"A Grandfather's Love"
Pairing: Remus Lupin / Sirius Black
Rating: "M" for slash, violence, extreme angst, extremist religious views and child abuse.
DISCLAIMER: This story is fictional – that's F-I-C-T-I-O-N. It never happened, and is not real. It is the product of my own imagination. It contains descriptions of male slash (that's male/male homosexual relations). If you do not like this type of content, or if you find homosexuality or its practice offensive, please click the "Back" button or close your Internet browser NOW, and do not read any further. All characters and copyrights are owned by J.K Rowling and Warner Brothers™ (AOL Time Warner), but this story is owned by me and is all my own work.
WHAM! The thick leather belt comes down hard on Remus's bare thighs.
"That's twenty-one, Sir!" the sixteen-year-old shouts out.
WHAM! The belt lands on his buttocks.
"That's twenty-two, Sir!"
WHAM!
WHAM!
WHAM!
"That's twenty-five, Sir!" Remus cries, tears welling in his eyes, but he knows that he must not let Grandfather see them, or it will be another ten for his weakness.
"Very good, Richard John. Twenty-five lashes for the evil Wolf inside of you." Grandfather always calls Remus by his own name for him – Richard John. As if he refuses to accept Remus's real name.
"Thank you, Sir." Remus whispers in reply.
In the vague distance, he hears the muffled sounds of Father in the next room, weeping, powerless to stop Grandfather from administering Remus's monthly "Therapy Beatings".
Remus knows that Grandfather loves him very much. Otherwise he wouldn't be doing this for him. Because Grandfather knows, you see, that if he beats Remus hard enough each full moon, that he will beat the wolfish tendencies out of him, and one day he will be cured forever and will be sinless and pure.
"But there is another matter that has come to light, isn't there, Richard John? The little matter of your recent… involvement," he sneers, "with the young Master Black?" Remus looks down at his bare feet, cowering, trembling. He knows that if Grandfather knows about that, then nothing good can become of it. "Isn't there!" Grandfather bellows at the terrified boy.
"Y-yes, Grandfather, Sir," Remus whispers, knowing that his only option is to admit his sin, to plead guilty, because lying to Grandfather is just akin to lying to the Priest at Confession. And no good can ever come of it. So Remus makes his guilty confession, unsure of the severity of the consequences which will now befall him.
"Good boy. You must always tell the truth, mustn't you?"
"Yes, Sir."
"And why is that, Richard John?"
"Because the soul of the liar is forever damned to Hell, Sir."
"That's right. Now, you know that "love" between two boys is evil, don't you?" spits Grandfather.
"Yes, Sir." Remus mumbles.
"It is the work of the sinful Wolf inside you, boy. Making you act out its evil, carnal urges. But we will remedy that, won't we?" he says, brandishing his belt once again. "We will punish the Wolf for making you sin."
Whether out of habit, reflex or just intuition, the naked Remus lies down on his stomach on the leather couch once again.
"Good boy, Richard John. We'll beat that filth out of you as well."
WHAM!
"That's one, Sir!" Remus squeals with a voice laced with pain. But he will not cry. He won't let Grandfather see that he wants to weep with pain and the unfairness of it all. He won't cry… he won't… he won't…
Because only girls cry, and Remus is not a girl…
WHAM!
WHAM!
WHAM!
Another twenty-five lashes with the monstrously thick, heavy belt, delivered with near murderous force to the bruised, broken and bleeding skin of Remus's back, buttocks and thighs.
In the ethereal distance, he hears whispers in the next room, and Mother begins to sob along with Father.
"Th-th-that's t-twenty-f-five, S-sir!" Remus whispers in agony.
"Yes, Richard John. Twenty-five lashings for the Wolf that makes you sin. You may get up, now," Grandfather tells him, putting the belt back around his trousers.
"Thank you, Sir."
"You're welcome." Remus stands, still naked and shaking, and looks up at Grandfather with eyes streaked with tears of pain and injustice which he refuses to let run down his cheeks in defiance. "Now, what must we do, Richard John?"
"We must pray for my soul, Sir, which the Wolf has forced to sin."
"That's right, boy. That's right." Grandfather hands him his Rosary and Remus traces over the figure of Christ on His Cross, hoping to feel some comfort and instead slowly feeling more and more disappointed. Slowly, with a great, painful effort, he kneels down beside Grandfather and makes the Sign of the Cross. They begin to pray in unison.
"Hail Mary, full of Grace…"
Grandfather has always been the Head of the Vincent Household for as long as Remus can remember, and longer, he knows, than his parents have been married. The Vincent Family are Muggles. Always have been, until Mother got her letter from Hogwarts. He knows that Grandfather approves of magic. Well, Mother went to Hogwarts after all. He supposes it is because magic can be used for good. It is a gift from God.
