Chapter 18
As if to pretend Yuna's speech was in a foreign language, Rikku and Auron congregated in the center of the crowd, not attracting too much attention, as lights dazzled across Yuna's body. The high summoner broke off into song and a rather complicated dance sequence, while the lights and those of the bombastic fireworks overhead reflected on the two ex- guardians' faces.
"Yuna is capable of anything," Auron commented, watching her. "I wasn't aware she had such a voice."
"We're hoping she might come out with a music album someday," Rikku told him, "but there are debates starting up over who gets to produce it."
Auron took his eyes away from Yuna and focused on his young date. She looked as if she might begin to dance herself, but there was a hint of boredom in her eyes, having seen Yuna perform this song several times. She was like a blossoming flower, with colored speckles showering her like raining stars as the fireworks flew up and faded into the night as their lights began to fall.
"Come with me," he told her, taking her by the wrist and forgetting his new freedom to hold her hand in his. "I'd like to buy you a drink, if I may."
"Um... sure. Thank oui," Rikku said nervously, watching the ends of her dress as she tried to keep up with his pace. Her eyes wandered up to the moon, strikingly visible now and in a soft, blurry silver aura. Clarity shrouded in vagueness. Normally she didn't believe in omens; why was there a tugging at her heart when she saw it, and why did it feel so significant?
"Two glasses of champagne, and one Eternal Primrose flower, please," Auron said discreetly to the Hypello and the Al Bhed woman who were joint- operating a concession and souvenir stand.
But Rikku heard that.
"H-how do you know about the Eternal Primrose?" she asked nervously.
"Twelve years ago," Auron said, lifting his head to the sky, "on my first pilgrimage, Lord Braska taught me a little bit about the Al Bhed. His wife--your aunt--gave him an Eternal Primrose before they married. He saved it until the wedding, where they scattered the petals into the water."
Rikku had known that story all too well. Growing up, her Al Bhed girl friends had told her about the Eternal Primrose, and they watched teenaged boys bring their sweethearts to any oasis, scattering petals with the knowledge that the two would be bound forever by love. Now, it had been watered down to a commercial Valentine's Day game more than a custom. Still, Auron couldn't have seen the power behind its original meaning. He was probably trying to impress her.
She looked at it, glimmering a beautiful, gradual blend of pink into green on its wide, numerous petals.
"Put it in your hair," Auron recommended. "It'll look nice, with your dress."
"Drehg oui," she said breathlessly, still fingering the petals and the pearly center.
"Will you keep me company, and walk around for a bit then?"
"After you've given me this gift, of course!" Rikku exclaimed, staying at his side as their shoes crumbled the sand beneath them. It felt like the night was never going to end, and she whispered this wish into the flower while Auron had his attention on Yuna's performance, for a time.
"...It's been a long time," he finally spoke, as they kept walking aimlessly along the banks.
"You say that a lot," Rikku laughed.
"I guess it does sound strange, to someone who hasn't seen what I have."
"But are you having a good time, since you got back?"
"I'm relaxed. Thank you."
Moments of silence passed between them, but they walked side-by-side up and down the shore. They watched Tidus, Wakka, and the Besaid Aurochs knock a blitzball around in the water, cheering, yelling, and laughing at one another. Couples danced to Yuna's music. The Celsius sent large beams of light revolving around the stage. Nothing felt better than seeing everyone cloaked in easygoing contentment.
"I wanted to discuss something with you," Auron spoke up. Rikku tilted her head toward him attentively.
"Yeah?"
Auron made his way toward the water's edge and beckoned her to come near. He set his overcoat down so that she could sit on the sandy shore beside him. Rikku tucked her knees up under her and listened.
"I don't know why, but I have to tell you that I've been enjoying myself in your company today."
"I've been having fun too."
"It's different from that. With you... I mean... no, I don't know how to say it."
"Either way, I'm listening. I'll try to make some sense of it."
"I've just been trying to figure everything out, piece by piece. I finally realized that I'm here, again, because I've connections in this world that keep me from the next. Maybe this has something to do with you, that's all."
"Well," Rikku said thoughtfully, following his gaze to the beautiful night sky, "you were a guardian. Twice. There are ways of life that you were used to. I can't blame you for missing that."
"It's not like that either. But don't get mad; I appreciate your listening to me. It's just that... when I came here, and when I saw you again today, I felt reminded that there was something I'd left alone in Spira. Something I'd forgotten to do. Maybe it's because of your eyes."
"My eyes?" Rikku repeated, looking confounded.
