Sometimes you can't make it on your own

Jackie's pov

How many weeks had she been in Paris? Two, three, five? It had been a long time, and now, when she thought back at them they didn't feel real.

There is a point where everything ends, there is a point where you can't sink any deeper, and it only can be better.

She had reached that point long ago. But she had never wanted so see it. Somewhere deep inside she didn't want to be better, because that should means to move on, and she didn't want to move on without him.

And now…

She wasn't the same girl anymore that had gone to Paris. She wasn't the same girl anymore that was so mad of hate and sadness that she had hurt herself. And she wasn't that girl anymore that was depending on money and spend hours in front of the mirror before she could go outside the door.

There were times that she wanted to go back, to the uncaring shallow Jackie, and right now was a moment like that.

Her mind traveled back. She remembered her time with Michael, it had been so easy. She had thought she loved him, and it had hurt when he had cheated on her over and over again. Now she knew that her love to him was just something she had made up, he was the perfect boyfriend and it wasn't her heart that had hurt when he cheated on her, but the dream she had build up around him.

And when se saw him with Laurie it was over. The dream was broken, and this time it was forever. And she had gone to somebody else, somebody that she never could build a dream around, and because of that he could never hurt her.

Ironical the kiss she and Steven had shared so many years ago had shown her something else, she had felt something when his lips met her, something Michael never had made her feel.

Something real.

And she had been too afraid to give in to that feeling, she had rather tried to build up her dream around Michael again than follow the road to true love but even a risk to be hurt, truly hurt.

But she had given in at last and that had been the best and the worst thing she had ever done.

She looked out over Paris, purchase the wonderful view.

Sometimes she wanted to take it all back, all the years with Steven. Because they had taken her joy, they had crushed her heart over and over again and they had given her wounds that would never heal.

But she even knew that just one moment in his arms made up for it.

And the question came back, the question that she had been afraid to think of since she left the apartment.

Had she done the right thing….?

Hyde's pov

Marissa had told him where to find her. On the stairs of Sacre Coeur, the white church that looked like a palace in the early sunset.

His glance scanned the almost empty stairs; afraid that maybe Marissa had had wrong, that maybe she wasn't here.

And then he saw her, her eyes were lost out over the city and the breeze was playing with her long dark brown hair.

She was still dressed in the dress since yesterday and a sad smile was playing on her lips.

She didn't see him, not even when he stood so close that he could feel her body heat, but he knew that she knew that he was there.

The hair on her arm was standing up and she shivered in the cold wind.

He laid her jacket around her shoulders and she dragged it unconscious closer to her skin.

"Jackie." His voice was low and so full of different emotions that it even scared him. "I'm sorry."
She didn't look up when he sat down, next to her, but he knew that she had heard him.

"It was wrong of me to come here, I should let you go, I know that."
"But you're here." She said, her voice was soft now, and he drowned in it, as so many times before. Her warm, soft, caring voice.

"I love you." He said. "That's way I'm here."

They sat in silence and looked out of the city.

"You always wanted to go here. Do you remember, you always talked about it."
"I never thought it would be like this." Her voice was dry, but he know that that just was a way to hide the tears that soon should roll down for her cheeks.

He wanted to touch her, his skin was longing after hers, he wanted her to laugh and he wanted her eyes to sparkle again. Like they had done so many years ago.

"What can I do Jackie." He almost whispered. "What can I do to make this right."
And finally she looked at him, tears was streaming down for her cheeks.

"I don't think you can."

He took her hands, they where ice cold and he warmed them between his own.

"Do you know how it felt to see you and Kelso on the couch. It was like you had stabbed a knife in my back. And I was never surprised, because I always expected it to happen. I always waited for you to go back to Kelso, like you always had done before."
Her eyes were filled with tears and her lips were trembling. He wanted to kiss away the tears and promise her that everything would be all right but right, know he wasn't sure that that was true.

"And I wanted to hurt you:" His voice trembled and he know she heard the tears in it. "I wanted to hurt you as much you had hurt me, and I knew that cheating on you would hurt you more than anything."
He hates to tell her this but she has the right to know.

"And then…." His voice broke and he took a deep breath. "And then a realized the truth and maybe that was even worse."
She didn't say anything, just stared at him.

"I'm sorry Jackie, I would do anything to take it back, but I can't."
He was afraid that she would drag her hands away from him and just leave. But he knew that he would follow her because he didn't have the strength to move on without her.

She didn't move, her cheeks were black of mascara, and her eyes were red.

"What do you want me to say?"

He shrugged.

"I don't know Jackie, I really don't know. All I know is that I would never cheat on you again, ever."

He could see how much she wanted to believe that.

"You gave me a promise Steven, and you broke it."
"You promised me to never leave Jackie, and jet you did."
"That's not the same thing…" But the words sounded lame, and he smiled.

"Do you love me?"

"That doesn't…" She started but he interrupted.

"Do you love me Jackie."
"You know I do." She whispered.

"Then we can loose this." His grip got harder around her hands. "I promise you that."
"I will…"

He interrupted her again.
"I have spent this week thinking of you, and according to Marissa you hade done the same thing here."
"But…"
"And this weeks have made me realize that I never want to be without you again."

Her eyes were filled of tears and she sobbed desperate.

"Steven…" It wasn't more than I whisper but her voice was tender and warm and he knew that she started to give in.

"I don't care what it takes to make you trust me, I don't care if I have to spend the rest of my life trying to convince you, because at least I'm with you."
"What are you saying?"
"I'm moving down here, Jackie."

"But…"

He laid a finger over her lips.

"I don't want anything of you, stay with Marissa, and stay with your wonderful work. I just ask you to let me have a place in your life, nothing more, can you give me that?"
And he know that it was now or never, he know that if she shook her head now he should have to go back to USA, without her.

"Yes." It wasn't more than a breath. "Yes."

She sobbed hysterical, but he knew that she was crying of relief.

"Yes."

And she fell down in his arms and he held her tight, burring his face in her hair.

And they knew that everything wasn't perfect, and maybe it would never be, but at least she was where she belonged, with her head against his chest and his arm around her shivering body.

And for now, that was enough….

The end

A/N: I have had a bit of a blackout on this chapter, I knew how I wanted it but I just couldn't write it so I took a short break on this story. And that's why it took so long time. But now it's here! I don't own anything and this chapter title belongs to U2.

Please review, and tell me what you think of it, even if you hate it.