she really was.

An unhappy laugh found its way out from her throat, how could that be she, she that always had been most the popular and beautiful since the day she was born.

She wanted back to that time, when she thought that the worst thing that could happen would be to fell under a cheerleader display.

The picture scared her, she didn't want to be that women without a will of one's own that she had became. She wanted to be that Jackie Burkhart that she was before, but she knew all to well that that Jackie was gone, and that she would never return.

Hyde's pov:

It was like a dream, like he was watching himself from distance, there he was running around on the airport to change money or trying to get something to drink in the extremely expensive cafeteria, and when he at last got a minimal cup of coffee, was the contents lukewarm and to strong.

He was afraid, more afraid than he had ever been in his whole life, but he knew that he couldn't back out now.

He needed to see her, see that she was fine. And even if he couldn't get her back ever, he had to know that she was happy. He longed after seeing her smile. That smile that slowly spread over her face until the whole her was shining of joy.

He needed to see her more than anything else, but he knew that if she was happier there than with him, he had to let her go. How much it ever would hurt….

Jackie's pov:

It was another woman that looked back at her from the mirror now. A considerable more beautiful woman, that had a beautiful make-up and that was dressed in a well fitted dress that glisten in the weak light.

She forced a smile, why did it feel so hard, it's not like she hadn't done it before. Went to things that she didn't want to go at, and still smiled and laughed like everything was just fine.

And still, this time it was so much hared, because this time it was Steven that she had to put back. And even if it hurt to be without him, even if it hurt to knew that she would never se him again, she wasn't sure that she really wanted to put him behind, because she loved the feeing he gave her, that one that made her become hot in her whole bode just when she thought of him. She wanted to get ride of the pain, of the missing, but she wanted to keep that feeling forever.

She looked in to the mirror and met Marissa's comforting glance.

She should just say something when Brian came in.

Early as usual and with a comforting smile on his lips. The perfect boyfriend.

After a quick kiss and some well-chosen word, even Jack, Marissa's dejt, came and they could finally go.

Hyde's pov

He stood and looked up on the house she lived in, in the middle of central Paris. Jackie's favorite city. The streets were teeming with people, mostly couple that came walking hand in hand, and he felt a weak wave of jealousy. He wished that even he could walk like that and feel the warmth from her hand in his.

He took a deep breath and went into the building. Only the entrance looked exclusive, a bread stairs made of stone led up to the higher floors and beside was a list with all the name and they floor the lived at.

Soon he realized that Marissa lived on the highest floor.

He looked up on the long stairs and swallowed, only sex stairs between them. He almost run up fort the stairs, like he was afraid that at the moment he stopped, he would really understand what he was doing and not be able to make him shelf complete.

The door was broad and made of wood, a red carpet of silk was covering the floor and the walls was made of stone.

He knocked, hard. She was inside of there, only a door was holding them apart, as soon as it would be open, they would be together. He would be able to take her in his arms, as so many times before. Feel her tiny body against his own, bury his face in her hair and smell the weak scent of her shampoo.

But know-body was coming; he knocked again, pounded with his fists as hard as he could. Maybe she had seen him; maybe she didn't want to talk to him. He pounded once more before he sunk down to the floor with his back leant against the wall and his head buried in his hands.

The weak ray of hope that had holed him up was gone, and placed with despair. Did their relationship mean so little to her, that she not even wanted to se him when he went all the way to Paris for her.

He could hear how the door next to Marissa's became opened, but he didn't react. Not until a soft hand was lay on his shoulder, hr did look up.

A woman around thirty stood bent over him. Her long brown her fell free around her shoulder and had started to turn grey at her temples and she had small wrinkles around her lips. But her brown eyes were kind.

She opened her mouth and said something at French that only made Hyde frown.

"I don't speak French." He said tired.

"Oh, your must be from America." The woman said with a French accent.

He just nodded and she smiled against him.

"You must be a friend to Jackie."

Once again he nodded, to tired for talking anymore.

"Well, she isn't home right now." She shrugged and he sighed. Not sure if he should feel relieved or even more disappointed.

"I talked to Marissa earlier today, and she talked about some party with their work that they were going to."

Their work? He didn't even bother to ask.

"I can give you the address if you want me to?"

He didn't answer, just looked at her like she was a saving angel, and she seemed to understand.

"Wait here."

Some minutes later, she was back with a note.

"Here."

He took it, and rose up. She had given him a new hope.

"Thanks." He didn't really know what to say; just that word didn't seem enough.

The woman just smiled.

"Your welcome. Come on, hurry up now."

And when he started to walk downstairs he realized who she had reminded him of: Mrs. Forman.

Jackie's pov:

"Do you have a great time, darling?"

Jackie turned around towards Brian with a smile on her lips.