"You have unique eyes. It's hard to forget them. Anyway, after talking with you all day, I could remember so much that I'd left behind." Auron reached for her hand and stroked it gently, then found the flower in her lap, dividing the petals between them. One by one he tossed them into the water and watched them float away, until Rikku followed his lead. "I love being here," he continued. "I never wanted to leave until my time was right. Two years ago, I thought my time was right, that it had finally come. Then I showed up again today, and later on, with you, I told myself it was because I let myself go in Zanarkand after Braska and Jecht left, and then I thought guarding Yuna would be enough to compensate. Now I know I'm here because I'd never really lived, at least not in the way every person wants to. So much I've missed out on..."
A smile set on Rikku's face as she watched the last petal drift away from them, carried out into some far away place she imagined, somewhere dreamlike where losses never existed, yet there was the joy of getting something back which had been lost for years, or perhaps never discovered. All that existed was here and now, sitting at Auron's side in a way she'd never imagined she would years ago, scattering Eternal Primrose petals, watching the stars, and hearing each other breathe in tranquility. She couldn't dare break the silence intermingled with the soft, low hum of Auron's voice as he spoke.
"And I wanted to say, while we're here and making the most of everything, that this night has so much meaning for me. And if in some way I'm not allowed to stay here, and I should be going back soon... I want to tell you that you've been so--"
"No, Auron!" Rikku gasped, letting her tone of voice change. "Listen... you can't leave us. We won't let you. Why would you go?"
"I wouldn't have a choice, Rikku. I was also going to say that in spite of everything, I now understand how inevitable it is to let go, without having any choices. My being here, this happiness, cannot last. I'm not to decide whether I am or I'm not, but I shouldn't stay any longer than I'm meant to be here. And that means with you, too."
"I don't understand!" Rikku's face fell and she took on a gloomy disposition.
"I know you don't. I didn't really expect you to. But when this night is over, all I want is to be able to vanish again discreetly, for you and the others to wake up one morning to find that I'm gone, or something, rather than watching me go and all of us resisting. That's why I'm afraid, and you are too, of letting things go on as they are. It's painful for me because of...you."
"I'm not listening to this anymore." Rikku stood up as she tried to conceal her lower jaw trembling. "You're only upsetting me. You're not disappearing, Auron. If it has something to do with me, and if you're right, then... then I'll go away, to keep you here longer."
Before Auron could get up and come after her, she'd walked away fast enough to slip away into the smoky blackness of the night, and encase herself in obscurity, so no one would ever know....
As if to pretend Yuna's speech was in a foreign language, Rikku and Auron congregated in the center of the crowd, not attracting too much attention, as lights dazzled across Yuna's body. The high summoner broke off into song and a rather complicated dance sequence, while the lights and those of the bombastic fireworks overhead reflected on the two ex- guardians' faces.
"Yuna is capable of anything," Auron commented, watching her. "I wasn't aware she had such a voice."
"We're hoping she might come out with a music album someday," Rikku told him, "but there are debates starting up over who gets to produce it."
Auron took his eyes away from Yuna and focused on his young date. She looked as if she might begin to dance herself, but there was a hint of boredom in her eyes, having seen Yuna perform this song several times. She was like a blossoming flower, with colored speckles showering her like raining stars as the fireworks flew up and faded into the night as their lights began to fall.
"Come with me," he told her, taking her by the wrist and forgetting his new freedom to hold her hand in his. "I'd like to buy you a drink, if I may."
"Um... sure. Thank oui," Rikku said nervously, watching the ends of her dress as she tried to keep up with his pace. Her eyes wandered up to the moon, strikingly visible now and in a soft, blurry silver aura. Clarity shrouded in vagueness. Normally she didn't believe in omens; why was there a tugging at her heart when she saw it, and why did it feel so significant?
"Two glasses of champagne, and one Eternal Primrose flower, please," Auron said discreetly to the Hypello and the Al Bhed woman who were joint- operating a concession and souvenir stand.
But Rikku heard that.
"H-how do you know about the Eternal Primrose?" she asked nervously.
"Twelve years ago," Auron said, lifting his head to the sky, "on my first pilgrimage, Lord Braska taught me a little bit about the Al Bhed. His wife--your aunt--gave him an Eternal Primrose before they married. He saved it until the wedding, where they scattered the petals into the water."
Rikku had known that story all too well. Growing up, her Al Bhed girl friends had told her about the Eternal Primrose, and they watched teenaged boys bring their sweethearts to any oasis, scattering petals with the knowledge that the two would be bound forever by love. Now, it had been watered down to a commercial Valentine's Day game more than a custom. Still, Auron couldn't have seen the power behind its original meaning. He was probably trying to impress her.
She looked at it, glimmering a beautiful, gradual blend of pink into green on its wide, numerous petals.