Grandfather does not approve of Father. He has always made that perfectly clear. This is because Father does not know how to bring up a Vincent child properly. Only Grandfather knows how to do that. He had even dictated a name to be given to Remus when he was born. Richard John. But Father wanted his son to have a nice, Wizarding name, so at his Baptism, he was Baptised as Remus John. Grandfather was furious, apparently, when he was embarrassed at the small Chapel where the event took place over Remus's name.
It was Father's first, and last, defiance against Grandfather's instructions.
Grandfather always says that Remus's surname is Lappin, not Lupin, as if nothing that Father could provide him, not even his surname, is good enough. Remus can't understand it – he can't see anything wrong with the name Remus Lupin.
But he knows that it is what Grandfather thinks that counts, not him. Remus knows that Grandfather's opinion is sacrosanct, and overrides anybody else's. Because Grandfather is Head of the Vincent Household.
The Rosary, begging forgiveness for all of the sins that the Wolf causes Remus to commit is completed, and night will soon fall. Remus is told that he may go to his shed now. In reality, his shed is not really a shed at all, but a small concrete room in the back garden. It has a heavy steel door, with seven deadbolts on it, which can only be operated from the outside. Grandfather says that it is there so that Remus can be safe when the evilness takes him against his will. But Remus knows that it is really there to protect everyone else from him when he is the Wolf.
He limps across the long path from the back door to the shed, still naked, because Grandfather says that there is no point in having perfectly good clothes damaged and ruined during the "evilness"; his word for the transformations.
Grandfather always used to tell Remus that whenever he is alone or frightened, all he has to do is to look up at the sky and he will see God in his Heavens smiling down at him from Above. And he will no longer feel scared or lonely, because he will remember that The Father and The Son are looking down over him, and that God will send The Holy Ghost to him to protect him.
And so Remus does, as he has done for every transformation. He looks up to glimpse the Heavens and to feel the comfort of God's omnipresent love radiate through him for protection. But this time, as he looks up at the sky, all that Remus can see is the stars looking back at him. And the stars are dark and cold. God does not look down on him tonight. He has spent the last hour and a half being beaten for, and praying to, a Father and a Son and a Holy Ghost, and even an Ever Virgin Holy Mother who do not protect him. For now they no longer listen to his praise and pleas for mercy. All is lost forever. There is nothing for Remus now.
The rustle of feathers in mid-flight, and the hooting of the barn-owl he recognises as answering to the name of Darcy, startles him. Darcy belongs to his friend from school, James. The owl lands by his feet and pecks at him softly. What could James have written to him about that could be so urgent as to warrant owling him shortly before a transformation?
"Shush, Darcy," Remus whispers to the owl as he unties the scrap of parchment from its leg. He unfolds it, and his heart leaps as he sees not James's scruffy handwriting, but a soft, neat copperplate, betraying the owner of the penmanship to be Sirius's. His message delivered, Darcy speeds off back in the direction of the Potter Residence in Hampshire. Remus looks down at the parchment once more, and begins to read.
"My dearest Moony,
I have run away. I'm not putting up with my family's nonsense any more, and have escaped. I'm staying 'round Prongs's house for the moment. I hope that this gets to you in time, before the… well, you know…
I'm so sorry that I can't be there with you this month. But please know that I'm thinking of you – we all are – and so at least I'm here with you in spirit, if not in Padfoot!
Oh, Moony, my darling! I love you so very much. Please think on this as you transform tonight. I miss you terribly. Come over to Prong's and visit me as soon as you're well enough. I'll be waiting for you.
Yours with love,
Padfoot."
'Could it be?' Remus thinks to himself as he folds up the letter. 'Could it really be true that Sirius, my Sirius, actually loves me?' Despite what lies in wait for him during the night which rapidly threatens to descend on him, a broad grin breaks out over his face. He is shaken out of his reverie by Grandfather's shrill cry through the evening air.
"Richard John! Get to your shed, quickly! It is nearly dusk!"
"I am praying, Grandfather!" Remus calls back.
"Good boy! Hurry up, now!"
"Yes, Sir!" Remus shouts. And, making the Sign of the Cross, he gazes up at the evening sky once more. This time, he sees the stars twinkling back at him. But now the stars are bright again, and look down with warmth and light.
Remus walks onwards towards the shed, his head and his heart pounding from Sirius's message and the resplendence of the stars, and whispers
"Praise Be to the Father." And he prepares for another transformation, thinking that all, perhaps, is not lost after all.