Voldemort's Party of the Year

Part 5: The Party Starts to Get Ugly

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or Air Forces.

Afterwards the party got a bit hectic, and it started when Lord Voldemort passed by Antonin Dolohov.

"Dolohov, enjoying the - are you all right?" Voldemort stared at Dolohov's screwed up, agonized, green-tinged face.

"They looked so good," spoke Dolohov, clutching his stomach. "I couldn't resist eating them..."

"Eating what?"

"The crab cakes, Master! The crab cakes!"

"Are you kiddingme, Dolohov? Even after that lobster tail episode, you manage to get yourself sick again, knowing that you're allergic to shellfish?"

"I know, but they looked so - It's coming up!"

"What's coming - "

Suddenly Dolohov vomited right next to the Dark Lord, his puke barely missing Voldemort's shoes. He was completely revolted, and as he tried to step away from the vomit, Dolohov whisked himself to the washroom. Draco Malfoy, seeing Voldemort near the puke, stopped kissing Pansy and ran to his aid.

"Master, are you okay? Are your sneakers ruined? I'll clean them if you want - "

"They're all right, they're all right!" asserted Voldemort, stopping Draco from going down on the floor and scrubbing his Air Forces with his robe.

"That's good to hear. And about me teaching you gangsta, I was wondering if you would be interested in listening to some rappers to learn more about the speech."

"Yes, that would help." Voldemort again found the throbbing spot on Draco's forehead. Yikes, has that thing gotten bigger?

"In that case, I could suggest to you some - "

"You know what," said Voldemort, snatching a mini beef kebob, "we can talk about this next week during the lesson. Right now you can go make out with Pansy."

"Yes, Master," said Draco with red cheeks, a little shy the evil wizard had seen him and his girlfriend locking lip. Voldemort left Draco to himself, until his father drunkenly walked over to him and swung his arm around his son.

"Hey honey," spat out Lucius, the rum in his glass splashing a bit into Draco's face, "why don't we stick with tradition and make Draco a little brother or sister?"

"Dad, I am Draco!" shrieked Draco.

"Oops sorry, sonny!" Lucius took his arm off of him and stumbled off to find Narcissa. Draco stood there, absolutely horrified.

"I think I'm going to be sick," spoke Draco, and he ran to the washroom. To his bad luck, the washroom was busy, though he wouldn't want to go in there anyway with the putrid smell of diarrhoea and vomit.

"Oh why, oh why did I have those crab cakes!" wailed Dolohov from the washroom.

"So gross so gross so gross," repeated Draco, trying to find another washroom. He didn't make it in time though, and ended up throwing up on Voldemort's Air Forces.

"My shoes!" yelled the dark wizard.

"I'm so sorry!" apologized Draco, wiping his mouth.

"Just go away and stop bugging me!" scolded Voldemort, before saying "Skurgify" and cleaning up his shoes. "And for goodness sake, do something about zit!"

Voldemort walked away to leave Draco embarrassed and zooming off to a mirror. The celebration was going so well, why did it have to take a wrong turn? The sick Dolohov, the drunk Lucius, the annoying Draco, that hairy werewolf sneaking around... werewolf?

"Oh no, not Fenrir!" groaned Voldemort as he watched Fenrir Greyback sneak into the room and try to hide in the crowd. He followed the monstrous man into the group of people and got a hold of him. "Fenrir, I told you not to come to the party!"

"Come on, Dark Lord, give me a chance!" grunted Fenrir. "I've changed since '78!"

"Fenrir, you ate two of my guests, five of the waiters, all the food, got completely drunk and you almost burnt the house down!"

"I was having an off day, Dark Lord, the full moon was coming up!"

"And the full moon is coming up this time too! Get out!"

"Please, give me a chance - "

"Get out!"

"I'll behave nicely - "

"GET OUT!"

Fenrir Greyback looked down gloomily and sighed. "Fine, I'll leave," he said and walked away.

"That Fenrir may be useful as an ally but he's so frigging annoying!"

Voldemort spent a while on the dance floor trying to bop away some of his worries. A couple of times he caught his eye on Snape by the punch bowl; Severus was gulping down many cups full of punch (which Voldemort knew was spiked). By 1am, the party was still going strong but Severus had become quite tipsy and had moved away from the punch. He had loosened up by now and had become a lot more social with his fellow dark wizards. Voldemort was not quite sure, but he thought he saw Severus do the moonwalk followed by a crotch pull.

Only a little while later and Snape had become intoxicated. He was not as social, but instead was wailing of his troubles on the couch to Peter, who was trying to relax with an ice-pack on his face.

"My papa... never loved me," told Severus drunkenly, drinking down a shot of firewhisky and then throwing the glass behind his shoulder. "He used to beat me... every single day you know... except when I was at Hogwarts. I would... have had a nice time at the school if it wasn't for that... stupid James Potter, with his buddies... Sirius Black and... Remus Lupin. I knew... you hung around him, but I knew it wasn't your fault... 'Peter was the real... good guy in that group,' I always said to myself... You should have been in Slytherin... you know that? You didn't need to be with those scum-bag... Gryffindors."