"Put it in your hair," Auron recommended. "It'll look nice, with your dress."
"Drehg oui," she said breathlessly, still fingering the petals and the pearly center.
"Will you keep me company, and walk around for a bit then?"
"After you've given me this gift, of course!" Rikku exclaimed, staying at his side as their shoes crumbled the sand beneath them. It felt like the night was never going to end, and she whispered this wish into the flower while Auron had his attention on Yuna's performance, for a time.
"...It's been a long time," he finally spoke, as they kept walking aimlessly along the banks.
"You say that a lot," Rikku laughed.
"I guess it does sound strange, to someone who hasn't seen what I have."
"But are you having a good time, since you got back?"
"I'm relaxed. Thank you."
Moments of silence passed between them, but they walked side-by-side up and down the shore. They watched Tidus, Wakka, and the Besaid Aurochs knock a blitzball around in the water, cheering, yelling, and laughing at one another. Couples danced to Yuna's music. The Celsius sent large beams of light revolving around the stage. Nothing felt better than seeing everyone cloaked in easygoing contentment.
"I wanted to discuss something with you," Auron spoke up. Rikku tilted her head toward him attentively.
"Yeah?"
Auron made his way toward the water's edge and beckoned her to come near. He set his overcoat down so that she could sit on the sandy shore beside him. Rikku tucked her knees up under her and listened.
"I don't know why, but I have to tell you that I've been enjoying myself in your company today."
"I've been having fun too."
"It's different from that. With you... I mean... no, I don't know how to say it."
"Either way, I'm listening. I'll try to make some sense of it."
"I've just been trying to figure everything out, piece by piece. I finally realized that I'm here, again, because I've connections in this world that keep me from the next. Maybe this has something to do with you, that's all."
"Well," Rikku said thoughtfully, following his gaze to the beautiful night sky, "you were a guardian. Twice. There are ways of life that you were used to. I can't blame you for missing that."
"It's not like that either. But don't get mad; I appreciate your listening to me. It's just that... when I came here, and when I saw you again today, I felt reminded that there was something I'd left alone in Spira. Something I'd forgotten to do. Maybe it's because of your eyes."
"My eyes?" Rikku repeated, looking confounded.
"You have unique eyes. It's hard to forget them. Anyway, after talking with you all day, I could remember so much that I'd left behind." Auron reached for her hand and stroked it gently, then found the flower in her lap, dividing the petals between them. One by one he tossed them into the water and watched them float away, until Rikku followed his lead. "I love being here," he continued. "I never wanted to leave until my time was right. Two years ago, I thought my time was right, that it had finally come. Then I showed up again today, and later on, with you, I told myself it was because I let myself go in Zanarkand after Braska and Jecht left, and then I thought guarding Yuna would be enough to compensate. Now I know I'm here because I'd never really lived, at least not in the way every person wants to. So much I've missed out on..."
A smile set on Rikku's face as she watched the last petal drift away from them, carried out into some far away place she imagined, somewhere dreamlike where losses never existed, yet there was the joy of getting something back which had been lost for years, or perhaps never discovered. All that existed was here and now, sitting at Auron's side in a way she'd never imagined she would years ago, scattering Eternal Primrose petals, watching the stars, and hearing each other breathe in tranquility. She couldn't dare break the silence intermingled with the soft, low hum of Auron's voice as he spoke.
"And I wanted to say, while we're here and making the most of everything, that this night has so much meaning for me. And if in some way I'm not allowed to stay here, and I should be going back soon... I want to tell you that you've been so--"
"No, Auron!" Rikku gasped, letting her tone of voice change. "Listen... you can't leave us. We won't let you. Why would you go?"
"I wouldn't have a choice, Rikku. I was also going to say that in spite of everything, I now understand how inevitable it is to let go, without having any choices. My being here, this happiness, cannot last. I'm not to decide whether I am or I'm not, but I shouldn't stay any longer than I'm meant to be here. And that means with you, too."
"I don't understand!" Rikku's face fell and she took on a gloomy disposition.
"I know you don't. I didn't really expect you to. But when this night is over, all I want is to be able to vanish again discreetly, for you and the others to wake up one morning to find that I'm gone, or something, rather than watching me go and all of us resisting. That's why I'm afraid, and you are too, of letting things go on as they are. It's painful for me because of...you."
"I'm not listening to this anymore." Rikku stood up as she tried to conceal her lower jaw trembling. "You're only upsetting me. You're not disappearing, Auron. If it has something to do with me, and if you're right, then... then I'll go away, to keep you here longer."
Before Auron could get up and come after her, she'd walked away fast enough to slip away into the smoky blackness of the night, and encase herself in obscurity, so no one would ever know....