"Yeah."
And strange enough, she had a good time. She and Brian had danced and she had drunk enough of the laced punch to feel a little bit more comfortable, even if not enough to really lose her self-control.

The tiny bandage where covered under one of her white glove that was reaching up to her elbow, and went in good contrast to the dark dress.

Brian smiled against her, and showed his perfect with teeth.

"Should, my lady like some more punch?"

"I would love to."

He leaned forward and kissed her gentle on her lips before he started to walk away form her.

She leaned against the wall and looked out over the big room. She had almost forgotten how much she loved balls. She saw Marissa and Jack on the dance floor and found Marissa's glance and gave her a smile before they whirled past her.

She let her glance sweep over the room and all the human inside it, now and then she saw a face on a person she had started to know and even started to like. But she never let her glance stop on some-one's face until…

Her glance firmed on a well-known face, he stood in the entrance and talked to the door guard. His dark-blond hair was curly and he was wearing a black Led Zeppelin t-shirt.

It could not be… she most be imagine it….

She should just let her glance walk further when the guy looked up from his conversation and met her glance.

It went like a shock against her whole body. Those eyes….

She didn't know what to do, parts of her wanted to rush towards him and throw herself in his arms, other parts wanted to run against opposite direction to a desolation place and cry.

Before she really had time to take a decision Brian came back.

"Here!"

There eye contact became broken and she just starred at the glass of punch that Brian held for her.

"What?" Then she got back her self-control and smiled against him. "Oh, thank you."

Hyde's pov:

"I'm sorry Mr., but you can't come in here if you not on the guest list."

The door guard showed him a annoying long list.

"You don't understand, I must in." Hyde repeated, like he really expected that those words would make the guard let him in.

"I'm sorry Mr.," The guard repeated with a polite but cold voice. "I have to beg you to leave."

Hyde opened his mouth to answer, when he felt a piercing glance that made him look up.

His eyes met two other eyes, one blue, and one green.

He just starred; she stood leaned against the wall dressed in a black dress and high white gloves. Her hair was pulled back, away from her face and a smile played over her lips.

She was more beautiful then ever, it was like her eyes burned hole inside him, like she could read his deep down thoughts.

"Mr.?" The guard began to sound irritated. "Mr. I have to…"

Hyde didn't listen anymore, a guy hade walked up to her, a guy that put his arm around her waist and smiled against her while he was giving her a glass.

It was like something broke inside of Hyde, it was his waist that that hand was resting on, that guy had no right to touch what belonged to him.

Without any further thoughts he pushed away the guard and started to pave his way inside the room. He could se how she smiled against the guy and took the glass, and it felt like thousands of needles stung him.

She looked happy, happier than she had done in a long time. But at the same time it was something forced over her happiness, tiny things some made him wonder how happy she really was.

And, that guy had no right to touch her like that. A little voice in his head told him that it was not longer his thing to protect her, but he ignored it. It had always been his thing to protect her, even when they weren't together, and even now, even if she maybe didn't want his help anymore.

The first punch made the whole room to draw after breath, he could here the guard's steps, which were coming closer, but he didn't care.

The next punch hit the gay over his lips and it was with satisfaction that Hyde saw the blood run from his over lip.

But the first surprise that had taken back the guy was gone and he was soon on his feet and Hyde realized that he was both longer and heavier than Hyde self.

Before Hyde had realized what had happened a punch had been placed over his right eyebrow and he could feel the warmth blood run down along his face.

He raised his fist to deliver next punch but something stopped him.

Two men had token a hard grip around him, and additional some hade done the same thing with his adversary and now the both of them became dragging apart from each other.

At first Hyde tried to fight against them, but soon he realize that he would never became free; instead he became standing in their grip and searched after her.

She was standing around four steps away from him, her lips were gentle separated in pure surprise and her eyes were slowly filled with tears.

"Jackie…." He almost whispered the word but she heard him, because her wandering glance searched his. "Sorry." It was only a word, and she was worth so much more than just a word.

He looked helpless how tears started to roll down for her cheeks and how her body slowly started to shake.

She didn't say anything, just turned her back against him, and started to move forward, against the other guy.

And Hyde couldn't do anything other than look, while he became out pulled from the room.

He had thought that it would be all right, if he just could see her, everything would be all right. And now he had really lost her, she didn't choose him, and he couldn't even feel anger.

He had lost her forever. He hadn't cried since she left, because he just didn't cry, but now he could feel the hot tears under his eyelid.

It felt like the big black hole that he had carried inside him since she left have grown bigger and now threaten to swallow him. And there was nothing he could do, nothing at all. Because she was gone….

A/N: So, I have written the whole story, and there is another two chapter. But until I post them enjoy this one, and please don't forget to review.