"Thank you, Severus," muttered Peter. Peter was about to switch the bag of ice to his knee when Snape wrung his arm around Peter's shoulder with a new glass of Scotch in his hand.

"We... should hang out together some time," suggested Snape. "Why don't you come by my house?"

"I was at your house, Snape," groaned Peter. "I stayed at your house for a year and you treated me like dirt!"

"Really? Oh yeah... sorry about that! I didn't mean to - " Severus spontaneously vomited on top of Peter. Peter looked at himself in utter repulsion, and got up from the couch. Severus tried to call him back. "Wait... where are you going? You can't leave me here!"

Voldemort came over to the dirty couch where Severus was on, and cleaned up the couch with a wave of his wand. When the couch was clean, Voldemort sat beside the whimpering Severus.

"Severus, how are you?" asked Voldemort, taking a sip of his glass of wine. "Feel a bit better after throwing up on my couch?"

"I've been better," spoke Severus, snatching Voldemort's glass of wine and drinking it all down. "And you?"

"Not under the influence yet," admitted Voldemort, "but getting there! Eating some of the hors d'oeuvres help. Why don't you have some?"

"Whatever," said Severus, and snatched a handful of pigs-in-a-blanket from a house-elf passing by. He stuffed the food in his mouth and ate it with his mouth open, bits of food slipping out and falling onto the floor.

"You having a good time?"

"I'm pretty good," spoke Snape as he ate, then he finally gulped the food down. He stared at Lucius Malfoy as he fumbled past them.

"What do you think of Lucius?" asked Snape.

"Quite a good Death Eater, especially money-wise," answered Voldemort. "However he sure likes the drinks - "

"I mean his looks... Isn't he gorgeous?"

"What?" questioned Voldemort. "You think he's - I mean you're into - Severus, I think that drink's talking for you. You seriously can't be into - "

"He's so fine... he should be Luscious instead of Lucius. That's it... I'm gonna go talk to him."

"No don't! You don't know what you're talking about, you can't... swing the other you, you just can't!"

Severus, nonetheless, walked over to Lucius who was leaning on a stool and picking his nose. Before Snape got to him, he pulled his finger out of his nostril and flicked the booger.

"Hiya!" said Lucius. "How's it goin'?"

"Lucius... I love you!" exclaimed Severus.

"Love ya too, bro!" exclaimed Lucius, giving Snape a bear hug and patting him on the back.

"Friends forever!"

"I don't mean that kinda love, Lucius," said Severus and pushed Lucius away. "I'm in love with you!"

Suddenly the music stopped, and everyone at the party stared at the two wizards.

"Say what?" questioned Lucius, who took his hand off of the stool and immediately fell. He got up and stared at Severus. "You're into me? What am I talking about, of course you are! I'm so damn sexy!" Lucius ran his fingers all over his chest.

"That dude's nutso!" said Voldemort to himself, drinking up a shot of vodka. "But hey, it makes the party interesting!"

"Come on... leave Narcissa and elope with me!"

"What the - NO!" shouted Lucius. "I ain't like that, and I'm way too good for you!"

"And Narcissa is? For goodness sake, Lucius... she looks like she could be your sister!"

"What?"

"That's so true!" said Walden Macnair. "I never thought of that!"

"Why does this have to happen to my parents?" sighed Draco to himself. "Why my parents?"

"Thank goodness, I'm not the only one who thinks that!" exclaimed Voldemort. "All this time I've felt like the only one who was grossed out to see people who look like they're committing incest!"

"This is my wife and I you're talking about!" shouted Lucius.

"So? She's a fugly slut!"

"What the hell'd you say about her?" sneered Lucius and shoved Snape away. "Take it back."

"No," said Snape, and shoved him in the chest too.

"Take it back!"

"Hell no!"

"That's it, you're getting it!" Lucius punched Snape in the face, and they both started to fight on the floor. The crowd started to shout, "Fight! Fight! Fight!" and tried to provoke them, even Voldemort was getting into it. But then Voldemort saw that they were approaching the coffee table with Helga Hufflepuff's goblet, one of his Horcruxes, and he immediately wanted to stop the fight.

"Hey guys, watch where you step!" shouted Voldemort. He tried to break them apart, but Lucius elbowed him in the head and he fell over.

"Ouch! Macnair, pry them apart!"

Lucius and Severus had just started to duel with magic until Macnair left the DJ area and went to the two fighting wizards.

"Expelliarmus!" he said, and disarmed both of them. He tried to push them away from each other. "Come on, guys, break it up!"

"Get out of the way, bonehead!" said Severus. "Go kill a hippogryph or something and leave us alone!"

"What did you just say?" shouted Macnair angrily. With one large clenched fist, he punched Severus in the face and he fell over. Severus fought back and they started to wrestle, until they knocked over the Hufflepuff cup.

"NOOOO!" screamed Voldemort. Everything seemed in slow-motion, as he ran to the goblet and brought out his hands to catch it. Unfortunately, the cup fell before he could catch it and it shattered into pieces. A green mist seeped out of the goblet and vanished into the air. Voldemort sobbed to himself. "YOU JUST BROKE ONE OF MY HORCRUXES, YOU IDIOTS!"

Author's Note: The last chapter is up next!